Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 What to do when your friend alienates other friends

rachel asks: I have this friend. She is pretty nice, but she can get really mean and get into a lot of fights with other girls. She’s never mean to me though. And when she’s in fights with people she expects me to support her. I don’t want to get involved in it! Other people are starting to hate me because I hang out with her. Should I drop her as a friend? I don’t know what to do.

Hi rachael –

This is a really tough situation.  Your friend is a good friend to you, but is clearly expecting you to have a lot of loyalty to her, even when you think what she’s doing is wrong.  And now others are associating you with her bad side.  There is no right answer for what to do with that!

Or maybe there is.  You see, rachel, I think this all comes down to Continue reading

0 How to deal with not getting enough money from your caregivers

tinno 06 asks: My uncle and aunt pay for my school fees but they do not pay enough. I suffer at school, but I can’t tell them. This has made me less social – I can’t associate with my friends because in the middle of the term I run out of money, and I don’t eat on Saturday. What should I do? At school I have attitude because am not happy at home. I feel like am not loved. All the time I cry, and I live a fake sad life at school. I do not have clothes, so I have this bad habit of getting people’s things. I really need help please help me.

Hi tinno 06 –

tinno 06, this letter might be even sadder than the one about your father!  I am so sorry you’re going through this!

Money is one of the parts about humanity that I have lots of trouble understanding.  I mean, I like the idea of a token economy (no dog could have ever come up with that!), but the way that people have so many feelings about it, that just mystifies me.  Rich people are ashamed to admit how much money they have, poor people are ashamed to admit that they don’t have much, and someone like you who’s getting money from someone doesn’t feel they have the right to tell them that the amount isn’t Continue reading

0 Should a teen get the hairstyle her mother wants?

Marceline asks: I’m 11 years old. My mom wants me to cut my hair. To align with my chin… I really wanted my hair to be long, but my mom doesn’t want that. What should I do? Do you think hair to the chin is good?

Hi Marceline –

Well, first off, I have to say, I am not a beautician, or a fashion expert.  My hair has been the same length all my life.  It doesn’t grow; I just shed a lot.  I do take a lot of care in grooming, by licking myself all over and biting any rotten little fleas that have jumped onto me.  And I like it when I have a new collar that looks pretty on my orange hair.  But when it comes to things like hair length, or clothes, or jewelry, I’m just not the one to ask!

What I can maybe help a bit with, though, is what to do if you and your mom disagree about your Continue reading

0 Should a teenager try to get to know the father who abandoned them?

tinno 06 asks: I am hurting. I really want to know my dad, and I have tried, but I have failed. It hurts me so much that am expected to be like everyone else and forget about him because he walked out on my mum when she was pregnant. Am I wrong to do this?

Hi tinno 06 –

One of the saddest things a human can go through is being abandoned by a parent.  For lots of people, it means they spend their life angry at, or even hating, that parent.  But as you point out, for some others, it’s a different pain – that they want to find that parent and get to know them, maybe even get close to them, while those around them tell them not to.

Deep down, the basic fact is that it’s all unfair, tinno 06.  It just stinks that anyone ever goes through this.  And, given that fact, your job is just to figure out how you Continue reading

0 Is it uncool to hang out with younger kids?

lolly asks: I’ve just moved to a new house and made some new friends. Two of them are seven years old, and one of them is ten. Do you think I’m a bit too old to play with them? All the other teens are laughing at me, but I just don’t want to break their little hearts!

Hi lolly –

This is a great question.  Particularly because it says so much about you and the place you’re at in your life.  There are four important facts here:

1)    You have new friends and like them

2)    Some would say you’re too old to play with them

3)    Other teenagers laugh at you for your friendship with them

4)    These kids really care about you and you don’t want to hurt them.

Cool.  You are in a fantastic place to make a determination about the person you want to be.  And there are a few perfectly good choices you could make (and I guess one bad Continue reading

0 How to get into the top university or movie studio

Cremy B asks: I’m 15, and about to enter high school in Ghana. My dream is to go to Harvard, but I don’t know how to go about it since I’m still here. My dad, however, is adamant on deciding on my career because he says I’m too ‘defensive.’ He is therefore having second thoughts on it. I really need help if I want to make it there. I don’t even have a passport or a visa and over here it’s quite hectic getting them too. What should I do please? Are there any financial services available for me if he approves? And I also want to go to Disneyland one day, and possibly become a Disney star (I can sing very well and can dance too).

Hi Cremy B –

I love your dream!  In fact, I love both of your dreams, and I don’t want to do anything to get in the way of your dreaming!  But I want to change them in one tiny way: I want you to become a bit less focused on Continue reading

0 Time Management for Teenagers

a query asks: I am 17 and have just joined a job, but now my college timings and my job timings are clashing, and I am not getting time to study or be with my friends. Should I leave the job?

Hi a query –

What you’re dealing with is maybe the toughest issue for a 17-year-old: Time Management.  Your brain is still forming its sense of time (it’s the last part to develop in a growing human), which is why, normally, humans arrange for people of your age to live in strictly-enforced schedules (whether that’s at a school, the military, or entry-level job).  Because you’re being so hard-working and responsible, though, you’re having to struggle in this.  And that’s really tough.

The only answer I can give you is to spend some Continue reading

0 What to do when your parents threaten to send you to a therapist

vampire22 asks: My parents have really been annoying me lately. I walked into my room to find that my mother had completely torn it apart. When I gave out to her, my father walked in and started giving out to me. They’re trying to make me go places, but I don’t want to go because school starts in three weeks and I’m nervous about that. No one understands, and my mother is trying to send me to a therapist because she says I’m too emotional. I can’t get away from it!

Hi vampire22 –

Boy, that does sound annoying!  I know that parents can sometimes really misunderstand their kids, and do and demand things that have nothing to do with where those kids really are at.

So I have a solution, I think.  And it’s a funny one, because it’s their Continue reading

1 What to do with an overworked mother

marlitha asks: My parents are separated. My mom is always busy at work, and when she comes home she never has time for me. She never asks me questions about my life (except to ask if I have homework). Everybody else in my class says that they love their moms because they always take time out for them. What should I do?

Hi marlitha –

There was a period of history when most mothers stayed at home and spent their time taking care of the household and raising the children.  For many reasons, that time has largely shifted to a new age when many women have to work outside the home.  It’s good in some ways, and kind of lousy in some others.  And probably the worst of those is that those women often come home tired and stressed, and aren’t as able to give their children the love and attention they otherwise would (they don’t walk the dogs as much either, lots of the time, which really gets under my collar!).

Of course it would be best if your mom could spend more time with you, and I’ll bet she’d Continue reading

0 What are the effects of teenage pregnancy?

mabs asks: What is teenage pregnancy all about, the causes, effects, and consequences?

Hi mabs –

I’m a bit confused by your question.  Are you asking what the causes, effects, and consequences of actual pregnancy are?  If so, the easy answers are: Sex and Babies!

But if you’re asking about the upsurge in teen pregnancy in recent years, your question is too big for this website!

The causes would include everything from changing sexual mores in Continue reading