Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How to find one’s feminine energy

Lovedino123lady asks: How do you be more ladylike and girly?

Hi Lovedino123lady –

Well, my friend, no one has ever accused me of being ladylike.  If I’m compared to anyone in that famous movie about dogs, I’m way more Tramp than Lady!  But I’ll try to help you out anyway.

The fact that you’re asking me this question probably means that you have a sense of what appears more girly or ladylike:  wearing dresses instead of pants, sashaying around instead of walking with direction, not punching or biting anyone!

But I don’t think that’s what you’re really asking about.  I think what you’re really after is how to increase your Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re surrounded by negative people

aditi asks: I am surrounded by people filled with negative thoughts. It’s really difficult to recognize who’s real and who isn’t. I don’t have any questions about anything for you, Shirelle, but I just need to find someone to listen to me, and talk. How do I find the right person?

Hi aditi –

I certainly understand your plight.  If more people were less negative, I wouldn’t have this website!  The whole purpose of this site is to help defeat the negativity people carry around in their lives.  I’ve spent my whole life seeing people who I think are just wonderful having the worst attitudes toward themselves and others.  It’s really heartbreaking!

So one “person” you can talk with is me, and I’m glad you thought to do so.  But beyond my fine self, I really recommend two other things.

First, as I do so often here, I’ll recommend that you find a Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

1 What to do when someone asks you for sex

Alana asks: A boy asked me for sex. What should I do?

Hi Alana –

Well, I’m going to assume, from your question, that you don’t think that having sex with him right now is a good idea.  So my first answer to you is that the best thing for you to do is to say “No.”  Clearly and unequivocally.

However, I don’t want to give the wrong view here.  The boy hasn’t done anything wrong.  He Continue reading

0 How to win someone back you broke up with before

muttman asks: In the beginning of my 5th grade year I was dating this girl. Then I went to the 1st day and saw someone else that I liked. Now at the end of 5th grade, I like the girl from before (the other girl cheated), but people are telling her not to date exes. What should I do?

Hi muttman –

You are dealing with a very interesting problem.  Basically, it sounds like you’re trying to get the girl (the first one) to like and trust you again, even though you left her for someone else.  And her friends are telling her not to go out with you again.  So you have three things against you:  First, anyone’s natural hesitation or distrust; Second, the fact that you’ve done something to prove that distrust right; and Third, all the stuff her friends are saying.  So how do you get past that?

I can only come up with one suggestion.  It might seem a little Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to give you the right chores

kittycat asks: I am depressed because my dad thinks I am being selfish because he works with delivery of clothing and stuff and even though we have the air conditioning on, I really can’t bear the heat. I am secretly a little allergic to the sun (like my mum). I don’t want to upset my dad and all, but I just can’t bear it. (I can’t tell him that I am allergic). So, this one day, my dad and I were doing delivery in his little car, I told him that I was getting very dark, I was sooo hot, I couldn’t stay anymore. Then he started telling me that he spent all his day in the sun, that he and my mum could be rich and put us in a public school and not care, he said that they work for me and my sister’s education, but I really didn’t mean to upset him. And then, I got really upset and I started crying and thinking about the things he had said to me. When it comes too this I really don’t know what I should do. I feel really bad because all things he said were right. But on the other hand he was NOT being fair with me. I can’t discuss this freely with my family because they really don’t understand what it’s really like to be me. I’ve got so many things wrong about me, I’m not the kind of daughter any parent would want. I’m afraid, that some day one of my friends will find out what my mum’s real job is, and I’ll be humiliated. I don’t know what to do!!!

Hi kittycat –

There’s so much here, I want to respond to a few things.

First of all, about the work with your father, it sounds like you don’t mind doing work to help your dad; but just don’t like the excessive heat in his car.  So could you ask him if there’s other work you could do?  Maybe you could help with the bookkeeping, or preparing the clothes for delivery, or wrapping them, or…  anything, anything but sitting in that hot car!

Which leads me to my second thought:  Why are you so adamant about not telling him about your Continue reading

0 How can one live by their own rules

apple eye asks: If we want to lead our life in a my way style but others oppose it, then what should we do? Rebel? Or shut up?!

Hi apple eye –

I want to turn your question around, to make a point:  How can a person know that they’re living in a ‘my way’ style?  The answer, of course, is that they’re doing what other people oppose!

If Handsome takes me on a walk, and I heel, sit, stay, and come every time he says to; if I pay a lot more attention to where he is than the squirrel down the street or the dog barking from behind that nearby window; if I don’t jump on the person he stops to chat with – I might be living my way.  But if I pull on the leash all the time, ignore everything Handsome says, bark at other dogs, try to get away to chase that squirrel, and jump right up our neighbor’s Continue reading

0 What is peer pressure?

Martha asks: What is peer pressure?

Hi Martha –

Peer Pressure is a very simple thing, but with very complex consequences.  Basically, people do things for one of three reasons.

First, because they want to: a baby cries, crawls, burps, because it feels like it; similarly, if you see a yummy cookie that you forgot was in your house, you might eat it, just because you feel like it.

Second, people do things because they’re directly told to.  A student does their homework because they’re supposed to.  A driver stops at a red light because that’s the law.  Maybe you refrain from eating that cookie, because your Continue reading

3 How to find a safe chat room

Shantal asks: Where can I find a safe chat room for teens like me?

Hi Shantal –

Chat rooms can be a really fun thing – a way to connect with and talk to new people, from the safety and comfort of your own home or computer.  They can also be a dangerous way for creepy people to find children and teens so they can do bad things to them.

There’s no way of knowing if a chat room is perfectly safe.  Anyone can get in there.  So your job is to make sure you’re safe, no matter Continue reading

0 How to deal with an over-demanding parent

143chafern asks: I’m a competitive swimmer and I really love it. The thing is, my dad keeps pushing me – like, if I don’t swim well, he gets all moody. He expects me to perform well, and at the same time to do my studies also. I do manage my studies, and keep in good shape, but nothing is enough for my Dad! I feel so under pressure! I can’t be an Olympic swimmer and an A+ student at the same time! When I told that to my dad, he said there are many kids of my age who can, but… why can’t he understand I’m not them?!

Hi 143chafern –

This is not a new problem.  I don’t know who the first person was who cared about succeeding in a competitive world, but the first one of those who had a child began this problem.  And the problem has existed ever since.

There’s no easy answer.  You’d be miserable if your father didn’t notice or care, or take pride in your swimming prowess.  But this situation stinks too.  I have no doubt that your dad means well, and just wants to press you to do your best, but the fact is he’s pushing too hard.

I’ll be honest with you, 143chafern – I’m very encouraged by your insistence that you’re good enough without meeting his Continue reading