Category Archives for "Kids"

0 What kind of face do men like best on women?

Reena asks: Do men like women with a baby face? If yes, why?

Hi Reena –

One great thing about human attraction is that different people are attracted to different sorts. Modern media has hurt this in some ways – people who would naturally be attracted to one sort of person are conditioned to different sorts – but overall, what they call “animal attraction” still exists.

Many people believe that most people’s facial preferences are based on their families. You grew up madly loving the faces of the people you knew best, so later in life you’re drawn to those same sorts of looks (and voices, skin tones, body types, etc.). But of course, that’s not always the case.

Still, having said all this, there are certain sorts of looks that seem to be more generally popular overall. The “tall, dark, handsome man” fortune tellers have promised for centuries, the voluptuous fertility goddess figure we’ve seen from ancient statues up through Marilyn Monroe, to Christina Hendricks and Beyonce. And, yes, the baby face.

But not just in women!

Sure, Betty Boop has a baby face. And Debbie Reynolds had one, and Selena Gomez and Dakota Fanning. But so does Justin Bieber! And Zac Ephron. And Bradley Cooper.

It’s not even just sex symbols – the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini had the face of a three year old, and the current American president Donald Trump has the pout most of you humans lose at two!

So I don’t know what answer you were hoping for, but my real answer to you is the same as if I wrote you asking if people liked small dogs. The answer is of course, yes! And medium ones, and large ones, and Great Danes and Newfoundlands. So do men like women with baby faces? Sure. And some like women with long thin very adult faces, and some like women with tough cool faces… and, yes, some prefer the faces of men anyway!

So whether you’re a baby-faced Rhianna or a triangle-faced Katy Perry or a mysterious Scarlett Johansson… there are those out there who find you ravishing. And even though I’ve never seen you or even smelled your hand, I know I’m one of them!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 How to get out of having done a secret prank on a friend

azraspahic_ asks – So it’s 2 weeks before April Fools, and I decided to do a harmless prank on my friend of slipping notes in her locker. But she told the principal and then told me. I don’t want to get suspended over a harmless joke! What do I do? I have not told her I was the one who slipped the notes. I printed one out as well and said, “oh see this is the one I got” and she believed it! What should I do?

Hi azraspahic_ –

Ooooh do I relate to this!  My pranks are usually more along the lines of stealing food off a person’s plate, but I know how awful it can feel to get caught, especially when the punishment seems like it’s so much bigger than the little joke you pulled!  (I mean, come on, did that guest really want that steak that badly?!!)

The nice part is that you do have a way out of this, if you want – which is to simply say nothing, and let the issue go away.  If you can feel okay about doing that, it really won’t cause any harm.  It’s true that you lied about getting the note yourself, but it’s a harmless lie, and your friend won’t be any worse off for it.

But, like me, you do have a conscience, so I can understand if you find it hard to just do that.  So there are a few other thoughts that hit me:

One is to Continue reading

0 How to deal with a rude harasser at work.

Reena asks: You know how it is to be a working woman. I am very dedicated to my work. My Bosses are very happy with my work. However, it has definitely harboured some kind of envy and jealousy among other team members in the team. Now I am quite a target and I’ve noticed, people do keep an eye on me. But there’s this one guy at work I’m genuinely fed up with and don’t know how to deal with it. I am a very simple person Shirelle. I come, work, make money and go home. I have very few friends at work and am very happy with them. But there’s this one twisted colleague at work who believes that all the success am achieving is through deceptive means. He has his own perception about me. Basically he has just assumed a lot. I am fed up with his indirect taunts and comments like, “Show me the Real You”. “Remove the mask when talking to me”. “I don’t get scared of anyone”. “She is fake”. The last time an email was sent to me and he started enquiring about that email which was obviously none of his business. I yelled at him because I had taken enough from him. I told him to stay out of my business. I have already sent an email to my Manager but no use. His behavior has worsened. I changed my place and now sit somewhere else and yesterday he came and sat in front of me. All my life I have felt vulnerable because I didn’t have a father growing up (my parents separated) and now I feel very vulnerable at work too.. Please advise.

Hi Reena –

Well, I can’t quite answer yes to that first statement of yours.  I mean, I’m not a working woman – I’m just a dog with a hobby I adore! – but I’ve sure heard a lot about the problems working women go through, including harassment of different sorts from creepy guys.

But I have to be honest with you, this man doesn’t sound like most of them I’ve heard.  Instead, he sounds like someone out of a lot of letters I’ve gotten from young girls, like in elementary or middle school!!  And my guess is usually that the boy who’s bothering the girl, saying rude things to her, crowding her space — LIKES her!  And doesn’t know more appropriate ways of showing it!

