Hachiko asks: I’ve had my Periods but they skip some times. For example, I have it this month but I’m not having it the next. Should I see a doctor?
Hi Hachiko –
I don’t know how old you are, but my quick easy answer is YES! The human reproductive system is one of the most delicate and complex things in the entire world (it has to be – it accomplishes the greatest Continue reading
RebGijey asks: I’m a 12-year-old kid and my parents are always fighting. They have tons of problems, and always drag me into them, and so I get psychologically, emotionally, physically and mentally affected – even in my studies and school activities. I’ve told them that I’m now planning to move away from them and stay in an apartment or dorm in our school, but they couldn’t even care less. Now, I just need a job to pay my rent. PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Hi RebGijey –
I don’t know where you live, RebGijey, so I can’t speak about the laws on child labor, or about a 12-year-old’s rights to live on their own. But I can sure say this – your situation sounds AWFUL!
It is possible that your home life could be so bad that the police or some social workers could demand that you be allowed to live elsewhere. But I don’t know if they could guarantee that you’d be able to stay at the same school.
I feel a little helpless, as there’s just so much I don’t know. But the main idea that strikes me is about your Continue reading
Hachiko asks: My parents are married to each other but they don’t love each other. And maybe that’s why I cry sometimes. What should I do? They’re just married because in our country people have to get married (love ‘em or not).
Hi Hachiko –
The situation you’re describing is very sad. And sad for everyone, not just you, and not just your parents. It’s very common too.
When people get married, they almost always either feel in love with each other, or feel good enough about each other that they believe they’ll feel more love as time goes by. And as we all know, that feeling almost always changes over time. And when it does, they can either split up (through separation or divorce), or work on improving the relationship, or just stick with each other with no improvement. As you can probably imagine, I like the Continue reading
The “War on Christmas” …is there really such a thing?!
(originally posted in The Pawprint, December, 2010)
For the last few years, there’s been a lot of talk about a “War on Christmas.” Now we know there are places in the world where people of one faith make war on people of other faiths, which is of course just horrible. But this argument says that people in America (and other similar countries) are trying to destroy Christmas, by saying things like “Season’s Greetings” and “Happy Holidays.” I have a very sensitive nose, you know, and this smelled kind of odd to me, so I went to check it out.
Now first, know that all dogs feel the same way about the holiday season – we love that there’s extra food around, dropping onto the floor, but we get lonely when our people leave us alone to visit family and friends. Beyond that, though, I like to just sit back and watch. Some people get so stressed out, driving crazy, worrying about everything, while others like Handsome just love the decorations, music, and spirit of giving that seems to come over the whole community.
In fact, Handsome tells me that the celebration of Christmas is bigger than ever. Decorations go up, stores start advertising, and even radio stations start playing carols earlier and earlier every year. Meanwhile, there’s certainly no lack of churches celebrating the religious side of Christmas. So what’s this “war” we keep hearing about?
Well, here’s what I’ve found. There is a very sad fact about animal nature. If you’re ever in a dog park and a fight starts, or even if one dog is beating up on another, you’ll see most of the pooches run to check it out. They don’t necessarily want to get into the fight, but they sure enjoy the excitement. Even if everything else in the park is just what they like.
Humans are the same way. If a thousand people are enjoying the mass-love-affair that is the holiday season, but one person says “Hey, that guy over there hates Christmas,” people will turn to listen to what she says. And since she likes the attention, she’ll keep it up. And some people will choose to believe her, and next thing you know, the happiest of holidays has become… well, a big stinking dog fight!
So here’s the real truth behind the “war on Christmas.” If you own a small business, you can say whatever you want to your customers. Maybe you know them personally and can say “Good morning Mrs. Wienerschnitzel, how was your nephew’s birthday party last week?” Great! But if you run a big chain of stores or restaurants, it’s impossible to be that personal. So in order to make your customers’ experience more pleasant, you might tell your employees to say certain things, all the time. “Welcome to Mutt Steak! May I take your order?” Stuff like that. And then in the holiday season, to be part of the festivities, you might add another greeting in. And because you have all sort of customers, that greeting’s got to be universal.
Now in regular life, it’s great to be greeted by everyone in their own way. Some people pat me on the head. Some people ask me to sit and shake their hand. Some give me a big hug. Great! I like to jump up and lick strangers right in the mouth, though Handsome tries to discourage that.
So, similarly, if a person wants to greet me with “Merry Christmas,” or “Happy Hanukkah,” or “Joyous Kwanza,” or “Blessed Eid,” or “Groovy Solstice,” or “Hey, cold enough for ya?!” it’s all fine by me. But the people who run those big companies just can’t tell their employees to say one of those things! It would be crazy to tell a Jewish checkout clerk that when her Rabbi buys a sweater at her store she has to say “Merry Christmas!” Just as it would be ridiculous to ask a devout Christian to tell her priest “Happy Hanukkah.” So instead, the stores have their employees say something that everyone, from the Pope to an atheist, can agree is festive: “Happy Holidays,” “Season’s Greetings,” “Ho Ho Ho,” whatever!
