PERFECTION asks: There’s a girl I’m talking with, and she seems to like me back, but I’m scared that one day everything will STOP, she’ll stop talking to me, seeing me and the like. I’m scared that if I stop communicating with her she might forget about me. I’m scared that she might even think I’ve lost interest. I’m scared that all of these will end into nothingness.
Hi PERFECTION –
I can relate to your worries, though I also think you’re worrying about nothing.
You see, just about every day, Handsome leaves me at home alone. He heads off to work or whatever, leaving me locked in the yard. And I have no guarantee that he’s ever coming back. My sensible side worries that he might get sick or hurt, and I’ll be stuck here; my less sensible side worries that he’ll forget about me or run off with another dog.
Now is it possible that something could happen to him, and he never comes home? Sure. But if that happened, I know that a friend or relative of his would come over and rescue me. But is it possible that he could forget about me, or purposely leave me behind? No Way!
But still I worry. Because I’m vulnerable in the yard. There’s no way I won’t.
Now, having said that, your letter sounds downright goofy to me. No one’s suggesting you stop communicating, but you’re worried that if you do, she’ll forget about you. Okay, then don’t do that! You’re also worried that she might lose interest in you anyway. Yeah, that’s always possible. She might even decide she hates you, or choose some other guy over you. These things do happen.
So I’m not going to tell you not to worry. But I will suggest that you try to worry less. Because it’s not going to help you at all.
When Handsome leaves me at home alone, I get to chase squirrels, nap, sniff around, and bark at everyone passing by. It’s a good life, as long as I let it be.
Similarly, you’re doing GREAT right now. In fact, your worries only exist because you’ve got so much good right now, and you’re scared of losing it!
So my advice is to try to train your brain to focus on how good things are, and have a sense of gratitude about them. Because otherwise, you’re ruining this glorious experience you’re in!
(And if you might, perhaps, someday become a father, you’ll learn what it’s REALLY like to worry about someone else – someone you love more than you ever thought possible, and who’ll be doing all kinds of crazy dangerous things that scare you silly forever!)
All my best,