Category Archives for "Questions"

0 Should you move in with someone if you don’t like their family

Catlover29 asks: My boyfriend wants to move to Greece with his parents. They have land and want to build a house. I really do not want to go. I don’t like his mum – she is controlling, very stubborn, and does not listen to anyone. The problem is the house is due to be sold and therefore we should be due to leave in two months tops. I have told my boyfriend I don’t want to go, though I do love him very much, and he tells me he loves me all the time. He is telling me to just go and try to live there with him. I have thought about it and told him I would risk my own happiness for him. I just don’t know if I can do this! I feel miserable, and even thought at one point I wished I was not even here. We cannot afford to live on our own. What should I do?

Hi Catlover29 –

I certainly understand your concerns. I wouldn’t want to live with a controlling, stubborn, non-listening human either!

But my thought is that you should give it a try. Here are my reasons:

1)   Life is an adventure.   How many people get to move to Greece? If it doesn’t work out, you still got to go to live in one of the most amazing places on Earth. And if you move back home and start over – you could have done that by just moving across town; this is a lot cooler!

2)   You’d have to deal with his mother whether you Continue reading

0 How should one deal with the death of a parent?

mags asks: My mom died of cancer 3 months ago. I’m 16. Is it normal for me to only get sad when I am alone? What can I do when I get sad? This happens almost every weekend since she died.

Hi mags –

mags, I absolutely worship humans.  I think you’re the most amazing creatures ever.  I envy your brilliance, your imaginations, your inventiveness, and your opposable thumbs!

But one area where we dogs are lots better than you people is in accepting our emotions.  When we’re happy, we’re happy, and no one can take that away by shaming us into thinking there’s something wrong with that.  When we’re angry, we’re fierce, and while leashes and orders can hold our actions back, nothing and no one can take away our anger.

And when we’re sad, we’re just plain sad.  We mope, we whine, we howl.  We feel it fully, and it fills every molecule of our bodies, and every bit of our souls.  And I can think of nothing, NOTHING, that should make a person sadder than to lose their mother at such a young age.  I am so very sorry, mags.  It’s not fair at all.  It’s as sad as anything in the world.

You ask if it’s normal to only get sad when you’re alone.  That could mean two different things: are you saying that the sadness only comes when you’re alone, and not at other times, or that sadness is the only emotion you ever feel these days when you’re alone?

My answer, though, would be Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers get so alienated?

pripra197 asks: I’m 14 and for the past few months, I have begun to realize everything wrong about everyone around me, including my parents. Everything wrong about them is suddenly showing and the people I thought were perfect or really nice are suddenly showing all of the really bad parts about themselves. For people that I don’t really care about, it’s ok, but suddenly the people close to me seem like they are not the people I thought they were. And it’s really frustrating. I constantly feel like I’m being bad by judging them, but as much as I try, I can’t control it. All the bad and annoying parts about my dad and my mom are showing through and I sometimes get really mad about what they do and act more annoyed and impatient. They yell at me for it and call me all kind of labels like “she’s so impatient” and “she gets so annoyed so easily” in front of all my relatives. Sometimes I become really sad and just like to stay away from my family. But they have a label for that too. Some of my closest friends have become less close in my heart and it always feels like they need to change but I can’t do anything about it.

Hi pripra197 –

Well, here’s the good news and the bad news.  What you’re going through, every person in the world has experienced, once they’ve been teenagers.  This isn’t just normal, it’s REQUIRED.

It makes sense when you think about it.  It’s essential for young children to be able to trust the world around them.  Part of that includes believing that their parents, their teachers, and anyone else they count on is kind of perfect.  Yes, they might be bothered that one teacher is mean, or that their mom forgot to pick them up at school, but still they will hold onto this general attitude that “I’m safe because I can depend on these great people.”  Then, when humans become adults, they need to have a strong sense of human nature, and the strengths and weaknesses of other adults.  But how does one get from that romanticized extreme to that sophisticated intelligence?

They have to go through being Continue reading

0 Is it okay for teachers and students to get involved?

lettersdontfade asks: Last year, I fell in love with a guy who’s 7 years older than me – and he’s my teacher. He doesn’t teach my class, but he’s one of the teachers at school. We chat through BBM, and I fell for him instantly. Then last January, school started, and we’re barely talking anymore. I try my best to keep in touch with him, but it doesn’t work. He keeps ignoring me. I tried to forget him and I did. I met one guy in June/July, and another guy in July/August. But after that, I still caught myself thinking about him. Oh btw, when no one’s around, or just me and one of my closest friends, he talks to me. If not, he’ll act like he doesn’t know me. Then last month, he texted me, asking me about some stuff. He’s gonna leave soon. I’m happy about it because we can talk again with no “teacher-student” labels. He said sorry about everything and suddenly we kept chatting until today. One day, he asked me if I’d said something about him, and I said “what are you talking about?” and he didn’t want to talk about it until a couple days ago. We got onto some serious things. I broke my promise, and even said I was sorry, but he seems to not want to forgive me, even though he said that he already has. I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him? I mean he’s got a girlfriend and will leave out of my country soon. When he talks, I feel like he likes me, but I don’t know. I just wish I could be with him. Please tell me what to do.

