Category Archives for "Featured Questions"

0 What kind of face do men like best on women?

Reena asks: Do men like women with a baby face? If yes, why?

Hi Reena –

One great thing about human attraction is that different people are attracted to different sorts. Modern media has hurt this in some ways – people who would naturally be attracted to one sort of person are conditioned to different sorts – but overall, what they call “animal attraction” still exists.

Many people believe that most people’s facial preferences are based on their families. You grew up madly loving the faces of the people you knew best, so later in life you’re drawn to those same sorts of looks (and voices, skin tones, body types, etc.). But of course, that’s not always the case.

Still, having said all this, there are certain sorts of looks that seem to be more generally popular overall. The “tall, dark, handsome man” fortune tellers have promised for centuries, the voluptuous fertility goddess figure we’ve seen from ancient statues up through Marilyn Monroe, to Christina Hendricks and Beyonce. And, yes, the baby face.

But not just in women!

Sure, Betty Boop has a baby face. And Debbie Reynolds had one, and Selena Gomez and Dakota Fanning. But so does Justin Bieber! And Zac Ephron. And Bradley Cooper.

It’s not even just sex symbols – the Italian dictator Benito Mussolini had the face of a three year old, and the current American president Donald Trump has the pout most of you humans lose at two!

So I don’t know what answer you were hoping for, but my real answer to you is the same as if I wrote you asking if people liked small dogs. The answer is of course, yes! And medium ones, and large ones, and Great Danes and Newfoundlands. So do men like women with baby faces? Sure. And some like women with long thin very adult faces, and some like women with tough cool faces… and, yes, some prefer the faces of men anyway!

So whether you’re a baby-faced Rhianna or a triangle-faced Katy Perry or a mysterious Scarlett Johansson… there are those out there who find you ravishing. And even though I’ve never seen you or even smelled your hand, I know I’m one of them!

All my best,

Shirelle

0 What does a couple need to work out before marrying?

Ducky asks– Hello! So I seem to be having trouble in my relationship. We have been together for 13 months and became engaged 6 months in. I told her I wasn’t ready to be engaged, as I have been married before and I’m not ready for it yet. But she got mad at me and I gave in and said she could propose. Then she wanted a baby and I told her I wasn’t ready. I feel like I’m holding her back from her life. We also argue about a lot because she says a lot of things she regrets saying and when alcohol is involved (which isn’t too often) it gets worse. She goes through my phone because she doesn’t trust who I talk to, and I have trouble letting go of the arguments we have. Which has led to resentment, lack of sexual desire, and me being a robot. I’m also having trouble being attracted to her because I’m used to being with men. We called off our engagement privately because she knew I didn’t want it yet. She is very upset about going backwards. We are now on a break because she’s tired of being with a wall, she wants me to let go of my past and be ready for a future with her and figure out my sexual desires so we can either make this work or end it before it gets too far. I’m so lost. I love her so much, I just feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. How do I figure this all out?

Hi Ducky –

There’s so much in this question – way too much for one dog to be able to answer all at once (or probably even a brilliant couples therapist!). I’ll start by saying that I’m glad you two chose to put a break in your engagement, as this stuff is too much to take into a marriage (Marriage is work enough without starting this way!). But I’ll try to comment on at least some of these things.

• If I’m reading your letter correctly, you used to have relationships with men, but then chose to get engaged to a woman. I don’t know whether you’re a man or a woman, but either way, I feel like this is a very big issue that has to be confronted first. Are you sure you want to be with a woman for the rest of your life, and just this one woman? Or are you still more drawn to men?

• Marriage is, other than parenthood or being a pet, the biggest commitment most anyone makes (I point out that being a pet is a far bigger commitment than getting one, because we’re the only ones who plan to stay in those relationships for our whole lives; for humans it’s usually just a sizable portion). There are lots of good reasons to marry, but talking the other person down from being angry isn’t one of them. You both need to want this, more than just about anything, or it simply won’t work. So if you two get things working again, make sure you want to marry her before you offer to again. Making someone feel better is a great reason to buy her flowers, take her to dinner, or (what I do) lay my head in her lap and whine while looking into her eyes. Marriage is a bigger deal. (And I’m very glad you didn’t agree to a baby before you were ready. I love babies and parents, but we want that kid to feel wanted and loved from day one, not to feel like they were the resolution to an argument)

Continue reading

0 Is it wrong to date an adult while you are a teenager?

lovergirl asks: Is it wrong to date a 20-year-old guy while you are 14?

Hi lovergirl –

I have many thoughts on this, but lots of them depend on defining the words you used.

For example, when you say “date,” do you mean “hang out with?”  If so, then there’s probably no problem with it.  But if you mean “get romantically involved with,” I’d ask you what it is about him that draws him to someone so much younger than he is.  I’ve known lots of couples who were six years apart, or way more, but that’s a lot less time when you’re 30 than when you’re 14.  I mean, if he turns 21 before she turns 15, he’ll be half her age older than her!  So I’d be concerned, but not necessarily say it’s impossible.

