Spiky 401 asks: I don’t know how to be confident around the boy I like. I’m confident in many ways, but I’m a nervous wreck around him. Please tell me what to do.
Hi Spiky 401 –
Have you ever seen a little dog take on a big dog like me? They know perfectly well that they would lose a fight in a second, but they come at me, growling and barking, showing their teeth… and usually we big dogs back down. Not because we think we’d lose the fight, but because it’s not worth it to us to get into it – that little dog is going to hurt us before we win!
I want you to get some of what those little dogs have. I don’t want you snarling and barking, of course, but I do want you to pretend to be confident. What do you think a confident woman looks like? Standing tall? Talking quietly and slowly? Turning away with a half-smile when she’s done talking? Maybe giving mild insults to the person who knows she’s interested?
I like all those, but you might have a different idea. Whatever it is, you CAN do it. What you can’t do, yet, is do it naturally. So you need to fake it a little. Or a lot!
If you meet with this guy in person, just act that way that seems confident to you, and you’ll be amazed to see you’ll actually feel more confident too, just from acting that way.
And if you get into a texting conversation with him, take your time with each response, and think about how a really confident woman would respond! Don’t worry if it’s hard for you and takes a while – let him think you’re busy talking to three other boys!
When I think of a really confident woman, the image I get is an actress named Lauren Bacall, in a couple of old movies, To Have and Have Not, and The Big Sleep. If you ever get the chance to watch one or both of them, I’ll bet you’ll love them and her. But who do you picture when you think of a confident woman? Scarlett Johansson? Beyonce? Maybe Teresa May or Angela Merkel or Malala Yousafzai?
Be one of them. Or better yet, be ALL of them. You’re just pretending, but you can do it, I know you can!
After all, I’ve barked at horses!!!