Category Archives for "Relationships"

0 How to get your parents to let you have a social life

teefah asks: I’m in grade 11 this year. This is my third year of home schooling, because my parents took me out of school. They didn’t like the friends I had. I had no problem with my home schooling up until this year. I feel really lonely all the time and I don’t get to go to see friends. All I have is family. I really adore them, but now since I’m so deeply in love with this one guy for the past 2 years that lives far from me, they’re not okay with it. Every time they find out they stop speaking to me. I always felt like I belonged someplace else. From the age of 10, I wanted to run away from home. At this stage I really just want to leave, even if it’s to family far away. I have made many mistakes, but they won’t forget my mistakes. I feel lonely all the time (especially because my siblings stopped talking to me)! Easter weekend is coming up and I don’t want to face the family, because they don’t talk to me. Please tell me what to do? I know running away is wrong.

Hi teefah –

I have to admit, when I read your letter, I keep picturing you at the top of a tall tower, throwing your long hair out the window every day in hopes a prince will climb up it! You’re right – something has to change!

You’re also right that running away wouldn’t solve anything. I’ve done it a few times (not out of pain like yours, just following interesting smells for a while), and it has never worked out well. You end up lonely, scared, and potentially in great danger (it’s awful to say, but we dogs aren’t the only ones who sometimes get grabbed and put in the back of cars by strangers).

What bothers me the most is how angry your family gets when you mention this boy. Is there something specific about him that bothers them? You mention having made mistakes – was he involved in them in some way? I could understand if he’d done something so bad that your family put out a rule that you could never see him again. (It’s harsh, but I could understand. If I were a human and my daughter’s boyfriend did something really bad – sneaked some drugs into what she was drinking, or had her be an accessory to a crime or something like that – I could easily put out a rule like that!)

It seems to me that some sort of Continue reading

0 How to deal with a jealous friend

poproxy360 asks: My best friend likes to blame me for everything and say “shut up” whenever I speak, and always says she feels left out when I try to hang out with our other best friends. She calls me annoying and gets mad easily. I won’t blame her completely – I also like to tease her – but she always says she feels left out and tells our best friends that I tease them (which I do, but she also teases them)… but if I skip all that, she is awesome! So I am not giving her up. What should I do?

Hi poproxy360 –

Human friendships are so complicated!  When I get together with one of my best pals, like Kuma, Louie, or Stella, it’s so simple – we dive on each other and joyously beat each other senseless, growling and mouthing (but never really biting) until we’re both exhausted.  It’s such fun!

(Well, okay, I can’t do that with Louie, because he’s a dachshund, and if I even nosed him too hard, he’d flip across the yard sideways.  So with him, it’s more a lot of sniffing, and barking at people – and that’s fun too.)

We don’t get all that upset about our friends playing with other dogs, we don’t blame each other for anything (except biting us!), and we don’t tell on each other.  It’s not that we dogs are better or smarter or more moral than humans – we’re just not programmed that way.

But you are.  So I think the important thing is to Continue reading

0 How to treat someone who’s just broken up with you

Heartbroken asks: I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for seven months. Now I (a girl who’d never been in a relationship with a girl before) have fallen in love with her. However high school carries rumors, and I heard certain stuff about her and her ex -girlfriend. Although I was upset, I trusted her and we moved forward. We argued a lot but we also shared good moments. But for the last couple of weeks, things just haven’t been right. We got into a fight about my texting her while she was asleep (though she apologized for that one), and I made a joke while we were chatting, and she hung up on me, and then broke up with me! I must include that within this time her ex has been texting her. What should I do? I can’t stop crying and feeling guilty. I love her so much.

Hi Heartbroken-

There’s a lot about this relationship I don’t know, of course.  Even with my great hearing, my doggy ears can’t hear what’s going on in her head at this moment.  But I am sure of one thing: it’s not about you texting her. And it’s not about your joke.  And it sure sounds to me like there’s no reason for you to feel guilty.

In fact, it sounds to me like she is feeling guilty!

I see humans do this all the time.  When they’re feeling bad about themselves, they lash out and blame others for anything they can find – especially the person they’re feeling bad about doing something to.  Someone shows up late to a date, the other person says “Hey where’ve you been?” and the latecomer chews them out for being demanding.  Or, my favorite, when Handsome gets a late start driving somewhere, and I get to sit in the back seat and see him curse out all the drivers who are going too slow for him to speed – as if it’s their fault he’s late!

Now again, I don’t know what this girl has done, or has thought.  But the fact that she’s been texting her ex, and that she’s acting this way, make me think she’s been pulling away from the relationship and you.  And if so, there’s really Continue reading

0 What to do when a relationship gets stuck

Twilight Wolves asks: Hello. I hope you can help me or give me a little insight. In December I made a decision I felt was best and my boyfriend did not approve, though he supported me until I realized he was right and I’d made a terrible decision. Since then, I’ve done everything I can to rectify the situation, but he has decided he needs time to think and won’t tell me why. He simply asks that we remain exclusive and that I be patient while he sorts things out. We text everyday several times, but we haven’t seen each other for three months, and he no longer says or responds to “I love you”. I don’t understand what’s happening!!! Any ideas?

