Category Archives for "Parenting"

0 Nothing to Sneeze At … all sorts of allergies

Nothing to Sneeze at … all sorts of allergies

Have you ever taken Antihistamines?

 

See, I’ve been thinking about Histamines lately.  We all know Antihistamines, but their job is to fight Histamines – a natural compound, released by the body to increase inflammation so tissues will bring in defensive substances  (mucous, white blood cells) when it feels attacked.  (Can you believe  a dog came up with that line!  Sometimes I even impress myself!)

 

Histamines are very useful when poisoned.  And very annoying when dealing with allergies.

 

I’m lucky.  I have never suffered any allergies.  But my human friend Handsome was a sensitive child: nervous, a worrier, and got sick often too.  Nothing huge or chronic, he just caught everything that went around.  And each time, what he’d feel was Histamines.  Like millions of microscopic mosquitoes, flying around inside him, stinging him constantly!

 

And I knew a dog who got awful allergies, to fleas!  He was bitten so many times, and scratched so much, that his immune system went haywire and he lost his fur and a bunch of weight… and eventually his life!  A wonderful dog, too, it was a horrible horrible thing to watch.

 

So it made sense for Handsome to take Antihistamines: drugs that blocked the production of Histamine in his body.  Working against his body’s incorrect actions.  But perhaps against his body’s defenses when they were right as well?  Maybe, but it did enable him to survive his childhood!  (They tried giving that dog some too, but I think it was just too late)

 

Now as we know, many of us have physical allergies.  But I think all  of us have emotional ones.  Oversensitivities, fears, based on deep-seated beliefs about ourselves and others and the world.

 

My biggest emotional allergy is to water coming down onto me!  I have no trouble jumping into a creek or the ocean, but I hate rain, sprinklers, and especially getting bathed.  Oh what I’ve put Handsome through, jumping out of tubs, shaking water all over him all the time!  The trick he eventually learned was to use a big cup, and slowly pour water over me while holding the back of my neck.  I still hate it, but that makes it tolerable.

 

Some of us wear our emotional allergies with pride – dogs who snap at anyone who reminds them of an abuser, “Hey you’re a tall man with long hair!  I’m gonna bite you before you kick me!”  Or people who gleefully reject romantic advances, “I know what you’re about!  You just want to hurt me!  I’ll never speak to you again, now that you just asked for my phone number!!”

 

While others find emotional Antihistamine.  Some adults drink when they go to parties, so they can be social.  Maybe you need to overeat when you do poorly on a test.  I haven’t found the way to avoid the feelings of water, but I sure know what to do afterward to get rid of the feeling: I shake it all onto Handsome and then run like crazy around the yard!

 

So is there a solution?  A motivational speaker might say that the key is to just walk through the allergies, suffer all the Histamines, to get strong and make it to the other side of them.  Right?

 

Wrong.

 

Let me tell you, I’ve had years of water coming down onto me, and I’ll never like it.  And I’ve seen sneezing fits in others – they don’ t end, and there’s no other side to it.

 

So does that mean we should just avoid anything that feels uncomfortable?  Or numb ourselves constantly?

 

It’s a hard one, isn’t it!  Just this week I met a woman, very interesting, funny, passionate, who said that she never wanted to see another play as long as she lived.  She found them all torture.

 

Now I don’t know what caused this in her, but I know there are all kinds of plays – dramas, classics, comedies, thrillers, musicals – and it’s crazy to think a human, with a human brain, would reject them all.  (Now let me be clear – I’ve never seen Cats and there’s no way I ever would sit through that filth.  But for a person to never experience My Fair Lady?!  What’s the point of having that great brain then?!)

 

Fundamentally it all comes down to one question.  Is it possible for anyone to live at such a state of awareness that their Histamines – physical and  emotional – only release when they really need to?

 

I don’t know.  If so, I’m not there yet.  And my friend Handsome definitely isn’t.

 

From all I can see, he’ll remain the same dorky man I’ve always loved – scratching, coughing, sneezing…  just as when he was that sensitive child, and for as long as his imperfect two-legged furless body carries him.

And calling me in that very friendly tone… to have a dreaded bath!

 

 

 

 

0 Is it best to be strong or not?

PERFECTION asks: Shirelle what do you think about strong people? Not masculine but strong as a person, who handles problems by themselves. I consider myself one of them. I tend to solve everything by myself, endure pain, adapt and fight. But I heard this quote, strong people will have a lot of damage when they fall or somewhat give up. Or does that depend on the person himself?

