0 My Kind of Shooter … the life and beautiful soul of a true giant

My Kind of Shooter … the life and beautiful soul of a true giant

Maybe you’ve never heard of him. After all, he lived to be pretty old, and his greatest fame was 40-50 years ago. But you’ve almost certainly heard of his team. Because they did something no one else had ever done, and did it so well that no one else even tries.

And they did it for a reason that, we can hope, will never come again.

When Meadow Lemon, Jr. was born, he had a pretty lousy life laid out for him. Kids of African descent were treated to segregation and worse in the North Carolina city where he grew up. But one day he saw something that changed his life.   A basketball team, composed of men who looked like him. (At this time, professional basketball teams in the United States only allowed white players). The team was called The Harlem Globetrotters, and Lemon knew at once that he wanted to join them and be like them.

As their family was too poor to afford actual basketball equipment, he made a hoop out of a coat hanger with an onion sack hanging from it, and used a milk can as a ball. And then he did what all youngsters hate to hear, but is the key to so much: he practiced, and practiced, and practiced. And he got good. Very good.

By the time Lemon reached adulthood, two things had changed. The National Basketball Association had begun letting some black players onto teams, and the Globetrotters had discovered that they could grow their popularity by focusing more on entertainment than competition. But all this suited him perfectly.

Before he got hired by the team in 1954, Meadow had changed his first name to Meadowlark, as he liked the idea of being associated with a songbird. And this was to become the essence of his life – that the key to existence is Joy.

Meadowlark Lemon’s brilliant gymnastics and irresistible charm raised the Globetrotters into true international superstars. They toured the world, turning the serious sport of basketball into a hilarious and magical experience. But at the same time, their games carried a serious message – they spent the whole time making fun of their white opponents and officials.

Take a look at this video, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. There’s never been anything quite like them. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Harlem_Globetrotters_in_Scheveningen.ogv And the one having the most fun out there – and the most popular for the crowds – is our friend Meadowlark.

Now you might note the time we’re talking about. While the Globetrotters were having fun on the court, African-Americans were fighting for their rights to equality, being insulted, shot at, even having some of us dogs set onto them. They were becoming bigger in music than ever before, with great demanding songs like “Respect” and “Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud!” And the Globetrotters were saying the same things, but in a way that made little children everywhere laugh.   And Lemon and his teammates weren’t expressing anger and fury (as they had every right to), but love and fun.

Before long, the Globetrotters were so “mainstream” there was a children’s cartoon series about them. And the idea of segregating sports became seen as completely absurd (Why in the world would a team not want to have the best players it could have?!). One of the Globetrotters, Wilt Chamberlain, left and became the greatest competitive player of his time. But even he acknowledged that the finest player he’d ever seen was Meadowlark Lemon.

So why didn’t Lemon go “pro” like his friend? It was clear – he had way too much fun performing. He loved the audiences, and he especially loved the kids.

Eventually, he even became a minister, but he didn’t leave basketball comedy behind – he used his skills and charisma to reach out to kids around the world and build up their courage and optimism with his message of hope and love. And, as always, joy.

By the time he passed on, Lemon was able to see a very different world than the one he’d grown up in. Racial segregation is seen around the world as wrong and stupid; basketball is one of the most popular sports in the world; and while racism certainly still exists, it has to hide itself in other forms, as it’s universally despised. Lemon had something to do with all of these changes.

So why am I writing about him this month? Because I see so much anger out there. So much violence. And so many of the people committing it argue that they have good reason to do so. They kill because their people have been mistreated, because their religion has been insulted, because the way things are just isn’t fair.

And I’m not here to tell you that any of their arguments are wrong. But I do have one simple question: does the violence ever actually make anything better?

In my country, a politician argued a few weeks ago that members of a particular religion should be kept from entering the country. Soon after that, some members of that religion committed a horrible act of violence. This only helped that politician. Imagine if, instead, those people had done something to make all their countrymen love and appreciate them; they could have been responsible for ending that man’s political career!

