Category Archives for "Growing Up"

0 How to contact a friend long after you should have

Sarah asks: Since I started college I’ve drifted away from my number one supporter – my high school counselor. She supported me throughout high school when I had issues at home with my mom, and she was one of my main supporters when I ran for two pageants. I feel so ungrateful for not keeping her up-to-date with what is going on in college or even calling her to talk about my problems. I remember her telling me don’t take forever to call and talk to her because she’ll get mad – and I did the complete opposite by not calling her at all. I feel so bad. I really want to talk to her but I feel as though she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I need her support right now and I need her to guide me with what I am dealing with in college. How can I gain back that bond with her?

Hi Sarah –

What a great question this is.  I have an answer for you, but first I want to tell you a joke that was very popular a few years ago.  The question was how to tell if your marriage is better than your relationship with your dog.  The answer was to lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours, and when you open it, see which one’s happy to see you.

Of course, the dog will be overjoyed.  Why?  Because he’s not thinking about how awful you were to lock him in there, he’s just so happy to get out and see his best friend.  While your wife, who has a bigger brain, is only thinking about what a jerk you were to lock her in there.

Now I’m not suggesting that your counselor has the same size brain I do, but there is a certain similarity here.

It’s all about Continue reading

0 How to handle friends who listen to mean liars

sarah asks: This is going to be my second year in college. My college is very small. There’s this one girl who is very outspoken but evil. She works her way through people, and makes them believe whatever she says. She has caused a lot of people that were once my friends to turn against me. How do I let people see the real me, and be attracted to me and not her?

Hi sarah –

I usually hear about girls doing this at younger ages – this behavior’s very common around 14 years old – so it disturbs me to hear about it happening in a college. Not that I don’t know of adults who do such things, but just that I’d have hoped the other students wouldn’t be as susceptible to her manipulations.

But I then have to think – oh, that just means she’s reeeeeeally good at it.

And frankly, if she’s that talented, I don’t know that I can give you a great answer on how to beat her at this game. Eventually, we can be sure, she’ll alienate enough people that they start to see her the way you do. And when that happens, she’ll move from being liked and trusted to being despised and shunned.

But that’s later, and up to the hands of fate; not now, in any way you can control.

So my invitation to you is to try to look at this in a very different way – as a Continue reading

0 How to deal with failure

Meggz asks: I only managed to complete two of my exams at 16, which were English and Maths, and I ended up doing really badly. This was because I was battling depression and I was unable to put myself through more stress of doing it. I hadn’t gone to school since year 9 and so I was teaching myself. Have I ruined the rest of my life?

Hi Meggz –

I’m really sorry you didn’t do well on the tests. I know those subjects can be extremely hard. But my quick answer to you is No. Nope. Absolutely not. No way, no how, nopity nope nope nope.

Somewhere in this world is someone who never did badly at anything. I have never met them.

The stories of great ‘failures’ are endless. Albert Einstein failing his college entrance math exams, Michael Jordan being kicked off a basketball team for not being good enough, movie studios rejecting Fred Astaire and E.T. and all sorts of things.

But that’s not to say the tests don’t matter. They do. It all comes down to one question: Continue reading

0 Can we ever trust friends as much as our family?

Wooff asks: Are we all alone at the end of the day except family? Recently I have gone through a bit of depression. But I know happier days await me. I think it started when I realized no one, even your closest friend, trusts you fully. They might say they do but at the end of the day they don’t. I have experienced this in almost all of my friendships. As a child I’ve valued friendships a lot. My friends used to mean so much to me. I always try to see the best in people, despite everything. My mom always used to tell me that these friends won’t matter to me soon enough. I refused to believe so. There was even a point where my friends mattered more to me. But as I’m growing up, I’m learning family indeed comes first; but can your friends never trust you and love you as much as you do? You see Shirelle, with me, all sorts of relationships are a disaster or they turn out to be. I either ghost a person or avoid them. Believe me, I am great at doing both. I lost several relationships because of doing so. As I start spending more and more time with these people, I end up getting hurt or end up hurting someone. Which mostly results in me ghosting them. I do realize, people change. Friendships are not constant. But does that really mean that I won’t have a single lifetime friend? Are all those movies lying about finding a true friend? I still believe that every individual is beautiful in some way. But do they not want the same thing as I? A true friend? (I’m really sorry if my thoughts are all over the place, but my head is sort of dizzy.) I hope I can find someone like Handsome. You are lucky, and he is also lucky to have you. Despite everything, I do believe that there are true friendships. But is everyone selfish and self absorbed? Can a person never trust you fully? Can you never find a true friend? Are we all alone at the end of the day? Can your friends never be like your family?

