Category Archives for "Teens"

0 What to do if you feel guilty about naked online pictures

Zelmari asks: So, one of my friends went on Omegle because she saw it on a YouTube Video. She chatted with lots of people, and played Omegle games. She got naked. She didn’t show her face but she feels guilty and she feels like she is going to hell, because she is a heavy Christian. She feels dirty and like a slut. I don’t know how to help her…

Hi Zelmari –

Thank you for writing me – months ago!  I can’t stand the fact that you trusted me, I was eager to help, but this stupid computer bug messed everything up!

I don’t know if there’s a way for your friend to get her footage removed from any sites, but she certainly can try.

But when it comes to her religious fears, I think she just needs to talk about them with someone in her church – a priest or minister.  She doesn’t need to fear their judgment.   They hear worse things than this every day, I promise you!

The important part here is that she learns her lesson – the internet is a wonderful thing, but it can be used in awful ways, and it’s really vital for everyone to understand this and protect themselves.  I assume she’ll be a lot more careful in the future, and that’s a good thing.

But I do feel horribly for her, for all the shame she must feel about this.  It’s unfair, and awful.

You’re a very good friend to try to help.  Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do.

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to treat depression without medication

bubbles7 asks: I’m 14 years old, and I think I have depression. I’ve felt depressed since I was about 8. My parents have no idea of the way I have been feeling. They think that nothing is wrong with me. Recently, (about two months ago), I went to the doctor’s for a check-up, and they made me take a depression test. When the results came back, they said I scored really high and that I should talk to a professional about it. They had scheduled for the person to call my parents so we could make the appointment, but we missed the call. Because my parents don’t think anything is wrong with me, they never called back. Now I feel as if I’m getting worse, but I’m too scared to bring the topic of calling back the people to make the appointment up. I think it’s been two months, so I’m not even sure if my parents still have the number for the person that called. Also, I’m scared to admit to my parents that I’m depressed, because I’m scared that they won’t believe me, or that they’ll be mad at me. What should I do?

Hi bubbles7 –

Your parents do take you to a doctor, so they care about your health. But for some reason, they’re avoiding dealing with the idea of you being depressed. I’m just guessing, but there’s a good chance they don’t want a psychiatrist to give you antidepressant medication. Lots of parents worry about this, as they don’t want their kids overmedicated.

One solution to this would be to ask them if you can see a therapist. Not someone who prescribes medicine, but just someone who knows about depression and can help it through talking and making suggestions. Therapists are much less expensive than psychiatrists, and won’t get you on any drugs.

Now it’s possible that a therapist could agree with that doctor, and recommend to your parents that you look into some medication. But even if they say no, a good therapist can help reduce depression a lot.

If your school has a therapist or counselor, that’s great. But if not, they’re usually not too hard to find. If you guys don’t know where to look, just drop me a note and let me know what city or town you live in (I promise I won’t make it public), and I’ll see if I can help you find someone there.

Hoping for Happiness,

Shirelle

0 How to get people to give you more alone time

southpole4 asks: For my past well life I have gone through so many terrible things, I was bullied, skinny, weak, and someone I loved passed away last year. It has been really hard. I enjoy being alone and having my own privacy, my brother doesn’t understand that (he’s my twin) he enjoys being with someone at all time, and ya, sometimes we need company but I like to just be alone. Also my parents don’t understand that connecting with my friends is through social media, they have me logged in into their iPad and whenever my friends say a bad word on a group chat my parents say that they’re going to take away my phone….. I just want my own space to think and be who I am. I don’t know what to do any more.

Hi southpole4 –

I hope things have improved since you wrote me, but I know that your general question, about needing space and time to be alone, is one that goes on and on.