So to those of you who write me about the unfairness of the world, about oppression, about prejudice… please know, I support your voice. When you write, when you sing, when you scream, when you march, when you post, I bow to you.

But please take just a moment to think about Meadowlark Lemon and his teammates. And see if you can, besides expressing your anger, if you can do something to make the world look at you in a way that lets them see your joy.

Because if you do, they can never dismiss you again.

Hey, it sure works for this pup.

Love,

Shirelle

0 What to do when a parent compliments other kids.

MartyK asks: I’ve been blessed with a nice face according to society. And I was content with it. But today my mom was praising one of my friend’s good looks. To my mom, she’s perfect. I won’t lie. It hurt me. I don’t know why it did. I was insecure about myself for a long time but I was content. I know I’m good-looking but the way my mom talks about her, I don’t think she’ll ever talk about me like that. She says my friend has the potential of modeling and that she has a nice body and skin and hair and has a smart face. I just wish she’d sometimes call me pretty or talk about me like that. After all, I am her daughter. And to me, my mom’s opinion matters a lot. What is your opinion?

Hi MartyK –

Well, as you know, I don’t have a great sense of who’s good-looking or not; I just react to how I see people act. The most attractive human in the world to me, of course, is the one I call Handsome, and I don’t even know what you humans would think of his looks. I’m just crazy about everything about him, and don’t think about it past that. So as far as your looks go, if I met you I’d be absolutely thrilled – but I wouldn’t be able to tell you whether you belong on the cover of Vogue or not. Just not the way a doggy brain works.

But boy do I relate to your question! I’ll be walking along with Handsome, perfectly happy, and he’ll see some scruffy puppy with one ear sticking out, and say “That is the cutest puppy I’ve ever seen!” And I’m just heartsick! I thought I had been the cutest puppy he’d ever seen! What’s going on?!

I think there are three possibilities. And it could be one of them, or two, or all three.

First, sometimes our parents (or human companions) are a little Continue reading

0 Why do people suddenly drop out of text conversations?

Prettyndsweet12 asks: Sometimes when I’m texting certain people (boys specifically), we’ll text for a good bit and then suddenly they don’t respond for more than a day. I understand people have lives and things going on but I get worried and feel the need to keep texting. I know a lot of that comes from my attachment issues but my question is when is it just time to say forget it and give up on them?

Hi Prettyndsweet12 –

I have a lot of problems with texts. And here’s my biggest one:  we dogs don’t understand most of the words you humans say to us – we grasp a few (sit, stay, come, maybe walk or squirrel) but at the same time we do a great job of understanding what you’re expressing to us.  How?  By the tones in your voices.

You might say to me the words “Hey you goofy dog.”  What do they mean?  Perhaps you’re saying how lovable you find my nose.  Or to get out of the trash can.  Or that you’re furious that I chewed up the couch.  Or that last night my love was the one thing that kept you from hating yourself, and you appreciate me more than ever before.

Your words don’t mean a thing.  It’s all about how you say it.

And texts never have tones!  They might try to make up for it with CAPITALIZING or with emoticons ;-), but even those don’t carry the same subtle nuance (big words for a pooch, I know!) that tone does.

So while I understand why texts are convenient, I really prefer direct speech – even over a telephone.

Which leads to my answer… of course, prettyndsweet12, I have Continue reading

2 Hello. It’s Me. …the struggle for identity…

Hello. It’s Me. …the struggle for identity…

As you know, we pups have really great hearing – far stronger than any human has. Lately, I’ve been hearing radios, phones, TVs, computers, all playing the same thing – this pained voice singing a beautiful song that starts “Hello – It’s me.”

The first time I heard it, since we hadn’t heard anything from that voice for a few years, it made sense to hear her say “it’s me,” to all of us who heard her say “Hello” and thought “Hey, isn’t that…?!” But now, I’ve heard it so much I want to bark back to say, “Okay! Enough! We know it’s you!”

