Category Archives for "Behavior"

0 How should people in conflict speak with each other?

shahzaibj1 asks: What should be the etiquette of speaking, especially in conflict?

Hi shahzibj1 –

What a great question!  Parents spend so much time teaching kids to say “please” and “thank you,” to wait turns, to not interrupt, all that sort of etiquette.  But what about when one’s in a conflict?  What is the best way to communicate then?  Are there rules?

Well, I guess the truest answer is No, that there are no real rules.  People can insult each other, bring up past events, exaggerate, lie…  And those are just in formal political debates!  In regular arguments, people can walk away, slam doors, throw plates, or punch each other in the Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents threaten to send you to a therapist

vampire22 asks: My parents have really been annoying me lately. I walked into my room to find that my mother had completely torn it apart. When I gave out to her, my father walked in and started giving out to me. They’re trying to make me go places, but I don’t want to go because school starts in three weeks and I’m nervous about that. No one understands, and my mother is trying to send me to a therapist because she says I’m too emotional. I can’t get away from it!

Hi vampire22 –

Boy, that does sound annoying!  I know that parents can sometimes really misunderstand their kids, and do and demand things that have nothing to do with where those kids really are at.

So I have a solution, I think.  And it’s a funny one, because it’s their Continue reading

0 How to deal with teenage drinking or alcoholism

Chandu asks: How to correct an alcoholic teenager?

Hi Chandu –

This is a great question, but before I answer at all, I want to clarify something – the word “alcoholic.”

Alcoholism is a terrible disease, an addiction in which the sufferer is unable, or nearly unable, to resist the urge to drink, no matter how bad the consequences are.  It’s much more than just a desire; it involves the person’s brain being literally re-wired, in a way that can never be undone, even after decades of sobriety.

Lots of teenagers drink, and lots drink way more than is remotely healthy for them or those around them, without being Continue reading

0 How to get in shape quickly

Sundershiner asks: I’m really overweight, and really upset I’ve let myself get this way. At school all my classmates look at me funny, and I always feel insecure. I am confident in everything else other than my stomach. I don’t have any problems, and I’m occasionally active! I just love to eat! I’ve tried to be healthy, or try to do something active but I just end up not doing it and having some type of food in front of me! So what could I do to get healthy fast? Run, swim, walk, cardio twister, the bike, field hockey practice in my yard? Also, I will be missing a week worth of field hockey practice! My coach said we all really need to get in shape or it will be a nightmare. I know because I did it last year. I just want to be prepared this time! What should I do?

Hi sundershiner –

If I’m understanding your question right, your field hockey will start soon, and you want to get into great shape by then.  Well, it’s impossible to change completely in that time.  But what you can do is start preparing now, to be ready for the practices to get you into better shape.

All the exercises you ask about are great.  And my advice would be to not overdo any of them.  Maybe go Continue reading

1 How to confront a friend who gives unsolicited advice

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have a friend who annoys me by giving me advice all the time. Also, she does this to all my other friends and they think she’s being annoying too, but they don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I don’t either. I’ve put up with it for a while, and I can’t anymore. So if I say something, and she tells all of our other friends, and they think I’m being the bad guy, how do I deal with it?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I do have an answer, but it’s pretty difficult.  Given that your other mutual friends feel the same way you do about your best friend’s advice-giving, my recommendation is something called an Intervention.

Interventions are usually done for gigantic problems, like alcoholism!  For example, let’s say you had a friend who was drinking lots, all the time.  And he never did anything to try to help himself about it, and in fact didn’t think he had a problem at all.  Well, you and his other friends could organize an Intervention, where you all show up at his home, explain to him that you’re all really worried about him and that he does have a problem, and take him to a rehab facility.  It might be the greatest thing you and your friends ever do, and could well save his Continue reading

0 How to respond to an opinion you don’t agree with

zubi asks: How should we respond to an opinion we don’t agree with?

Hi zubi –

There are two very silly things about your question.  The first is that the answer is so clear… and the second is that SO MANY HUMANS don’t know how to do it!  If you’ve grown up watching politicians on TV, it sure makes sense to me that you haven’t learned this simple skill.  And that’s a shame.  A shame on them, not on you.  You’re the person who’s humble and honest and open enough to ask.  (I’d vote for you for anything!)

The simple answer is Respect.  What makes people upset when others disagree with them is that they’re not getting shown respect in the disagreement.

Let me give you an example.  Let’s say Handsome and I are walking, and I pass a tree that lots of dogs have peed on, and I think it’s the most interesting, great-smelling thing ever.  And so I try to stop and Continue reading

0 How to become an actor if your parents don’t want you to

ana1821 asks: I come from Albania and I’m worried I won’t make it in the acting world. I really want to do it, but I’m so afraid to try. My parents think that I’m too young to act and they would never let me do it. I don’t know what to do. Please help me figure this out.

Hi ana1821 –

It sounds to me like you have two problems at the moment.  The first is that you’re afraid to try acting, and the second is that your parents don’t want you to do it.

With the first, of course, you just simply have to find a way!  If someone said to you that they wanted to become a mathematician but were afraid of math problems, you’d tell them they were crazy, right?  Well, I know you’re not crazy, but the same problem holds here.  Acting is a very difficult profession.  The only people who succeed in it are those who looooooove doing it.  Note: there are numerous successful actors who aren’t all that good at it – but they still have to loooooooooove doing it!!!  So if you don’t love it, you simply have to not be an actor!

Now with the second issue, of course that’s not up to you at all.  If your parents absolutely refuse to allow you to act, then it’s hard for you to get into shows or movies.

HOWEVER… there are literally innumerable ways for you to act that don’t break your parents’ Continue reading

1 What a teenager should do if they think they’re bisexual

Nicole1234yak asks: I think I may be bisexual. I am attracted to both boys and girls, but for now I’m more attracted to girls. I’m checking girls out just the way I check out boys. Also I get turned on by girls as I get turned on by boys – even more so lately. But I don’t know if I’m bisexual for sure. How can I be sure? By the way, I’m15.

Hi Nicole1234yak –

I am a dog.  I have no concerns about who is “normal” and who should be attracted to what sort of person.  I only care about my Pack Members being happy.  And it’s clear that you’re pretty confused and frightened right now.

Studies say that somewhere between 2 and 5% of people identify themselves as bisexual, and many more women experiment with bisexuality (and we can guess that at least that many feel it but don’t admit it).

You ask how you can be sure.  I would say to give it Continue reading

1 How to get your parents to buy you something

nardy asks: How can I convince my parents to buy me my dream phone? Every time I’ve asked, they say next week, and the last time I told mother to buy me that phone, she told me to shut up or she won’t buy it for me. I really want it quickly. What can I do?

Hi nardy –

So I’m going to be kind of mean here, but I have no doubt that everyone who reads your letter on my website will have a little laugh at one sentence in it.  When you say “the last time I told my mother to buy me that phone…” you probably hit on the biggest problem you’ve got.  Parents do NOT like to be told what to do.  Sometimes you might want to, or have to, order them to do something (such as “Wake up, Mommy!  The house is on fire!”), but they’re never going to like the way it Continue reading

0 Why I’m unkind to my spouse

barry asks: I have problems with my husband. I have a bad temper and whenever my husband asks me about something, I just answer him quarreling. And I lie to him a lot. What can I do to control this? I do love him a lot.

Hi barry –

I’m glad you say you love your husband.  And clearly he must love you too, if you’re as difficult as you describe!  So you’re starting from a good place!

My immediate sense is that there’s something you’re very uncomfortable about, and it makes you a little defensive.  After all, if you’re feeling fine about yourself, why would you react to him with anger, or often Continue reading