I really can’t explain to you why other people have such trouble understanding this. Now I’ve been guilty of it myself – especially as a puppy, I liked jumping on everyone and trying to play with them, with no awareness that sometimes they just wanted to be let be. But as I’ve grown older, I often feel that way myself. You’ve probably heard the old line “Let sleeping dogs lie.” That’s because people always want to come wake us up or pet us or play with us or whatever. And honestly, a lot of the time, I’m happy to wake up to a friend. But other times, I’m just happy dreaming about chasing dinosaurs, and want to remain that way.

It’s got to be especially tough when you have a twin who loves socializing as much as you love solitude. I’m sure it makes it even harder to convince people that nothing’s wrong with you when you go into your room and shut the door.

The best you can do, I’m afraid, is to Continue reading

0 How to dare to trust again

Sphumelele asks: After the saga with the 22 year old guy I decided to take a break from the dating scene and focus more on me and things that make me happy. A few weeks ago I bumped into a family friend whom I had a crush on since I was 16. Turns out the guy actually loves me but I just can’t shake off the feeling that if I let him in he might just break my heart. Shirelle should I let him in or should I just listen to the voice at the back of my head saying I shouldn’t give him a chance? Honestly he has shown me he is worth trusting…. I’m even more confused

Hi Sphumelele –

I’m really glad you had the strength to break up with the 22-year-old.

And, funny as it sounds, that’s my answer to your question about this other man.

You see, we are often Continue reading

0 How to share with friends

Bree asks: My best friend and I had a fight about slime because I brought some today and she wanted it and I accidentally made a deal with her and now we’re just arguing and I want to make peace with her. What should I do???

Hi Bree –

I might be a little confused, but it sounds like you’ve already figured out how to make peace with her. You made a deal. And so all you need to do now, as far as I can see, is to keep it. Do what you said you’d do.

And if that means letting her have some of the slime, then I’d say to go ahead. She’s your best friend after all. And there’s always more slime.

Which is great news for me, as a dog who just loves to roll in slimy things!

Best of luck,

Shirelle

0 How to tell your parents you have an eating disorder

AG.Softball asks: So I’m now in 8th grade and I don’t know how to tell my parents I had an eating disorder and I’m scared it may start back. It started in 6th grade and continued until 7th grade. I was very unhappy about myself because I have hips and I don’t have a thigh gap (I still am very insecure) I was finally able to stop because I started feeling sick, having panic attacks and always having chest pains. It took me the whole summer of 2016. I hate my birthday because it’s always about my sisters or my parents fight EVERY YEAR. This year I’m already starting to have panic attacks again and I’m scared I might start not eating again or start throwing up any food that I eat. My parents say I’m the perfect child that they can always depend on and never have to worry about me. I don’t want to disappoint them. How do I tell my parents or get help? Thanks!

Hi AG.Softball –

As you clearly know, eating disorders are a huge issue with young people today. They can cause misery, illness, and even lifelong health problems or death. I’m very happy you’re asking about this, and not keeping it a total secret.

One of the most common traits of people with eating disorders is a sense of perfectionism. That you need to live up to an idealized view that some people have of you.

So let me talk to you about me. I bark loudly and annoy neighbors. I shed everywhere. I poop in public. Sometimes I throw up on my human’s bedsheets. I jump on people who don’t like dogs.

Does that sound like I’m perfect? No? Well I can tell you, my human Handsome thinks I am! He says so every day.

You see, he thinks I’m perfect because I’m Continue reading

0 Why would someone talk to you alone or in public, but not at school?

Princess asks: okay so this boy has had the biggest crush on me for about a year and he is honestly so sweet, like i’ve never heard anything bad about him… literally ever. and we text a lot and if we go to parties or something we hang out like the whole time but for some reason he won’t talk to me at school. but i don’t see why school is any different because neither of us drink at parties so like it’s the same thing. and i think i like him because we text all the time and he’s so nice and genuine but i can’t get over that he doesn’t talk to me, we just don’t talk enough and i’ve told him this and he says yes we should talk more but he doesn’t do anything about it and i think he’s just scared but it gets really frustrating and idk if i should end it and stop talking to him because i keep telling myself it’s might get better and it still hasn’t .

