Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How to stop a kid from interrupting my friends

Moona asks: My child is 5 years old. He is good in studies and other activities, though he was very hyper in his early years. Now he is better, but he has a problem of always interrupting when someone else is talking – especially when some guests come. He’ll talk to them unnecessarily and speak foolish words that the guest also doesn’t like. How can I make him stop it?

Hi Moona –

The reason I say it’s so interesting is that I’m not sure there’s anything wrong at all.

Lots of times, young children are “hyper,” not because they actually have the physiological condition of ADHD, but because they’re really smart!  And there’s so much going on in their head all the time that they need to get it all out!  It’s like when I was a puppy and wanted to run every direction at once, lick everyone, sniff everyone, and bite everyone – all at the same time.   Then when I went to obedience school, I was a really good student, best in my class.  But I still behaved the same way with Handsome all the rest of the time.

Your son sounds kind of like me in this!  He sounds like a great kid, but one who needs (as I did) to be trained in some social skills.  So I think your trick is to do some dog-style Continue reading

1 What to do when you upset your mother

saf1 asks: hey Shirelle, I have a huge problem – I always make my mum cry, and it hurts me inside; I think I am gonna kill myself! What can I do to resolve all my problems with my parents?

Hi saf1 –

Of course, there’s not much I can say to help, since I don’t know what’s actually happening between you and your mother.  There are lots of ways to make a mother cry.  I did it by still trying to nurse after my teeth had grown in!

What worries me, of course, is how much this is bothering you.  It sounds like you’re bothering your mother without ever wanting to.  That might be her issue more than yours.  Do you know why she’s crying?  Do you know what it is that’s affecting her this way?  Because if you don’t, then you’re in a really difficult Continue reading

0 Who should know about teen pregnancy?

Bambam asks: who will benefit from talking about teen pregnacy and why??

Hi Bambam –

Thanks for your question about talking about teen pregnancy.

But I have to admit, it’s a pretty funny question in a way.  I mean, it’s not really going to do grandparents or monks a lot of good to talk about it, is it?  But there are three groups of people who should be talking about it – a lot!

The first is, of course, teenagers.  Teens need to be aware of the choices they have, the science of biology and anatomy, the laws about sex and parenthood, and most importantly, they need to know the truth about all these things, and not just some silly stuff someone made up for popularity or political Continue reading

0 Why do boys get angry when their girlfriends tell them no?

Sharuz asks: Why does my woodby get angry with me when I tell him no, or I can’t, when he asks me something romantically?

Hi Sharuz –

I don’t know the word “woodby.”  I’m guessing it’s something like a boyfriend, but if I’m wrong, I want you to understand why!

It’s not uncommon for guys to get angry when their girlfriends refuse to do something romantic with them.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  One, which is what they’ll usually argue, is that they’re feeling so much desire at that moment, so it really frustrates them when it’s refused – kind of like when people tease me with a piece of Continue reading

0 What is the soul, and what happens to it after this life?

Desennium asks: Do you think that the “soul” belongs to a person? Also, what is the rainbow bridge?

Hi Desennium –

Thanks for your question about the soul, and the rainbow bridge.  Of course, they’re very closely related subjects.

The Soul is something very difficult to define.  I looked up the word, and the Merriam-Webster dictionary gave me a number of definitions.  I’ll comment on each of the ones I use.

– the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life

This is probably what you meant in your question.  And of course, one’s answer really depends on one’s beliefs – whether religious or spiritual or not.  As my readers know, I don’t work from any specific religion (I am a Continue reading

0 How to develop an internal self-government

braayaan asks: How can I develop an internal self-government?

Hi braayaan –

This is a gigantic question, one that whole books work to answer.  But I think the easy and honest response I can give you is that you’re already developing one.  Everyone does.  The question is, rather, how can you develop a good internal self-government; how can you do it well?!

See, when we puppies are born, we start right in to developing it.  And we do it by pursuing everything we want (milk and warmth from our mothers, play by biting and tumbling with our siblings, and excitement by walking around checking out the world around us).  And bit by bit, our experience teaches us some things.  Our mothers teach us what sort of behavior results in nurturing and what doesn’t; our siblings teach us when we’re playing too hard (they scream out, or bite back!); and the world teaches us all sorts of things, like that some people squeeze us too tight, and that birds don’t like us trying to eat them!

