0 How to win trust back from someone you cheated on

Kg69 asks: How do I get my ex-boyfriend back? He is the first true love I’ve had in my life, and the only reason we broke up was because he had to focus on his duties at school (he’s at job corps), but I lied to him again (I cheated on him and then lied to him about talking to that person that I cheated on him with), and now he says he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together or not. I’ve apologized but each time I say that I’m not going to do something again, he asks, “How am I supposed to believe you when you’ve lied to me before?”

Hi Kg69 –

You are in a very tough position, because your ex-boyfriend is asking exactly the right question.

I get lots of letters from people in his position, who really want to trust someone who’s hurt them.  So I’m glad you wrote me this, because it’s important to show the other side of it.

The fact, of course, is that no one can ever prove to someone else that they won’t cheat on them in the future.  Or won’t do anything else, for that matter: I can’t prove to my neighbors that I’ll never bite them!  Trust is a hard thing to build, and way too easy to destroy.  So, again… you’re in a very tough position.

The first thing I’d recommend is for you to Continue reading

0 How to decide between the nice boy who wants you and the bad boy who doesn’t

LilChen asks: I have this guy I like at school, but he’s 1 year younger than me (or I should say his grade is 1 year younger than mine because he went back a grade). Everything went well with me and him through our conversations, because my best friend made us talk together. But just as we were about to have a ‘bond,’ he suddenly told me not to talk to him anymore. So I was sad, but then I found out my best friend was mad at him because I might start hanging out with him and not with her. So I just agreed with her, since she’s my best friend and this happened like 2 or 3 years ago, although I still like the guy. I found out later on that he was a playboy and had my closest friends falling for him, but they soon realized he was worth nothing… but I’ve liked him for 5 years. Should I give up? He knows I have a crush on him. I’m 14 years old and I had this problem since 5 years ago?! I don’t know why I can’t let go of him! But there is this one ‘guy’ that can make me forget about him. Lets just say his name is X and my crush since five years ago is named L. So what do you think I should do? I’m confused and lost and I wonder if I should even have these feelings at this particular age!

Hi LilChen –

Your situation sounded really complicated to me at first, but then I thought about it a minute, and realized it wasn’t so complex at all.  What we’re really talking about here is Chicken Bones.

You see, whenever I’m around a Continue reading

3 What to do when your parents won’t listen to you

Adri asks: If I ask my dad and grandma about how they treat my stepsister better than my sister and me, they will get mad and say, “Ooh shut up you are over-exaggerating,” and everything is going to explode. My grandma has been mad at me for some time, and my dad has always been treating us like we don’t matter — whenever it is night and he is saying good night he gives her a kiss and forgets about us — and I am fed up, but I am tired of it so I stop caring, and just Grrrr!

Hi Adri –

I do have a very high opinion of humans, and so I like to think that you’re somewhat mistaken, that your grandma, and especially your dad, would actually understand what you’re going through – as long as they were given the information in a way they could take.  Maybe they’re in too negative a place right now to hear it though.

So if so, what can you do?  Well, awful as it sounds, maybe your job is to just Continue reading

0 How to get a two-year-old to behave

adrianna90978 asks: I am sick and tired of being mistreated by everybody. My little brother who is only two and a half already hits us. My parents say it is our fault because we frustrate him, but we haven’t done anything to him! And there’s so much else going on too. How can I get over all this?

Hi adrianna90978 –

Okay, I have a simple answer for you on this one.  Your parents probably aren’t being completely right, but not exactly wrong either.  But you’re right – it’s not your fault.

Now if you had a five-month-old puppy, and it was biting you all the time, you’d certainly be right to be irritated.  And it might be right for someone to tell you not to do things to bother it.  But it would also be right for you to just know that it’s a puppy, and that this is what puppies do!

Similarly, two-year-old humans are notorious all over the Continue reading

0 What are some ways for young people to make money?

Arjai asks: The school I switched to is awful: the teachers barely speak English and they don’t teach us (all they do is give us the answers and make us copy off the board). There is no proper air conditioning, although we live in the desert. The kids are awfully-behaved and the classrooms are overcrowded. We had thought it was a good school but it’s awful. I know my mom will let me go back to my old school if I can up with at least 3000 dollars, so my question is: is there anyway I can make money fast?! I can’t mow lawns because there is no grass. I can’t babysit because no parent in their right mind would leave me with their kids. I’m thinking maybe something online. Selling stuff is not the safest thing for a girl living in my country, so could you please give me some options for making money fast?

Hi Arjai –

It looks to me as if you’ve already read my earlier answer about ways for young people to make money.  I’m sorry that none of those solutions sound like they’ll work (though I do have to question why you say “no parent in their right mind would leave me with their kids!”  Are you frightening?  Or maybe just young?).

My best thought is that all of those other suggestions were about how to make money from people who didn’t know you all that well.  It doesn’t take a lot of knowledge about someone to let them mow your lawn, or buy a magazine subscription from them.  And even with babysitting or pet-sitting, as long as you have a basic trust in the person, you’re willing to give them a chance.

But what about looking for work in a different Continue reading

0 How to play sports while self-conscious

Palooka asks: I am a 10-year-old boy. I love sports but my dad is the coach of my football team and I get really nervous when he’s not at the game but I get kinda nervous when he IS at the game. I’m okay during practice but when there is a game I feel kinda weird. What should I do? Thanks Shirelle. You are so wise.

Hi Palooka –

Oh what you’re describing is SOOOOO normal for humans!  You’re talking about something called Self-Consciousness.

