Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 Do the fears of a 15-year-old go away?

Linda asks: Sometimes I still have that alienated feeling I wrote you about before. I used to be a confident and a peaceful person. I could stay alone, go anywhere alone if I want. But now it’s become the opposite. Just sometimes I’m afraid of ghosts, but still it’s fine. I don’t understand why it happens to me. I can’t see others who are my same age having that problem. May I ask, how long do I need to get rid of it?

Hi Linda –

Thanks for explaining your situation to me with more clarity.

In terms of the usual anxiety and depression about life that 15-year-olds have, I would say you can expect it to change pretty quickly, but it might just change into a different sort of worry and discomfort.  For example, today it’s scary to go somewhere alone, but in a couple of months you might have a wild crush on someone and not be able to get them off your mind, even though they’re unattainable.  And a few months after that, you might get very upset about something going on in global Continue reading

0 What to do with a hyperactive baby

toddlers asks: My baby girl is nine months old. I find her to be a hyperactive child. How should I handle her psychologically?

Hi toddlers –

It’s very normal for a nine-month-old baby to be super-active, and get into everything.  That’s what I was like as a puppy too!  If that’s what you’re talking about, then there’s nothing to worry about except your own exhaustion.  But if the baby is truly acting abnormal in her sleep patterns, mood, or inability to focus, you should definitely take her to a medical doctor, to have her tested.

In terms of ADHD, though, it’s way too early for that to be Continue reading

0 What to do when a family won’t go into therapy

ardnaskela asks: My cousin (who I see about once a year) has an 15-year-old daughter, beginning high school. She hates her parents, and is blackmailing them. She is very clever, but uses her brain in a negative way. Her mother never finished college, and is lost. Her father is alcoholic. She doesn’t want to go to school, or see a psychologist. I know that the whole family needs help. Is there any solution? How to make her go to school again, or to make her go to the psychologist?

Hi ardnaskela –

I have a couple of questions for you, but let me start by saying that this situation is something else!!

First of all, what do you mean when you say that her mother is “lost?”  Are you referring to her not knowing what to do with her daughter, or that she’s lost in her life in general, or… I assume you don’t mean she’s actually missing from her home?

And when you say that she’s “blackmailing” her parents – is she literally demanding money from them for not saying something?  Or is she just doing what many call “emotional Continue reading

0 Is it possible to stop yourself from loving someone?

Daniel asks: My love wants to stop loving me. What can I do about it?

Hi Daniel –

I want to make sure we’re on the same page here.  No word in English is more confusing than “love.”  I love Handsome, pork chops, spring days, running, Glenn Miller’s “String of Pearls,” and every one of my pack members – but none in the same way as the others.  So when you say your love wants to stop loving you – do you mean that someone you love wants to leave your romantic relationship, or that they just Continue reading

1 Is it okay for a girl to ask a boy out?

sazuna45 asks: Is it a bad idea for girls to ask guys out?

Hi sazuna45 –

Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that really hard.  Let me see…

I understand that some people feel that females should be restrained and coy, and stand back and wait for males to do everything…

And yet I’m a female, and like to run up and jump on dogs and people and lick Continue reading

0 What to do when your friend alienates other friends

rachel asks: I have this friend. She is pretty nice, but she can get really mean and get into a lot of fights with other girls. She’s never mean to me though. And when she’s in fights with people she expects me to support her. I don’t want to get involved in it! Other people are starting to hate me because I hang out with her. Should I drop her as a friend? I don’t know what to do.

Hi rachael –

This is a really tough situation.  Your friend is a good friend to you, but is clearly expecting you to have a lot of loyalty to her, even when you think what she’s doing is wrong.  And now others are associating you with her bad side.  There is no right answer for what to do with that!

Or maybe there is.  You see, rachel, I think this all comes down to Continue reading

0 How to deal with not getting enough money from your caregivers

tinno 06 asks: My uncle and aunt pay for my school fees but they do not pay enough. I suffer at school, but I can’t tell them. This has made me less social – I can’t associate with my friends because in the middle of the term I run out of money, and I don’t eat on Saturday. What should I do? At school I have attitude because am not happy at home. I feel like am not loved. All the time I cry, and I live a fake sad life at school. I do not have clothes, so I have this bad habit of getting people’s things. I really need help please help me.

Hi tinno 06 –

tinno 06, this letter might be even sadder than the one about your father!  I am so sorry you’re going through this!

Money is one of the parts about humanity that I have lots of trouble understanding.  I mean, I like the idea of a token economy (no dog could have ever come up with that!), but the way that people have so many feelings about it, that just mystifies me.  Rich people are ashamed to admit how much money they have, poor people are ashamed to admit that they don’t have much, and someone like you who’s getting money from someone doesn’t feel they have the right to tell them that the amount isn’t Continue reading

0 Should a teen get the hairstyle her mother wants?

Marceline asks: I’m 11 years old. My mom wants me to cut my hair. To align with my chin… I really wanted my hair to be long, but my mom doesn’t want that. What should I do? Do you think hair to the chin is good?

Hi Marceline –

Well, first off, I have to say, I am not a beautician, or a fashion expert.  My hair has been the same length all my life.  It doesn’t grow; I just shed a lot.  I do take a lot of care in grooming, by licking myself all over and biting any rotten little fleas that have jumped onto me.  And I like it when I have a new collar that looks pretty on my orange hair.  But when it comes to things like hair length, or clothes, or jewelry, I’m just not the one to ask!

What I can maybe help a bit with, though, is what to do if you and your mom disagree about your Continue reading

0 What to do with a teenager who wants to move away

buffy1 asks: I have a 16-year-old son who seems to have lost his mind with his first girlfriend. He is terribly aggressive, he has failed 2 schools in one year after being a 70% average student, he won’t listen to reason, he ran away from home a few weeks ago, and now he wants to move 750 km away just to be with his new girlfriend. How do I deal with this?

Hi buffy1 –

I don’t know where you live, but the first question I have is about laws.  (For example, if I run away from home, I’m just going to get picked up by dog-catchers, regardless of my reasons!)

Does your son have the right to move away without your permission?  Was he legally allowed to run away from home?  I don’t know those things, and of course those are huge elements of any good answer for you.

But not knowing those, I have one really strong reaction to your question:  Is That Continue reading

0 Should a teenager try to get to know the father who abandoned them?

tinno 06 asks: I am hurting. I really want to know my dad, and I have tried, but I have failed. It hurts me so much that am expected to be like everyone else and forget about him because he walked out on my mum when she was pregnant. Am I wrong to do this?

Hi tinno 06 –

One of the saddest things a human can go through is being abandoned by a parent.  For lots of people, it means they spend their life angry at, or even hating, that parent.  But as you point out, for some others, it’s a different pain – that they want to find that parent and get to know them, maybe even get close to them, while those around them tell them not to.

Deep down, the basic fact is that it’s all unfair, tinno 06.  It just stinks that anyone ever goes through this.  And, given that fact, your job is just to figure out how you Continue reading