Category Archives for "Growing Up"

1 What to do if your parents treat you worse than your siblings?

rebecca asks: I am 16, and have a 20-year-old sister who my parents love more than me. They’re always telling me I’m good-for-nothing. I mostly do all the hard work like cleaning the house and washing the dishes, and when I am tired, they just tell me get back to work again, and don’t even say a word to my elder sister. If I ask for something, they say no, but if she asks, they give it to her. My parents hate me and hardly appreciate anything good I do. They hardly say any good words to me, and don’t mind if I sleep hungry for weeks. But I don’t hate my sister – I like her – but I can’t stand anymore of our parents’ inappropriate behavior! No matter if I’m right, they always say I’m wrong; many people tell them what a bright and good child I am, but they still don’t change. I don’t know what to do! Please help me!

Hi rebecca –

I just can’t be the only one who reads this and thinks “Well I know the solution to her problem, and it involves a prince, some mice, and a pair of glass slippers!”  You really are living the life of Cinderella, rebecca.  But since I’m only a dog, and not a fairy godmother, I can only offer advice, and not a magical coach!

I think there are two important issues here.  First, there’s the issue of the favoritism your parents are showing your sister.  In terms of that, check out my letter to Bella about a similar problem (just type “Bella” into the search box to your right on this page).

But your problem sounds worse than Continue reading

0 Should you reconnect with a parent who abandoned you?

Emmie asks: My dad was never married to my mum, and he moved away when I was little. He moved to Nottingham and for the past thirteen years I see him once a fortnight. He’s moving back to my town and asked my mum if he could see me more. My mum said that he hadn’t bothered for thirteen years, but I think he’s making amends. How can my mum say she knows, and how can I persuade her?

Hi Emmie –

There’s a lot that’s really painful about parents splitting up, and one of the toughest is what you’re going through.  Human children desperately want their parents to love and care for them, and if a parent seems uninterested in that, it leaves a gigantic wound in the kid.

Then, if that adult later wants more contact with the kid, there’s a great conflict:  On one hand, part of the kid (in your case, the part your mom agrees with) says, “Where were you when I needed you before?  Why should I trust you now?”  While the other says, “At last!  I’m finally getting what I’ve needed my whole Continue reading

2 Why is it so annoying to be a tween?

Fro-yo asks: Everything’s been bothering me! The little things my parents do, to the things they say to me – Blah blah blah – and I’m starting to get a few little bumps around my face (I am 11). I hate to say this, but I think I might be getting the early stages of my period. This is not good! I’m really grumpy, and annoyed by everything!!! What should I do to help myself relax and stop being such a Grinch?!

Hi Fro-yo –

Well, I guess the easy answer is that the way to not be such a Grinch is to let your heart grow at least two sizes!

But on a more realistic level, you sound to me like you’re right on schedule, for a pretty early bloomer.  It seems like you’re going to be one of the first girls of your age to fully enter adolescence.  And such effects as bumps on your face, annoyance with what your parents say, and beginning to menstruate, are absolutely normal and expected in that.  The next change, probably the one that will affect your life the most, is that your body shape is about to Continue reading

0 How to recover from embarrassing moments

Shellyx asks: Today in science we had to heat up magnesium under a Bunsen burner. Me and my friend were working in a pair, and I went first. I hadn’t seen anyone else do it, so I was worried. Anyways I put it on the Bunsen burner, holding it with tongs, and it caught fire, with a white flame. I started screaming, “OMG! aghhhh someone blow it out quick, help! Is it meant to do this?!” Everyone (including my crush) was staring at me. The flame went out and my teacher came over, saying, “yes it’s meant to go like that.” My friend was in hysterics. I was so scared, since I’m already petrified of fire! It’s sooo embarrassing! What do I do?

Hi Shellyx –

Oh Wow!  Oh that must have been AWFUL!!!  I can just bet you were as embarrassed as anyone ever has been!!

But I don’t think this is a bad thing at all.  In fact, I think it’s kind of great.

Why?  Two reasons:

First, Embarrassment is simply a very mild version of a much harsher thing called Continue reading

0 Why is it so hard for parents and teenagers to talk about sex?

Tutu asks: What are the barriers on communication between parents and adolescents, about sexuality?