Hi PERFECTION –

 

 

Of course I want you as strong as you can be.  You’re a terrific person, I know from your letters, so the more you’re able to act on your values, the better the world will be (and the happier you will be).

 

And I suppose it’s true that the stronger a person is, the more others depend on them, so the more loss there is when they fail or lose heart.   But that’s no reason for them not to be out there doing their best.  Think of that super-hero rule, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  Okay, so take the responsibility and do some wonders!

 

After all, the “damage” that’s done, by their failing to do something good, is just that things go back to the way they’d be if that person had never done anything at all.

 

Just to pick three examples, Socrates, Jesus, and Gandhi all were enormously strong personalities, who were killed because of their strength.  And that meant that they weren’t able to do what they’d been doing before anymore.  But what they had done has affected the world enormously ever since.  (And of course, for those who believe, at least the second of those has been even more powerful since that death!).

 

And if you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t mean THAT strong!  I mean, I’m nowhere near as great as they were!” then my response is simply… how do you know yet?!!

 

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to appear confident when you don’t feel it.

Spiky 401 asks: I don’t know how to be confident around the boy I like. I’m confident in many ways, but I’m a nervous wreck around him. Please tell me what to do.

Hi Spiky 401 –

 

Fake it!

 

Have you ever seen a little dog take on a big dog like me?  They know perfectly well that they would lose a fight in a second, but they come at me, growling and barking, showing their teeth… and usually we big dogs back down.  Not because we think we’d lose the fight, but because it’s not worth it to us to get into it – that little dog is going to hurt us before we win!

 

I want you to get some of what those little dogs have.  I don’t want you snarling and barking, of course, but I do want you to pretend to be confident.  What do you think a confident woman looks like?  Standing tall?  Talking quietly and slowly?  Turning away with a half-smile when she’s done talking?  Maybe giving mild insults to the person who knows she’s interested?

 

I like all those, but you might have a different idea.  Whatever it is, you CAN do it.  What you can’t do, yet, is do it naturally.  So you need to fake it a little.  Or a lot!

 

If you meet with this guy in person, just act that way that seems confident to you, and you’ll be amazed to see you’ll actually feel more confident too, just from acting that way.

 

And if you get into a texting conversation with him, take your Continue reading

0 The Mattering of Matter – how to make yourself and others happier

The Mattering of Matter – how to make yourself and others happier

In the letters I’ve gotten over the years, I’ve seen you pack members happy, furious, sad – and occasionally really depressed.  Sometimes that’s been for big reasons: a boyfriend broke up with you, a dear friend passed away, you failed at something you’d devoted yourself to.  But sometimes it’s been for something much less.

Maybe you went to a party and felt that no one really cared about having you there.

Maybe you got into an argument with a friend who simply didn’t listen to your side of things.

Maybe someone who’d been hiring you just stopped calling, without explaining why.

 

Now those might not seem enough to freak out about.  But I’ve seen you get just as blue about those as you do for those bigger reasons.

 

Why?

 

After all, those other guests at the party may have had very good reasons to focus on other people, and maybe your friend was so scared or angry or obsessed that they just couldn’t listen to your viewpoint at that time, and maybe you’d done such a good job for those people that they didn’t need your services anymore, and think you’re great.  But still, you feel crummy.

 

I think there’s one quality that every one of these, the big and the small, have in common.  Each gave you a message that You Don’t Matter.

 

And it can even be a smaller cause.  Have you ever dated someone who said they loved you like crazy, but paid no attention to what you wore, or told them about?  Leaving you to feel, “They don’t care so much about me; they’d just like being treated well – by anyone.”

 

 

This tiny issue means SO MUCH to so many of you!  Maybe it’s, emotionally, the most important thing of all.

Is that crazy of me to say?  I don’t think so.

 

A baby is devastated when left alone, and then ecstatic when their caregiver returns.  A child will misbehave to the point of punishment, just to get attention.  And teenagers will do things they really don’t want to (such as sex, drugs, or crime) to feel “in” with the other kids.  Because if you’re not in, you simply don’t Matter.

Then with adults, we hear every day about someone hurting or even killing the person they love, out of feeling they don’t matter.  A popular movie told of a woman going crazy from that feeling, attacking the family of the man she loved, swearing out “I will not be ignored!”

