Tweety asks: I’m 14 years old – What’s your advice on dating and stuff?
Hi Tweety –
Oh there’s so much to say about dating, too much for a clear answer. I can point you to a few of my favorite postings, though. Maybe these will help you. Just use the search box on this page to find:
– Smokey’s question “When and how should teens Continue reading
Moona asks: My child is 5 years old. He is good in studies and other activities, though he was very hyper in his early years. Now he is better, but he has a problem of always interrupting when someone else is talking – especially when some guests come. He’ll talk to them unnecessarily and speak foolish words that the guest also doesn’t like. How can I make him stop it?
Hi Moona –
The reason I say it’s so interesting is that I’m not sure there’s anything wrong at all.
Lots of times, young children are “hyper,” not because they actually have the physiological condition of ADHD, but because they’re really smart! And there’s so much going on in their head all the time that they need to get it all out! It’s like when I was a puppy and wanted to run every direction at once, lick everyone, sniff everyone, and bite everyone – all at the same time. Then when I went to obedience school, I was a really good student, best in my class. But I still behaved the same way with Handsome all the rest of the time.
Your son sounds kind of like me in this! He sounds like a great kid, but one who needs (as I did) to be trained in some social skills. So I think your trick is to do some dog-style Continue reading
saf1 asks: hey Shirelle, I have a huge problem – I always make my mum cry, and it hurts me inside; I think I am gonna kill myself! What can I do to resolve all my problems with my parents?
Hi saf1 –
Of course, there’s not much I can say to help, since I don’t know what’s actually happening between you and your mother. There are lots of ways to make a mother cry. I did it by still trying to nurse after my teeth had grown in!
What worries me, of course, is how much this is bothering you. It sounds like you’re bothering your mother without ever wanting to. That might be her issue more than yours. Do you know why she’s crying? Do you know what it is that’s affecting her this way? Because if you don’t, then you’re in a really difficult Continue reading
Ritika asks: I am a 16 year old. There was this guy who I fell in love with. We dated for 4 1/2 months and then broke up because I did not want to kiss him. Then he asked my best friend out and she said no. Then after 3 months I started hanging out with another guy, and my ex got jealous and he asked me out. I said no. Now its been a month; he has found another girlfriend and is happy. But the truth is I have always loved him and still do. I get jealous of his girlfriend and cry a lot for him. My best friend doesn’t know that I still love him. It’s been one and a half years since I fell in love with him, and moving on is very hard for me. I just cannot let any other guy take his place, and now even if I have to kiss him to get him back I don’t mind. What should I do?
Wow Ritika! You’ve lived a lifetime in the last couple of years, haven’t you!
I do have a thought for you, though. I think the real issue here is that you might find that you actually like kissing! It sounds to me like this boy is still interested in you, and his current relationship might not last that long. If I’m right, then my advice is that you jump right in there when he’s available, and ask him out (don’t wait for him to ask you out; he probably won’t realize that you’re Continue reading
Abbass asks: What type of child psychology is between the years 3 to 5?
Hi Abbass –
If I understand your question right, you’re asking about what sorts of psychotherapy are administered to children between the ages of 3 and 5. And the answer is pretty simple: Play.
We all see that cliché image of psychotherapy, where the patient lies on a couch and tells the doctor about their past, especially their memories of their childhood. Well kids can’t do that! They don’t have much of a past, and that childhood is going on right now, not in some Continue reading
Desennium asks: Do you think that the “soul” belongs to a person? Also, what is the rainbow bridge?
Hi Desennium –
Thanks for your question about the soul, and the rainbow bridge. Of course, they’re very closely related subjects.
The Soul is something very difficult to define. I looked up the word, and the Merriam-Webster dictionary gave me a number of definitions. I’ll comment on each of the ones I use.
– the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life
This is probably what you meant in your question. And of course, one’s answer really depends on one’s beliefs – whether religious or spiritual or not. As my readers know, I don’t work from any specific religion (I am a Continue reading
Sweetchocolatechip asks: I’m 15 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I used to think this was cool — you know, saving myself for the ‘right one’ — but now when everyone asks this mean question, “Do you have a boyfriend?!” and I say no, I feel like they believe I’m undesirable. All my life, whenever a guy has asked me to be his girlfriend, I’ve always said “thanks but no thanks.” But now I’ve met someone who has loved/liked me since primary school, and I think I’m ready to say yes! The only problem is that my aunt [whom I live with] is afraid of me having a boyfriend, and so is my mom. I’m recently baptized, so I don’t want to lie to anyone, but I feel its time now for me to have a boyfriend. What should I do?
Hi Sweetchocolatechip –
Thanks for your question about a first boyfriend.
I would first recommend you check out my earlier post about when it’s right to start dating. But you have a very tough situation besides that. I think it’s totally great that you’ve waited till you knew what you wanted, and it’s absolutely splendid (and sooooo romantic!) that this boy has wanted you for years, and you think you’d like to go out with him! But now you have to deal with your aunt and your mom.
This is such a tough problem. I know they mean well. But you and I both know what they’re really frightened of – and that is the key to the Continue reading
Mika asks: Should parents search their children’s phone?
Hi Mika –
This is a really tough question. Of course parents should do anything and everything they can to keep their children safe. And if they’re truly worried about something happening on their kid’s cell phone (for example, creepy adults contacting their kids, or something about drugs), they absolutely have every right and responsibility to check.
But then I hear other cases, like a letter from abcdefg I got a while back, a parent who had been looking on her teenage daughter’s cell phone and wanted to know what to do about the relationship she’d discovered. You can find it here on this site if you like.
The real point here is that cell phones are like many other things in our world – public items that involve privacy. Humans can keep people from reading their Facebook page, they can put blocks on their kids’ emails, etc. It’s all very Continue reading
Donna asks: Why do young people idolize entertainers?
Hi Donna –
That’s a great question! We’re so used to young people, especially teenagers, idolizing entertainers that we usually don’t ever think to ask Why! Of course, in order to give a decent answer, we should also point out that there are young people who don’t idolize entertainers per se, but most will idolize someone – athletes, teachers, or of course religious figures.
I believe it comes from a simple developmental need. When humans are children, they naturally idolize their parents or caregivers. They spend most of their waking hours trying to be like them – that’s how people learn to walk, to speak, even how to think the way they do. But then there has to come a time when they start looking outward for role models (this usually starts around age 7 or 8), and eventually they become teenagers, who care about what their peers think of them, at least as much as about what their Continue reading
Priya asks: I’m not able to talk to my parents freely. What should I do?
Hi Priya –
Thanks for your question about not being able to talk to your parents freely.
The tough question here is whether it’s because they are impossible to communicate with, or because you’re unwilling or scared to try. Either – or both – is possible.
I’m going to guess that it’s a bit of both, which is what I usually see in families. If that’s the case, you need to do two things. First, you need to do whatever you can to help them improve communication with you. That probably means that they need to develop a trust that you can have a mature conversation with them, about a difficult subject. And the only way you can prove that is to do it: Go to them with a subject that is slightly difficult, and sit down and talk openly about it. Let’s say, for example, that you have no interest in Continue reading