Hi Princess –

This is an odd case – I’m used to talking to girls about boys who are too shy to talk with them, but this boy is perfectly fine talking with you via text or at parties.

My thought is to confront him with it. Just tell him (maybe in a text) that you’re going to stop talking with him at parties or in texts, until he talks with you at school. Or till he explains why he doesn’t want to.

And if there is a reason – maybe, for example, he knows there’s another girl at school who has a crush on him and he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings by talking with you in front of her – then it’s only fair he tell you, so you can figure out how best to deal with it.

Clearly he likes you, and likes talking with you. So putting him on the spot and telling him he has to decide should accomplish something.

And I hope it’s something good!

Best,

Shirelle

0 How to help someone lose weight without upsetting them

MattTheBull asks: I have been with my lady for over 5 years now. I love her more than anything but I have lost attraction to her almost completely. She doesn’t make an effort in looking nice anymore, and has gained about 80-90lbs and does not make enough effort to lose it or stop gaining weight. I have sat down and spoken to her many times about it now but it is not hitting home. I’m in good shape and exercise a lot, I try to encourage her to join me but it’s not working. She would rather lay on the sofa and do nothing or if she does join in its only for 10 minutes and then she gives in. We also have a 4 year old daughter and I don’t want her being a bad influence to her. My lady now weighs in at about 230lbs. Please help me, I’m at wits end now.

Hi MattTheBull –

This is a really tough situation, and one that requires the kind of delicate footsteps I see in the squirrels running away from me over the tops of chainlink fences. One wrong step, and all your efforts collapse.

Your lady sounds to me like she’s suffering Depression. And she’s likely feeling depressed for three reasons: First, she’s exhausted (as any parent of a four-year-old tends to be). Second, she can feel that she’s not attractive to you anymore, and hasn’t been for some time. And third, because she has gained all that weight!

Now it’s very easy for you or me to say “Well here’s how to cheer yourself up – get out and get some exercise, eat better, lose that weight, and watch your man go as crazy for the sight of you as he was before!” After all, the reason I’ve never had a weight problem is because there’s nothing I enjoy more than running around in nature, burning off every bit of energy I can. (Okay, there is another reason, that Handsome feeds me healthy food and keeps it limited, but I don’t like him to be reminded that that does any good, in my hopes that he starts giving me three pizzas a day instead!)

The problem is that that will never work. She’ll hear it all as complaints about her weight, which make her feel bad about herself, which will lead her to feel even more hopeless and undesirable, and spend even more time on the couch.

So your job is to Continue reading

0 How to get fit and lose weight, when you hate sports

Doglover 101 asks: My mom’s always been the athletic type since she was my age (12,maybe even younger) and she has always tried to make me do at least one. But in P.E everyone literally hates me, I’m always last, and if someone does pick me to be on their team it’s because they’re trying to be polite/friendly and there’s always someone groaning and saying “Ugh, why her?” They always tell me “Oh my god, at least try!” and when I do, “Pft, what was that?” and cue the laughter. Popularity in my school is based on your ability in sports (it’s so unfair if you ask me.) And well all of the popular kids, except like two, hate me. I’ve been bullied by most of them, but I got around that when I finally made some good and real friends. I keep trying to tell my mom that everyone’s just too competitive and mean when it comes to sports but she just won’t have it. She says I need to lose some of my fat and I agree. I’ve even looked up the average weight for a girl my age: 41 kg. A friend of mine says it depends on your height (I’m about 5’3) so I asked another of my friends who’s just a few cm shorter than me and she says she weighs 56-8 kg. I’m bloody 61.8kg! I’ve never been insecure about anything until this year, my stomach’s HUGE and mom says that it’s a little longer than normal. I hate my body and just want to be skinny, like all the other prettier girls. It’s not just that: *I have blackheads all over my huge nose and chin *I have tan lines from my glasses *One eye’s a little bit more closed than the other *I have the deepest voice out of all of the girls *Since I’m blonde, I practically have NO eyebrows *I have the darkest bags under my eyes even though I get 9-10 hours of sleep *My deodorant always comes off and I stink through out the day. *I always slouch *I have these brown spots, like beauty marks ALL over my face (I’m pretty sure it’s because of my ethnicity, I’m from Lithuania) *This one rep spot has been on my nose all year and it’s the sort of spot that you can’t pop, it’s like a part of my face. * My stomach fat is just the main problem with me. *I always have dandruff! So, I’ve been trying to find a sport and key word being ‘trying’. So I can at least have a better stomach but all of the sports just seem too boring and competitive. I want to actually enjoy a sport and not have to worry about people laughing and hating me. Sometimes I just feel too fat to belong in this world. How can I find a sport I like Shirelle? I’ve been trying and trying but I have the worst aim and strength. I’ll try anything except soccer (way too many people play that in Ireland), swimming (I don’t know how), and ice skating (no, just no). Help? Sincerely, Doglover 101.