So, back to those people complaining about the “War on Christmas.” Is there really a war on Christmas, or are these people trying to start a sort of war on anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Wow, how un-Christmassy can you get!
So I say, ignore them! And meanwhile, I send every happy seasonal greeting there is to you! Your friendship has sure made mine joyous. I hope you get gifts you want, that you’re generous to others, that you soak up the spiritual beauty, and especially that you remember to give some special treats to any dogs in your life (but remember: no chocolate candies, those are bad for us).
And if you hear someone griping that Christmas is in danger from well-wishers, just know that they’re a big Scrooge trying to ruin everyone’s good time. Celebrate, and in the words of the beautiful old carol, just spread Tidings of Comfort and Joy.
And if you do, in the words of the much newer one, you’ll help make it a Happy Christmas: “War” is over if you want it!
Arjai101 asks: This guy at school just really gets on my nerves because everyone acts like the world revolves around him. Example: I compose my own classical piece on the guitar and it took me weeks nobody gives a care, he repeats the exact same punch line/ joke for the millionth time EVERYONE CARES. It’s like everyone cares about him at school and nobody notices anything that I do even if it took me forever whether its writing, basketball, chess, music I feel like no one at school gives a care. My friends are slowly drifting away and I feel like I have nothing to hold on to. He is ruining my life! He just dominates everything, so everyone cares. And it really hurts a lot. What should I do? I feel like I’m just drowning and there’s nobody here to save me.
Hi Arjai101 –
It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a very odd concept called Charisma. Some people have tons of it, and others have little or none. Charisma is that quality that makes someone exciting, attractive, and super-relevant to others. All successful politicians have it; most movie and singing stars have it; and super-popular kids in school definitely have it.
What causes Charisma? Well, good looks help, but some charismatic people aren’t wildly beautiful. Intelligence, strength, and accomplishment help as well, but also aren’t absolutely necessary. It really seems to be a mixture of a number of qualities.
But I do think there’s one quality that Charismatic people always have, which is a healthy (or unhealthy) level of something called Continue reading
Insanity and Super-Sanity …some thoughts about the inconceivable
In the last week, I’ve seen just about as much bad news as I can take. From politicians with their endless arguing, to constant wars and close-to-wars between countries, to continuing economic malaise and environmental collapse… and these are what we’re so used to that we regard it all as “normal.”
But other things aren’t so normal. In Colorado in the U.S., some men broke into a house, doused the people there with gasoline, and set two on fire. In Hunan Province in China, a man ran into a school with a knife and stabbed or cut twenty-one children. And in the state of Connecticut, a young man strode into a school with two guns, killing twenty children and six adults, including himself – apparently after murdering his mother. All these on the same day!
Humans’ minds are programmed to, when horrible incidents happen, instantly ask “Why.” We dogs don’t do that; our brains stay much more In The Moment, and we just focus on what we’re feeling and what to do right then.
So when the news came out about this horrible Connecticut shooting, all the people around me started arguing – about why this all happened, and what needs to be done differently – while I just lay on the floor and felt my heart break.
You see, there are a lot of intelligent views out there on what might help prevent incidents like this being so bad in the future. Stronger security in schools, making it harder for people to get guns, etc. But none of those deal with the core issue at the heart of this, and all these, events:
The people who did them were Insane.
But what do I mean by that? Well, I looked up the word Insane online, and found two serious definitions: First: The state of being seriously mentally ill; or Madness. And second: Extreme foolishness or irrationality. Now you’ll hear other sorts of pretend definitions (Albert Einstein famously said that Insanity is defined by someone doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results), but those are really just people talking about things that fit those other two definitions.
Now, sure, we all do things that are foolish or irrational. And we might refer to those actions as “insane,” but when we talk about someone running into a school to cut children, we are definitely talking about the other definition: serious mental illness, or madness. The really really bad stuff.
But let’s be honest: When you think about it, it’s pretty amazing that we don’t see more madness in the world. Think of how often something goes wrong with someone’s leg, or neck, or stomach. Why shouldn’t things go wrong with brains just as frequently?
Of course, lots of things do go wrong with brains, that don’t result in anything like this. Older people tend to get very forgetful, some people need to wash their hands strangely often, while others get deeply depressed. But it’s pretty amazing how rarely a person totally snaps and starts doing horrible things like this.
Which brings up a really interesting question: It’s also a rare occurrence when someone writes a really great song, or invents a new medicine. But no one calls them Insane for doing so. So what’s the difference?