And today we hear of people all over the world voting against their interests, or even risking their lives to rebel against their governments, not necessarily because they want more money or rights, but because they feel no attention from them.

It’s that painful.

 

Now I don’t imagine a whole lot of my pack members are setting fires or attacking families.  But I know a lot of you feel these feelings.  Especially about Mattering to someone who Matters a lot to you!  Even if they tell you you’re great, but don’t seem to really value you, you’ll feel crummy, “I guess I have no actual personal value.”

 

But what about when you feel you do Matter?  Then you feel like you’re on top of the world!  And how do you get to feeling that way?  Well, usually, it’s because someone who you think Matters says that you do too.  How many teenage girls have fainted when their musical idol looked at them and pointed!  It’s just too much ecstasy to take, that Frankie or Elvis or Paul or Prince or Sting or Usher or Justin noticed me!!!

 

So just think about it – how much power this gives other people over you.  Especially manipulative people.  If someone you’re dating ignores you, making you feel you don’t Matter, and then adores you, making you feel like the center of the universe, they absolutely have you in their control.  And probably will get you to fall in love with them – for telling you you don’t Matter!  Which creates SUCH a mess!

 

I’ve talked here before about the wonderful bestseller The Five Love Languages. But maybe we should talk about Mattering messages instead – how different people can feel they Matter, and what activities fail at doing that.

 

For example, you know how, when you’re first dating someone,  you don’t want to alienate them by overwhelming them with all your insecurities, but you also don’t want to ignore them?

Well, think about it – both of these tell that other person they don’t Matter!

Ignoring, of course, makes them believe you never think about them.  But sending them a hundred anxious texts an hour just shows you’re thinking about your own worries, and not about them.

While making someone feel they Matter is just about the kindest thing you can do.

 

Here’s what I see: If you feel like you Matter, being stuck in a two-hour traffic jam is bearable.  If you don’t, red lights make you angry.

 

 

 

Now we dogs don’t have this issue.  For the same reasons we don’t have shame or write symphonies – we don’t have the self-reflecting brains you guys do.  If a person or a dog tells us they don’t want us around, we just feel rejected.  We don’t make the connection “I don’t Matter” the way you do.  We don’t like it, but it’s not the same amount of pain.

But we sure love Mattering, and we sure love telling others that they Matter.  Which is why I love doing what I do – you do Matter to me!  But I’ll get more to that later.

For now, I want to offer you a couple of suggestions on how not to be controlled by this!

 

First, think of a dog or a cat you like.  Imagine it’s playing – chasing a ball, or whatever that animal likes to do.  You feel a joy at watching it play, right?  And the more passionately it tries, the more it enjoys the playing, and the more fun it is to watch.   So does it matter that it’s trying?  Sure.

But in the big picture, in the grand scheme of what’s important in the world, or the universe, does it Matter whether that dog or cat catches that ball?  Not at all.

 

Now think of a professional athlete.  If they don’t try their hardest to catch that ball or make that basket or jump over that pole, it’s disappointing, right?  You want them to do their best.  It matters that they do.  But does the result of the game, or whether they break that pole-vault record, really Matter in the world?  Not really.

 

So do you see what I’m describing?  On the most personal level, there’s a kind of mattering (do your best, try to succeed).  And on the grand universal level, there’s another (it’s only a game).  And both of those are absolutely true and real.

But most humans spend their time thinking in an in-between level.  “I didn’t win the game, so I don’t Matter to anyone now.”  “I didn’t make the track team, so I’m a failure and don’t count at all.”

And that in-between level?  It’s NONSENSE!  It’s simply not true!  You Matter exactly as much, whether you win or lose, whether you succeed or fail.

And… believe it or not… you Matter exactly as much whether or not that person you’re crazy about even notices you!

 

You see, it’s all about judgment.  You’re giving other people too much power to judge you, or you’re judging yourself too harshly.  Yes, admit that you failed at what you were trying to do.  That’s the only way you can ever improve.  But that doesn’t mean you don’t Matter.  Not at ALL!

 

And how do I know this?  Because – remember I told you I’d get back to how we dogs see this issue?

Because, think about the word: Matter.

Matter is substance.  Matter is something that exists.  Matter is something that’s there.

We dogs are always interested in matter.  We sniff everywhere.  We lick everything.  We say that if it’s matter, it Matters!

