Category Archives for "Family"

0 What to do when your father hits your sibling

Shae asks: What can a kid do when their father hits their sibling?

Hi Shae –

Thanks for your question about your father hitting your sibling.

Now I don’t know two very important things.  First, I don’t know where you live (and what the laws are there), and Second, I don’t know exactly how your father is doing this hitting.

I do know that, where I live, it is actually illegal for parents to hit their children unless it’s minor (the thing to remember is the three O’s – Open-Handed, Over the clothes, and On the Continue reading

0 How to convince parents to allow a piercing

George1997 asks: How can I persuade my parents to get a piercing?

Hi George1997 –

I’m guessing that you mean that you want to persuade your parents to let you get a piercing.  But if I’m wrong and you’re actually wanting to persuade them to get piercings themselves – I’d strongly advise you to give up!    If someone doesn’t want something shoved through their skin, it’ll be very hard to change their mind about it!  (I can tell you that I hate having anything shoved through my skin, whether it’s a needle from the vet or an angry dog’s fang, and both cases involve me being forced against my will!)

But it sounds like you really want to have one yourself.  Well, at least I’m glad you’re saying you want your parents’ permission.  There are lots of places where it’s actually a law that a minor has to have parental permission to get a piercing or a tattoo, but regardless of whether that’s true where you are, I think it’s a very good idea to get their okay first.

Now I realize that lots of people love piercings (and tattoos) and see them as very fashionable and cool, while others see them as Continue reading

0 Is it okay for older siblings to play rough with their younger ones?

Jessie James asks: I like to stuff my little brother in the hamper and make him sit all squished up while I think of commands that he must obey or I punish him somehow. Others have suggested that this is abusive, but I find it appropriate to teach him discipline and compliance. I don’t see it as any worse than you trapping a squirrel in a hole of a tree and making him wait until you get called for dinner by your master. What do you think, Shirelle?

Hi Jessie James –

Thanks for your question about how you treat your brother.

Well, I guess I should first explain that, when I trap a squirrel in a hole, I’m not doing it to tease him or even “abuse” him.  He’s trapped himself in there till I get called to dinner, because he knows that if he comes out – he’ll be my dinner!  So it’s not quite the same thing here – which is very good news for your little brother!!!

In fact, the sort of teasing you’re describing sounds a lot more like something a cat would do than a dog.  Cats like to play with their prey a lot.  In fact, I get the sense that they’d rather play with a mouse or a bird than eat it.  We mutts aren’t that way at all – if we catch that animal, we want the reward of a full tummy right away!

Okay, so onto exactly what you’re doing with your brother.  I’ve known younger siblings who absolutely love games like you’re describing.   And the fact that he’s staying in the hamper, and playing with you at all, makes me think he’s one of those (other kids would scream their Continue reading

0 Kids’ need for free time

Soontobeloner asks: My mother doesn’t respect what I want to do. I go to a stage school, and I like it and all, but it’s ruining my life! I can’t go out with my friends, and if I keep this up I won’t have any friends at all! So what should I do?

Hi Soontobeloner –

I’m pretty confused here.  When you say you go to a “stage school,” I assume you mean a school of drama, dance, music, etc.  Many kids here will envy that you go to a school like that (as opposed to the ones they have that are all about math and history).  But then you say that you can’t go out with your friends.  And that’s where I’m confused.

Are you saying that your school keeps you so many hours that you can’t have any time with your friends?  Or that your mother is just insisting that you can’t go out with them in the free time that you do have?

Either way, this hits one of my pet peeves.  Kids and teenagers absolutely need time with their Continue reading

0 How to deal with terrible times

KayceeSimone asks: This year has been extremely hard for me. On the 22nd of Feb this year there was a major earthquake, which made me stress and stop eating. Following that, in July, my dad’s father passed away followed by his mother on October 31st. I am really struggling to come to terms with all this and it is affecting my health mentally, emotionally and physically, and also my schooling. Just recently, my mum split up with my step-dad. I have never had a stable home, and I’m getting close to every guy she’s with then she just takes that away from me. Just recently I have been bullied at school and got punched in the face. I’m at my wits end and I’m afraid I’m going to do something stupid! PLEASE HELP ME! I’M DESPERATE :,(

Hi KayceeSimone –

Sometimes life is nice.  Sometimes it’s absolutely grand.  Sometimes it’s grey and depressing.  And then sometimes it’s absolutely horrible.  And you’re living in that category right now.  I’m so sorry.  I wish I could just run over to your house and jump up on your bed and lick your face till all your tears were gone and you were Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent who gives her younger child less freedom than the older one

Greta asks: My elder sister has been dating her boyfriend for two years now. They are very happy together and I am happy for them as well. But my mom has a problem when I even talk about guys – she doesn’t want me to date at all. Why is this so?

