Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 How to keep from crying

Shizuka blue asks: What’s the best way to hide tears? My friends say that I am very emotional and a bit short tempered. Can you tell me how I could control my tears and anger when I need to?

Hi Shikuza blue –

One big difference between humans and dogs is that humans are taught to hide their feelings, a lot.  If someone steps on my tail and I give a loud yelp, no one thinks that means I’m less tough, or less cool, that they thought before.  But when a person reacts to life in an honest, emotional way, your friends get uncomfortable – they don’t know how to deal with you; it’s as if you’re suddenly like a child, or demanding too much of them.

It’s all really weird.

What I want you to do is to work to develop exactly the skills you ask for – and no more!

What I mean by that is that I want you to learn to find ways to keep yourself from showing anger or hurt when showing them isn’t a good idea – but never to keep yourself from feeling them.

Your feelings are the core of who you are, Shikuza blue!  Your love, your anger, your hatred, your fears… they truly are what make you you.  Shutting those feelings down makes about as much sense as tying your arms up or covering your whole head and body in a burlap sack!

But just as we dogs do have to learn, at times, to stay quiet, or stay still, you can learn to hold those reactions in.

The best suggestion I have is probably the opposite of what you usually try – and that is to Continue reading

0 When your parents won’t let you join a team

problempup asks: I have asked to join the school’s athletic team, but my parents said no. Help, Shirelle – this could be my big break!

Hi problempup –

There’s not a lot I can say, without knowing why your parents said no.  But I’m going to guess their refusal comes down to one of two reasons, and I’ll offer you my best thoughts on those two (but if I’m wrong, and it’s another reason, let me know!).

Usually, when I hear parents refusing to allow their kid to do an activity, it’s because they’re concerned that the youngster isn’t devoting enough time to their studies.  And that’s especially true when an activity is as time-consuming as an athletic team.

But if that’s the case, you can give a decent argument.  Firstly, you can tell them that Continue reading

0 Is it good to start a long-distance relationship?

Wolfy asks: Ever heard the phrase, “If you love something set it free; if it comes back it’s yours; if not it never was”? There is a guy who was in my fifth grade class, who now is in my middle school. We never really got to know each other in 5th grade and I did not “like” him. Now in middle school it is the same story… or at least it was at the beginning. Every week he has a new girlfriend; he is now your classic modern teenage boy with the cute hair and every thing. I found though that he is very smart and is very much like me and my other friends. I found that he is acting – covering up who he really is. I am a weird person and so is he – I can just tell. Back to the phrase, would that phrase count in this problem? He will be going to a different high school than me. I figure that if me and my friends an hour away from me can stay in touch, that maybe me and him can. It would be even better than the situation with my friends because it would be easier to go out on dates. The thing I am most afraid of is Life. Life has messed up every situation with someone I love. My dad, and my friends. There is little left but it is growing back. I like this boy but I am not so sure about it. “It” as in actually dating. “It” as in hurting again. My dad and my friends leaving me within the same month was hard and it has not been even a year. What do you think?

Hi Wolfy –

To my mind, you’re really asking two questions, or at least you’re bringing up two things.  One is about whether this boy going to high school far away will bring you closer.  The other is about your fear of what Life does.

That famous line about letting something go probably was originally written about a dog – don’t you think?  We’re so loyal to those we love, but we’re always pulling to get away and sniff the world out.  So it’s a great test with a dog to let it go and see if or when it comes back.  And if it doesn’t, yeah, it probably wants to be with someone else.  (Of course, in a city, there are a lot of very good reasons not to try this experiment – cars, police, dog-nappers… keep that pup HOME!)

But it also does apply to people, especially with romance.  If you’re dating someone and they say they need space, it’s very normal to suddenly cling all the tighter to them.  Which is likely to make them feel suffocated.  Whereas if you say “okay, go ahead,” you might well find that they come back to you, happy and refreshed.

But this boy, at least if I’m understanding your letter right, doesn’t currently have a relationship with you, right?  So what you’re asking is whether or not to become Continue reading

0 How to keep listening to music your parent thinks is harmful

BVB ARMY asks: I took your advice and I’m 2 months clean (I haven’t cut in 2 months) but my mom says that the music I listen to is having a bad influence on me (I listen to rock and metal, etc.), and she thinks I’m going to become a Satanist. I’m really annoyed because it’s so hard to reason with her, and now she’s convinced because one of my mom’s stupid friends told her about a guy who liked the same type of music as me who then became a Satanist, and he started cutting and stuff and he went and joined with a Satanist group and has never been seen since. And since I’m a little depressed, my music is my only escape – and my mom wants me to stop listening to it even though it helps me. She just doesn’t get it! I tried to explain to her, but she says music can’t help anyone unless they want to go hell (my family is really religious), and she says if I listen to them I will become depressed (which I already am but she doesn’t know – and I can’t tell her because I don’t know how she will react. Once I tried to tell her and I almost started crying, so I changed the subject.