It comes down to this – there are certain core qualities that are universal, and what we call “Insanity” is what occurs when someone acts in a way that goes totally against those qualities.
Now you may not have any inclination to music composition, but you’d probably feel pretty good if you happened to write the most popular song since “Gangnam Style.” You certainly wouldn’t feel that doing so goes against who and what you are. Similarly, you might absolutely stink at science classes, but if you happened to invent the cure for cancer, I’ll bet you’d feel downright great about it!
Humans have certain innate qualities, just as we dogs do. For example, normal humans might get involved in wars, but they would never normally want to randomly kill people in their own society, especially children. Every instinct in a normal human tells them to love and protect children (even if they’re the sort who doesn’t especially like kids very much!). Humans also naturally have a quality called Empathy, which means they’ll imagine they feel something someone else experiences (you know how your mouth pulls in if you see someone else suck on a lemon?!).
To do something like these horrible recent acts means that those humans didn’t have these normal qualities. Maybe they were born without them, or maybe they had some experiences that made them block them out. But even that’s not an explanation for what they did; they had to choose to do these things. Imagine waking up one morning and thinking “Well it’s a nice day outside. I think I’ll have some breakfast and straighten up my desk, and then I’ll go throw gasoline on some strangers and light them on fire.” It doesn’t make sense, does it?
That’s Insanity. It’s something that’s so bizarre that it boggles the mind when one tries to imagine it.
Dogs can go Insane too. Every instinct in us tells us to protect our loved ones, and give them all the affection we can. But there’s a disease called Rabies, which, if a dog gets it, will make it attack everyone around, including those it loves most. (You might have seen a movie or read a book called “Old Yeller,” one of the best dog stories ever written, which has a terrifying depiction of Rabies that no reader or viewer ever forgets.)
So is there a cure for Insanity? Is there a way to make the world Insanity-free? Sadly, no. As I said before, there are ways to try to reduce its danger – by keeping guns out of crazy people’s hands, by having good police and security, and of course by having easily-accessible mental health services. But some dog out there is still going to go crazy and bite people, and some human is still going to… well… do the same.
But here’s what you can do. Decide what you think is Super-Sane. The opposite of Insane. Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to give some food to a hungry person. Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to tell your family you love them, or hug a friend. Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to get involved politically for a cause you believe in. Maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to pray for goodness and sanity and love.
Who knows, maybe you think it’s Super-Sane to go pet a dog, or even adopt a pet who might otherwise never get a home! That was sure the Super-Sanest thing Handsome ever did (in my opinion, anyway)!
You see, when you do something Super-Sane, you actually make the world a better place. And who knows, maybe you’ll do something so good that you’ll keep someone else out there from going Insane, or from acting on their worst feelings. I can’t guarantee it, but it is possible.
So be Sanity! Get out there and live the Super-Sanest life you possibly can.
And meanwhile, one Super-Sane thing I can do is to say to all of you… thanks for everything! You’re the best pals a pooch ever had.
And have an INSANELY great 2013!!!
Cheers,
Shirelle
Mamathato asks: My son is 13 years old, and he has become sensitive about some stuff. For example, he told me not to call him in front of his friends a lot, because I am embarrassing him, and his friends call him mommy’s boy.
Hi Mamathato –
I don’t know if this will strike you as good news or bad, but here goes: You son’s behavior is 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY FULLY SUPERLATIVELY… Normal.
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that, if a teenager hits age 18 without having behaved the way your son is acting, there’s something wrong.
The job of a child is to bond with their parents or caregivers, and learn to live life based on how those adults act. The job of a teenager is to differentiate themselves from those parents, and begin to live life on their own Continue reading
Hachiko asks: I want to change my school. Not because of it being an all-girls school, but because I can’t make any good friends here. Studying quality is good but I want to go to this other school (combined), because I have many other friends there. My mom thinks I shouldn’t go and my dad says I can go if I want. What should I do? I read in combined schools earlier, and I also read in this school when I was small, but because of my dad being in the army I had to change schools. I’m going through depression because of my school (I think), and my parents don’t actually care (they say they got problems of their own). I know they love me, but feeling alone is sad. And the studying pressure is also a bit more in the school which makes me go through mental depression as I get no time for myself 🙁 no time for hangouts and the studying pressure in that school is less. And also let me say that I don’t know why, but combined schools are also a lot of PRESSURE because of the boys if you know what I mean!
Hi Hachiko –
When Handsome first took me to a dog park, I was six months old, and as playful and hyper as any puppy ever, and was overjoyed to run up to all the dogs there and make friends… and not one wanted to play with me.
Why? Well, partly because some of them had special friends they wanted to play with, and didn’t need a new pal. Also because some of them simply didn’t like to play with anyone, or were older and found puppies annoying! But also, in some cases, they saw that I didn’t really know how to play the way they liked, and wanted me to stay back and observe them, and learn their rituals and rules.
