Category Archives for "Growing Up"

What to do when your child steals

Bhing asks: I am a working separated mom. I’m worried about my son’s behavior. Whenever he sees money he cannot be honest with it. He is into computer games and because I do not want him to focus his attention to it I kept my valuable things where he couldn’t find them. But the next thing I knew, he still found them (I do not know how he does it). I worry that if I can not do something about this, it will affect his future (and I do not want my son to be embarrassed in front of other people, or at worst go to jail if this gets worse. I love my son and I just want the best for him. I have tried so many strategies, including spanking, just for this behavior not to get worse. Please help me. I do not know what to do.

Hi Bhing –

There’s a word for this, and it’s “Unacceptable.”  Kids misbehave in lots of ways that their parents have to deal with, but a few things go beyond the norm in that area. It’s like when I was a puppy – I might chew some things up, might make some messes, and Handsome just had to work with those.  But one time I nipped at him in anger, and he BLEW!  Jumped onto me, turned me onto my back, yelling in my face – exactly the right way to dominate a puppy, and teach it to never ever ever do that again.  Lesson learned, all fine.

For a human to rob is like a dog biting.  Eventual grounds for Continue reading

1 How to find out if the boy you like likes you

ashee asks: I’m 14 years old and there’s this guy who I fell in love with, but I don’t know if he feels the same way about me. What should I do to find out?

Hi Ashee –

This is absolutely the most frequent question I get asked.  And I totally relate.  You see, when I was a puppy, I was caught by some dog catchers and placed in a pound.  And I was smart and observant enough to see that once a dog had been in that pound for a number of days, it got taken into a room at the end of the hallway and never came back.  Whereas other dogs got taken out the front door by really happy people who clearly just adored them.  So that’s what I wanted!

Day after day would pass, and occasionally, a person would look into my cage.  Well, I should say “our” cage, since I was in there with four other puppies.  And the people would point and laugh and pet us and let us lick and chew on their hands… and sometimes they’d take one of us out.  But not me.

It was hard to be there.  It was the scariest time of my life.  And while it felt bad when no one was paying attention to us, it could even feel worse when someone did pay attention, but then walked away (whether with another dog or none).  And the reason that felt so bad is because I’d gotten my hopes up.  I’d believed that this person was The One, my human who would take me out of that cage, and out of that pound, and into a new life full of love and play and petting and good food and freedom and… I didn’t even know all what!  So when they’d walk away, my heart would just Continue reading

Should you devote yourself 100% to your dream career, or prepare alternatives?

purdeydawg1398 asks: I am choosing my options for my GCSE’s and I am 100% set on what I will be doing for my career, but I am worried that if something happens and I can’t do the job I want to do then I might regret it later. What should I do?

Hi purdeydawg1398 –

 

Wow, I’m very impressed with you!  Most secondary school students don’t have as clear a sense of what they want for their career, and hope to find that out in college or university.  So you’re already ahead of the game – well-done!

 

You’re also asking a very mature question, in terms of what will happen to you if you don’t get to do the career you most want.  I totally understand what you mean when you say that you fear you’ll “regret it later,” but I think, for now, you need to choose between two paths.

 

The first path involves total Continue reading

Should a teenager follow their passion or their parents’ wishes for a career?

M.Sam asks: My father wants me to choose a medical career due to my good grades, but I feel that my career should be fashion designing. He won’t let me do so, as I have no proper plan, yet I believe that I will be happy and successful as a designer. Who is right, him or me? Should I talk to him?

Hi M.Sam –

The question you’re dealing with has plagued teenagers for centuries.  Of course, there was once a time when teens were completely expected to follow in their parents’ careers – a farmer’s son and daughter were both expected to spend their lives on farms.  But today humans live in a world full of choices, which make such decisions more difficult.

You, in particular, are facing a very common and special problem.  Your father wants you to have a stable, successful, lucrative career.  While you have an artistic passion, and want to pursue that.  Of course, some fashion designers make great livings, but many don’t at all.  So your father truly means the best for you – he wants you to live a comfortable life with a guaranteed income.  But it sounds like you want something else.

So there are a couple of ways to go about this.  One is to do Continue reading

How to stop fighting with your sibling

Serena asks: I and my younger brother always have petty fights. What do I do about it?

Hi Serena –

 

I don’t know how old you and your brother are, or whether these are physical fights or just arguments.  But either way, there’s a basic truth, which is Sibling Rivalry.  Siblings argue and fight, and that’s been true throughout history, and for puppies as well as humans.  The important thing is to be able to move past it as well and as smoothly as possible.

 

That’s very hard, I know.  Even though you’re older (and I assume, bigger), both of you have instincts that are hard to beat.  But here are some ways to gain some power, so that at least he won’t start these fights so Continue reading

Why do I have bad luck?

Beshoo asks: Why do I have lots of bad luck (sometimes)?

Hi Beshoo –

Well, I can’t tell you why this is true, but the answer is – because you exist!  Everyone has lots of bad luck, especially sometimes.  Even what seem to the luckiest people in the world do.  Sports heroes have bad days on the field, movie stars get rejected for a role or get terrible reviews or (worst of all) no one comes to a movie they did, I’ll bet even that Uggie who everyone’s so in love with right now – the little dog in the movie “The Artist” – I’ll bet even he gets a Continue reading

How to adjust to your child entering adolescence

purelove asks: I have a problem with my 11-year-old daughter. She hates us, her parents, for not always giving what she wants, she is always jealous of her brothers and envies her friends. She is turning away from us, and even writes that she hates her parents. She is also entertaining a boy at this age. What should I do?

Hi purelove –

 

Well, I have good news and bad news.  It sounds like your daughter has hit adolescence, and is a teenager a year or two early.  The good news is that she will grow through this, and become more like the person she used to be.  The bad news is that that might take anywhere from a year to eight!

 

There’s no perfect and easy solution to changing the behavior of a teenager going through this time.  But there are a few things that can help.

 

First – listen to her as much as you Continue reading

1 Should girlfriends not talk with other boys?

MycahBaby asks: My boyfriend gets mad when I talk to other guys, but he talks to other girls. What should I do?

Hi MycahBaby –

What you’re dealing with is that you’re expecting your relationship to be fair, when he’s operating from what’s called a “Double Standard.”  In his mind, there’s nothing wrong with him talking to other girls, but you talking to other boys is a horrible insult.  You have three basic choices:  You can accept him the way he is and live by his rules, you can change his mind, or you can Continue reading

How to help a child who’s afraid of many things

fly asks: My 11-year-old son has always gotten very anxious for, for example, going to school first day, taking exams, or participating in tournaments – he really gets scared, and sometimes he gets sick. How can I help him?

Hi fly –

 

 

I’m so sorry for you and your son – living in such fear (or watching your child in it) is clearly a miserable experience.  Now, it’s very normal for a child to be frightened of any of the things you mention – the first day of school, exams, or tournaments – but it sounds like his fear is Continue reading

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