And here’s the weird part, then I tell them something like “But don’t worry, he should grow out of this pretty soon, by the time he turns thirteen or fourteen!”  But this guy you’re talking about, I assume, is WAY older than that!

So what in the world…?!

And it’s not fair for me to speak too condescendingly – I was just as bad a puppy as those boys are!  I chewed everything and bit everyone and tore all sorts of stuff up… but at some point around two years old, I did grow out of it!

So what in the world is with this guy?!

I’m actually thinking that my instinct is right (we pooches are good at that), and that this man is attracted to you.  But if he ever had a chance, he’s probably ruining it!

My best advice to you would be to Continue reading

0 Is it okay for a boy to like wearing girls’ clothes?

Violet asks: I am a 12 year old boy. Is it normal I like to wear girl clothes? I like to wear girl things but I don’t know why. I wear my sister’s clothes. My sister is 8 years old. I wear her dresses and her underwear. No one knows I wear them but I feel bad about it. I sometimes wish I was a girl.

Hi Violet –

I’m glad you wrote me, because I have a very different take on this than most humans.

You see, Violet, as a dog, I don’t care about anything in terms of the roles of boys and girls.  For example, most female dogs squat whenever they pee, but ever since I was old enough, I’ve often lifted my leg to do it.  And no one’s ever cared.

Similarly, I don’t care a bit about clothes, except to say that I always find it really irritating when Handsome makes me wear any (you humans seem to just find it SOOOOO funny to see a dog in a hat or shirt.  And you’re supposed to be the intelligent ones?!)

Now, you asked me something very specific.  You asked me if it’s “normal” for a boy to want to wear girls’ clothes.  Well, if “normal” means that most people do it, then no, it’s not.  Nor is it normal for girl dogs to lift their legs to pee, or for a person to become a big movie star or sports legend.  But the much more important issue is, is it Continue reading

0 How to step-parent in a home with conflict

Johan-dad asks: Hello. I’m married, 2nd marriage, to a beautiful lady I’ll call C. She’s got just as beautiful little girl, M. I’ve been in C and M’s life for the past 3 1/2 years and we’ve been married now for just over 1 year. M, my stepdaughter that I love like my own, is 5 years old. C and M have this love-hate relationship, and I’m saying that because one minute they can love each other to bits and the next they scream and shout at each other like hateful teenagers. My question is not that simple, but I’m going to try and break it down to simplify. M sleeps in our bed as she refuses to sleep in her bed. Mom is saying that she doesn’t want to fight at night getting M to bed so she rather give M what she wants to keep the peace. However, when it’s long past sleeping time, M is still awake and mom is then fighting and screaming at M to sleep. I feel that the fighting and screaming at night is worse than telling the child to go to bed and letting her cry in her bed until she falls asleep, because she will learn to after a while. Unfortunately this is not an option and I’ve been told that I should stay out of their fights and mind my own business. If I do make mention of the fact that I feel it is wrong, then mom goes and sleeps in M’s bed and returns to ours during the night, and the next day all I hear is how bad it is sleeping in M’s bed. Now this is just one example and there is a lot more, but I would like to know what is my right as a step-parent and how do I deal with this. If my wife is unable to discipline, and I’m not talking about giving hidings or verbally abusing the child, how do I intervene and what is my responsibility? I feel that our, my wife and I, relationship is taking a big knock because of the fact that mom either fights with the child like she is her enemy or she gives the child her way to avoid a fight and I am sitting on the sideline seeing how they destroy each other and I can not do anything about it. My wife has even mentioned it that she considered to kill herself because she can’t handle M and life, but still she doesn’t want to allow me in that circle to help her. I don’t know what part of parenting is “allowed” from a stepparent’s perspective, and what should I do as a husband to get my wife to understand that I am not the enemy but can assist her if she allows me. I always try to be calm and not get involved too much, but sometimes I’ll come in the crossfire unwillingly. Please help me to understand my role where two people I love are falling into this pit and it feels like my hands are cut off.

Hi Johan-dad –

There are those who will tell you that you’re in a very common position for a step-parent.  But I’ll tell you, you’re in an even more common place for a DOG!  This is exactly the position we find ourselves in all the time – we love everyone in the home, they’re fighting, and we want to jump in and do something to stop it, but whenever we try, they yell at us and throw us out the back door!

My solution to this is simple: I write this website. After years of being frustrated with no one paying attention to my thoughts on the matter, I’m now able to get people all over the world to listen to me, and it looks like, a lot of the time, I’m able to help.

