Category Archives for "Questions"

1 Does dating hurt or help school performance?

pizzasquare asks: Does dating affect test scores differently for boys and girls? What I mean is that, if a girl went into a relationship with a boy, would her academics be likely to drop or raise? And what would be the case if a boy entered a relationship with a girl?

Hi pizzasquare –

This is a great question, and I’m going to give you a really weird answer to it: Does buying a puppy raise or lower academic scores?

It’s not hard to come up with an answer. Let’s say a good student who spends three hours a night on homework buys a puppy and falls head over heels in love with it. From the moment she gets home, she wants nothing more than to play with the little ankle-biter, to cuddle him, to dress him up, to take him on walks, to show him to her friends, to post pictures of him online, all that. Then when she studies, she wants to have him there with her, but she’s constantly distracted by how amazingly cute he is when he sleeps (because he’s very bored by her history book unless he can chew on it). Then she wants to have him by her on her bed when she sleeps as well, and he wakes up every couple of hours needing to play or pee. What happens to her marks in school? They plummet! She goes from an A-student to a C-student in a matter of weeks!

Okay, but let’s look at another Continue reading

0 Is there something wrong with only wanting to write or draw certain things?

Graciano_Durai asks: I tell myself from time to time that I’m into something. I have a knack for drawing (NO HUMANS), Knack for Writing (War/Romance/Dystopia Fiction, NO HUMANS), but I keep replacing people with anthropomorphic animals, and my friends call me a “furry” Even though I ponder the question from time to time, what is it exactly, and could I be one?

Hi Graciano_Durai –

Well I have to admit, I’ve never heard a human called a “furry” before, but I can sure say one thing – if anyone’s a furry, I am!  I’m furry all over, even on my tummy (where some dogs are bare-skinned).  I love my fur, and I find that almost everyone loves the fact that I have it (though Handsome does sometimes yell out that he wishes I didn’t shed quite so much – especially when he’s wearing that nice black suit and I jump on him and cover it in white hairs!).

What hits me about your question is that you are discovering that you have a true Continue reading

0 How to sleep better

poproxy360 asks: I have a really hard time falling asleep and I am tired each day. Any advice on how to quickly fall asleep? I searched the Internet, but nothing works.

Hi poproxy360 –

Sleep is one of the strangest things about life. We don’t pay it nearly as much attention as we should. Think about it – we spend maybe an hour every day eating, and maybe ten minutes total drinking fluids, and the history of the world tells huge amounts about the searches for food and water, and how important that’s been. But sleep is just as important as they are. And while it’s no problem at all to go a while without as much sleep as one would like (everyone does that at times – certainly everyone who’s ever taken care of a baby!), true lack of sleep can be injurious, or even fatal.

What’s so fascinating about it is the process. What exactly is it? Sure, we’re tired after a long day. But what exactly happens when we “conk out?” What happens in the brain? How do we switch from awareness of what’s around us to a dreaming state? How much of sleep is about dealing with what’s happened that day?

When Handsome was training me, I would often get very confused with the lessons. “Something’s going on where when he says the word Sit, and I don’t do anything, or walk over to him, he gets bothered, but if I put my butt on the ground he gives me a treat. Why is that? What should I do?” I would feel kind of dizzy afterward, exhausted. And then I’d take a nap. And while I was asleep, my brain would put the information I’d gotten together. And then I’d wake up, and suddenly “get it!” I knew to put my butt down when he said Sit, and that if I did so I’d get a treat and all sorts of affection from him. Great!

The difference between me on those days, and you today, poproxy360, is very important. I was falling asleep instantly, the second I had the chance to, while you’re having trouble doing it at all. This is bad for your body, and bad for your brain!

I do have some simple suggestions. But if none of them work, I urge you to Continue reading

0 What’s the best way to deal with having told a lie?

annakellyjelly asks: I created an iMessage account without my parents knowing. My friends know, so I was sick and in the hospital and I texted my friend this morning. I told my friend I was sick and I was in the hospital, she called and my mom answered. My friend asked for me and my mom said I wasn’t feeling well, my friend said that she knew because I was in the hospital. So my mom asked her how she knew… My mom does not think I told anyone anything, she thought it was just her and her parents and my dad and sis who knew because I had just come out of the hospital. My mom asked my friend how she knew. When my friend realized she had just screwed up, so she said that this girl in our class had told her. My mom wants me to ask the girl how she knows when I go to school tomorrow, and tomorrow is a half-day, so what do I do? Should I tell my mom about iMessage or just make something up? If I make something up what should I say? If I tell the truth how do I say it? I mean I am only 10. Help!!!