Hi Wooff –

I see your question as really being two questions. One about whether anyone can be as great as family, and one about whether anyone can ever fully trust. I’ll jump to the last one first.

Betrayal stinks. No way around it. When a friend does something that takes your trust away, or when someone who should trust you doesn’t, it’s just about as bad a feeling as exists. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer it so much.

But I think there’s a different way to look at it. Because sometimes we learn that someone is trustworthy… to a limit.

My best example from this is when I was young, maybe a year old. I had tested Handsome a million times over, and knew deep in my heart that he was absolutely perfect and always there for me. And one day he excitedly told me we were going to the park – my favorite place in the world – and took me outside and opened the back door to his car, and I jumped in joyously, and he slammed the door shut… right on my Continue reading

0 When you’re attracted to your best friend’s ex.

softball1420 asks: Last year my best friend went out with a guy for just barely over a year and they were kinda serious. They have been broken up for almost a year now and instead of it being awkward we are actually really really good friends. Now lately I have found myself thinking about him all the time. I’m starting to develop a crush. He is super cute and is known for how funny he is. Also he is so sweet to pretty much everyone he comes face to face with. Does this make me the worst best friend in the world? What should I do?

Hi softball 1420 –

Oh man does this question go back centuries! What a difficult situation to be in! But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

Now first things first, you are definitely NOT the worst best friend in the world. You feel something, but you’re asking yourself (and me) what to do about it. It’s like when Handsome has a barbecue and walks away from the grill and I know I could jump up and get one of those yummy sausages that are making me drool bucketfulls… I’m still a very good dog. I’m not naughty until I jump up and knock them over and grab a couple and run!!! (In fact, many moralists would argue that my wanting them so badly and not grabbing them shows my strength of character, that I’m a good dog, far more than if I just didn’t find their aroma incredibly good!) You’re a great best friend. Just for asking.

Now I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me. If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1) Go out to Continue reading

0 Can you stop your friends from cursing so much?

sldholt asks: I am going to middle school this fall and I follow some people from the middle school and they curse ALOT. I never ever ever ever curse. I am now worried that I am going to be very uncomfortable at a very good school I’m very exited about. I am even uncomfortable with my friend cursing.

Hi sidholt –

I don’t speak with words, I bark. But I definitely use bad language at times. Like when I see a squirrel or a dog I don’t like outside my window. Or, worst of all, a cat! Oh do I use nasty language then!

So it would make me a pretty big hypocrite to sit here and tell you or your friends never to use bad language. But I will make one suggestion: A lot of people aren’t willing to pay the consequences when they do use them, so your rule of not saying them is pretty smart!

For example, if I bark my worst at some dog walking by, and then I should suddenly find out that he’s not on a leash, and he didn’t care for what I said, I might find myself suddenly on the losing end of a very unpleasant experience. Or if Handsome is peacefully napping, and I suddenly hear a cat two blocks away and decide that that cat needs to hear what I think of her, Handsome is likely to get very angry with me, and might just “accidentally” forget to give me dinner that night!

Where I see kids (and some adults) get in trouble with bad language is that they don’t use it correctly. Walking around all day using this word and that to show how tough you are? It doesn’t work. It makes you look dumb, as if you can’t think of anything cleverer to say. (I’m guessing this might be the case with your friends)

Calling your teacher or your mother a bad name? Okay, that’s really dumb. You’re going to get in lots of trouble, and you haven’t really accomplished anything for it.

And if you use bad language all the time, you’re going to accidentally use it at a time you really don’t want to. So my advice is to use it very sparingly, if at all. You know, like when you see a cat.

Oh one other thing. I remember once, Handsome walked into the street to talk to someone who was driving a van, and they stopped at exactly the point when a wheel was on top of his foot. And it hurt, a lot. And Handsome wanted to tell them that they needed to pull forward just a bit, to move the wheel off his foot. But he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t do anything but keep saying one very bad word, over and over! I mean, he couldn’t say anything else! For me, it was hilarious. But for him… well, I’ll bet he wished he’d been able to say other words!

But your question isn’t really about whether or not you should use them – you’ve got that worked out – but about being around them.

Well, this is a case of Continue reading

0 The hardest part about being a teen

sazuna45 asks: What do you think is the hardest part about being a teen? And sometimes do you have those days when you feel like doing nothing except curling into a ball and wishing your day was over. What do you suggest I do if I ever feel that way? And is it okay to feel like that?

Hi Sazuna45 –

Wow! Trying to determine the hardest part of being a teen is like asking which is the hardest part of the Iditarod, or the most difficult sport in the Olympics! They’re all hard!

