Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to build confidence and motivation

Sarah asks: Next year I will be participating in my school’s pageant show and am going up against tough competitors. You see, I am a shy person but whatever I put my mind to I DO IT. I need some advice on being motivated. When people look at me, they see this insecure girl. How can I change that and also change me into thinking positive and having confidence in myself?

Hi Sarah –

I’m not sure exactly what you’ll be doing in the show.  Singing, dancing, modeling?  I might have better specific advice if I knew.  But even without that, it strikes me that you’re asking two questions here, and I can take a try at both.

First, how can you get more motivated, and think positively?  You have come to the right expert on that one, Sarah!  We dogs have NO problems with Continue reading

1 How to change someone’s opinion about you

Julia asks: My mom keeps saying I’m the problem, but I haven’t done anything wrong. So how can I make her see that she just has a problem with everything?

Hi Julia –

Thanks for your question about your mom.

This is a really tough question to answer.  For two reasons.  First, because I don’t really know who to believe – have you really never done anything wrong?!  If so, then you’re the most amazing kid I’ve ever heard of!  (The list of all the wrong things I’ve done would fill this website three times over!).

But second, if your mom really just has this negative feeling toward you no matter what you Continue reading

0 How can men and women relate?

urmii asks: How can I relate with a woman?

Hi urmii –

I’m going to guess two things.  First, that you’re a man.  And second, that when you ask how to relate with a woman, what you mean is how to understand her, to connect with her.  (If you’re asking how to get a girlfriend, or how to get a woman to become your relation, those are very different questions!!)

So what we’re dealing with here is the timeless question of how men and women can understand each other.  Sigmund Freud, who was probably the greatest genius who ever worked on questions like this, famously said, “The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”  If he was this stuck, how in the world can normal men and women hope to Continue reading

1 How to get over failing a huge exam

tejaswini asks: I am a student. I am very much depressed. I try to be normal but bad thoughts keep coming back over and over again. A year ago, I started taking coaching for an entrance exam. I slogged very much, and gave up many things. I didn’t care much because all the way I was thinking that all this work would get me into some good college. I don’t know why, but unfortunately I couldn’t crack the exam. I flunked it. It’s really taking a long time for me to get over it. Even now, when I start anything new or try taking up a new task, the first thing that flashes in my mind is “I am a loser, I can’t do it, so there is no point in trying for it!’ I feel so stupid for not being able to pass after a year preparation. It keeps flashing in my mind all the time and it pulls me down. I don’t know how to come out of all this and start something again with new energy. Please help!

Hi tejaswini –

I am so very very sorry for you, having to go through this.  As a dog, I’ve never had an experience like yours, because I never focus on the future.  But I’ve seen humans go through this sort of thing many times.  When their marriages (or hoped-for marriages) break up, or the book or movie or play they spent years on doesn’t catch on, or when their business fails.  Or, yes, when they take an exam they’ve prepared for for months, and fail.  It’s devastating, I know.

The big problem, I can tell, is the time involved.  If a squirrel walks through my yard, and I bolt to catch him, and he gets away from me, I don’t feel like a failure; I just wait for my chance to Continue reading

0 How to find true love

mhaneva asks: How will you find a true love?

Hi mhaneva –

The way you phrase your question, it sounds like you’re asking how I will find true love.  Oh mhaneva, I found Handsome, and I found a wonderful boyfriend too, an Akita-Chow mix named Kuma, and between those two, I’ve got the truest loves I could ever hope for.

But I like to think of your question in a different way:  How can anyone find true love?  Now I have lots of questions and answers on the AskShirelle website about when and how to get girlfriends and boyfriends, but you’re asking something else – how to find Love.

Well, the answer is simple, and very very difficult.  You find Love in your own heart.  But that can take some Continue reading

0 How to keep teenagers from abusing drugs and alcohol

Kully asks: What can be done to help high school learners not to engage in alcohol and drug abuse?

Hi Kully –

This is of course a gigantic issue, one that has dominated minds far greater than mine for decades.

The problem is a simple one – teenagers like to do things that are daring, things that are adult, and things that make them feel different; and alcohol and drugs meet all three of those desires.

The one thing I can promise you doesn’t work is telling them not to do them.  It’s great to educate children about the dangers of different substances, and that can have fantastic long-term results.  In the United States, concerted campaigns to teach kids about the dangers of smoking have helped cut the percentage of smokers there by half in the last fifty years.  But telling teenagers that alcohol and drug abuse are unhealthy does almost Continue reading

0 What sort of underwear is appropriate for a teenage boy?

sidi asks: I am a 14-year-old teen boy, and am confused. What type of underwear is suitable for me ?

Hi sidi –

Wow, sidi, this is a subject about which I know almost nothing!  Underwear is only one thing to me – it’s the most interesting smelling part of human clothing!  I don’t quite understand it, frankly – if you’re already covering your body with fabrics (which I assume is to make up for not having nearly enough fur), why do you need to wear more layers on exactly the part of your body that needs to get uncovered a few times a day?!  I mean, when you go to the men’s room, you don’t have to take your shoes off, so why don’t you wear three pairs of socks instead of making it take more time to get down to your Continue reading

0 What to say to graduating students

sukh asks: What advice would you give to the outgoing class?

Hi sukh –

Well, I’m not a great expert on this.  My entire educational experience was a few weeks of obedience school (and some later remedial tutoring).  We didn’t get any advice from our teacher – the main advice he gave was to our humans, advising them to keep training us!

My bigger problem, though, is that I don’t know what “outgoing class” you mean.  Are they graduating sixth grade?  High school?  College?

Either way, though, I guess there are some things I’d want to Continue reading

0 What to do with a boyfriend who refuses to obey my parents

cutie asks: I’m in this relationship with this boy. My father says he doesn’t me to be in any relationship, but no matter what he does or says this boy says he doesn’t care and that he loves me and he’s going to stay with me no matter what. What should I do?

Hi cutie –

This is one of the oldest situations in the world.  I’m sure you’ve heard of the play “Romeo and Juliet.”  Now there, the girl’s father isn’t against her having just any relationship; he just hates the boy’s family.  But fundamentally, you’re in the same mess.  The boy loves you and refuses to quit, and your dad’s saying you have to quit.  So you’re wondering what to do.

What really sticks out to me is what your letter doesn’t say.  You never tell me how you Continue reading

0 How to keep children from getting their parents’ faults

siminsarahashim asks: My husband is a good man who loves his family a lot, but he has many bad habits, such as sitting around most of the time watching TV while drinking beer. I don’t want our children to grow up to behave that same way. What can I do?

Hi siminsarahashim –

I have both good and bad news for you.  I’ll give the bad news first – children learn immensely more from what they see their parents do than what their parents tell them.  Think about it – imagine if someone tried to teach you your first language, or how to walk; it’d just be impossible!   A child’s brain observes those around them, and the child then copies that to a giant extent.  This is why it’s so silly for parents who smoke, drink, or use bad language to try to teach their children not to do such things: the desire for the kid to emulate their parents is so much stronger than the desire to Continue reading