Hi annakellyjelly –

I have to be honest with you about this.

When I say that, I don’t mean that I think I should be honest with you, I’m saying that I literally have to be honest with you. And that’s because dogs don’t lie. We simply don’t know how to.

Some people think dogs lie to them. They’ll feed their dog, and an hour later that pooch is whining and looking longingly at them, asking for food, and they’ll say “Stop lying! I already fed you!” But the dog isn’t lying. The dog is saying he would really like something to eat. And that’s the truth!

The reason I bring this up is that I’m no good at helping people come up with good lies. I just don’t have the brains for it.

But you know what I find? I find most people aren’t all that great at it either. For example, we always hear that politicians are great liars. But the reason we hear about politicians lying is that they get caught at it so often! They’ll lie about who they’re making secret deals with, they’ll lie about what they’re going to do if elected, they’ll lie about who they’re romantically involved with, they’ll lie about why they want to go to war, they’ll lie about specifics of a program they’re putting through… and they get caught on every one of them! (If you haven’t figured this out, the list of lies I just gave includes every US president of the last 34 years!)

And this is what’s bad about lying. Lies aren’t always morally wrong; sometimes lying is the Continue reading

0 When and where to give advice?

poproxy360 asks: I love giving advice but I don’t know where to do it. Where can I give advice to people?

Hi poproxy360 –

I find that one can give advice anywhere, and I mean anywhere, but only as long as the other person WANTS the advice.  I see people give advice all the time, and get resented for it, because the person giving it isn’t paying any attention to what the other person wants to hear.

For example, if you wore something to school tomorrow, and I thought it looked lousy, and told you so, you’d probably be very hurt.  But if, instead, Continue reading

0 What to do with a pet you can’t give enough care to

I love Monty asks: In some of my previous questions, I’ve mentioned my pet snake, Monty. Well recently I haven’t been paying much attention to him, and I’m not good at remembering to change his water and stuff. I do it, but not as often. My parents think I should sell him, and I didn’t tell them but I agree a bit. I know it’s best for him but I would REALLY miss him… I don’t know what I should do… Sell him or keep him? I need money because I’m saving up money and hopefully his new owner would be good. I want to keep him, because I’d really miss him and I love him and I just don’t know!!! Please help!!!

Hi I love Monty –

It is wonderful to see a pet-owner care as much as you do.  I see dogs and cats all the time whose caretakers pay hardly any attention to them, and feel just fine about it.  (Well, maybe some of those nasty cats deserve it!  Heh heh!)

I think there’s a way for you to get all you want, and for Monty to have the best possible life.  What if you Continue reading

0 How to keep someone interested in you

Mandhie asks: A boy I’ve been interested in has started showing interest in me! Can I have some tips on becoming a girl he will never go a day without thinking about?

Hi Mandhie –

Well, the fact is he’s interested in you already.  So you’ve done the hard part.

There are lots of experts and websites and books that will tell you certain manipulative tricks, to make a boy interested, or keep a boy interested.  But I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never done any of those, and I’ve kept the most wonderful guy in the world interested in me for years!  And how have I done it?  Two ways.

First, I have been honest.  I’ve been myself, pursued what I wanted, and expressed my feelings.  I’ve never lied.

And Second, I’ve Continue reading

0 How to handle betrayal from a friend

LilChen asks: My best friend told me that we would be best friends forever, along with our other two best friends from other countries, but then she told me last Wednesday that she never wanted to be my friend since we first met, and she only did it for one of our best friends in the other country. I feel so betrayed and worthless, I followed her everywhere and did all the things that would please her including stealing and talking behind others’ backs, and I feel so sad that everything I did was just a waste of time. I finally had enough and cried yesterday at school, but hid in the girls’ restroom with the help of another friend. I still cried even as I went home, and my family knows I cried too, but that girl and my family don’t know why I cried because I refused to tell them. I didn’t want to tell someone that I know because I know they’ll blame it on my ex-best friend, and I don’t want her to get more mad at me. I don’t want to go to school on Monday. She’s also turning all our other current best friends now against me, and the worst part was that she also turned our best friend from the other country against me. Some people told me before that she was a bad influence on me, but I didn’t listen to them. My current best friends are fading, and I’m so scared of being alone. I would like to at least transfer to a different school and city so I can start a new life, but I’m scared to ask my mom and dad (their work and friends are here). Maybe I could move to my aunt’s place in a different city, or have home-school. I was planning to cut myself or get sick, just some injuries to get me out of school. She betrayed me and left me, she told me she wouldn’t talk anymore to anybody but she lied. She only didn’t speak to me. What should I do?

