Category Archives for "Family"

0 Is a spouse responsible for their spouse’s behaviors?

Marussia asks: I’ve read recently that if I change my husband will change as well. We’ve got a 6-year old son, and for about a year my husband has been drinking beer and stronger alcohol. Is the problem in me? In my attitude towards him? Sometimes we quarrel and he can shout at me, then he calms down and says he loves me.

Hi Marussia –

This is SUCH a complex question!  It’s kind of like asking how much parents determine the personality of their kids.  The answer is always yes, but never 100%.

My friend Handsome works with a lot of couples.  And every time he begins to think someone’s issues are all because of their spouse, he’s proven wrong.  And every time he thinks they’re all for other reasons, he’s proven wrong too.

But that doesn’t help you any.  You’re wondering why your husband Continue reading

2 What to do when a teen falls in love with their step-parent

a soft breeze asks: A stepfather is good to his wife’s children, so much so that one of the wife’s daughters (teen,15) fell in love with him and wants to marry him. She is jealous of her mother. He is very upset. He tried to show to her that his relationship is that of a father. But she cannot control her feelings. He threatened her that he will not see her anymore, that she could stay in her father’s house and not come back to his house, or he will come to his house only when she’s not there. She sent him a letter saying that if he quits from her life she will commit suicide. He’s confused. What should he do?

Hi a soft breeze –

This is an absolutely horrible situation!  It sounds miserable for him, for her, and I’m sure it’s just terrible for her mother and father.  While it’s great for stepchildren to love their stepparents, this is a strange and terribly twisted version of that.

I like and respect that he is working so hard to set boundaries with her.  He’s absolutely right to do that.  But there is one further thing that’s necessary – and I mean necessary, not “it’d be a nice idea.”  He, his wife, and her daughter, must Continue reading

0 How to get your parent to agree to transferring to a different school

kym asks: How can I approach my mom to transfer me into another school?

Hi kym –

You might have seen already that I’m a huge fan of formal conversations.  In other words, I’ve seen tons of disasters when a kid or teen tries to casually, spontaneously, bring up big issues.  Like when their mom is uptight in a traffic jam, trying to get them to school on time, even though they got out of the house fifteen minutes late because the youngster didn’t get up when they were supposed to, and the kid says, “I think it’s unfair that I’m supposed to be home by ten o’clock, because I want to go to a party with some new friends this weekend and it’s all the way on the other side of town and no one’s going to want to leave before eleven because the college kids don’t come by with the beer before ten!”  Mom is not going to do well with that!

On the other hand, if you walk up to your mom and say Continue reading

0 How to deal with a parent living far away

Olivia asks: My parents are still married, but my dad’s moved to Toronto. How should I deal with that?

Hi Olivia –

The tough part about your question is that it’s probably your parents who really need to answer it.

I’ve known some couples who are really happier living apart.  They meet up on vacations, and are as happy to see each other then as Handsome and I are every day (Why, oh why can’t more human couples feel that same way?!  I’ll never understand!!).  Or maybe they even meet every weekend.  But they know that if they lived together full-time, it wouldn’t be as good for their marriage.  They really need their space.

Then on the other hand, there are of course lots of couples who are kept separate because of things they have no control over.  One’s job makes them move to another city while the other one’s job keeps them there.  Or one is in the military and is sent away, or it could even be that one’s in jail.  Any of these are absolutely difficult, and it’s really tough for them the whole time.

But regardless of what the reasons are, or how your parents feel about it, you’re asking about Continue reading

0 How to care for fever in small children

Tikiri asks: How should we take care of a small child who is suffering from fever?

Hi Tikiri –

In general, my view on fevers is that they’re not a terribly bad thing.  I figure the body is just trying to fight hard against something (germs, virus, etc.), and so builds up heat in the battle.  The most important thing to do is to keep feeding it fluids, so it can battle as well as possible.  Imagine you have an army fighting against an enemy; you would want them to have enough food and water, so they can be strong when things get heated, right?  So until the fever gets really crazy-hot, I’m in favor of letting it do its work, with lots of fluids to help all the processes along.

But I’m talking about grown-up humans there.  Small children are more Continue reading

0 How to overcome feeling isolated

dramatherapy asks: How can I overcome feeling isolated?

Hi dramatherapy –

Hey I love your name!  My friend Handsome studied Dramatherapy, and is a huge fan of it.  For those who don’t know, that’s a form of psychotherapy where, instead of just talking about things, the therapist and clients do lots of activities.  Maybe they’ll write poems, or play with puppets or musical instruments, or draw pictures, or even act out roles – all in special ways that help the clients grow through stuff.  If I were a therapist, I’d definitely be a Dramatherapist – if only because I can’t stand sitting still for long!!!

