Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 What to do when your friends hang out without you

inez3 asks: All of my friends have gone to one of my best friend’s sleepover and they didn’t invite me – but they never do any way. And I’m really upset.

Hi inez3 –

I don’t know if there’s a worse feeling in the world than being left out by those you love.  Children hate being left at home when their parents go out, and, wow, if you’ve ever had a puppy, you know how nutty we get when we’re shut away from the family, even for a few minutes!

Then you add to that that humans have different interests at different times, and between the ages of about 10 and 21, they really care more about their peers and how their peers see them than anything else.  So I’ll just bet you’re feeling awful about this!  And I relate!  I still hate it whenever Handsome leaves me alone at all, and even worse when he’s with other people.  And when he comes home smelling of dogs he played with, it just drives me Continue reading

1 How to move on from bad memories

Mention asks: How can I forget my bad memories from when I was hurt in the past?

Hi Mention –

That’s a great question.  People always tell us to move on past the bad things in our pasts, and live life in the present.  But how can we do that when those bad memories just won’t let us go?!

Well, here’s the deal – those memories are there for a very good reason.  They’re there to protect you from making mistakes again.  Now if the memory is that your hand really hurt the last time you put it onto a hot stove, that’s great and will truly serve you forever.  But let’s say the memory is something more like “I went on a date with a girl and she treated me horribly.”  Well, your mind might tell you that going on a date again would be as dumb an idea as putting your hand back onto that stove.

The trick with memories like this, ones that argue things that aren’t completely true, is to have a Continue reading

1 How can parents discipline their children when they don’t agree on rules?

anesha asks: How do and my husband and myself both agree on the proper way to correct my son? We don’t always agree and afterwards he then realizes that sometimes I am right.

Hi anesha –

You are absolutely correct to ask about this.  Experts on parenting all agree that (within certain bounds) what the rules of your home are doesn’t matter nearly as much as does the consistency of them.  For example, some homes allow dogs to climb on all the furniture, and some don’t allow any of that.  Handsome decided that it was okay with him for me to climb onto his bed, but not any other furniture, especially his white couch!  And since he was clear about that, I learned the rules very easily.  But if there had been someone else in the house telling me I wasn’t allowed onto the bed, or that it was okay for me to get my paws on the couch, I’d be very frustrated.  And… and here’s the most important part… I’d lose respect for all the

Continue reading

0 How to deal with a nervous pre-teen

Nono asks: How can I deal with a pre-adolescent boy, twelve years old? I’m a single mother, and he has no brothers or sisters. He recently became very nervous. My blood pressure always rises when we have any conversation together, because his arguments have no end and his voice is becoming louder (though afterwards he apologizes). This happens at least ten times a day, and I’m afraid that one day I’ll get fed up talking to him! We’re still friends, but I’m afraid to lose that. Please guide me as to how to deal with him.

Hi Nono –

I’m of two minds on this (which is very hard for a dog – you know our brains are a lot smaller than yours!).  First, it’s very normal for a boy of around twelve to become ruder, more aggressive, and louder.  But second, I wonder about your saying “he recently became very nervous,” like: is there something other than the beginnings of adolescence going on?

With the first instance, the best news I can give you is that this should end completely – in about six or seven Continue reading

0 When should you loan friends money?

Coolb asks: A guy approached me through a common friend. He had my mob no (I don’t know how – I hardly know him). He kinda likes me – but frankly I think he’s after my money (he also asked for some financial help). We had some general talks for a while. What do you think I should do?

Hi Coolb –

There’s a very famous line from Shakespeare, advice a father gives to a son as he leaves home: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”  Now I believe in generosity and helping out everyone one can, but I also believe in being careful.

There’s a lot in this scenario that makes my nose twitch.  He had your phone number without your giving it to him, and then he’s asking you for money?  It sounds to me like he used your friend to get close to you, at least in part for that money.  Now he might be absolutely interested in you for yourself, too, but even if so…

Let’s look at the two possibilities.  First, he’s not really into you, and he’s just after your Continue reading

0 How to stop being the butt of your friends’ jokes

saf1 asks: For three years, I have been going out with a group of friends, and they often make fun of me and say that am ignorant and stupid. This is killing me from inside, and I am starting to think that maybe it is true. What should I do with these friends? Tell them about my problem? Or should I just go with it and believe that I really am stupid?

