Category Archives for "Growing Up"

1 Should teens hide their relationships from their parents?

Yanni asks: I’m only 14 and I really like this guy and he likes me too and he is courting me. But my problem is, I want to be his girlfriend but my parents told me that I could only have a boyfriend if I’m already 18. But I really like him and he puts a lot of effort on his courting. Should I be his girlfriend and keep it a secret or obey my parents even if it hurts me and him?

Hi Yanni –

Oh I’m of two minds here!  On one hand, how romantic it is, to meet behind your parents’ backs like Romeo and Juliet!  But on the other, four years is a big difference when you’re only 14 (can you imagine dating someone who’s 10?!), and even R&J only tried to hide from their parents for a few days – you’re talking about trying to keep a secret for four years, if you wait till you’re 18.

And that’s where my thought really comes in:  You Continue reading

0 Should a teen move in with a difficult parent?

Epic1999 asks: I really want to move with in with my dad so I would live close enough to get to see this boy I like every day and we can go to the same school. But my dad and I don’t get on that well, and I don’t want to live with someone who I don’t get on with because it will get me stressed and that could put me in hospital – because I suffer from panic attacks. And second, I don’t want to move for this boy and then break up with him, because my mum won’t have me back if I move. What should I do?

Hi epic1999 –

Of course I don’t know enough to speak with any definitiveness on this, but my sense is that, as much as you’d like to live near this boy, it might not be worth it.  I mean… panic attacks?!  Hey those are miserable!  And if you’re living scared of those all the time, you won’t be able to relax enough to enjoy the relationship you moved there to have!   But on the other hand, is it possible that your moving there could help you create a better relationship with your dad?  If you did, then that would be a true win-win; you’d get the fun of the boyfriend and the lifelong joy of a better relationship with your father.

So my advice would be this:  If you think it’s worth trying, have a Continue reading

1 How teens can protect themselves in cyberspace

Chrissy M asks: How can a teenager protect himself/herself in cyberspace?

Hi Chrissy M –

This is a great question.  Online safety is such a huge issue today, and there are a number of differences between what parents can do for their children and what teenagers can do for themselves.  The biggest difference, of course, is that as a teenager, you need to make more decisions.  While a supervising parent can keep a child from going to certain sites or chatting with certain people or posting certain information – as a teenager you need to make those decisions yourself.  And that’s often very difficult (especially with peer pressure coming at you from every Continue reading

0 How to be more noticed

shae asks: My friend’s daughter told her father that I am quiet and it really hurt me, and now my daddy calls me his “quiet daughter,” and it makes me go in the bathroom and cry. What should I do when people say they do not notice me and it hurts my feelings?

Hi Shae –

Well first let me just say that a lot of our neighbors here wish I was quiet, and would like me a lot better if I were.  So being quiet isn’t necessarily such a bad thing!

And I’m curious about why it hurt you so badly that someone called you that.  What’s so bad about being quiet?  Lots of people prefer quieter people as friends, employees, coworkers, etc.  There are all those old proverbs like “Flies don’t enter a closed mouth,” telling people that silence is often a virtue.  There are SO much worse qualities!  People could say you’re mean, or you’re unlikable, or you’re a Continue reading

1 How to motivate people

sarah asks: Dear Shirelle, my friend needs help with motivating lazy people to do their jobs. He holds the position of command sergeant major in JROTC. He basically needs advice on motivation, getting people to listen to him and also to plan how to take charge of a company.

Hi sarah –

I feel a little funny answering this, given the nature of ROTC and JROTC.  For those of you who don’t know, ROTC stands for Reserve Officers Training Corps.  It’s a program in the US Army where people train to be officers.  (JROTC is the Junior version of it, for younger people)

My problem is that armies around the world have been doing a very good job of motivating people for centuries and more!  And I would think that part of training an army officer would be teaching them how to get people to do what you want them to do.  So I’m not sure how much a dog’s advice is worth, when compared to what they teach there.  But here are some Continue reading

0 How to win a guy

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have a major crush on this boy, and this girl who knows I like him is always hugging on him and flirting with him and he likes her too. Can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease give me advice on how to approach him and ask him out – because I want to get him before she does!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

You want this boy to want to go out with you?  Make it happen!  If I see someone I want to like me, I run up to them and jump up and lick their face!  That’s probably not exactly the way for you to do it, but this isn’t the time for a slow approach.  You want to know “how to approach him and ask him out… before she does?”  DO IT!