Hi LilChen –

Wow, this is SO PAINFUL!  I think betrayal might be the most painful emotion anyone ever experiences, and this girl REALLY betrayed you!

And here’s the big point, LilChen, it’s one thing when someone is selfish, manipulative, sneaky, two-faced, or all sorts of other stinky qualities.  But she’s something else – she’s being really Mean!  Her acts toward you are just shocking in their cruelty.

And because of this, she actually makes it much easier for me to give you advice.  Which is to Continue reading

0 What to do about Depression

sadgirl28 asks: I have been suffering from depression for months now. I have seen a psychiatrist and he prescribed some anti-depressant meds. Remeron, to be specific. But I stopped taking it because I don’t think it is helping me. I think the only thing thing it did was to make me gain a lot of weight, which added to my depression. Right now, I cannot find any refuge with anybody. I am so depressed that I am thinking of taking my own life, only I am afraid to take that thought in action. I really need some help. By the way, I am a nurse and I suffered from substance abuse; I was working in ICU before as a head nurse, and was caught but the hospital administration did not terminate me but transferred me to another department where I don’t deal with patients. I am thankful but not happy about it. I guess there’s really some problem with me. I hope you can help me.

Hi sadgirl28 –

It sounds like you’ve got a case of real, serious, clinical Depression (which is very different from the ‘feeling down’ we all go through at times, or the depressions people fall into when they lose something or someone they love).  There are lots of suggestions I can recommend for this, but two are way way WAY above the rest.

The first is that you should go back to your psychiatrist (or another one), and explain that the prescription you had before didn’t do the job.  You see, there are certain medicines that work for everyone.  For example, if I get a case of worms, there are pills the vet can give me that will get them out of me, just like any other dog.  But psychiatric medicines don’t work that way.  Everyone’s brain is slightly different, so medication that eases Depression for one person might not do the same for another.  Because of that, while that psychiatrist took an educated guess that a particular dosage would work for your Depression, the fact that it didn’t just means that they should try something else; its lack of working well doesn’t mean the doctor doesn’t know what they’re doing, and it definitely doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try some other medication to help.  There are lots of antidepressants out there.  With a few tries, there’s a really good chance you’ll get something that helps out a lot (and hopefully doesn’t cause the weight gain again).

The second major thing I most recommend to you is a Continue reading

0 Should you date someone else while you wait for the right one?

Mandhie asks: I am 16 years old. I know this scientific thing that, as a teenager, you are supposed to feel the urge of having a boyfriend or girlfriend someday, but it is actually not love but lust. Shirelle, about this boy I always talk to you about – the one whose mum calls me daughter-in-law, and who I wish would hold my hand and all? Recently you remember I told you he was angry with me because I put our picture on Facebook; well, he later told me on my birthday that he was not angry and called me “dear!” That is the first sweet word he has ever said to me. He made my birthday by just that one word. We chatted and I was happy but then I sat down to think – why did he all of a sudden call me dear and act so nice? Shirelle, I have a feeling he is beginning to like me, and I never want to give up because I want him to be my boyfriend, and my husband someday. My friend told me, since I am not sure as to whether he likes me, I should get a date so that at least I will have some experience, but I told her no, because I hated the idea, and, as I already said, I want that guy to be the only boy in my life. So what can I do to make him like me more, and also stay closer to him? And meanwhile, is the scientific thing I talked about happening to me? Why do I feel like having a boyfriend now?

Hi Mandhie –

Okay, so this is good news! At last this boy is noticing you. The bad news is that I can’t exactly tell you what to do next, because it really depends on him. Some humans pull away a bit after being nice to someone, and then need to get some space. Others feel “Okay, I’ve let her know how I feel, so now I need her to respond in a way that shows me how she feels.” Probably the best answer is to do a mixture of the two – stay back, but if he looks at you, give him a smile back.

I’m not quite sure what your friend is after. Is she thinking that this boy might never ask you out, so you’d better have a date before you’re an old granny of 17? Or is she thinking that you’ll be more attractive to this boy if you’ve already gone out with other guys? Either way, I don’t see any big reason for you to go out with anyone you’re not interested in. Of course if a boy asks you to a dance, and you want to go to that dance, there’s really no reason not to go. But it’d surely be better if Continue reading