Hi Greta –

From what I see of humans, there are two sorts of parents.  One sort is very protective of their first kid; then over time they realize they don’t need to worry so much, and they give their next child a lot more freedom.  The other sort see their first child as adult and responsible, and forever see their later kid or kids as children they need to protect and control.  It sounds like you have the second sort.

Now of course, I don’t know how old you are.  For all I know, your sister might be twenty years old and you might be Continue reading

0 How to deal with people giving mean criticism

Cinderrella asks: My dad has been treating me pretty different for the last few weeks because I didn’t do well in my last exams, and he is always telling me not to eat too much because apparently I’m fat even when I’m not eating, and at school I’m just sick and tired of people teasing me about my scars (I was burned when i was 2 years old) and about my weight. Really it’s not as if I don’t try to exercise – I do, but it isn’t working! I try not to mind people and just be strong, but it seems I’m getting weaker by the day and I just wanna give up! I feel so lonely, because I feel like there is no one who can understand me. Please help me!

Hi Cinderrella –

I get so angry that the hair on my back stands up and my lips curl to show my fangs, when I hear about people getting on teenage girls’ cases about their weight.  We have such a problem today with teenage girls worrying too much, and thinking they’re fat when they’re not, and then doing awful things like starving or purging themselves.  I’m all for you eating well and in moderation (something I have tremendous trouble with, whenever I get near a pizza!), and exercising well.  But if you have trouble keeping your weight where you want it even then, the solution is to see a doctor or a nutritionist, not to Continue reading

0 How to tell someone you think they’re great

Lady Ritzy asks: My feelings about my cousin is just something more than regular kind of feelings, and I would never want to marry him. I just want to him know I love him, but that’s all!! At the same time, I hate the idea of doing it, and maybe I shouldn’t tell him, “Hey I love you more than every thing in whole world!” Maybe one day I’ll find some other guy better than him!!

Hi Lady Ritzy –

I guess I’ve been a little confused.  You say you’re having trouble telling your cousin how much you love him, and starting a conversation with him, but that this isn’t a romantic feeling.  So is it that you just simply idolize him, think he’s the best thing there is, and have trouble telling him how terrific he is?

Wow, if that’s it, this is WAY easier than I was thinking!  I have one very thought-out answer for you:

DO Continue reading

0 How can a teenager get what they want from their parents without being disrespectful

lynde asks: How do I get what I want from my parents without being disrespectful?

Hi Lynde –

This is a great question, one which teens have been struggling with for centuries.  And that’s because the teen years are, by definition, a time when humans begin to develop in ways that go against their parents.  By that, do I mean that they have to rebel against their parents’ authority and values?  Well, lots of the time, yes!

Think of it as the opposite of weaning.  You’ll see puppies or kittens whose mothers are very happy to let them nurse on them.  But eventually the little folks get bigger (and start to get sharp teeth!), and the mother has to tell them “No, you can’t eat here anymore!”  Usually that involves pushing her young away, or even nipping at them.  They have to learn to eat in other ways.

Well, there comes a point when a human is a teenager when they sort of have to wean their Continue reading

0 How to start conversations with a crush

lady Ritzy asks: Hi – This is a really great site!  I’m 14 and live in Iran (though I’ll be leaving the country soon).  I really love my cousin, like a lover, but my pride never lets me tell him so.  My mind and my heart always tell me that he loves me too, but I can`t tell him my real feelings.  He is quiet and understanding, and has told me several times “you are so pretty,” but my stupid pride won`t let me talk to him.  He’s about four years older than me – what would be a good subject to start conversations with?

Hi lady Ritzy –

This is such an interesting question!  You see, in the US, where I live, it’s considered very bad for cousins to get involved romantically.  In fact, it’s usually illegal!  Whereas I understand that in Iran, romance and even marriage between cousins is very normal and traditional.  So I have to get out of my mindset, and relate to your question on your terms (This is a great skill for all of us to work on!!).

So you’re dealing with two major problems that I can see.  First, you’re loving a guy whose feelings you’re not sure about, and second, he’s four years older than you.  There are lots of postings on my site about the first problem.  But basically they all come down to the fact that, if you want to find out what he feels, you’ve got to do something to show something of your feelings, and see his Continue reading