But then, as it’s kept playing, it’s gotten me thinking about something very interesting – about this particular time in human history.

Most of you know that this great singer has now put out three albums, each of which tells about a year in her life. And each title is about each age, 19, 21, and her new one, 25. What I find fascinating is that this new album will probably take over from the gigantic popularity of another singer’s album that’s dominated the radios for a couple of years now, titled 1989, for the year of her birth.

Think about this – probably the two most popular singers in the world, who both tend to record autobiographical songs about their relationships, and both putting out albums whose titles tell us when they were born, and how old they are.

What’s going on?

It used to be common for pop artists to put a year on their album to show how current they were – think of big successes like Beatles ’65, Sinatra ’65, Talking Heads ’77, or simply the great Aretha Now. Or other folks even made themselves futuristic, like that huge album from 1982 called, um 1999! So this is different – these women aren’t saying they’re “now,” or “what’s coming;” they’re arguing something else.

I kept thinking about this, and my mind went to others of the most popular singers out there – there’s that guy who’s usually going on about how great he is, and recently said he’s going to run for president; there’s that other guy who put out a song called “Sorry,” that lots of people think is an apology for his public bad behavior; and there’s that woman cheering girls everywhere to “Roar” and be a “Firework.” Not to mention the superstar who for years has argued in his raps that whatever you think he is is wrong, including any one of his three names he uses (and will the real one please stand up, please stand up!)

And I thought – you know what? This is an exciting moment. And it’s all about Identity.

There have been other times when pop music emphasized the personal – the early 1970s are often called the “Singer-Songwriter” era, a time when lots of the top groups broke up and their individual members performed songs about things like their childhoods, mothers, and every detail of their romances. But this is different. Those past artists seemed to be saying, “I want you to see the rest of me.” But these newer ones are yelling “Hey! I’m Here! Don’t Ignore Me!” As if they’re creating their existence by stating it.

That’s pretty big.

We pooches don’t have large enough brains to hold a sense of our own identities. I know I am what I am, because I just am. I like to be noticed, so I bark. But I don’t care a bit about whether the ones I bark at know my name, or how I feel about my friends, or what year I was born.

But you humans do. A lot right now. And it’s not just in the new music. It’s in the events we’re seeing worldwide – good and bad – where countries debate about what their identity is and whether it includes refugees from other places, where people kill and torture others in hopes of achieving an ethnic purity, and where masses march chanting that their lives matter.

Their lives matter. Wow. How much one must feel their identity is ignored to feel they have to say their lives matter. How absolutely horrible.

And then, think about it – for the whole duration of humankind, there have been people who didn’t feel right about the bodies they were born in, believing to the core of their souls that their true identities didn’t match their outer sex. But never before has this been as much in the news, or TV shows… never so much in the public’s mind. It’s as if everyone everywhere is either yelling “See me for what I am!” or listening to someone else say it – whether they like it or not.

(Just in case you’re wondering, no dog has ever been transgendered. Because, you see, we don’t have any sense of our gender! I’m a female, but I lift my leg when I pee. Why? I don’t know, I just do! You humans, with your large brains, have to deal with so much more grief about these things than we do!)

So I’m not going to tell you what to do about these identity issues. I’m going to assume that every one of you is going through this, and feels the need to scream it out. And as you do, I’ll be listening, fascinated.

But I do hope you also, occasionally, can let go of it. And just accept, the way I do, that you simply are. And that whether other people see you or notice you, or accept you… or even whether or not you accept yourself the way you were born… you still can just be.

Please don’t ignore, or forget, what’s frustrating you. But could you, every now and then, simply remember that deep down you’re a being, like me, and that you can run like crazy, chase birds you’ll never catch, bark at the clouds, jump so high you fall down laughing, and get yourself very very muddy.

And maybe when you do, you can live up to those words that singer who was born in 1989 said…

“’Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off!”