Find excuses to talk with him, find out what he’s interested in, and ask him to something he likes.  What would that be?  Any of a million Continue reading

4 How to stop someone from bossing you

Katie asks: how do you stop some one from bossing you around?

Hi Katie –

Hey Handsome?!  Are you listening?!   Katie here is asking me about how to stop someone from bossing me around.  Do you think she means “bossing” like when you’re always telling me “Come,” “Sit,” “Stay,” “Heel,” or “Shut Up?!”  Or when you say “Hey Shirelle, get your lazy self up off that bed, you’ve got letters to answer!”  Or when you really get upset and yell “Get your nose out of my dinner plate NOW!!”

Nope, Katie, he’s totally ignoring me.  So I’ll just answer your question (and I’ll bet he’ll read it later!).

The really tough question here, Katie, is what kind of “bossing” you’re talking about.  If it’s your parents telling you that you have to do your chores and homework, or a teacher or school administrator telling you you have to follow the school rules, there’s not a whole lot you can do.  You can do things to try to make their bossing a little less Continue reading

0 How teenagers can stop lying to their parents

Anna2 asks: My mom is pretty lenient, compared to other kids’ moms, but lately I’ve caught myself lying to her about things, in order to get away with stuff (saying I misunderstood her rules about having friends over, or saying a band I like isn’t as “inappropriate” as they really are). I’m pretty scared. What should I do?

Hi Anna2 –

You are in a very normal, common place for a teenager.  It sounds like you actually have a very good relationship with your mom, but you’re wanting to make your own choices about your own life.  For example, you know which friends are safe to have over, and you know the difference between “appropriate” and “inappropriate” song lyrics.  So why should your mom insist on making those decisions for you?

Well, there are lots of reasons why.  And the biggest of them is that she doesn’t yet know for sure that you’ll make the safest Continue reading

0 How to get rid of flab

spectro.patronam asks: I am 13 years old and I have a serious problem which is hampering my studies, my life, and my decisions. I have excessive belly fat and love handles. The rest of my body parts are fit and ok, but I have not been able to do anything about those. I know that you would suggest me to exercise, but I don’t get enough time for that. And my friends tease me. I have stopped dancing (although I am a good dancer and have already received many prizes for winning dance competitions) and I also have stopped taking part in the activities that I am good at. Can you help me by suggesting some ways to reduce my belly fat and love handles?

Hi spectro.patronam –

Your question brings up a lot of issues, but I want to primarily go after one.  You say that you don’t have time for exercise.  I disagree.  I insist that you don’t have enough time to NOT exercise!  Imagine if someone asked you if you had time enough to breathe.  Let’s see, if you didn’t breathe, you’d probably only live for a few minutes, right?  So no, you have to breathe, so you’ll have time to do the other things you want or need to do.  Well exercise is only a little less drastic.

The biggest health problem in the industrialized world today is a mix of eating unhealthy food and lack of exercise.  And as a person (or dog) progresses with junk food and non-exercise, they lose Continue reading

0 How to enjoy your teenager you’ve never known

Chebby asks: my daughter is 13 years old, and she stayed with my parents till last year when I started staying with her. I don’t have that love or closeness to her. My fear is she has noticed I’m always annoyed with her. How can I handle this and stay with her?

Hi Chebby –

I really have to commend you for your honesty.  Very few parents would be willing to admit not feeling the feelings most parents have for their kids.

Having said that, though, I’ll also say that (and I’ll bet all the teens reading this will agree), teenagers aren’t as easy for parents to fall in love with as babies, toddlers, and infants.  Where most parents are totally smitten with their kids before they start their rebellious teen years, you’re just now beginning to really know her, and that can be pretty demanding.

In fact, you’re probably right that she notices your Continue reading