We don’t care if a tree managed some incredible feat or not, or if it lost a branch when it was struck by lightning.  It’s Matter.  It smells interesting.  It has possibilities – that there might be animals in it, that it might be fun to chew on, or it just might be a good place for us to pee!  Regardless, it Matters!

 

Now my second suggestion.  I work so hard to convince you guys you Matter, because you do!  All dogs work to do this.

In fact, those of you who’ve been around a long time might remember a couple of years ago when my website was hacked, and I found out that a number of letters had been sent to me without my seeing them?  Which meant those members didn’t get responses from me?

I have never  felt so awful.  Because I had, without intending to, given them the message that they didn’t Matter to me!  Which was completely untrue!

And I know that hurt many of them, a great deal.  Which just makes me howl at the moon in pain when I think about it.

So next time you get told you don’t Matter, or you just feel it, please try to remember us dogs.  We’ll always tell you that’s not true.  And we’re right.

 

But wait… Even beyond letting our love for you in, can you be more like us?  Can you do a better job of telling others that they Matter?

 

Imagine the following conversation over text, between Person A and Person B:

A: Hey.  Yeah I’m free tonight.

B: I texted you about that three hours ago.

A:  Don’t worry about it.  See you at six.

B: You always do this.  I know you were hoping Chris would ask you out instead!

 

Now what’s being said here?  First of all, it’s taken a while for person A to respond, right?  And by not mentioning that, they’re implying that Person B’s having to wait for a response doesn’t Matter to them, right?

Then Person B’s response doesn’t take into account that Person A might have had good reason not to respond earlier.  In other words, it’s saying Person A doesn’t Matter either.

 

So what if the conversation went like this instead:

A: Hey sorry that took so long.  Yeah I’d love to see you tonight.

B: Oh good.  What was the holdup?

A: My parents are jerks and made me do all my homework before I could use the phone.

B: Oh man.  Will they still let you out tonight?

A: Yeah, I mowed the lawn too, to make sure they’d be cool with it.  I didn’t want to miss out on seeing you.

B: That is so sweet.  Thanks!  You’re the best!

 

See the difference?  In the first scenario, those two are going to meet up at six feeling defensive and angry.  In the second, they’re going to have trouble keeping themselves from covering each other in kisses.

ALL because they told the other one they Mattered.

 

So this is my big double-wish for you.  Tell yourself you Matter, always.  And tell others they Matter too.  And your life will get so much better.

 

And then, if you can do that for a while…  Whoa, think of what your life could be, if you stopped listening to these stupid voices in your head altogether!  The ones that say you don’t Matter.

How would it be to Matter a lot more than you believe?

 

You can.  Because you do.

 

I promise it’s true.  Dogs never ever lie!

 

No Matter What!

 

 

All my love,

Shirelle

 

0 Should one date someone older?

Cielo asks: Is it okay to date a man older than me by 11 years?

Hi Cielo –

 

I have two different answers to your question.  The first is, in many places, a legal one.  At least where I live, it’s actually against the law for someone under eighteen years of age to have any sort of sexual contact with someone that much older than them.  And while you’re only asking about dating, I know you humans, and one thing often leads to another…!  So when you ask if it’s “okay,” in this regard it’s definitely not.  (Though of course I have no idea how old you are; if you’re even eighteen years and five minutes, then it’s just fine legally).

 

But my second answer comes more from the idea of “okay” meaning “a good idea.”  And here, I’m going to get way more mathematical than dogs usually do!

 

Let’s say that a person usually isn’t really interested in “dating,” in the sense of romance that can lead to something physical or committed, until they’re at least twelve years old (I realize that might not always be true, but just for the sake of argument, I’ll pick that number).  So a thirteen-year-old boy is just one-year-old as a “Dater.”  Does that make sense?

 

What I’m getting at is that we don’t want to have too gigantic an age difference in a romance, in terms of “dating years.”  I’m going to suggest we try to keep it to Continue reading

0 Is love easy with the right person?

PERFECTION asks: I read something today, saying “Love is easy when it is with the right person.” Is it always like that? What about crossing oceans just to be with someone you love? Do some things just have to be won over in order to be yours?

Hi PERFECTION –

 

Well you KNOW what I’m going to say about that!  For us dogs, love is always easy, unless it’s really the very wrong person (say, someone who beats us or starves us).  So when we meet that little girl, or that older man with no legs, or that active argumentative family… love is SOOOO easy for us.  And I’ve never stopped loving Handsome, and he never has me.  It’s so easy, we don’t know how not to!