And bit by bit, we use what we’ve learned to start making our own decisions.  We stop needing to be nipped or bitten or yelled at – we manage ourselves in a way that will please those we want to please, and frighten off those we wish to be rid of.

Similarly, humans start developing that internal self-government from their birth (literally – you never breathed before that, and suddenly you start doing something you will literally do every few seconds for as long as you Continue reading

0 Does a crush on a teacher of the same sex mean you’re homosexual?

Mandy asks: My problem is about me being in love with my science teacher. You see, she is wonderful and a great and amazing Hindi person; the thing is she is a married woman with twins. And it’s not the usual thing for a 15-year-old girl like me to be actually in love with a woman teacher! Am I a lesbian? I don’t think I am, because I still have interest in men. I am really bonded to her, I praise her, and yet the subject she teaches me is not my favorite (well I’m not good in it!). Shirelle, should I listen to my head which says to impress the woman (if you can’t be physically in love then just be mentally in love with her, but only in your mind so she won’t be disturbed by you), or should I listen to my heart, which says impress her in science so she’ll be fond of you, and get close once you’ve known that it’s ok. Or is it never okay? Have I gone nuts Shirelle?

Hi Mandy –

Of course, I have no way of knowing whether you’ll spend your life being attracted to women, men, or both.  But I can say that it’s very possible that you will mostly be attracted to men, and that this is a very innocent crush, something that will pass by after a year or so.  And if so, it’s actually very normal.  Much more so than you’d think.

As everyone knows, the teenage years are a time when humans’ hormones just go wild, and while most people tend to end up in a fairly centered place, the process of getting there is just loaded with blemishes, smells, aches, and – yes – attractions just going Continue reading

0 How to handle excess worry, even if it’s about real things

everyday96 asks: I feel like nothing I do makes sense. I can’t remember the last time I actually smiled or laughed from my heart. You see, my parents are both a little overaged (56 and 57 years old), but more importantly they both have diseases from which they can drop dead at any moment. I try to help out best I can, but I’m just a kid, and even if I do help, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. I’m not only worried about them, but now I’m also worried about myself. I haven’t been able to sleep lately because I’m afraid that if I do I might wake up an orphan. Sometimes I think they would have been better off if I wasn’t born at all. They do everything for me, but I don’t know if I can give it back. Please help me – I don’t know what I have to do to make them feel better. If I can see them smile again I’d be the happiest boy in the world.

Hi everyday96 –

There’s a word for what you’re suffering, and it’s called Anxiety.  Anxiety is what you have when you worry all the time, and worry too much.  Now note, no one is saying that you’re worrying about ridiculous things (like, say, worrying that bears will turn into bunnyrabbits).  But it is when you worry so much about even sensible things that the worry becomes a bigger problem than the problems you’re worrying about!

Now I don’t know what diseases your parents have, but I can say that 56 and 57 aren’t all that Continue reading

0 Should parents search their children’s phone?

Mika asks: Should parents search their children’s phone?

Hi Mika –

This is a really tough question.  Of course parents should do anything and everything they can to keep their children safe.  And if they’re truly worried about something happening on their kid’s cell phone (for example, creepy adults contacting their kids, or something about drugs), they absolutely have every right and responsibility to check.

But then I hear other cases, like a letter from abcdefg I got a while back, a parent who had been looking on her teenage daughter’s cell phone and wanted to know what to do about the relationship she’d discovered.  You can find it here on this site if you like.

The real point here is that cell phones are like many other things in our world – public items that involve privacy.  Humans can keep people from reading their Facebook page, they can put blocks on their kids’ emails, etc.  It’s all very Continue reading

0 Why do young people idolize entertainers

Donna asks: Why do young people idolize entertainers?

Hi Donna –

That’s a great question!  We’re so used to young people, especially teenagers, idolizing entertainers that we usually don’t ever think to ask Why!  Of course, in order to give a decent answer, we should also point out that there are young people who don’t idolize entertainers per se, but most will idolize someone – athletes, teachers, or of course religious figures.

I believe it comes from a simple developmental need.  When humans are children, they naturally idolize their parents or caregivers.  They spend most of their waking hours trying to be like them – that’s how people learn to walk, to speak, even how to think the way they do.  But then there has to come a time when they start looking outward for role models (this usually starts around age 7 or 8), and eventually they become teenagers, who care about what their peers think of them, at least as much as about what their Continue reading