Hi lettersdontfade –

You’ve probably seen on this site that I am a very friendly pooch.  I tend to love everyone, and try really hard to see everyone’s viewpoint, as I’m a big believer that people almost always do things for what feel like good reasons.

But every now and then, I get kind of angry.

The fur along my back starts to stick up, my ears pull back, my lips rise to show my fangs, and I start to snarl.  And if things keep going as they are, I cringe back on my haunches, and get ready to snap forward and attack.

It doesn’t happen often, but it’s starting to happen here.

You’ve done nothing wrong, lettersdontfade.  In fact, you sound like an absolutely wonderful, loving young human.  The sort I would love to get to know.

But I’m not feeling so warm and friendly to your Continue reading

0 Why are girls so mean to each other?

welpe asks: Why are girls so mean to each other?

Hi welpe –

This is an issue we hear about all the time these days. Movies like “Mean Girls” have brought this issue (which has existed forever) into the limelight, and recent news about social media has shown the danger of it.

What’s mystifying is just what you’re asking: WHY?!

We normally think of humans as sort-of split: Males are tougher, more likely to fight, while Females are softer, more nurturing, more likely to try to resolve issues kindly. Yet, while there’s some truth to that, humans go through a period, usually in early adolescence (say 12-15) when girls can be incredibly cruel, especially to other girls – right at a time when boys are often withdrawn and even passive.

What in the world?!

(I should add that we dogs are actually quite different in this regard. As adults, we females are more protective, fierce, even more likely to fight, than males. This has resulted in a certain word, referring to female dogs, that humans use very harshly – but I won’t go into that here!)

I can’t give you an absolute answer, welpe, but I will offer you three thoughts on it. Maybe they’ll help.

First, in human brain development, adolescence is a time when humans start to care immensely more about their Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers get depressed?

Tulla123 asks: Dear shirelle, I think I’m starting to go through depression. I think this because of my mum; at the moment she constantly hates me. I feel like I’m worthless and I don’t want to live with her anymore. Usually I would just ignore it, but I’ve got to the stage when I sit in front of the mirror and ask myself “who am I?” I’m only 12 and I don’t talk to my dad so I can’t move in with him. I’m worried I’m going to get to the stage where I want to kill myself. How can I stop this from happening?

Hi Tulla123 –

It sounds to me like you have two things going on at the same time.  And both of them are very tough.

The first is just what you say – you’re feeling unloved by your mother, and you have no relationship with your dad.  This is HARD!  No question about it!  I believe you’ll get through it just fine, but this is really painful and difficult… and UNFAIR.

My guess is that your mum doesn’t really hate you.  She’s just Continue reading

0 How to help a friend who’s an addict

pumpkin asks: My best friend is using illegal drugs. He once went to a rehab and was successful in overcoming his addiction. But few days back we had a big fight and he started doing drugs again. When I got to know this I tried my best to make him get out of this, but I’m no use to him. I have become hopeless. I don’t know what I should do to make him clean. He too, for me, tried to get rid of this addiction but he has become powerless. He has lost his strength. He now has no power over his addiction and he has admitted this thing! So he tries no more for it! He often thinks of suicide now. He can’t stand how he is hurting his loved ones. His heart is pure, but these drugs are ruining his life – and mine too! He does not want to go to rehab again; he says he’ll become mad over there if he has to stay for six months! I can’t see my best friend crying daily in front of me. He had good plans for his life, but now he has become hopeless. I want to do something for him. Please help me through this?!

Hi pumpkin –

This is a universal problem.  I heard someone say recently that, in my country at least, one out of every ten people suffers with some sort of addiction. This is simply awful.

You see, people often miss the point about addiction.  They say it’s fun to go have a drink, and so there’s nothing wrong with having fun.  I agree with that (as any dog would!).  But addicts don’t take their substances for fun – they take them because they lose their ability to not take them – even if they don’t want them.