 

But that doesn’t mean that our relationship has always been easy.   The first year or two we had together, he put a lot of effort into training me.  I was a miserable pain to live with (always biting at him and chewing his things up), and he kept making me feel unloved by telling me to do things different from what I was doing.  And there have been times when he’s gotten depressed or focused on other things, and that’s been very tough for me.  And then of course there have been the times when I required more work and attention, like if I got injured or deeply ill, and he found himself devoting everything in his life to taking care of me.  I might be easy to love, but loving me then made his life enormously difficult.

 

The way I like to look at it, love isn’t a part of life – love is the reason we live.  Whatever our passions are.  If you’re starving, it’s your love of food and living that keeps you going.  If you’re more comfortable, it might be your love of your work, or a cause, or your faith, or… yes… somebody… that you live for.

 

So if you love someone and they don’t love you back, is it easy to “cross oceans” to get to them?  Nope.  But you’re finding it very easy to love them so much that you would cross those oceans.

 

And if you find the right person, is it easy for them to love you back?  Well maybe sometimes.  But I’ll bet you’ve seen a thousand movies with a romance where at least one of them isn’t interested in the other.  They’re saying that sometimes it can be a lot of work to find what’s eventually easy!

 

My friend, love is the easiest thing in the world, and it’s the hardest.  But most importantly, it is all about the souls involved.  No other love is exactly like what I share with Handsome, or like what you feel for that woman you’ve written me about.  But love is great.

 

So my real answer to your question is that love isn’t easy, but with the right person (or pooch), it’s so worth it you won’t even mind the work!

 

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to get your friend to open up about their feelings

inditan asks: I want to ask you about friendships. I have a lot of friends at school (I don’t mean to brag, sorry!), and my social life is pretty much awesome. I have a few best friends that are really close to me. One of them is a girl named S. The problem between us is that she doesn’t talk about her problems often. She’s my only best friend whom I share all my secrets with, she shares hers as well but she doesn’t share her problems with me. And I’m worried that maybe she doesn’t trust me, or maybe it was because something I said to her. I don’t want her to feel alone when dealing with her problems. She’s had anorexia a few years back and that was a serious issue she hasn’t let go of yet. I’m really worried about her Shirelle. what should I do?

Hi inditan –

 

 

Okay, there are two issues here.  And I want to get the first one out of the way first.

 

I am no expert on eating disorders.  As a dog, I’m always looking for food; but because I’m so active, I’ve never had a weight problem.  I frankly don’t even understand them – why would someone starve themselves, or throw up what they’ve eaten? It doesn’t make sense for a pooch.  But I know these disorders exist.  And I urge you, if you are really concerned for your friend, to get her to see a doctor RIGHT away.  Anorexia is unhealthy for anyone, but it can be permanently disabling, or even fatal, if it develops too far.  So please please please, be a great friend and get her okay… if she’s actually suffering from this right now.

 

All right, second issue.  I see this problem every day!  My human Handsome is a psychotherapist, so he meets with people for his work, and they talk about problems – always their problems.  Never his!  And sometimes, they actually get frustrated about it.  Even though they’re paying him to deal with their problems and not his!

 

So your frustration at your friend not opening up to you, especially when you’re concerned that she’s keeping a secret that could hurt her, sure makes sense.

 

And the only suggestion I can make is to Continue reading

0 How to stop worrying so much about things that might go wrong, when all is going right.

PERFECTION asks: There’s a girl I’m talking with, and she seems to like me back, but I’m scared that one day everything will STOP, she’ll stop talking to me, seeing me and the like. I’m scared that if I stop communicating with her she might forget about me. I’m scared that she might even think I’ve lost interest. I’m scared that all of these will end into nothingness.

Hi PERFECTION –

 

I can relate to your worries, though I also think you’re worrying about nothing.

 

You see, just about every day, Handsome leaves me at home alone.  He heads off to work or whatever, leaving me locked in the yard.  And I have no guarantee that he’s ever coming back.  My sensible side worries that he might get sick or hurt, and I’ll be stuck here; my less sensible side worries that he’ll forget about me or run off with another dog.

 

Now is it possible that something could happen to him, and he never comes home?  Sure.  But if that happened, I know that a friend or relative of his would come over and rescue me.  But is it possible that he could forget about me, or purposely leave me behind?  No Way!