Now today, I understand all that. But on the day itself, I was devastated. My veterinarian had told Handsome to keep me out of parks like that till I was this old, for disease prevention, and I had just hated not being able to play with lots of dogs. So my hopes for this day were gigantic, and being spurned by the other pooches made me feel worthless and Continue reading
Health Care: what’s all the yelling about?!
(Originally included with Pawprint #1, November 2010)
It seems like all the grownup humans are talking about these days is Health Care. Adding to Health Care, taking away Health Care, reforming Health Care.
When I first heard all this talk, I had great hopes: Maybe they’ll finally agree with me and decide I don’t have to get any more shots!
Because oh I hate shots! Shots in the neck, shots in the foot, shots in the rump! I’m a big believer in equality and justice, and so, if it’s okay for a veterinarian to puncture me with a needle, I think it’s only fair I should be allowed to return the favor with a fang or two!
And oooooooh, there’s one thing that’s even worse than shots. Most kids never get these, but have you ever seen one of those vaccinations where they squirt it up your nose?! Now remember, a dog’s nose is way more sensitive than a person’s. So me getting one of those is like someone squirting a lemon into your eye! And then they sit around and talk about it being good for me?! Give me a break! Stupid rotten nose-squirt shot-giving meanies!
Okay, sorry, I had to have a little tantrum there. The truth is, I trust what Handsome tells me, and he insists that all these crazy things the doctors do – injecting me with this, taking that out of me, squirting whatever up my nose, groping me here and there, and even scraping my teeth – are really important and good for my health.
Most importantly, he says that they do all this for two main reasons – for me to feel good and energetic, and for me to live longer. Well I’m all for those, so if I have to suffer a few strange activities, I guess it’s worth it.
But that isn’t really what the Health Care debate is about, is it? I don’t hear any Representatives or Senators complaining about big needles. Their debate is really about insurance. And all the talk about insurance gets really complicated, but at its core, it’s actually pretty simple.
It’s like when we dogs get bones. We could enjoy them right away when we get them, and often we do. But we also like to bury them, so that on a day when we don’t have anything fresh to eat, we can go dig that bone up and satisfy our hunger.
Now imagine if a whole pack of dogs did that, buried some bones so that any member of the pack could get one when they needed it. That’s what an insurance company does – you pay a little money to it every month so that there will be a lot of money there for anyone who gets sick or hurt, enough to pay for them to get fixed up.
Now imagine that the leaders of that dog pack decide that all dogs should have to put bones in every month, and that that way all the pack members will be sure to not starve. Sounds good, right?
But maybe one dog says “I’m such a good hunter I won’t ever need a buried bone, so I want to keep my bones for myself.” And another says “I don’t like Fido over there, so I won’t put a bone in if there’s a chance he’ll get it.” And another says “But there are too many of us, we’ll run out of bones!” While at the same time, lots of the other dogs are saying that this is the only fair way for the pack to take care of its members, and anyone against it is being selfish and stupid!
Pretty complicated, isn’t it? Well that’s basically what they’re all yelling about, as far as I can tell. Most countries have some sort of a Health Care plan, and the one that we’re beginning in the United States is different from any other. So we’ll have to see how it works out over time.
But for right now, all I can say is, whether it’s paid for by the government, or an insurance company, or right out of Handsome’s pocket, the only thing I like about going to the veterinarian’s office is being done with it! When they give me a cookie, and let me take it in my mouth as I run full-speed out the door!
– Shirelle
arjai101 asks: I play guitar but I don’t play the kind of guitar everyone knows worldwide. I play classical guitar, which is basically Beethoven on a guitar. Which in some cases is scary. People ask me everyday why I can run my fingers up and down the frets of a guitar at incredibly high speed with single notes, but not strum a few chords. It may seem like its not a problem but it is. I want to learn acoustic guitar but, my parents won’t sign me up for anymore music activities because I’m in three already, and the classes I take are the most expensive in town. I want to teach myself but my schedule is really busy. Plus, when I do take the time to teach myself, it doesn’t do much, because there’s something about the yell of a thick European accent that makes one the best guitarist in the school. So what should I do to teach myself acoustic guitar?
Hi arjai101 –
Before I answer, I need to ask you a favor. I understand everything in your question except the part at the end about the “yell of a thick European accent that makes one the best guitarist in the school.” Are you saying a European-accented yell is good, or not?
Either way though…
Well, the news is good. Very good. Classical guitar, piano, or just about anything else, is usually the hardest technique to master. As a dog, I adore pretty much anything that sounds good, and so I loooooove classical guitar! Spanish malaguena, Bach’s lute music, I adore it all. And there is very little about acoustic folk-rock guitar you would need to learn, if you can play all that.
Really, it’s about the Continue reading