Thesun asks: I need a friend. Where can I find them?
Hi Thesun –
What a great great question. We need all the friends we can get. So it’s terribly important to find them, and definitely good ones!
So here are a few suggestions:
1) Many people are embarrassed to admit they need a friend, or that they don’t have enough. So your bravery in asking your question is already a great sign. The truth is MOST people are looking for new Continue reading
Chupa Chup asks: I am 11 years old. My 7 year old sister told me that my mum and dad were fighting one night because both of them wanted the phone, and my mum got the phone and accidently banged it into the side of my dad’s head and my dad got knocked out, and my mum went to jail to explain what happened to the police officers because my dad was in the hospital. When my sister told me this, I burst into tears. I have been really stressed lately because of this, and because I had a huge fight with my friends (who are not my friends anymore because they’re always mean to me and they always speak over me when I try to say something). I just need to be in a quiet place where I can scream as loud as I want to, sort of like heaven.
Hi Chupa Chup –
Wow, you are going through a really really rough time. It is totally normal that, after hearing what you heard about your parents, you would feel very alone and friendless. There’s a really good chance your friends aren’t being terrible, but just don’t know how to respond to what you’re going through. But either way, this stuff you’re experiencing is just awful.
If you’ve looked around this website much, you’ll have seen that I often give advice to my Pack friends, but then suggest that they might want to talk to a therapist or counselor about what they’re dealing with. For you, Chupa Chup, I’m insisting: you need to Continue reading
Courtney asks: At what age should you have a boyfriend?
Ah, Courtney, this is a very dicey question! There are two terms that must be defined here – “Age” and “Boyfriend.”
Now I had my first boyfriend when I was about six months old. I met Kuma at the dog park, and we fell madly in love and would beat the living daylights out of each other every chance we got. But of course a six-month-old puppy is very different in maturity from a six-month-old human! If Kuma had done to a baby what he did to me, the police would have Continue reading
Sridevi asks: I am not sure if I have OCD. Sometimes I get really scary thoughts, or pictures in my mind, like that I’m harming someone. It causes me great pain and anxiety. I once had a panic attack for about five seconds – then I listened to some soothing music and felt okay. I do not have any compulsions, though; I don’t do any repeated tasks. I am so confused! Please help!
Hi Sridevi –
Well it definitely sounds like you don’t have OCD. The “C” of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is “Compulsive,” and you don’t have that. It also doesn’t really sound like you’re terribly obsessive either.
But it sounds like you’re absolutely right when you say that you have a lot of Continue reading
afrakoma prisca asks: I am a girl of 14 years (I turn 15 in October), and I have a date with a 17-year-old. Because people are jealous of us, they always want a separation between us, so they always report me to my mother and also lie. What should I do? Should I leave that person or continue with him?
Hi afrakoma prisca:
I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough experience. There are a few issues here that I think are really important.
First, three years is a long time when you’re 14. So this boy is a lot older than you. Now when you’re 24 and he’s 27, that’ll feel totally normal. But for right now, I’m not going to say you shouldn’t see him, but it’s awfully important that you make sure that he Continue reading
CaNdAcE asks: Do you have any ‘natural’ beauty tips for teenagers?
Hi CaNdAcE –
I’m so glad you asked me about natural beauty tips. Because I have to be honest with you – as a dog, I don’t know anything about the artificial ones. I know some dogs do – Poodles with their curls all coifed into fancy balls, Malteses with ribbons in their fancy-cut hair. That is not me! I mean, I can’t even stand it if the shampoo Handsome uses when he bathes me has any scent to it – this is NOT ME AT ALL!
Now of course there are things that I think make me beautiful, like rolling in certain substances that Handsome isn’t very happy with (Have you ever walked behind a Continue reading
Aiahbel asks: Is there any acting job suitable for me?
Hi Aiahbel –
Well I’m not a casting agent (I’m a dog), but from what I see of the stuff on television Handsome likes to watch, I think the answer is Absolutely (but you need to learn to act first!).
I don’t know that there’s any sort of person who can’t get an acting job. Sure, most people you see on TV kind of look alike – all the tall blonde thin women and the tall guys with the jutting chins and such – but then I see fun movies like “Hairspray” and “The Wizard of Oz” and the Harry Potter stories, and I stop worrying about that.
The big deal, though, is that you have to be able to really act. Sure, not every performer who gets popular is a brilliant technical actor – but even the lesser ones, who maybe made it on their looks, are still good enough. So Aiahbel, I’d suggest that, if you’re still in school, you try to get into a school play. Or take an acting class. Or even just put together some friends and make a fun video.
It’s one thing I’ve heard a lot about actors: The best ones got acting jobs because they loved acting, and if they couldn’t get the jobs, they’d just act for free. So have the fun first, and see if it’s what you really want to do. And if it is – then get out there and make yourself a star, and when the magazines all ask you who encouraged you to make it, you just tell them “I knew the coolest dog!”
Good Luck!
Shirelle
Breanna asks: I’m 9 and I have had my first period, and I don’t know what to do.
