Category Archives for "Parenting"

0 How to deal with an adoptive parent who resents your birth parent

watermelon asks: I was talking to my birth mother behind my adopted mother’s back, and my adoptive mother got mad at me because she never wants me talking to her, because she hates her. Now she will not talk to me because I did that, and because I said that I have a (not so great) life, and that my biological mother is my hero. But she did not let me explain why I said it! So what do I do? I am so lost right now!

Hi watermelon –

You are stuck in a very difficult situation. No question about it.

It’s easier for me. I was adopted, but by a human, who would never ever have any bad feelings about my saying how much my birth mother means to me. In fact, my human would absolutely love to meet my mother, and to have her and me reunite. He’d find it fascinating and exciting and beautiful.

But he’d also know that, when that meeting was done, I would want nothing more than to loyally accompany him home. Because he knows he’s my number-one human, now and forever.

And your Mom is doubting that you feel that way about her.

(Note, I’m going to refer to your adoptive mother here as your Continue reading

0 How to get your parents to support a big change in your life

prettyndsweet12 asks: I don’t really like the new school I’m going to, so I have two options for next year: go back to my old school (which I didn’t like because I was uncomfortable there but now that I think about it, it was pretty stupid to leave), or I have the option of moving to Virginia, which I think would be a good decision because there are more activities to do. I would get to spend quality time there with my cousins, and I would be able to keep my grandma company (my grandfather passed away about two years ago and it’s just her in the house), but it would be a different experience that I’m not sure I’m ready for. Also I know my dad may want me to live with him and my stepmom, but I’m not sure if I want to. Can you help me rationalize my options so that I can come up with a confident decision?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

One thing about being a dog – everyone thinks we’re running around being silly all the time, but the truth is we spend most of our time watching, waiting, and paying attention.  We know when our friends are coming home because we’ve been listening to the world all day and recognize the sounds of their cars.  We grab dropped food with lightning speed, because while you humans are thinking about each other and the table settings and good manners and all that, all we’re focused on is where morsels can potentially fall.

Similarly, one reason I love doing this job is that I pay really close attention to my Pack members, to try to get a sense of what they want, so I can make them happy.

And frankly, prettyndsweet12, I don’t have to work as hard at this as I do at catching Handsome’s clumsy dining moments.  It seems pretty clear to me that you’d like to Continue reading

0 How to get to go to boarding school

arjai101 asks: I really want to go to Boarding School. But my mom doesn’t want me to, even though I can gain so much from the experience. I have decided to apply to some boarding schools for scholarships, because I know my mom would never pay or support my decision. However, the applications require money and financial statements and I have to ask my mom for that. I know why my mom won’t let me go to Boarding school, but I just really really want to go. How can I make that happen?

Hi arjai101 –

I don’t know enough about the details of your situation to give a definite answer, so I’m going to give you a few:

First:  Just as I often want to go outside and chase a cat down the street, but Handsome won’t let me do it (he says it’s got something to do with me getting run over), there’s a truth to the idea that, when your parent says No, sometimes that just means No.  There are lots of good reasons to go to boarding school, but if a kid’s parents aren’t willing to give their okay, the school probably can’t accept the kid.  So if your mom says no, it just might mean this is one experience you don’t get to have.

Second: Is the issue just that she Continue reading

0 What’s the best way to deal with having told a lie?

annakellyjelly asks: I created an iMessage account without my parents knowing. My friends know, so I was sick and in the hospital and I texted my friend this morning. I told my friend I was sick and I was in the hospital, she called and my mom answered. My friend asked for me and my mom said I wasn’t feeling well, my friend said that she knew because I was in the hospital. So my mom asked her how she knew… My mom does not think I told anyone anything, she thought it was just her and her parents and my dad and sis who knew because I had just come out of the hospital. My mom asked my friend how she knew. When my friend realized she had just screwed up, so she said that this girl in our class had told her. My mom wants me to ask the girl how she knows when I go to school tomorrow, and tomorrow is a half-day, so what do I do? Should I tell my mom about iMessage or just make something up? If I make something up what should I say? If I tell the truth how do I say it? I mean I am only 10. Help!!!

Hi annakellyjelly –

I have to be honest with you about this.

When I say that, I don’t mean that I think I should be honest with you, I’m saying that I literally have to be honest with you. And that’s because dogs don’t lie. We simply don’t know how to.

Some people think dogs lie to them. They’ll feed their dog, and an hour later that pooch is whining and looking longingly at them, asking for food, and they’ll say “Stop lying! I already fed you!” But the dog isn’t lying. The dog is saying he would really like something to eat. And that’s the truth!

The reason I bring this up is that I’m no good at helping people come up with good lies. I just don’t have the brains for it.

