Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

1 How can parents discipline their children when they don’t agree on rules?

anesha asks: How do and my husband and myself both agree on the proper way to correct my son? We don’t always agree and afterwards he then realizes that sometimes I am right.

Hi anesha –

You are absolutely correct to ask about this.  Experts on parenting all agree that (within certain bounds) what the rules of your home are doesn’t matter nearly as much as does the consistency of them.  For example, some homes allow dogs to climb on all the furniture, and some don’t allow any of that.  Handsome decided that it was okay with him for me to climb onto his bed, but not any other furniture, especially his white couch!  And since he was clear about that, I learned the rules very easily.  But if there had been someone else in the house telling me I wasn’t allowed onto the bed, or that it was okay for me to get my paws on the couch, I’d be very frustrated.  And… and here’s the most important part… I’d lose respect for all the

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0 When should you loan friends money?

Coolb asks: A guy approached me through a common friend. He had my mob no (I don’t know how – I hardly know him). He kinda likes me – but frankly I think he’s after my money (he also asked for some financial help). We had some general talks for a while. What do you think I should do?

Hi Coolb –

There’s a very famous line from Shakespeare, advice a father gives to a son as he leaves home: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”  Now I believe in generosity and helping out everyone one can, but I also believe in being careful.

There’s a lot in this scenario that makes my nose twitch.  He had your phone number without your giving it to him, and then he’s asking you for money?  It sounds to me like he used your friend to get close to you, at least in part for that money.  Now he might be absolutely interested in you for yourself, too, but even if so…

Let’s look at the two possibilities.  First, he’s not really into you, and he’s just after your Continue reading

0 How to stop being the butt of your friends’ jokes

saf1 asks: For three years, I have been going out with a group of friends, and they often make fun of me and say that am ignorant and stupid. This is killing me from inside, and I am starting to think that maybe it is true. What should I do with these friends? Tell them about my problem? Or should I just go with it and believe that I really am stupid?

Hi saf1 –

Oh yucch!  This is truly distasteful!

Now I have no idea how little or how much you know.  Or how intelligent you are.  But I do know enough to say that if the people you go out with all the time are saying that you’re ignorant and stupid, that’s just awful!  What it sounds like is that they’ve put you into a “role” in their group, and that role is as the butt of their condescending humor.

If I’m right, the problem with that is that it’s almost impossible to break out of that role, as long as you’re in that group.  Some people try to break out of that kind of role by beating some of the members up (which might create some fear in them, which would at least slow down the insults), or to try to be so nice to each of them (giving them candies, etc.) that they’ll all be nicer to you.  The problem is, that last one doesn’t work very well, and of course getting into fights will get you into Continue reading

0 Why teachers act so bossy

lil girl asks: Why do teachers act so bossy?

Hi lil girl –

Why?  Because they’re the boss!

Okay, that’s too simple an answer.  But of course, they are the boss, in the classroom at least.  But we all know that some teachers are able to be the boss while speaking calmly, and being friendly and nurturing to their students; while others are cold and yell a lot, and spend all their time proving that their the boss.  Those are the bossy ones!

Well, funny as it may sound, the answer is probably that the calm ones are very confident that they’re the boss, while the bossy ones aren’t!  They feel they need to prove their toughness much Continue reading

0 How to tell a fake friend from a real one

Prettyndsweet12 asks: What is the difference between a real friend and a fake friend, and how can I tell my true friends and my fake friends???

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I wish I had an easy answer for you.  The truth is that you never know that someone’s a fake friend until it’s too late, and they’ve done something that hurts you.  And that can happen with a friend you’ve had for a week, or for ten years.  You just never Continue reading

0 What to do when your grades suddenly fall

ZeeTan99 asks: I am an A-grade student (13 yrs old) but the problem is that I’m pretty sure I’ll get a D or something in TWO SUBJECTS! Tomorrow I’m gonna get my report card, and I don’t know how I’m going to show it to my parents. I’m having nightmares about this, and I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s got me really stressed you can’t imagine. So please please, tell me what to do. I’m very very confused and I could really use someone’s help.