Hi Twilight Wolves –

Of course I don’t know exactly what happened between you two, or what you did, but it sounds like your boyfriend has had some trouble knowing and enforcing his own boundaries. When you did whatever it was, he supported you in it. But then, when you changed your mind, said he was right, and became all there for him, he pulled away and said he needs to sort things out.

The one thing I’m sure of is that he’s right – he does need to sort things out. I don’t know if he’s doing it in the best way possible, but he is, now, really taking charge of himself and opening up about where he’s at emotionally.

I’d have to know what really happened to give any more specific advice, but my main thought is Continue reading

0 How to deal with a friend who’s becoming unlikable

pitbull kisses asks: Hi. I am 9 years old. I have a friend who has become so annoying and mean. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. I tried ignoring her, but she follows me around. If I don’t do what she wants, she is really mean. I also think she does really gross things like pick at her sores. I don’t want people to think I am also gross. I don’t know what to do – she is really stressing me out. Please help!

Hi pitbull kisses –

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Friends are such a great thing to have, and it stinks when a friendship develops problems that threaten to ruin it.

Having said that, it’s clear that your friend is going through a very strange phase. She’s being demanding and mean, and even picking at herself in ways that you and others find disgusting. This might mean that something difficult is going on in her life; if so, maybe you can help her get through it and thereby develop a better friendship than you’ve ever had. But if it’s just her being rude and unaware, then I certainly understand your wish to move on.

Either way, I think you have to do the same thing – which is probably the last thing you’d want to do! And that is to Continue reading

0 Should you stay in a relationship where you’re constantly jealous?

Volcano asks: Hello. Well I’m having relationship issues and don’t know what to do. First, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. I am ten years older than him. That’s my first issue. I’m always afraid that he will leave me for someone younger so obviously I have trust issues. Especially because of my past relationships. I always question his intentions when he’s being real nice to his female coworkers and so I am very jealous. The most recent time was when I was going to his work for lunch. He asked his female coworker if she wanted anything. She said no. So we ate and after I left he tells me that he was going to go get her food because she was eating some frozen meal and offered once again to go get her something. At this time when he told me that I got furious. I just asked him why is he so considerate for her and he just got mad and said he did it because he did. And then he started telling me how tired he was of me and that it was over. I just kept telling him how could you tell me you love me like two hours ago and kiss me and now it’s over. Just like that. It’s been two weeks since that incident and we’re still living together but he says he just wants to be alone. We haven’t had intimacy and he says he doesn’t want to. I love him and don’t want to lose him but he has been just a different person. So I asked him if everything he’s said is a lie. For Valentine’s Day he sent me thru text something he made for me and said he loved me to till his last breath. So my question is: Can someone just snap and stop loving a person he’s said he loves so much, to not loving them at all? He even said that he thinks that he used to tell me he loved me out of habit and didn’t think he meant it. What can I do to save this relationship? Is it salvageable?

Hi Volcano –

Wow! Okay, I’m seeing two issues here, and I’ll take each on separately. Then it’ll be kinda up to you, how you put the two together.

First – the jealousy thing. I get jealous. Handsome will see some really cute dog and pet it and play with it, and I’ll feel the need to go over and give it a little bit of a whupping. Not to hurt it, but just to let it know that I’m the Queen here, and that it had better remember that. After all, I like that Handsome loves dogs – he always smells so much more interesting after he plays with them!

But that doesn’t mean that I have the kinds of suspicion that you humans have. After all, if I smell another dog on Handsome’s hands or clothes, there’s nothing for me to worry about; I just know that he’s been petting another dog. But for you, and other humans, it’s all about suspicion: you see your boyfriend get a woman something to eat, and you instantly suspect everything from him preferring her to you, to him actually cheating on you, to him leaving you!

And while this is a completely natural act of your superior, imaginative brains, the advice from this simple, small-brained dog is: Continue reading

1 Does dating hurt or help school performance?

pizzasquare asks: Does dating affect test scores differently for boys and girls? What I mean is that, if a girl went into a relationship with a boy, would her academics be likely to drop or raise? And what would be the case if a boy entered a relationship with a girl?

Hi pizzasquare –

This is a great question, and I’m going to give you a really weird answer to it: Does buying a puppy raise or lower academic scores?

