Category Archives for "Family"

0 How to keep teenagers from abusing drugs and alcohol

Kully asks: What can be done to help high school learners not to engage in alcohol and drug abuse?

Hi Kully –

This is of course a gigantic issue, one that has dominated minds far greater than mine for decades.

The problem is a simple one – teenagers like to do things that are daring, things that are adult, and things that make them feel different; and alcohol and drugs meet all three of those desires.

The one thing I can promise you doesn’t work is telling them not to do them.  It’s great to educate children about the dangers of different substances, and that can have fantastic long-term results.  In the United States, concerted campaigns to teach kids about the dangers of smoking have helped cut the percentage of smokers there by half in the last fifty years.  But telling teenagers that alcohol and drug abuse are unhealthy does almost Continue reading

0 What to do with a boyfriend who refuses to obey my parents

cutie asks: I’m in this relationship with this boy. My father says he doesn’t me to be in any relationship, but no matter what he does or says this boy says he doesn’t care and that he loves me and he’s going to stay with me no matter what. What should I do?

Hi cutie –

This is one of the oldest situations in the world.  I’m sure you’ve heard of the play “Romeo and Juliet.”  Now there, the girl’s father isn’t against her having just any relationship; he just hates the boy’s family.  But fundamentally, you’re in the same mess.  The boy loves you and refuses to quit, and your dad’s saying you have to quit.  So you’re wondering what to do.

What really sticks out to me is what your letter doesn’t say.  You never tell me how you Continue reading

0 How to keep children from getting their parents’ faults

siminsarahashim asks: My husband is a good man who loves his family a lot, but he has many bad habits, such as sitting around most of the time watching TV while drinking beer. I don’t want our children to grow up to behave that same way. What can I do?

Hi siminsarahashim –

I have both good and bad news for you.  I’ll give the bad news first – children learn immensely more from what they see their parents do than what their parents tell them.  Think about it – imagine if someone tried to teach you your first language, or how to walk; it’d just be impossible!   A child’s brain observes those around them, and the child then copies that to a giant extent.  This is why it’s so silly for parents who smoke, drink, or use bad language to try to teach their children not to do such things: the desire for the kid to emulate their parents is so much stronger than the desire to Continue reading

0 What to do about uncontrollable diarrhea

ktarr asks: I’m not sure if I have diarrhea. I go to poop quite a lot, and when I do my poop is runny, and watery. When I look at it I feel sick. Also sometimes this happens at school and I go in my pants by accident. Please help. I’m not going to tell my mum, because I’m scared as she’s upset about dad leaving her. She doesn’t care. And my tummy hurts a lot.

Hi ktarr –

Diarrhea has a number of different definitions, but the most common one is exactly what you have – runny, watery poops.  Especially if they’re frequent, and hard to control.  People and dogs get it pretty frequently, often from eating food that’s too spicy for their system, having more fruit than usual, or, of course, from some sort of digestive illness, like a flu.

So the literal answer to your question, ktarr, is yes, you have diarrhea.  But from what you say, I think there’s more concern than just that.

It sounds to me like you have a condition that’s probably brought on by Continue reading

0 How to handle a parent who can’t trust your boyfriend

Julia asks: If you have a friend that tells your mother “good morning” and everything but she doesn’t reply, and then says that he is disrespectful and has no manners… what do you do about that?

Hi Julia –

It sounds to me like your mother has a major case of “I Don’t Like That Boy!” going on.  It could be for many reasons, and the most likely one is just because he’s a boy and he’s hanging around you!

When Handsome was a teenager, he had a girlfriend whose father just complained and complained about him.  When he girl finally confronted him and made him admit that Handsome was a perfectly nice enough boy, the father told the truth, “All right, yes he is.  But he’s still a Continue reading

1 What are the constraints of becoming pregnant at an early age?

Sparkle asks: what are the constraints of becoming pregnant at an early age?

Hi Sparkle –

There are really two answers to your question.  The first is what the constraints are of becoming pregnant at any age.

I was spayed when I was six months old, so have no experience with pregnancy.  But from what I hear, it’s the most intense experience anyone ever goes through.  Your body changes in countless ways – your hormones go wild (which is of course happening in your teen years anyway, so just figure it’s more of what you’ve been already experiencing!).   Your belly of course swells to many times its normal size.  The pregnancy cuts into pretty much all your activities, from athletic physical ones (of course) to social and academic ones (you’ll need lots of extra sleep, crave odd foods, have to avoid lots of your favorite foods, throw up lots, and have to pee ALL THE TIME since your bladder is being sat on by the Continue reading

0 What is Bipolar?

ti-f asks: I have this friend who thinks she’s bipolar. She doesn’t really act like she is bipolar, though she does cut herself (but just to hurt herself, not like she wants to kill herself). I told her she isn’t bipolar, but I don’t know how to convince her of it. She is only 12, and is Christian. Can you help me?

Hi ti-f –

ti-f, we’re dealing with two really big issues here.  First, exactly what is meant by “bipolar.”  Lots of people use that term very casually, referring to someone who’s moody or goes to extremes in excitement.  Well that applies to me!  And I’m definitely not bipolar.  I’m just a very active and friendly dog.

The true meaning of Bipolar is someone who is usually depressed, but at times will slip into some form of a Continue reading

0 Can we ask Shirelle about things we can’t talk to our parents about?

Epic1999 asks: I don’t feel comfortable talking to my mum about anything sexual just in case she gets the wrong idea. Would I be able to talk to you about stuff like that?

Hi epic1999 –

I am more than happy to talk with any of my pack members about any subject they ask.  If it’s something I know nothing about, I’ll do my best to find the information you need, or at least point you to someone who can help more than I can.

There are certain issues that I don’t post on AskShirelle about, because this site is for kids as well as teenagers.  But you can always write to me about anything, and I’ll just send answers to you, without posting them on the Continue reading

1 Should teens hide their relationships from their parents?

Yanni asks: I’m only 14 and I really like this guy and he likes me too and he is courting me. But my problem is, I want to be his girlfriend but my parents told me that I could only have a boyfriend if I’m already 18. But I really like him and he puts a lot of effort on his courting. Should I be his girlfriend and keep it a secret or obey my parents even if it hurts me and him?

Hi Yanni –

Oh I’m of two minds here!  On one hand, how romantic it is, to meet behind your parents’ backs like Romeo and Juliet!  But on the other, four years is a big difference when you’re only 14 (can you imagine dating someone who’s 10?!), and even R&J only tried to hide from their parents for a few days – you’re talking about trying to keep a secret for four years, if you wait till you’re 18.

And that’s where my thought really comes in:  You Continue reading

0 Should a teen move in with a difficult parent?

Epic1999 asks: I really want to move with in with my dad so I would live close enough to get to see this boy I like every day and we can go to the same school. But my dad and I don’t get on that well, and I don’t want to live with someone who I don’t get on with because it will get me stressed and that could put me in hospital – because I suffer from panic attacks. And second, I don’t want to move for this boy and then break up with him, because my mum won’t have me back if I move. What should I do?

Hi epic1999 –

Of course I don’t know enough to speak with any definitiveness on this, but my sense is that, as much as you’d like to live near this boy, it might not be worth it.  I mean… panic attacks?!  Hey those are miserable!  And if you’re living scared of those all the time, you won’t be able to relax enough to enjoy the relationship you moved there to have!   But on the other hand, is it possible that your moving there could help you create a better relationship with your dad?  If you did, then that would be a true win-win; you’d get the fun of the boyfriend and the lifelong joy of a better relationship with your father.

So my advice would be this:  If you think it’s worth trying, have a Continue reading