 

But still I worry.  Because I’m vulnerable in the yard.  There’s no way I won’t.

 

Now, having said that, your letter sounds downright goofy to me.  No one’s suggesting you stop communicating, but you’re worried that if you do, she’ll forget about you.  Okay, then don’t do that!  You’re also worried that she might lose interest in you anyway.  Yeah, that’s always possible.  She might even decide she hates you, or choose some other guy over you.  These things do happen.

 

So I’m not going to tell you not to worry.  But I will suggest that you try to worry less.  Because it’s not going to help you at all.

 

When Handsome leaves me at home alone, I get to chase squirrels, nap, sniff around, and bark at everyone passing by.  It’s a good life, as long as I let it be.

 

Similarly, you’re doing GREAT right now.  In fact, your worries only exist because you’ve got so much good right now, and you’re scared of losing it!

 

So my advice is to try to train your brain to Continue reading

0 What to do when you’re in an affair and want the person to marry you

Akol asks: I have been with a married man who failed to have kids with his first wife. I then gave him three kids. But I want to get married and he does not stay with me, he stays with his wife. Now I am pregnant. I don’t know whether he is my man or not. I truly want to get married. The lady knows that I exist. But the bitter truth is though he says he does love me, I struggle alone. He does not support the children and me in the way he is supposed to, or fulfil his promises. I had forgotten him for a full year and moved on, till he came back again and promised to change and pay fees for the children, which he gave a half – till now. I think I need to be bold and stand on my word. Telling him that I need also to get married, and not to be a concubine.

Hi Akol –

 

 

In the book that Handsome wrote about me, he tells about a relationship he was in, where he was the “other man,” and how it put him through absolute torment.  As much as a human might like to believe they’re independent and don’t need validation from others, the fact is you guys do.  And unless you’re someone who enjoys having affairs as a hobby, you’re just bound to care about that person, and want to be as important to them as they are to you.  And as long as they’re involved with, or married to, someone else, you simply won’t be.  And that’s just awful.

 

I’m very sorry you’re going through this.  But I really don’t know what to suggest.  If this were a newer thing, I could say “Leave him and change your number, and start your life over again.”  But you have three children, and are about to have a fourth.  So everything is complicated and difficult.

 

But no question, this guy is not treating you right.  And I imagine his wife doesn’t feel all that great about him either!

 

So I have two questions.  First, are you suuuuuuuure you want to be the next Mrs. Him?  His record of faithfulness isn’t too great, and it doesn’t seem he treats either of you women with all that much respect.  Now it is possible he’d treat you differently if you were married, and things could get much better, but I’d sure think about it before you demand it.

 

And my second is, what’s your “or else?”  I’m all for you being bold and standing on your word, and demanding to not be a concubine!  But if he says “no,” or “not yet,” or “I have to think about it,” what would your response be?  You could Continue reading

0 How to have faith, when there’s no other reason to believe

PERFECTION asks: How do you keep the faith, knowing that there’s nothing for you to hold on?

Hi PERFECTION –

 

 

Well… to your question about keeping the faith when there’s nothing to hold on to…  that’s the only faith that matters.  Whether it’s faith in a religion or faith in the goodness of people or faith in the future, it’s only faith if you still believe when there’s nothing there to tell you it’s true.  What I think you’re really asking is how to have real faith.

 

And the only answer I know to that is to trust as far as you can, and then try to trust more.  And if you lose your trust, try again.  And eventually, you’ll find that you’ll look for things to increase your faith when doubt arises.  But then, there may be some areas where your faith is misplaced.

 

I love to tell the story of the time Handsome put a leash on me and opened the car door, so I excitedly knew he was taking me somewhere… and then slammed the door right on my tail!  I screamed, and he fell onto it, checking out every bone, apologizing with every breath, begging my forgiveness.  It was okay, nothing was broken.  But I learned something very important.  That he’s not perfect.  He didn’t mean to hurt me, but he did.  So ever since, when I get into a car, I turn so that I know my tail’s not in the door.  And he thanks me for it.

 

You see, my faith, in him being perfect and never making a mistake, was misplaced.  Where my faith belongs, and exists fully, is in his love for me.  That I fully trust.  But I needed to adjust my beliefs.

 

So have faith as far as you can.  And then, maybe, you’ll need to tweak it just a little.  But then it can be strong again, stronger than ever.

 

Best of luck!