Hi ZeeTan99 –

Oh I know that feeling!  It’s like when I was being perfectly good and quiet and watching out the window, and a cat suddenly appeared just outside, and I jumped up yelling and broke a pane of glass!  And I hadn’t meant to do it, but I knew Handsome was going to walk into the room and be very unhappy about it!  You’re in exactly the position I was in as I heard his footsteps approach the doorway!

But do you know what happened when he got to me?  Sure, he was shocked at what had happened.  But then he checked my nose and my paws, to make sure there wasn’t any glass in them, and then he put me out back, so I wouldn’t step on anything sharp, and then he cleaned all the glass up very carefully.  Because he was way more worried about me than he was upset about the broken glass.

Now sure, when he paid the glazier who repaired the pane, he did give me an exasperated look and mutter “You knucklehead!”  But overall, he reacted to my mistake with love and concern, not anger.

Now, there’s a good chance that, if you’re right about your grades, your parents will first react with Continue reading

2 How to handle early sexual urges

Mandy asks: What is it with sex, that I keep on thinking about it? I dream of it every night and its scaring me. What should I do? I don’t want to lose my virginity, but I am thinking too much about it!

Hi Mandy –   Thanks for your very open and honest question.  I’m first going to suggest you read my post, responding to Angelbrat’s question about her survey on why teenagers think about sex so much.    So Mandy, beyond that, my general answer to your question is:  Why should you be different from every other teenager in the world?!  Of course you’re thinking about sex, dreaming about sex, and wanting it.   But there’s a great reason why these hormones don’t kick in till a kid reaches a certain age.  You see, if a little child felt these things, nothing would keep them from Continue reading

0 Some encouraging words for kids

Donna asks: What are your plans for the new year? What encouraging words can we tell our young people to keep them out of trouble?

Hi Donna –

If you’re referring to the New Year’s Eve/Day holiday, my plans are simple.  To stay at home, lying on Handsome’s bed, with my head as buried under his pillow as I can, so I don’t have to hear all the yelling, the horns, the screaming, and any fireworks or (how stupid can humans get!) guns being shot into the air.  I’ll lie there, hoping Handsome is able to drive home from whatever party he’s at without being hit and hurt by some drunk in a car… and then, once he’s home, I’ll curl up next to him and sleep so deeply and happily, knowing he’s safe and we survived another year.

Then the next day, hopefully he’ll take me out to a park or something, since he has the day off from work.  But if the weather’s too bad, or if he’s away at some party, I’ll probably just sleep some more!

But if what you meant was what my plans are for 2012, Donna, I have some great ones!  I plan to catch more Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents ask you to choose between them

Super dooper asks: My parents are split and now my mum is angry because my dad is taking me for holidays for a week during the time she is meant to have me and now she is making me choose. Please help! I do not know what to do.

Hi super dooper –

My friend, you are in an absolute stew of unfairness.  It’s always unfair to kids when parents split up, it’s unfair when decisions get made about where they’ll have to be at what time, and oh boy it is especially unfair when the parents make the kid take responsibility for their choices.  You are absolutely living this, and I am so very Continue reading

0 How to handle anxiety at University

Eiei asks: I feel sad now, because my friends do not listen to what I say or look at me. Stress falls on me at University, because my mind runs away from me and I can’t understand what the teachers explain. Please help me. How will I train my mind to be constant?

Hi Eiei –

It sounds to me like you’re suffering from really bad anxiety.  That’s what it’s called when you worry so much that it gets in the way of everything, from your friendships to your work.

Anxiety is likely to come up at a University about as frequently as it does in Veterinarians’ offices, and for much the same reason – you students and we dogs are both put in a place “for our own good” where we’re being judged and tested, which doesn’t feel good at the time, and can lead to some really awful Continue reading