Hi Breanna –
Well I think the first thing to say is Congratulations. (I never went through one; I had an operation when I was six months old that kept me from having puppies or developing in the way you have, so I’m impressed!) This is a big event for a young girl, and it’s totally normal for it to be a little scary. So I’m really glad you wrote me about it.
But the first thing to know is – there is absolutely nothing to be scared about! This is part of growing up, and while people don’t talk about it a lot in public, it’s absolutely normal.
The second thing, though, is that, because this is so important, it’s absolutely necessary that you talk to an adult about it. Do you have a good relationship with your mother or another female caregiver, so that you could tell her? Or maybe a teacher or nurse at school? That’d be the best first thing to do. Then, you should definitely see a doctor, just to make sure everything is working as it should.
But once you’ve done those, you’re basically in the clear. Of course you’ll have to deal with it every month, but that’s just like nearly every other woman. Wait, what’s that word I just said? Yes: What’s big and exciting is that this is really the beginning of you becoming a woman!
So what’s important, just as important as getting checked out by a doctor, is that you begin to deal with what becoming a woman means. Your body will have lots of other changes soon, and you’ll get looked at in different ways. So it’s your job to do two things from now on: To hold on to what makes you a great kid, and to start to think about the sort of woman you want to become.
This is your experience, Breanna. And while it makes sense that you don’t want to go around talking about it with everyone, it really does make you part of the world community. So be proud and enjoy it.
But please, please, do talk to some adults and see a doctor. Just to make sure you’re okay!
Thanks, and again, Congratulations!
Pearly asks: How do I ensure my teenage daughter doesn’t misbehave on prom night?
Hi Pearly –
Well, the easy and awful answer is: You can’t. But the news isn’t as bad as that sounds.
My point is that your daughter is the person she is, the person you’ve raised. By the time one is ready for a prom, boy or girl, they’ve developed a moral code, and have a sense of themselves. Now in your mind, she’ll always be your baby girl, irresponsible and unable to take care of herself. But imagine you just met her this year. What opinion would you have of her then? Is she a complete troublemaker? Does she care about others? Does she eat, drink, sniff, or smoke all sort of illegal things? Does she respect herself and have some boundaries when she’s around her peers?
Well, the fact is, Prom Night does seem important (Handsome says he has lovely memories of his), but the truth is – it’s just another night. She won’t be a different person that night than she was the night before, or the night after. Now does that mean she might not want to do some things she hasn’t done before? No it doesn’t.
And that’s where you come in.
Sometime before Prom night, get some time alone with her. I don’t mean to walk into her room and interrupt a phone call to lecture her – I mean take her out to lunch or dinner, somewhere she loves. Just the two of you. And tell her how proud you are of what she’s accomplished in her life. And ask her if there’s anything she wants to ask you about your prom night (if she doesn’t ask, that’s fine, it might be more than she wants to know just now). And tell her, most importantly, that it will be a beautiful night for her no matter what, that she’ll look great, and have a lot of fun. And that she’s in charge of what she does, or doesn’t do. And that anything she doesn’t want to do, she’ll be able to do at another time.
And if you want to be really great, you can also throw an offer her way: that if she’s in a situation at any time when she’s uncomfortable, that she can call you and you’ll come right out to her. It’s not impossible that she could be with kids who are drinking and driving, or some other activity that scares her, and it’d be great for her to know you’re there.
But my main message to you is, just as I was the same dog before and after I graduated from Obedience School, your daughter is your daughter. There’s still lots you can teach her and help her with, but if she’s a good person today, she’ll be a good person that night.
And truly, the best message you can give her is that you’re proud of all she’s done. That’ll do more to keep her “in line” than any negative warnings you could ever say!
Here’s a wish: that she and her date both spend the evening proud that she’s the most beautiful creature alive!
Your Friend,
Shirelle
Sara asks: There is a guy who told me that he loves me. At first I didn’t care, but really I’m caring now. I’m sure that he really loves me, and he asked me for my response, but I couldn’t tell him that I almost feel that I love him. I feel that something is preventing me from saying it. I don’t know why. In the past, I loved a guy and he didn’t care. That guy I loved broke my heart, and it took me years to forget him, but now another guy has appeared in my life. I’m afraid of having a broken heart again, so I avoid him. I don’t know what I can do. What do you think? Do you think I really love him?
Well Sara, a lot of people have been in your situation. There are some great songs about it. A couple of very sweet sad ones come to my mind. Have you ever heard “The First Cut is the Deepest,” which describes what you’re probably feeling? Or “Cold Cold Heart,” which I imagine describes what this new guy is feeling about you?
The thing that’s “preventing” you from loving him is clearly Fear. When someone has broken your heart, of course it’s scary to let someone else in. But the truth is, letting yourself fall in love again is the best way to get over that other guy. Letting yourself know that his not-being-interested-in-you didn’t mean that you’re not lovable, just that you weren’t his type. Hey as I say on here so often, some people like miniature poodles, some like pit bulls, and some even like Continue reading