So, for example, I love chicken broth.  I’d eat it every day if I could.  But that’s not an addiction.  But if I found out one day that eating more chicken broth would put my life in danger, would make me do awful things, and hurt or even damage those I love – and I still lapped up that broth, because I couldn’t keep myself from it… THAT would be an addiction.

Your friend is living through Hell on Earth, pumpkin.  And it is impossible for that to not be affecting you and anyone else who loves him.  This situation is so incredibly sad.  I am so very very sorry.

Your friend also gives a perfect example of the insanity of addiction, when he says that he’s thinking of killing himself because he feels so bad about how he’s treating his loved ones, but he won’t go back to rehab because he hates it there!  This makes no sense.  But addiction, by its nature, overrules the part of a person’s brain that cares about making sense.

So you are in this horrible position, and are asking me what to do, “to make him clean.”  I hate to do this, but I have to give you the worst answer in the world:

Continue reading

0 How to keep from getting over-stressed

Max asks: Everything I do, like any task in hand, I tend to get hectic when I perform that task. For example, just now I forgot my password for this site, and then after out of nowhere I started getting hectic – couldn’t calm myself even doing the simple thing of opening my email and clicking the link! How can I keep myself collected when I feel kind of hectic?!

Hi Max –

Oh wow, do I relate!  I’m not quite as hyper as when I was a puppy (then I was a complete turbo-engine!), but I’m still a dog with tons of energy, and I get absolutely wild at lots of times.  Some are obvious (when I see a cat or a squirrel in our yard, or when someone comes to the door), but others are, well, frankly, a little weird.  Like I’ll be in the car with Handsome, and we’ll be driving along, and I’m checking out everyone we pass, perfectly happy and content, and then suddenly I’ll see one person and start barking like crazy at them.  Even I don’t know why!  It just happens!

The most important thing for you (or me) to do in a situation like this, Max, is to be Continue reading

0 What to do if you think you’re bisexual

Bosho asks:  I have been recently conflicted in the romantic sense.  I am a teenager who always thought I was straight.  However; I have became friends with this guy whom I really get along with.  We have hung out a few times and it has been really nice for me; I feel really happy with him.  But, whenever I think about it, I get really confused about the whole thing.  I feel I am bi-sexual but he is openly gay.  I also don’t feel I can express anything with my other friends, even my closest friends.  I am so scared that they will abandon me in this situation.  This has been plaguing me for the past few weeks and I really want to know how I can solve it.  I feel I should talk to him about it and get his opinion about the matter.  I feel he would listen to what I have to say, but I have a “I don’t want to rock the boat” nature and I don’t want to offend him or hurt his feelings.  Even though this is holding me back big time, I still want to solve this issue.  I figure that my options are talking to him about it and possible ceasing our friendship or worst of all, coming out as bi-sexual and facing the likely harsh consequences of doing so.  

Hi Bosho –

I am a dog.  I have no concerns about who is “normal” and who should be attracted to what sort of person.  I only care about my Pack Members being happy.  And it’s clear that you’re pretty confused and frightened right now.

Studies say that somewhere between 2 and 5% of people identify themselves as bisexual, and many more women experiment with bisexuality (and we can guess that at least that many feel it but don’t admit it).

You ask what you should do.  I would say to Continue reading

0 What to do when love fades out.

brena asks: My boyfriend does not spend time with me. He hardly texts or even calls me. I used to love him, but now my love for him has died. I want to leave him, but we have been through so much, it’s kind of hard for me to do. He is the best boyfriend I have ever had, and he used to show me how much he really loves and cares for me, but not now. I am really hurt. He keeps accusing me of cheating, which I would not do – but it has got to so I’ve thought about it (but I won’t do it because I know it’s not right to do such a thing). What do you think I must do? I really want it to work, but does he? It hurts!

Hi brena –

Your letter makes me think of a squirrel I was chasing a few weeks ago.  I was having the best time chasing it, and then I caught it, and was so excited.  And I grabbed it and threw it in the air, and it was all scared and yelling at me, and I threw it in the air again, and it was chattering and yelling at me, and I grabbed it in my mouth and shook it really hard… and it went limp.

Now I know that the goal of hunting small animals includes killing them – that’s part of being a dog.  But I didn’t really want the game to end.  But what I wanted really didn’t matter.  The fact was that this squirrel was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it.

You and your boyfriend sound like you’re in the same situation as I was.  You had wanted this relationship, and for a while, you were both really enjoying it; you loved each other, you were good to each other, all was great.  But then it kind of died.

And now, your boyfriend isn’t in touch much.  And he accuses you of cheating.  And you’re even thinking about it.  And neither of you wants to be the one to say the relationship’s over, but… it’s really just a dead Continue reading