But that doesn’t change how people treat me when we’re together.  Then I’m still just a dumb old dog, or maybe they see me as vicious because I’m barking at them… and out I get tossed.

And the truth is, in this case of yours, they’re right: this is between them, and you don’t get to have a say in it.

But I’m not suggesting you give up.  I’m just saying you’re too close to them to be the one to take charge.

What this really looks like is a situation where your wife has spent five years mostly doing whatever her daughter wanted, or expressed she needed.  Which is, of course, a lot better than being cruel, abusive, or neglectful.  But it’s created a situation where your stepdaughter has learned to go after what she wants by demanding and crying.  It’s very similar to an untrained puppy who whines all night till someone lets her out of her crate and onto the family bed (where they’d sworn she’d never be allowed).

And what you need is a good Continue reading

0 How to work out issues between your boyfriend and your parents.

Confused Asks: So, I’m not allowed to date. However, I didn’t listen and I am dating my current boyfriend. My dad said that it’s okay that we like each other, but nothing serious can happen until I’m 17. I’m about to be 15. He makes me happy, and just makes me a better person in general. However, because I’m not allowed to date, I can’t hang out with him alone; we have to hang out with friends. The problem is, I’m not friends with any guys that he knows. We both came from the same middle school, so it was easy to hang out; some of my friends would go, and some of his friends would go. We all knew each other. However, now that we’re in different high schools, things have changed. He doesn’t want to meet up if it’s just my friends and me (because he would be the only guy). And my dad wouldn’t like me to hang out with just him and his friends. The thing that’s so hard about this is that my dad barely knows my boyfriend. I previously went to a catholic school from Kindergarten all the way until 8th grade, but we moved to a different building in the 6th grade. Because of this, my parents aren’t really familiar with any of my friends that I made past the 6th grade. My boyfriend came in 7th grade. I feel like if he had been in the school longer, my parents would be okay with me hanging out with him and his friends. Also, I take school very seriously, and I put it before anything. I’m on the swim team and I’m in a lot of different clubs/programs, so it’s really hard to balance school with family and with him. I haven’t been giving him as much attention as I used to; we barely get to talk now. When we do talk, 70% of the time we’re arguing. Recently, he told me that he doesn’t want to be together anymore because I’m not giving him enough attention. (I used to text him 27/4, but recently my schoolwork and clubs haven’t been giving me enough time to spend all day texting him. We also used to hang out before we went to high school, but now our circles of friends are different. Now we barely hang out, too. I also never get to FaceTime/call him nowadays. So now he feels like I stopped giving him attention.) I told him that I can change and find a way to give him more attention. But the truth is, I’m not sure how. I was going to try to talk to my mom and get her to let my dad let me hang out with him alone, but I highly doubt that would work. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. What should I do?

Hi Confused –

So I’m seeing one solution to both your problems.  At least a bit of one.  Now maybe this idea is awful, but just in case…

Why not set up a time for your parents and your boyfriend and you to get together?  Why not all four of you hang out?

Your family could have him over for dinner, or the four of you could meet at a restaurant.  This would give your boyfriend a chance to show himself to your parents at his best, give them a chance to see him as a person (and not just as some ghostly figure their wonderful beloved daughter runs off with into the night!), and give you a chance to show your boyfriend how important he is to you!

Maybe this needs to happen more than once.

Then, if it goes well, your dad will have a better sense of this guy.  And if your boyfriend did his job and made a good impression, your dad will likely relax a little about the time you two spend together.

But don’t expect too much!  Handsome loves to tell about his girlfriend from high school, whose Continue reading

0 How to work out social problems at school.

3Valentina3 asks: At school I feel like such an outsider. Or like an extra (like in the movies). I also don’t have the courage to tell my friend G that I don’t want to be friends anymore. I don’t know what to do and I’m feeling so upset. I would tell my mom but she wouldn’t understand and she would say something like, “just focus on school – you’re not there to make friends”. But if she understood then it would mean the world to me! How can I tell her what’s going on?

Hi 3Valentina3 –

Really, you’re asking me three questions. They’re all tied up together, but you’re trying to juggle three problems at once. And I relate to your difficulty with this – the best I’ve ever done with juggling is to have a tennis ball in my mouth and throw it up in the air and catch it. Once.

So let’s try to make it easier by splitting it into three parts.

First, you’re feeling like an extra at school. This is COMPLETELY normal. I know it doesn’t look like it, but every kid and teen goes through feeling this. If someone’s popular, they feel like they’re not being seen for who they are, and can’t express themselves. If they’re not popular, they feel unseen at all, and unheard, no matter what they say.  And everyone, at times, feels misunderstood.