0 How to contact a friend long after you should have

Sarah asks: Since I started college I’ve drifted away from my number one supporter – my high school counselor. She supported me throughout high school when I had issues at home with my mom, and she was one of my main supporters when I ran for two pageants. I feel so ungrateful for not keeping her up-to-date with what is going on in college or even calling her to talk about my problems. I remember her telling me don’t take forever to call and talk to her because she’ll get mad – and I did the complete opposite by not calling her at all. I feel so bad. I really want to talk to her but I feel as though she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I need her support right now and I need her to guide me with what I am dealing with in college. How can I gain back that bond with her?

Hi Sarah –

What a great question this is.  I have an answer for you, but first I want to tell you a joke that was very popular a few years ago.  The question was how to tell if your marriage is better than your relationship with your dog.  The answer was to lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours, and when you open it, see which one’s happy to see you.

Of course, the dog will be overjoyed.  Why?  Because he’s not thinking about how awful you were to lock him in there, he’s just so happy to get out and see his best friend.  While your wife, who has a bigger brain, is only thinking about what a jerk you were to lock her in there.

Now I’m not suggesting that your counselor has the same size brain I do, but there is a certain similarity here.

It’s all about Continue reading

2 Why a person feels numb

Wooff asks: All my actions are based on what the worst is going to happen if I don’t do it. For example, if I don’t do this for my mom, I’ll regret it when she dies. My every action is based on death. I should have fun now so that I don’t regret my life when I die or before I die. Is this good thinking? If not, how do I change it? I think I’m asking you this because this isn’t normal thinking. Also, I’ve observed I’m emotionally numb most of the time. I think I’ve trained myself to feel this way. I got hurt by several persons two years ago. Shouldn’t I be okay after all this time? What do you think? How is it possible I can’t like someone?

Hi Wooff –

I’m not a psychotherapist, but my human friend Handsome is, and he says you sound a lot like you’re a victim of trauma.

There’s nothing particularly wrong with basing your actions on pessimism. All sorts of committees depend on someone being in the room who looks at the worst-case-scenarios (to balance discussions against crazy optimists like me!). In the world of investment, people like that are called Bears – they predict markets will go down, and invest accordingly, and so do well when all the optimistic “Bulls” are losing their shirts.

And I’d far rather have you thinking you want to have fun before you die, rather than not care about what you do. (You might even have some sort of psychic gift that you won’t live as long as some others. The great composer George Gershwin thought the way you do, obsessively, and that actually helped him complete his amazing output of music before he fell ill and died at the age of 38. On the other hand, the more recent songwriter Bob Dylan seems to have had the same obsession all his life, and he’s doing just fine at 74!)

What concerns me more is the numbness you report, and how you connect it with some bad things that happened to you. Numbness is a common reaction to a horrible Continue reading

0 What to do after stopping cutting

Kali asks: I took your advice and stopped cutting. I did submit a question last year about my cutting and depression, and once you gave me your advice, I immediately went to my mother and told her everything. She took notice on how bad my depression was and how much I was damaging my own skin, so she took me to a therapist. And I’ve been clean for a year and a few months. But, my depression only worsened. When I moved on to middle school for 7th grade, which was a few weeks ago, I already started to get bullied. I was actually used to getting bullied, because I was bullied since pre-school and up, but this was worse. The people who were bullying me actually wanted to fight me, to cause me physical damage. So, with me being the stubborn, naïve girl I am, I took up one of my bullies offers to fight. I waited for her and her boyfriend outside of school but they never came, so I left. And the next day I found out they were hiding because they were planning on jumping me. I told my mom and she immediately took me out of school, having me now being home-schooled. But now I’m thinking, ‘Should my mom really be doing this for me?’ I’ve asked her countless times about this and every time she’s answered with, ‘I’m tired of you always waking up in the morning, being afraid of what’s going to happen at school, I’m tired of you being in constant fear of going though the day at school, and I’m tired of you always worrying about what’s going to happen the next day.’ This has made me more depressed, and even more suicidal, but I’ve still never touched a razor, knife, or piece of glass to slash at my skin, nor have I done anything to get that sensation back. I just really need help, since I’m not seeing a therapist anymore and I would feel very uncomfortable talking to them about this situation. Do you think you could possibly help me?