I think my better answer to that would be to say what I think the nature of being a teenager is.

All transitions are difficult. If you’re sitting down right now, and you slowly stand up, the two easy, comfortable parts of that will be sitting and standing; all the work goes into the drawn-out process of getting yourself up there. Adolescence, or teenhood, is the biggest transition humans ever go through, after their birth. Babies and children grow, but teens change. Their bodies change shape, their hormones change, their skin and hair change, their feelings about their families and their friends change, their voices change… it’s just huge.

But just like that slow standing up, it’s not like these changes happen overnight. They all take a while. And the time they take is often painful, almost always embarrassing, and highly unpredictable – both for the teen and for everyone around them.

How often is one teen compared to others? Continue reading

0 How to be kinder to a sibling

Wooff asks: We all have sibling problems. But I just realized, I’m an ass to my sister. She can be very unreasonable but I think she at least deserves the respect. I’m nice to her at times but I get super mad at her when she touches me. I don’t like being touched at all. How do I become nicer to my sister? How do I bring patience in me? How do I become a good sibling?

Hi Wooff –

I was born in a litter of… well I don’t remember exactly because we were separated soon after, but my memory says there were about thirty-seven of us.  From the moment I was born, all I remember is struggles.  Struggling to get to feed at Mommy’s tummy, struggling to sleep comfortably on top of my brother who kept annoyingly kicking and whining, and especially lots of struggling to be the best fighter (and guess what – I was!).  At that time, that was the relationship I had with them.  They were my pillows, my playmates, and my competitors.  Not much else.

Now if I met up with those siblings today, once we’d sniffed and growled and eventually figured out who each other was, I think we’d become great pals.  We’d play together, we’d sniff around together, we’d tackle our humans together, we might even sleep together on cold nights (though not quite on top of each other like before!).

The difference is that we’ve matured.  Each of us.  We’ve grown from the perfect puppies we once were into complex, powerful, experienced dogs.

Now if you ask our mother, she’ll tell you that her life would have been a LOT easier if we’d done that maturing a bit more quickly.  Say, in our first couple of weeks.  But since our brains weren’t so developed, we did all sort of immature, bratty, mean behaviors to each other (and yes, again, I was the Champion of those behaviors!), and she had to spend her time forcing us to act mature.  You know, I was supposed to not bite my sister’s Continue reading

0 When you know your beloved will leave

prettyndsweet12 asks: I recently fell in love with the most amazing guy. He’s funny, very responsible, and smart, and he makes me feel special when I’m around him. When we met I knew he was a Senior and I was a Sophomore but it didn’t bother me. Now that the school year is over and he’s leaving, I’m devastated. I definitely want to keep in touch with him and still see him (I don’t think he’s going away for college) and maybe in the future we could get married and have a great life. I know that may not happen but I don’t see me falling in love or feeling the same way about anybody else. What should I do?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

How great is this!!!  I’m so happy for you!  What a joy to read such good news!

Now I know you have a question, but let me just jump around on my hind legs for a while first.   You a) fell in love, with b) an amazing guy, who’s c) funny and d) responsible, and e) smart, and f) makes you feel special, and g) you love him so much you’re envisioning spending the rest of your life with him.  Wow!  That’s, umm… abcdefg… SEVEN great things here all at once!

But then you have a problem.  A problem not because of anything bad about this guy, but all because he’s absolutely wonderful.  The problem of what happens next, and what he and you should do.

Well it seems pretty clear that you’re not sure what he’s going to do.  And that makes everything more difficult.  So the first thing I recommend is that you Continue reading

0 How to handle false rumors about you.

Nellsane asks: Recently there has been a rumor formulating about me being abused by my uncle, which is false. And also that he got imprisoned – also false. Now I’m going to be honest with you and tell you I’ve been abused as a child, but not by my uncle; it was a neighbor. But my question is – why do this to me out of all people? This is a pretty dumb rumor if you ask me, and people would be stupid to believe it. I still do not have any idea as to who spread it. And if I do, how should I react? I think this rumor has only been spread among some boys. How do you think I should react to this rumor without just drawing more attention to myself?

Hi Nelsane –

I’m a dog, and love pretty much everything.  I even love the cats and squirrels I complain about all the time, really.

But two things I detest are false accusations and vicious rumors!  I wish I had a perfect solution for you, and I even more strongly wish I knew who was doing this, so I could go implant my fangs into their stinky old butts!  But I don’t, and I can’t.  So all I can do is to offer some “maybe pretty good” suggestions.  I’m so sorry – I wish so badly I could do more!

My first suggestion is my simplest.  The rumor is stupid and untrue, so Continue reading