Hi Doglover 101 –

Oh I am so sorry!  I have always been enormously athletic (enough that lots of humans were frightened of me when I was younger – I wasn’t fierce or mean, but they were terrified of all my friendly strength and energy!).  But my friend Handsome was just like you.  Except that he was tall and thin, so he looked like he should do well in sports, while being awful in all of them!  He was usually the last one picked for anything (even over the shortest or, yes, chubbiest, kids).  And so, just like you, he hated P.E. – even though it ought to have been fun to get out of class and do something active instead of listening to a teacher drone on about whatever.

So there is nothing I can do to make you enjoy being treated badly by your classmates.  The more of them you befriend, the better chance they’ll treat you better, but I know that’s hard to achieve.

But I do have an idea.  And, of all sources, it came from that dorky guy I live with!  You see, once a person reaches age – oh, I’ll say 25 – they start thinking about all the things they wish they’d done differently when they were young.  And they start talking about it to themselves.  Most often in the shower.

So I’ve always liked to sit outside the shower when Handsome is washing, just because I like being near him, but also because he sometimes sings and I like that, and because I never know if the day might come when he walks out of there with a plate full of fresh-baked cookies and it slips out of his wet hands and they go all over the floor and…!

And do you know what I hear him talking about most of the time when he’s in there?  (When he’s not singing some love song from seventy years ago with all the lyrics changed to be about me?  Oh this guy is sooooo good!)

He talks about what he’d do if he could go back in time.

And most of the time, he talks about what he’d do about his pathetic athletic ability.

So I’m just going to steal from his silly rants, and give you his suggestions.

First of all, at least for now, Continue reading

0 How to get through auditioning for something you really want

Vanessa asks: I just got the chance to audition for Disney. I want to go and live out my dream, but I’m worried about being rejected. What do I do?

Hi Vanessa –

Isn’t this always the way?  The more we want something, the more scared we are of not getting it, because that rejection hurts so much!  But still – we want to try, because we want it so much. So we go kind of nuts!

So I get it.  Other auditions are a nice little dog treat, and this one’s a barbecued steak!

So I can’t tell you not to be worried, but I can say that the more you reduce that fright – especially when you get up to audition – the better you’ll feel, and the better you’ll do.

But how?

The first – and most important – thing for you to know about this is that Stage Fright is the most common greatest fear in the human race.  Let me clarify what I mean: when people are asked in surveys “What is your greatest fear,” and there are answers like illness, death, and losing all your money, they answer “Public Speaking” more often than anything else!

We dogs don’t have as big a problem with this, because we don’t have self-awareness and self-consciousness in the way humans do (simply because our brains are smaller).  But I sure see humans freaking out about it a lot, so I can offer you a few suggestions to help you with it (try them out and see which ones work for you, and don’t worry about the Continue reading