But you know what I find? I find most people aren’t all that great at it either. For example, we always hear that politicians are great liars. But the reason we hear about politicians lying is that they get caught at it so often! They’ll lie about who they’re making secret deals with, they’ll lie about what they’re going to do if elected, they’ll lie about who they’re romantically involved with, they’ll lie about why they want to go to war, they’ll lie about specifics of a program they’re putting through… and they get caught on every one of them! (If you haven’t figured this out, the list of lies I just gave includes every US president of the last 34 years!)

And this is what’s bad about lying. Lies aren’t always morally wrong; sometimes lying is the Continue reading

0 How should one deal with the death of a parent?

mags asks: My mom died of cancer 3 months ago. I’m 16. Is it normal for me to only get sad when I am alone? What can I do when I get sad? This happens almost every weekend since she died.

Hi mags –

mags, I absolutely worship humans.  I think you’re the most amazing creatures ever.  I envy your brilliance, your imaginations, your inventiveness, and your opposable thumbs!

But one area where we dogs are lots better than you people is in accepting our emotions.  When we’re happy, we’re happy, and no one can take that away by shaming us into thinking there’s something wrong with that.  When we’re angry, we’re fierce, and while leashes and orders can hold our actions back, nothing and no one can take away our anger.

And when we’re sad, we’re just plain sad.  We mope, we whine, we howl.  We feel it fully, and it fills every molecule of our bodies, and every bit of our souls.  And I can think of nothing, NOTHING, that should make a person sadder than to lose their mother at such a young age.  I am so very sorry, mags.  It’s not fair at all.  It’s as sad as anything in the world.

You ask if it’s normal to only get sad when you’re alone.  That could mean two different things: are you saying that the sadness only comes when you’re alone, and not at other times, or that sadness is the only emotion you ever feel these days when you’re alone?

My answer, though, would be Continue reading

0 Why do teenagers get so alienated?

pripra197 asks: I’m 14 and for the past few months, I have begun to realize everything wrong about everyone around me, including my parents. Everything wrong about them is suddenly showing and the people I thought were perfect or really nice are suddenly showing all of the really bad parts about themselves. For people that I don’t really care about, it’s ok, but suddenly the people close to me seem like they are not the people I thought they were. And it’s really frustrating. I constantly feel like I’m being bad by judging them, but as much as I try, I can’t control it. All the bad and annoying parts about my dad and my mom are showing through and I sometimes get really mad about what they do and act more annoyed and impatient. They yell at me for it and call me all kind of labels like “she’s so impatient” and “she gets so annoyed so easily” in front of all my relatives. Sometimes I become really sad and just like to stay away from my family. But they have a label for that too. Some of my closest friends have become less close in my heart and it always feels like they need to change but I can’t do anything about it.

Hi pripra197 –

Well, here’s the good news and the bad news.  What you’re going through, every person in the world has experienced, once they’ve been teenagers.  This isn’t just normal, it’s REQUIRED.

It makes sense when you think about it.  It’s essential for young children to be able to trust the world around them.  Part of that includes believing that their parents, their teachers, and anyone else they count on is kind of perfect.  Yes, they might be bothered that one teacher is mean, or that their mom forgot to pick them up at school, but still they will hold onto this general attitude that “I’m safe because I can depend on these great people.”  Then, when humans become adults, they need to have a strong sense of human nature, and the strengths and weaknesses of other adults.  But how does one get from that romanticized extreme to that sophisticated intelligence?

They have to go through being Continue reading

0 Is it okay for teachers and students to get involved?

lettersdontfade asks: Last year, I fell in love with a guy who’s 7 years older than me – and he’s my teacher. He doesn’t teach my class, but he’s one of the teachers at school. We chat through BBM, and I fell for him instantly. Then last January, school started, and we’re barely talking anymore. I try my best to keep in touch with him, but it doesn’t work. He keeps ignoring me. I tried to forget him and I did. I met one guy in June/July, and another guy in July/August. But after that, I still caught myself thinking about him. Oh btw, when no one’s around, or just me and one of my closest friends, he talks to me. If not, he’ll act like he doesn’t know me. Then last month, he texted me, asking me about some stuff. He’s gonna leave soon. I’m happy about it because we can talk again with no “teacher-student” labels. He said sorry about everything and suddenly we kept chatting until today. One day, he asked me if I’d said something about him, and I said “what are you talking about?” and he didn’t want to talk about it until a couple days ago. We got onto some serious things. I broke my promise, and even said I was sorry, but he seems to not want to forgive me, even though he said that he already has. I love him so much, but I don’t know what to do. Should I leave him? I mean he’s got a girlfriend and will leave out of my country soon. When he talks, I feel like he likes me, but I don’t know. I just wish I could be with him. Please tell me what to do.

Hi lettersdontfade –

You’ve probably seen on this site that I am a very friendly pooch.  I tend to love everyone, and try really hard to see everyone’s viewpoint, as I’m a big believer that people almost always do things for what feel like good reasons.

But every now and then, I get kind of angry.

The fur along my back starts to stick up, my ears pull back, my lips rise to show my fangs, and I start to snarl.  And if things keep going as they are, I cringe back on my haunches, and get ready to snap forward and attack.