So, given that you chose that Pack name, I’m kind of surprised at your question.  Because, you see, I think your name IS the answer to it!

It’s terrible to actually be isolated.  When I’ve had to stay at the veterinarians’ office overnight, and I’m locked in a little cage all alone, I’m just miserable.  I know Handsome’s coming back to get me… but I don’t totally know it!  You know?  I mean… he does love me, right?  And he isn’t really mad at me about that thing he yelled about yesterday, is he?  The thing I couldn’t figure out?  And he’s going to be okay?  I mean, he’s not hurt or something and so can never get back to get me, is he??!

Now that’s real isolation.  But I’m assuming that you’re not locked in a Continue reading

0 How to get parents to stop complaining about your room

Resistance asks: How can we make our parent stop grumbling at us about our habitat?

Hi Resistance –

If I understand correctly, you’re asking how to get your parents off your case about your home, and especially your room.  Probably a mix between your decorating choices and your cleanliness habits.

Well, Resistance, you’re going to hate my first answer.  The way to get your parents to stop grumbling is probably to clean up after yourself.  All the time.  Yes, I mean taking your dishes to the kitchen when you’re done with them, and washing them (or at least putting them in the dishwasher).  And picking up your clothes and everything else before you leave every day.  And making your bed.  Yes, I mean all that boring irritating junk they incessantly complain about.  That’s the way to get them off your case.

At least, about the cleaning part.  But if they’re really griping a lot about the stuff you put on your Continue reading

0 How to get a parent to not touch you so much

jamz12 asks: My Father is always teasing me, so whenever he touches me I get annoyed, yell at him, etc. What should I do to control my emotions? Because I know that I hurt his feelings when I yell at him.

Hi jamz12 –

I love that you’re concerned about your father’s feelings.  That’s a good quality, that will serve you well as your life goes on.

But I wish he showed as much concern for yours.

Look, it’s tough to be a parent.  For the first few years, you have a 24-hour job of taking care of this helpless little being, and the only reward you get is to stuff your face into its tummy and make farting noises with your mouth!  Then the kid gets older, and you love nothing more than the physical connection you have with them – hugs, them falling asleep on you, all that.  Then they get a little older than that… and suddenly they want their own space.  They don’t want you touching them all the time.  And of course, that Continue reading

0 Can a girl’s family get into trouble because her boyfriend ran away to her?

dazedandconfused asks: I’m a teenage girl, with a boyfriend. His parents always liked me and mine always liked him. His parents never let him stay over at my house, but the other night he told his mom he was staying at a friend’s, and instead came to my house. Around 10 his parents guessed he wasn’t at his friend’s and started freaking out, and my mom had no clue he wasn’t supposed to be there (she thought he was allowed). So as soon as she figured that out, my mom drove him home. It was around 10:30 when he got there. His parents were really mad. I don’t blame them, but his mom is claiming she’s gonna call the cops about it all. I’m worried to talk to my mom and dad about his mom wanting to involve the cops, but I know I have to. My question for you is, legally, is there really anything the cops can do? My boyfriend willingly lied to his parents and came to my house. It’s not like me or my mom forced him – my mom didn’t even know! Can the police technically get involved with this or would it be seen as a personal “deal with it yourself” thing? If they can, how serious do you think the punishment could be for me, him and/or my parents? And do you think his mom is pushing it too far?

Hi dazedandconfused –

Of course I’m just a dog, and don’t know all the laws where I live, much less for everywhere in the world (and of course I don’t know where you live!).  But I can generally say… No.  Certainly you and your parents have done nothing wrong at all.  And the fact that your mom drove him home the second she found out what was going on proves that she was completely innocent.  And even your boyfriend… the cops probably will tell him to obey his parents, but they don’t stick teens in jail for disobedience to their moms (with all the economic problems the world’s governments are suffering right now, they’d all go completely bankrupt if they had to do that!!!).

But this isn’t necessarily good news for your boyfriend!  You see, police are restrained by laws; if he was arrested, they’d have to treat him with a certain amount of respect, since he’s a nonviolent citizen.  Whereas his Continue reading

1 How to change someone’s opinion about you

Julia asks: My mom keeps saying I’m the problem, but I haven’t done anything wrong. So how can I make her see that she just has a problem with everything?

Hi Julia –

Thanks for your question about your mom.

This is a really tough question to answer.  For two reasons.  First, because I don’t really know who to believe – have you really never done anything wrong?!  If so, then you’re the most amazing kid I’ve ever heard of!  (The list of all the wrong things I’ve done would fill this website three times over!).

But second, if your mom really just has this negative feeling toward you no matter what you Continue reading