Hi Kali –

I’m so glad you’ve been able to keep yourself from cutting! You’ve made my day, Kali!

But the big question is what you should do now.  And you can probably guess what I’m going to say – two things.

First, yes yes yes, I’d love you to see a therapist.  It’s great that your earlier work with one helped you gain the strength to stop cutting; there’s nothing I’d wish for more.  But the thing about cutting (or drinking, drugs, or lots of other addictive behaviors) is that they slightly cover up the pain a person is suffering.  So now that you’re not cutting anymore, those feelings are guaranteed to come up.  And when you add the rotten awful terrible experience of bullying starting right when you begin a new school, that’ll just make it worse.

And although it’s clear your mother is doing everything she can to protect you, and is acting completely out of love, and although I could never argue that what she’s doing isn’t the best idea… still, her taking you out of school can’t feel good, and is very likely to add to the depression you were already suffering!

So I’m going to throw something at you that might sound just awful.  Believe me, I’m always against bullying, and don’t agree with the people who do it. But there’s got to be something about you that made those jerks pick you out, out of all the students at the school.  Maybe it’s that you’ve been bullied so many times in the past, so you carry some fear (That’s often what makes us dogs bark at strange people – we pick up that they’re afraid of us – and our barking just seems to prove their fears right!).  Or maybe it’s something else.  But whatever it is, I want you to get Continue reading

0 How to keep a romance secret

DogLover101 asks: How do I keep my relationship with a new boyfriend secret from everyone, and stay happy together? It’s kinda like a forbidden love, and my friends are starting to get suspicious!

Hi DogLover101 –

So this is cool!  I love keeping secrets, especially since I’m really bad at it.  Like I’ll try to sneak up and grab a lamb chop off of someone’s plate at dinner without them noticing, but they almost always do.

What’s great about this secret is that no one’s being hurt by it – it’s just the two of you keeping what’s special between you.

The first thing I’ll recommend is that you both Continue reading

0 How to handle friends who listen to mean liars

sarah asks: This is going to be my second year in college. My college is very small. There’s this one girl who is very outspoken but evil. She works her way through people, and makes them believe whatever she says. She has caused a lot of people that were once my friends to turn against me. How do I let people see the real me, and be attracted to me and not her?

Hi sarah –

I usually hear about girls doing this at younger ages – this behavior’s very common around 14 years old – so it disturbs me to hear about it happening in a college. Not that I don’t know of adults who do such things, but just that I’d have hoped the other students wouldn’t be as susceptible to her manipulations.

But I then have to think – oh, that just means she’s reeeeeeally good at it.

And frankly, if she’s that talented, I don’t know that I can give you a great answer on how to beat her at this game. Eventually, we can be sure, she’ll alienate enough people that they start to see her the way you do. And when that happens, she’ll move from being liked and trusted to being despised and shunned.

But that’s later, and up to the hands of fate; not now, in any way you can control.

So my invitation to you is to try to look at this in a very different way – as a Continue reading

0 How to deal with failure

Meggz asks: I only managed to complete two of my exams at 16, which were English and Maths, and I ended up doing really badly. This was because I was battling depression and I was unable to put myself through more stress of doing it. I hadn’t gone to school since year 9 and so I was teaching myself. Have I ruined the rest of my life?

Hi Meggz –

I’m really sorry you didn’t do well on the tests. I know those subjects can be extremely hard. But my quick answer to you is No. Nope. Absolutely not. No way, no how, nopity nope nope nope.

Somewhere in this world is someone who never did badly at anything. I have never met them.

The stories of great ‘failures’ are endless. Albert Einstein failing his college entrance math exams, Michael Jordan being kicked off a basketball team for not being good enough, movie studios rejecting Fred Astaire and E.T. and all sorts of things.

But that’s not to say the tests don’t matter. They do. It all comes down to one question: Continue reading