Hi BVB ARMY –

Thanks for telling me about your two months without cutting!  That’s GREAT news!  You’ve made my day!!!

I’ve written other pieces about the question of what kinds of music are good or bad.  But I think the real issue here isn’t about the music itself, but about your relationship with your mother.  She doesn’t sound like a bad woman to me – she sounds scared.  And scared because she loves you more than anything else in the entire world.

Now , I don’t agree with her opinion (or rather, her friend’s opinion) about heavy metal.  But I know that if I were doing something that Handsome thought was harmful for me, he would do everything in his power to stop it.  Like when I built up the strength and know-how enough to get over the fence and go out of our yard.  He had other stuff he had to do, but put it all aside to put up more fencing, so I couldn’t get out.  It’s not that I was being bad, it’s that he was petrified I’d get lost or run over or picked up by dogcatchers!  That’s how your mom’s feeling.

Your best bet, now, is to Continue reading

0 What do dreams mean?

Wolfy asks: Dreams are weird. That is a fact of life. There are also many myths about them. There is one myth I have been wondering about… If someone is thinking about you, that you will dream about them. I think it maybe is true? Maybe, as a common species, our minds are connected telepathically, which could explain why we get those feelings, like someone is watching us, or other little feelings we get that involve other humans. We know that people think about other people of course. The question I am asking is if someone thinks about you, will you dream about them?

Hi Wolfy –

Dreams are ridiculously cool.  Whenever I think about them, my mind just goes haywire.  Think about it – during your waking hours, your brain is working hard to take in all sorts of information (what you see, what you hear, smell, touch, and taste, what people are saying to you, what you need to remember to do later today… and so much more!), but when you sleep, it does its own thing, presenting images and stories that have nothing to do with what’s happening directly around you.  And we all do it – if you’ve never watched a dog fighting or hunting in its sleep, you have an enormous treat ahead of you!

And so for years, the greatest minds have struggled to figure out exactly what dreams are.  Some people say they tell the future.  Some say they’re our channel to learn what God wants us to know.  Sigmund Freud said they’re repressed parts of our personalities coming out.  Carl Jung said their our connection to the Collective Unconscious, a world of meaning shared by all.

And what do I think?

I have Continue reading

0 How to get past a trauma

Cashy asks: I am socializing now, but only with people I am familiar with. But I always feel awkward around boys I don’t interact with much (friends of friends mainly). I see them on a daily basis but I am still not comfortable with them. I am very quiet when I am around them. And I don’t like staying around boys when I am the only girl there, even if my guy best friend is there – I usually leave when my girl best friend leaves without even a goodbye. And I don’t actually know why. I have two theories as to why I am so awkward around them. One could be because I spent most of my childhood with no boys, only my sisters, or it could be because I was molested several times by different people when I was younger. Do you think my social awkwardness around unknown people is because I was molested? I mostly feel awkward around boys but I also feel awkward around normal people (waiters, cashiers, etc.). How can I cure myself of this? For example, I had several flashbacks of my molestations today, so I was super quiet. Should I share this with my friends? I shared this with one friend already who had been molested once too, and it felt better to know that I am not alone. So I want to tell another best friend, who I highly doubt has been molested. How do I move on with my life with knowing what happened to me? I know you would like me to see a therapist, but I would like to recover first without one. But if I am not able to move on, I will see a counselor if necessary.

Hi Cashy –

We dogs aren’t known for subtlety or “beating around the bush.”  So I’ll jump in on this one the same way I would on a squirrel or a pizza:  Yes, I think your social awkwardness is absolutely related to having been molested!  And yes, I want you to seek out better help than this loving, caring pup can give.

Here’s the deal.  Of course I don’t know the details of what was done to you, but children live in a world where they feel vulnerable and attacked all the time – a mean kid, an angry parent, a mean teacher, or (I hate to admit it but) a nasty dog all are really frightening to kids.  And yet, somehow they survive all that, and learn from it, and are able to grow into healthy adults.  But sometimes, an adult does things to a child that go beyond what’s normally Continue reading

0 How to create an advice website

Doglover 101 asks: You’ve given me great advice and inspired me to help others with their problems. Surprisingly, they think I’m good at it! My teacher also thinks I’m a pretty good author (So good she said I was the best author in the class). So um… I was thinking that maybe… Maybe I could have a website to give advice like you? But I’d be a human. So if I was ready enough maybe you could give me some tips to help me give advice to people all around the world. But only if you think it would be a good idea – and if running the type of website that you have (e.g. categories, banner art, links etc.) is free. What do you think?