It doesn’t happen often, but it’s starting to happen here.

You’ve done nothing wrong, lettersdontfade.  In fact, you sound like an absolutely wonderful, loving young human.  The sort I would love to get to know.

But I’m not feeling so warm and friendly to your Continue reading

0 Why are girls so mean to each other?

welpe asks: Why are girls so mean to each other?

Hi welpe –

This is an issue we hear about all the time these days. Movies like “Mean Girls” have brought this issue (which has existed forever) into the limelight, and recent news about social media has shown the danger of it.

What’s mystifying is just what you’re asking: WHY?!

We normally think of humans as sort-of split: Males are tougher, more likely to fight, while Females are softer, more nurturing, more likely to try to resolve issues kindly. Yet, while there’s some truth to that, humans go through a period, usually in early adolescence (say 12-15) when girls can be incredibly cruel, especially to other girls – right at a time when boys are often withdrawn and even passive.

What in the world?!

(I should add that we dogs are actually quite different in this regard. As adults, we females are more protective, fierce, even more likely to fight, than males. This has resulted in a certain word, referring to female dogs, that humans use very harshly – but I won’t go into that here!)

I can’t give you an absolute answer, welpe, but I will offer you three thoughts on it. Maybe they’ll help.

First, in human brain development, adolescence is a time when humans start to care immensely more about their Continue reading

0 How to help a friend who’s an addict

pumpkin asks: My best friend is using illegal drugs. He once went to a rehab and was successful in overcoming his addiction. But few days back we had a big fight and he started doing drugs again. When I got to know this I tried my best to make him get out of this, but I’m no use to him. I have become hopeless. I don’t know what I should do to make him clean. He too, for me, tried to get rid of this addiction but he has become powerless. He has lost his strength. He now has no power over his addiction and he has admitted this thing! So he tries no more for it! He often thinks of suicide now. He can’t stand how he is hurting his loved ones. His heart is pure, but these drugs are ruining his life – and mine too! He does not want to go to rehab again; he says he’ll become mad over there if he has to stay for six months! I can’t see my best friend crying daily in front of me. He had good plans for his life, but now he has become hopeless. I want to do something for him. Please help me through this?!

Hi pumpkin –

This is a universal problem.  I heard someone say recently that, in my country at least, one out of every ten people suffers with some sort of addiction. This is simply awful.

You see, people often miss the point about addiction.  They say it’s fun to go have a drink, and so there’s nothing wrong with having fun.  I agree with that (as any dog would!).  But addicts don’t take their substances for fun – they take them because they lose their ability to not take them – even if they don’t want them.

So, for example, I love chicken broth.  I’d eat it every day if I could.  But that’s not an addiction.  But if I found out one day that eating more chicken broth would put my life in danger, would make me do awful things, and hurt or even damage those I love – and I still lapped up that broth, because I couldn’t keep myself from it… THAT would be an addiction.

Your friend is living through Hell on Earth, pumpkin.  And it is impossible for that to not be affecting you and anyone else who loves him.  This situation is so incredibly sad.  I am so very very sorry.

Your friend also gives a perfect example of the insanity of addiction, when he says that he’s thinking of killing himself because he feels so bad about how he’s treating his loved ones, but he won’t go back to rehab because he hates it there!  This makes no sense.  But addiction, by its nature, overrules the part of a person’s brain that cares about making sense.

So you are in this horrible position, and are asking me what to do, “to make him clean.”  I hate to do this, but I have to give you the worst answer in the world:

Continue reading

0 What to do if you think you’re bisexual

Bosho asks:  I have been recently conflicted in the romantic sense.  I am a teenager who always thought I was straight.  However; I have became friends with this guy whom I really get along with.  We have hung out a few times and it has been really nice for me; I feel really happy with him.  But, whenever I think about it, I get really confused about the whole thing.  I feel I am bi-sexual but he is openly gay.  I also don’t feel I can express anything with my other friends, even my closest friends.  I am so scared that they will abandon me in this situation.  This has been plaguing me for the past few weeks and I really want to know how I can solve it.  I feel I should talk to him about it and get his opinion about the matter.  I feel he would listen to what I have to say, but I have a “I don’t want to rock the boat” nature and I don’t want to offend him or hurt his feelings.  Even though this is holding me back big time, I still want to solve this issue.  I figure that my options are talking to him about it and possible ceasing our friendship or worst of all, coming out as bi-sexual and facing the likely harsh consequences of doing so.  

Hi Bosho –

I am a dog.  I have no concerns about who is “normal” and who should be attracted to what sort of person.  I only care about my Pack Members being happy.  And it’s clear that you’re pretty confused and frightened right now.

Studies say that somewhere between 2 and 5% of people identify themselves as bisexual, and many more women experiment with bisexuality (and we can guess that at least that many feel it but don’t admit it).

You ask what you should do.  I would say to Continue reading