arjai101 asks: I really want to go to Boarding School. But my mom doesn’t want me to, even though I can gain so much from the experience. I have decided to apply to some boarding schools for scholarships, because I know my mom would never pay or support my decision. However, the applications require money and financial statements and I have to ask my mom for that. I know why my mom won’t let me go to Boarding school, but I just really really want to go. How can I make that happen?
Hi arjai101 –
I don’t know enough about the details of your situation to give a definite answer, so I’m going to give you a few:
First: Just as I often want to go outside and chase a cat down the street, but Handsome won’t let me do it (he says it’s got something to do with me getting run over), there’s a truth to the idea that, when your parent says No, sometimes that just means No. There are lots of good reasons to go to boarding school, but if a kid’s parents aren’t willing to give their okay, the school probably can’t accept the kid. So if your mom says no, it just might mean this is one experience you don’t get to have.
Second: Is the issue just that she can’t afford it? Because if that’s the case, there are lots of ways around that problem. As you already know, many schools offer scholarships, and there are also organizations where people make donations to help pay kids’ tuitions. Maybe you could do some research and see if any of these programs could help you out enough to make the school affordable, even in addition to scholarships. Although I understand that you can’t actually get a scholarship without her permission, maybe you can find out what amounts are possible, and that could help her be more willing.
Third: Is she saying no because she doesn’t want you to move away? Parents can often get very clingy to their kids as their adulthood approaches. And while you’re craving more independence, she might be frightened of losing you. (Remember that moment in Toy Story 3 when the mother, who’s been all obsessed with packing her kid off, suddenly realizes he’s truly going, and breaks down? That’s pretty universal!). If this is the case, maybe you can talk with her about it. Maybe you can explain to her that you’d be busy with school and homework and friends most of the time anyway, and that this way you’ll have vacations with her, and that’s what will matter the most. You can talk with her about how often she could visit you at school. You can point out how the usual conflicts teens have with their parents (like over doing homework, cleaning up after themselves, household chores, TV, video games, music, etc.) would literally not exist between you anymore, so your relationship would actually become more fun and loving. And best of all, all these arguments are TRUE!
Fourth: Is it that she doesn’t like the concept of boarding school? Maybe she doesn’t trust the school to take care of you, or trust that you’d be around kids she’d feel good about? If so, maybe you can find out about specific boarding schools that are a bit stricter than others. Some are religious, some have been around for centuries and are steeped in tradition, and most work very hard to keep parents apprised of everything going on. You could even contact local police departments to find out what the records of these schools are like overall. Any of this information could potentially help.
Those are my best thoughts, arjai101. But I do have to end up with a return to my first answer. This might just be a simple case where, like me chasing that cat, it’s something that she won’t allow to happen. And all the arguments you come up with only make it tougher on both of you. So I’d suggest you do your best to figure out where she’s coming from, and do whatever you need to in order to meet her concerns. And then, if you find that that’s not enough, that you accept that you have a few more years with her, and find ways to enjoy that time in a hundred different ways.
After all, when I can’t chase that cat, I can almost always still get Handsome to play tug of war with me instead. And that’s almost as good. Or, sometimes, it can even be better!