Hi Doglover101 –

One great thing about what I do with this site is that there’s no sense of competition. People come to this site because they like what I say. If they don’t like my point of view, they go to other sites. And I’m not here to say my ideas are better or worse than the ones on those other sites – they’re just mine. So I have no problem with you starting a site too. But your concerns are correct – it’s quite a bit of work.

To begin with, creating any website takes some work and some money. I have been very lucky to have two incredible designers to help me create mine – one who did it for the first year or so (while it was being built), and then another who’s done it ever since. And that last one, Sherice, brought in the amazing Martin, the artist who has made all those gorgeous pictures you see on the different pages. And yes, while their prices were extremely reasonable, I did have to pay them for the work (well, actually, Handsome paid them – we pups don’t have a lot of ways to make money for ourselves).

Then I spent a lot of time getting questions from my friends and Handsome’s, so that we’d have some material on the site when it opened. And those took a lot of time to answer, of course.

Then, the biggest issue became Continue reading

0 What to do when your boyfriend accuses you of lying

samantha asks: My boyfriend thinks I lied to him. I didn’t, but he won’t believe me and won’t answer my texts. Here is the situation: I got worried that he may have been cheating on me so I added one of his friends on snapchat that I saw he snapchats a lot, just wanted to see who the person was. On Monday, she posted a 45 second story of her in the car listening to music, but it never showed her face, so I went on with my day. Later in the day, my boyfriend texted me that his best friend said I screenshot her story on snapchat, so I replied saying I didn’t but that I watched the story. He then replied, “So you’re gonna lie when you just blocked her on snapchat? Why are you lying?” (with some more colorful words as well). I replied, “I haven’t blocked anyone or erased anyone or anything. I’m so confused about what you’re talking about.” He responded, “She called me all weekend asking who you were, and I know you blocked her.” And I responded, “I didn’t block her,” and he said “She doesn’t even know you,” so I then told him I had added her on snapchat to see who she was and that was it, and he accused me of lying again. I’ve since then tried to see him so we can talk in person, but he hasn’t responded to any of my texts.

Hi samantha –

You probably know, I’m usually a very positive-minded pup, eager to encourage people to try to make relationships work.  But in this particular case, I’m afraid I’m coming from a somewhat less excited place.

Let me explain.  Lots of couples treat each other well most of the time, but get into misunderstandings or arguments, which can often result in problems, and I’m so happy to step in and try to help them work things out, and get back to the loving place where everyone is happier.

But I’m not seeing that here!

I’m seeing a guy who’s very Continue reading

0 How to hang out with friends when you can’t drive

prettyndsweet12 asks: I’m finally 15 ! It seems like just yesterday I was 12 years old, struggling with my medical condition asking you for help. Now my life has changed a lot. I’m tired of people asking me to hang out and having to turn them down because I have no ride, or I’m scared to ask my mom. I wanna be the 15 year old that shops with her friends, has sleepovers, hangs out and even gets in trouble for being out to late! Where do I start – but most importantly how do I start? I don’t feel comfortable asking my mom to let me get picked up by a 16-year-old boy, but I want the teenage experience!

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

So if I understand your question rightly, you’re saying that your friends are asking you to come out and have fun, and you’re eager to do it, but you feel you can’t because you don’t have a ride and you’re not comfortable asking your mom.  Is that right?

I might be missing something here, but my first thought is — how are they getting to where they meet up?  Can they pick you up, or could their parents pick you up?  And if they’re too far away for that, can you take a bus or even a cab, to get to them?

I’m wondering if you’re being more Continue reading

0 How to raise funds for a cause at school

Evies pack asks: My friends and I started this “fundraiser,” going around the school and collecting signatures for endangered animals. Before lunch, it was a hit. We totaled in 39 signatures! But after lunch, rumours were saying that it’s illegal to do that and everybody wanted to take their name off!!! It bothered me so much. I spent more then an hour in the bathroom trying to calm down. What can I do?

Hi Evies pack –

I might be a little confused, but I’ve never heard about any laws against raising funds or collecting signatures to help endangered animals.

One question though: Were you collecting these things for a particular organization, or just for yourselves to donate?  If the latter, you might want to try it again, with the Continue reading