I’m not saying this to say it’s not a big deal; it’s gigantic. It’s a horrible feeling, I know. It’s like the way I feel when I’m locked in a cage at the veterinarian’s office – there’s nothing I can do, I feel abandoned by everyone I trusted, and I’m scared to death!

But the good news is just Continue reading

0 How to make friends when you have anxiety from being mistreated your whole life.

Roma asks: I am not part of a very good family relationship. My mother lost custody of me last year and I’ve been devastated ever since. I seem to have these breakdowns and anxiety every couple days or even more often than that. I have a decent life outside of home, but my grades aren’t great because I have no one who helps me with my homework. I get by with the whole homework situation fairly easily on my own, but now I seem to miss at least two homework or classwork assignments every single day. And I don’t even know the rules of my own school because when I started the school, my grandparents, whom I live with, just tossed the information we were given without acknowledging it. I intend to learn them, but am afraid to ask anyone what they are. I have ADHD and ADD and my hearing and sight are very bad. However, only my eyesight has even been thought about by my grandparents. I suffer from bad re-flux as well, and as you have probably guessed, they don’t care at all. But anyway, the question is: we have a field trip in May and my anxiety is so bad that I start hyperventilating at the thought of just about anything. The field trip is to the mountains. We’ll have fun I’m sure, but how do I prevent or reduce the effects of these serious breakdowns? I’ll be with thirty other sixth-graders, only three of them being my friends, and we are there for a week, 500 miles from where I live. I just don’t know what to do.

Hi Roma –

My friend, you are going through a LOT.  I know, no one ever said life was supposed to be fair, but your situation is simply UNfair.  I don’t know what your mom did or didn’t do to lose custody of you, but whatever it was was unfair to you.  The fact that your father is so not in the picture that you didn’t even mention him here is unfair to you.  And the fact that your grandparents – who at least are qualified enough to keep you – aren’t paying attention to everything you’re dealing with… is unfair too.

Then there are the other issues – the ADHD and ADD, the hearing, the eyesight, the reflux… and all this is SO unfair.

Which is all going to make my answer to your question sound weird, or even unfeeling.  Because I’m going to tell you to Continue reading

0 How to get a child to be willing to sleep alone.

Linda asks: Hello Shirelle, My questions have to do with my little granddaughter . She will be 4 years old soon and I am concerned about her emotional development. All of her short life she has not slept in her own bed not once. Her father and mother never married and are now separated. She lives with her mother who is a very good mommy. My concern though is that she is not allowed to sleep alone in her own bed in fact her mom never used the crib or even converted it to the youth bed for her. She has no bed of her own at all. She can’t sleep by herself even when she visits her dad who has provided her with her own room and bed. When she visits me overnight she needs to have me right there with her. She has severe separation anxiety regarding her mother but as soon her mom leaves to work or out the door she’s calmed down. I sense something is not right but I am not sure. Is all this just normal?

Hi Linda –

When Handsome first brought me home, he read every book he could find about raising puppies.  And while they had lots of different advice, one thing they all agreed on was that humans shouldn’t let puppies sleep on their beds, as it just creates problems.  But Handsome didn’t follow that rule.  He understood the problems they were concerned about, but he wanted his dog to sleep on his bed; he liked the idea of us cuddling up together at night.

And it’s been great, for both of us.  But the only reason it’s been good is that he never wanted me to stop sleeping there.  If he had, that could have gotten really difficult.

The problem your daughter has created is that, like me, her daughter is used to falling asleep next to an adult human.  And she doesn’t know how to sleep by herself.

As with a dog, this is a problem, but not a giant one.  What needs to happen – someday – is that Continue reading

0 Why do older children wet their bed?

miles asks: My biggest secret is I still wet my bed and I have to wear pull ups to bed. I don’t want to but I have to. Why do I still wet the bed? I worry people will find out. I never told anyone my secret before.

Hi miles –

I don’t know if there’s another issue that causes so much shame in humans as inability to control their bladder or bowels.  I suppose it’s because parents put such importance on it in child-raising.  There’s really no reason why it should be any more embarrassing than a runny nose or an uncontrollable cough, or tripping and falling down – these are all areas where one fails at what they’re trying to control – but it is.

I don’t know your age, miles, but I’m going to assume you’re over six.  If you were younger than that, I’d say not to worry too much.  But if you are, there really are two things to do, and they come in a very clear order.

First, you should Continue reading