It’s not hard to come up with an answer. Let’s say a good student who spends three hours a night on homework buys a puppy and falls head over heels in love with it. From the moment she gets home, she wants nothing more than to play with the little ankle-biter, to cuddle him, to dress him up, to take him on walks, to show him to her friends, to post pictures of him online, all that. Then when she studies, she wants to have him there with her, but she’s constantly distracted by how amazingly cute he is when he sleeps (because he’s very bored by her history book unless he can chew on it). Then she wants to have him by her on her bed when she sleeps as well, and he wakes up every couple of hours needing to play or pee. What happens to her marks in school? They plummet! She goes from an A-student to a C-student in a matter of weeks!

Okay, but let’s look at another Continue reading

0 How to keep someone interested in you

Mandhie asks: A boy I’ve been interested in has started showing interest in me! Can I have some tips on becoming a girl he will never go a day without thinking about?

Hi Mandhie –

Well, the fact is he’s interested in you already.  So you’ve done the hard part.

There are lots of experts and websites and books that will tell you certain manipulative tricks, to make a boy interested, or keep a boy interested.  But I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never done any of those, and I’ve kept the most wonderful guy in the world interested in me for years!  And how have I done it?  Two ways.

First, I have been honest.  I’ve been myself, pursued what I wanted, and expressed my feelings.  I’ve never lied.

And Second, I’ve Continue reading

0 How to handle betrayal from a friend

LilChen asks: My best friend told me that we would be best friends forever, along with our other two best friends from other countries, but then she told me last Wednesday that she never wanted to be my friend since we first met, and she only did it for one of our best friends in the other country. I feel so betrayed and worthless, I followed her everywhere and did all the things that would please her including stealing and talking behind others’ backs, and I feel so sad that everything I did was just a waste of time. I finally had enough and cried yesterday at school, but hid in the girls’ restroom with the help of another friend. I still cried even as I went home, and my family knows I cried too, but that girl and my family don’t know why I cried because I refused to tell them. I didn’t want to tell someone that I know because I know they’ll blame it on my ex-best friend, and I don’t want her to get more mad at me. I don’t want to go to school on Monday. She’s also turning all our other current best friends now against me, and the worst part was that she also turned our best friend from the other country against me. Some people told me before that she was a bad influence on me, but I didn’t listen to them. My current best friends are fading, and I’m so scared of being alone. I would like to at least transfer to a different school and city so I can start a new life, but I’m scared to ask my mom and dad (their work and friends are here). Maybe I could move to my aunt’s place in a different city, or have home-school. I was planning to cut myself or get sick, just some injuries to get me out of school. She betrayed me and left me, she told me she wouldn’t talk anymore to anybody but she lied. She only didn’t speak to me. What should I do?

Hi LilChen –

Wow, this is SO PAINFUL!  I think betrayal might be the most painful emotion anyone ever experiences, and this girl REALLY betrayed you!

And here’s the big point, LilChen, it’s one thing when someone is selfish, manipulative, sneaky, two-faced, or all sorts of other stinky qualities.  But she’s something else – she’s being really Mean!  Her acts toward you are just shocking in their cruelty.

And because of this, she actually makes it much easier for me to give you advice.  Which is to Continue reading

0 Should you date someone else while you wait for the right one?

Mandhie asks: I am 16 years old. I know this scientific thing that, as a teenager, you are supposed to feel the urge of having a boyfriend or girlfriend someday, but it is actually not love but lust. Shirelle, about this boy I always talk to you about – the one whose mum calls me daughter-in-law, and who I wish would hold my hand and all? Recently you remember I told you he was angry with me because I put our picture on Facebook; well, he later told me on my birthday that he was not angry and called me “dear!” That is the first sweet word he has ever said to me. He made my birthday by just that one word. We chatted and I was happy but then I sat down to think – why did he all of a sudden call me dear and act so nice? Shirelle, I have a feeling he is beginning to like me, and I never want to give up because I want him to be my boyfriend, and my husband someday. My friend told me, since I am not sure as to whether he likes me, I should get a date so that at least I will have some experience, but I told her no, because I hated the idea, and, as I already said, I want that guy to be the only boy in my life. So what can I do to make him like me more, and also stay closer to him? And meanwhile, is the scientific thing I talked about happening to me? Why do I feel like having a boyfriend now?

Hi Mandhie –

Okay, so this is good news! At last this boy is noticing you. The bad news is that I can’t exactly tell you what to do next, because it really depends on him. Some humans pull away a bit after being nice to someone, and then need to get some space. Others feel “Okay, I’ve let her know how I feel, so now I need her to respond in a way that shows me how she feels.” Probably the best answer is to do a mixture of the two – stay back, but if he looks at you, give him a smile back.

I’m not quite sure what your friend is after. Is she thinking that this boy might never ask you out, so you’d better have a date before you’re an old granny of 17? Or is she thinking that you’ll be more attractive to this boy if you’ve already gone out with other guys? Either way, I don’t see any big reason for you to go out with anyone you’re not interested in. Of course if a boy asks you to a dance, and you want to go to that dance, there’s really no reason not to go. But it’d surely be better if Continue reading