Now we dogs do get self-conscious at times.  Like when you see pooches whose owners have dressed them in fancy sweaters and even booties, and those dogs see us other dogs (who are dressed more normally – wearing nothing more than collars) seeing them, and they’re mortified.  Sure, they had no choice in the matter, but they look so goofy, and they know it!

But most of the time, we pups really don’t feel that way at all.  We just live our lives, pursuing what we want and trying to stay out of trouble while we do it.  And it’s all fine.  But not humans.

Humans tend to be Self-Conscious, to some degree or another, all the time!  They go to school, feeling like everyone’s looking at them and judging the way they’re dressed or how their hair is that day (not realizing that everyone else is worrying about the same thing about themselves!); they create art and literature and poetry and songs that express their feelings and thoughts, hoping others will Continue reading

0 How to meet the opposite sex when you’re at a single-sex school

Arjai101 asks: I’m moving schools this year. I’m not super excited but hey its got to be what its got to be. There’s just one problem – since I live in a Muslim country, the girls and the boys are separated. I’m not boy-crazy, but the school I last went to was one of the few schools where boys and girls weren’t separated. I was sort of hoping to have my first boyfriend this year but my school situation makes really hard. Do you know any ways I can still have a boyfriend this year? If so please state how – and also give steps too.

Hi Arjai –

You make a really interesting point here.  On one hand, you’re asking me how students in single-sex schools can meet members of the opposite sex, which is a perfectly good and normal question.  But then you add something else to it, that’s really fascinating – which is that this issue wouldn’t mean the same thing to you if you hadn’t spent last year at a coeducational school.

It’s like me with food.  If I smell something that Handsome’s cooking, and it smells really good, I’m definitely interested in it.  But if I get a taste of it, and it tastes as good as it smelled (or better!), I am in love with it!  My tongue is drooling like crazy, and I just can’t control myself!  I would have wanted it anyway, but now that desire means something much more to me, and I feel like I just can’t live without it!

So back to you.  It sounds like you’re at an age where it’s totally normal to want to start dating, and your school isn’t going to do much to help that along.  So how do you meet Continue reading

0 How to deal with a guy who won’t leave you alone

Sakurastars asks: So this guy I met through a friend has been interested in me and I was interested in being in a relationship with him as well. I am new to dating so I guess he wasn’t sure where I stood in liking him or not. So he decided to show me what I was missing by going out with another girl. Me being new to dating, I didn’t mind he was going with this girl. And continued to treat him as a friend. He started to act very strange towards me and even flirt with me in front of this girl he’s supposedly with. One day he got upset about me hanging out with someone else and called me out on it. So, I got upset and asked him why does it matter who I hang out with? He tried to make it my fault and didn’t think he did anything wrong. A day after I asked him what he viewed me as and he told me a friend. After this question he asked me in a expecting way “so…. why did you ask me this?” And I told him he was making me feel uncomfortable. He again he tried to make it my fault and told me it was in my head. I wasn’t going to fall for that. A couple of days after that talk he messages me, “hey pretty lady.” That was the last time I talked to him because I’ve been ignoring him for 4 months now. My question is why is he taking so much effort to talk to me again and why does he keep bothering his friends about me? And how do you get him to simply stop messaging me altogether? I was going to be straight with him and say it’s really sad that you don’t get the hint after 3 months, but I’m not really that mean.

Hi Sakurastars –

Wow, what a story!  At first it sounded pretty sweet, like a lot of romantic comedies where both people are really into each other but neither wants to admit it, and eventually one ends up running away from their wedding or something, and love triumphs over all.

But it sure doesn’t continue that way.

I have to admit, I’m a little confused about the time-frame of your letter.  Did all the events you describe end four months ago, but he’s kept messaging you the whole time?  Or were the four months before he wrote “Hey pretty lady?”  I’m not sure it matters which is right, though.  Because I’m seeing two major issues here.

The first is what’s called a Continue reading

0 How does Shirelle type?

aana asks: Weirdddd….. How can a dog type? What do you use?

Ah aana, you’re very right.  I’ve tried to get a very large typewriter that I could use with a “hunt and peck” method, where I’d put my paw down on each letter, but I certainly can’t use a normal one.

I use a special technology that enables my words to be typed out without my using my paws.  There are lots of these technologies out there these days, for the use of people who have certain disabilities, that allow them to express themselves if they don’t have the use of their hands or voices.  Well, what I use is kind of like that – though I don’t know any other dogs who are also use them.

I am a very lucky pooch!

Cheers,

Shirelle

0 How to treat someone you like who gives mixed signals

Mandhie Asks: There’s a boy at school I like and I know he likes me (and lots of other people can see it too), but he still won’t say it to me, and keeps dating other girls. My feelings toward him are sort of fading away – I can’t waste my precious teenage years loving someone who isn’t ready. But I am still hurt or jealous when I see him with a girl. I feel like giving up but I don’t want to yet. What should I do? Follow my heart or do what is right?

Hi Mandhie –

I think the solution is in your question, but I think your question is wrong!  You ask whether you should do what’s right or follow your heart.  But I’m not sure you know what either of those would dictate.  “What’s right” might be to be careful, to not get involved with a boy who’s going out with lots of girls, to wait for him to come to you, or to go right up to him and tell him you want him to forget those other girls and be your boyfriend.  Your heart might tell you to run away and never look at him again, to throw yourself at him, to send him secret anonymous love notes… or all of those at the same time!

I would argue, in a situation like this, that you shouldn’t do anything that you don’t believe is right, and that you should follow your heart.  In other words, the answer to your question would be “Do both, or Continue reading