Hi saf1 –

Oh yucch!  This is truly distasteful!

Now I have no idea how little or how much you know.  Or how intelligent you are.  But I do know enough to say that if the people you go out with all the time are saying that you’re ignorant and stupid, that’s just awful!  What it sounds like is that they’ve put you into a “role” in their group, and that role is as the butt of their condescending humor.

If I’m right, the problem with that is that it’s almost impossible to break out of that role, as long as you’re in that group.  Some people try to break out of that kind of role by beating some of the members up (which might create some fear in them, which would at least slow down the insults), or to try to be so nice to each of them (giving them candies, etc.) that they’ll all be nicer to you.  The problem is, that last one doesn’t work very well, and of course getting into fights will get you into Continue reading

0 What to do when your best friend likes someone you hate

princess23 asks: Why do I get jealous of my guy best friend talking to the girl I hate with all my guts? Is this something I should worry about? Even though he always says he won’t ever change me for someone else, I still think that maybe she has something better. I really don’t want to lose him!

Hi princess23 –

Jealousy is about as normal an emotion as there is, and it’s not confined to you humans!  Believe me, I get livid when Handsome is petting another dog in front of me.  It’s not exactly that I’m worried, though – I just don’t like seeing it!

But having said that, the truth is that jealousy is also one of the most useless emotions we have!  And there is a big difference between saying “Hand off – he’s mine!” and worrying yourself sick about whether your friend or love is going to Continue reading

1 How to get a shy boy to talk to you

Kritika asks: Thanks for your earlier answer, but you didn’t have the situation clear. Here it is: A boy came in my class to talk a guy, and all my friends were saying his name loudly, teasing me; he heard it all and he just stood there blushing, looking at me and smiling. Then again during my sports week he came to my friends’ group where I was sitting talking, and ignoring him, but I checked him many times starring at me. I told my friends that I should say “hi” at least to him, but they said “no don’t, or you will look like a wannabe or too easy!” I think he’s expecting me to go say hi or even to ask him out. What should I do?

Hi kritika –

Oh, this is all very good news!  I mean, I was thinking that he didn’t care about you much, but clearly, he likes you!

I understand your friends wanting you to “play hard to get,” but it sounds like he really doesn’t have the social knowledge of how to approach you (and your classmates aren’t making it any easier on the poor guy!).

The best thing I can think of is if you and he have any mutual friends, maybe you could talk to one of them, and explain that you like this guy but that he has to ‘be the boy’ and approach you!  Standing around grinning just won’t accomplish a Continue reading

0 How to tell a fake friend from a real one

Prettyndsweet12 asks: What is the difference between a real friend and a fake friend, and how can I tell my true friends and my fake friends???

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I wish I had an easy answer for you.  The truth is that you never know that someone’s a fake friend until it’s too late, and they’ve done something that hurts you.  And that can happen with a friend you’ve had for a week, or for ten years.  You just never Continue reading

0 What to do when your grades suddenly fall

ZeeTan99 asks: I am an A-grade student (13 yrs old) but the problem is that I’m pretty sure I’ll get a D or something in TWO SUBJECTS! Tomorrow I’m gonna get my report card, and I don’t know how I’m going to show it to my parents. I’m having nightmares about this, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s got me really stressed you can’t imagine. So please please, tell me what to do. I’m very very confused and I could really use someone’s help.

Hi ZeeTan99 –

Oh I know that feeling!  It’s like when I was being perfectly good and quiet and watching out the window, and a cat suddenly appeared just outside, and I jumped up yelling and broke a pane of glass!  And I hadn’t meant to do it, but I knew Handsome was going to walk into the room and be very unhappy about it!  You’re in exactly the position I was in as I heard his footsteps approach the doorway!

But do you know what happened when he got to me?  Sure, he was shocked at what had happened.  But then he checked my nose and my paws, to make sure there wasn’t any glass in them, and then he put me out back, so I wouldn’t step on anything sharp, and then he cleaned all the glass up very carefully.  Because he was way more worried about me than he was upset about the broken glass.

Now sure, when he paid the glazier who repaired the pane, he did give me an exasperated look and mutter “You knucklehead!”  But overall, he reacted to my mistake with love and concern, not anger.

Now, there’s a good chance that, if you’re right about your grades, your parents will first react with Continue reading