Hi Tutu –

You bring up a great issue.  It is a strange irony in human development, that the age when children begin to pull away from their parents is the same age when they become more sexual, in their body development as well as their minds.

It would certainly make things easier for parents if this were staggered a bit.  For example, if kids went through their years of detachment from their parents before their bodies changed and they became interested in sexuality, so that by that time they were mature enough to have adult Continue reading

0 What is love?

apsara asks: What is love?

Hi aspara –

Wow, how many songs have asked that question!

The word “Love” has an awful lot of meanings.  But to answer you, I really think we should stick to three.

The first is about the most basic attraction.  If you ever study physics, you’ll learn that all energy is about attraction and repulsion.  Particles are either drawn to each other or push away from each other.  Think of what happens if you put two magnets together, and how they’ll do one or the other.  Well I think that same energy exists at all levels of Continue reading

1 How to confront a friend who gives unsolicited advice

prettyndsweet12 asks: I have a friend who annoys me by giving me advice all the time. Also, she does this to all my other friends and they think she’s being annoying too, but they don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I don’t either. I’ve put up with it for a while, and I can’t anymore. So if I say something, and she tells all of our other friends, and they think I’m being the bad guy, how do I deal with it?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

I do have an answer, but it’s pretty difficult.  Given that your other mutual friends feel the same way you do about your best friend’s advice-giving, my recommendation is something called an Intervention.

Interventions are usually done for gigantic problems, like alcoholism!  For example, let’s say you had a friend who was drinking lots, all the time.  And he never did anything to try to help himself about it, and in fact didn’t think he had a problem at all.  Well, you and his other friends could organize an Intervention, where you all show up at his home, explain to him that you’re all really worried about him and that he does have a problem, and take him to a rehab facility.  It might be the greatest thing you and your friends ever do, and could well save his Continue reading

0 How to respond to an opinion you don’t agree with

zubi asks: How should we respond to an opinion we don’t agree with?

Hi zubi –

There are two very silly things about your question.  The first is that the answer is so clear… and the second is that SO MANY HUMANS don’t know how to do it!  If you’ve grown up watching politicians on TV, it sure makes sense to me that you haven’t learned this simple skill.  And that’s a shame.  A shame on them, not on you.  You’re the person who’s humble and honest and open enough to ask.  (I’d vote for you for anything!)

The simple answer is Respect.  What makes people upset when others disagree with them is that they’re not getting shown respect in the disagreement.

Let me give you an example.  Let’s say Handsome and I are walking, and I pass a tree that lots of dogs have peed on, and I think it’s the most interesting, great-smelling thing ever.  And so I try to stop and Continue reading

0 How to avoid depression and anxiety

Imran asks: How can I avoid depression, anxiety, phobias, etc. How can I make good relations with others and enjoy my life?

Hi Imran –

Hmm…  If you’re asking how you can avoid sadness and worry, then I suppose the answer is to not ever care about anything.  Life creates both, and that’s nothing to… well… be sad or worry about!

However, your question uses bigger words than that.  Depression can be a terrible state, leading to misery, lost years from your life, or even death.  Anxiety and phobias can be equally bad.  These can be huge problems.

Really, the difference is probably in how quickly you Continue reading

0 How to become an actor if your parents don’t want you to

ana1821 asks: I come from Albania and I’m worried I won’t make it in the acting world. I really want to do it, but I’m so afraid to try. My parents think that I’m too young to act and they would never let me do it. I don’t know what to do. Please help me figure this out.

Hi ana1821 –

It sounds to me like you have two problems at the moment.  The first is that you’re afraid to try acting, and the second is that your parents don’t want you to do it.

With the first, of course, you just simply have to find a way!  If someone said to you that they wanted to become a mathematician but were afraid of math problems, you’d tell them they were crazy, right?  Well, I know you’re not crazy, but the same problem holds here.  Acting is a very difficult profession.  The only people who succeed in it are those who looooooove doing it.  Note: there are numerous successful actors who aren’t all that good at it – but they still have to loooooooooove doing it!!!  So if you don’t love it, you simply have to not be an actor!

Now with the second issue, of course that’s not up to you at all.  If your parents absolutely refuse to allow you to act, then it’s hard for you to get into shows or movies.

HOWEVER… there are literally innumerable ways for you to act that don’t break your parents’ Continue reading