But now we get to that other word, which is “wrong.”  Do you mean “against the rules?”  Well, nothing I said above is against any rules, but if that 20-year-old is thinking of getting  Continue reading

0 How to keep sane in a long-distance relationship

alizey asks: I am in long distance relationship and I don’t know how to make it work without becoming an emotional fool?

Hi alley –

Okay, I’ll be honest with you – to me a long-distance relationship sounds like pure misery!  When my human friend Handsome leaves town, I’m a wreck.  Even if I’m staying with good friends, or at a place with other dogs, those delights only serve as distractions.  I’m a one-person dog, and being away from that person for a long period is just devastating.

But you’re not a dog; you’re a person.  So, unlike me, you can have really fulfilling communication with another person through telephone or texting or even a picture-phone like FaceTime or Skype.  You don’t depend as much as I do on smell and touch (though people tell me those are sure nice parts of your relationships too!).

It really sounds to me like you’re okay with it, as long as things don’t make you get too emotional.  And my guess is that those come down to two issues: Missing and Continue reading

0 How to get out of having done a secret prank on a friend

azraspahic_ asks – So it’s 2 weeks before April Fools, and I decided to do a harmless prank on my friend of slipping notes in her locker. But she told the principal and then told me. I don’t want to get suspended over a harmless joke! What do I do? I have not told her I was the one who slipped the notes. I printed one out as well and said, “oh see this is the one I got” and she believed it! What should I do?

Hi azraspahic_ –

Ooooh do I relate to this!  My pranks are usually more along the lines of stealing food off a person’s plate, but I know how awful it can feel to get caught, especially when the punishment seems like it’s so much bigger than the little joke you pulled!  (I mean, come on, did that guest really want that steak that badly?!!)

The nice part is that you do have a way out of this, if you want – which is to simply say nothing, and let the issue go away.  If you can feel okay about doing that, it really won’t cause any harm.  It’s true that you lied about getting the note yourself, but it’s a harmless lie, and your friend won’t be any worse off for it.

But, like me, you do have a conscience, so I can understand if you find it hard to just do that.  So there are a few other thoughts that hit me:

One is to Continue reading

0 How to deal with a rude harasser at work.

Reena asks: You know how it is to be a working woman. I am very dedicated to my work. My Bosses are very happy with my work. However, it has definitely harboured some kind of envy and jealousy among other team members in the team. Now I am quite a target and I’ve noticed, people do keep an eye on me. But there’s this one guy at work I’m genuinely fed up with and don’t know how to deal with it. I am a very simple person Shirelle. I come, work, make money and go home. I have very few friends at work and am very happy with them. But there’s this one twisted colleague at work who believes that all the success am achieving is through deceptive means. He has his own perception about me. Basically he has just assumed a lot. I am fed up with his indirect taunts and comments like, “Show me the Real You”. “Remove the mask when talking to me”. “I don’t get scared of anyone”. “She is fake”. The last time an email was sent to me and he started enquiring about that email which was obviously none of his business. I yelled at him because I had taken enough from him. I told him to stay out of my business. I have already sent an email to my Manager but no use. His behavior has worsened. I changed my place and now sit somewhere else and yesterday he came and sat in front of me. All my life I have felt vulnerable because I didn’t have a father growing up (my parents separated) and now I feel very vulnerable at work too.. Please advise.

Hi Reena –

Well, I can’t quite answer yes to that first statement of yours.  I mean, I’m not a working woman – I’m just a dog with a hobby I adore! – but I’ve sure heard a lot about the problems working women go through, including harassment of different sorts from creepy guys.

But I have to be honest with you, this man doesn’t sound like most of them I’ve heard.  Instead, he sounds like someone out of a lot of letters I’ve gotten from young girls, like in elementary or middle school!!  And my guess is usually that the boy who’s bothering the girl, saying rude things to her, crowding her space — LIKES her!  And doesn’t know more appropriate ways of showing it!

And here’s the weird part, then I tell them something like “But don’t worry, he should grow out of this pretty soon, by the time he turns thirteen or fourteen!”  But this guy you’re talking about, I assume, is WAY older than that!

So what in the world…?!

And it’s not fair for me to speak too condescendingly – I was just as bad a puppy as those boys are!  I chewed everything and bit everyone and tore all sorts of stuff up… but at some point around two years old, I did grow out of it!

So what in the world is with this guy?!

I’m actually thinking that my instinct is right (we pooches are good at that), and that this man is attracted to you.  But if he ever had a chance, he’s probably ruining it!

My best advice to you would be to Continue reading

0 Is it okay for a boy to like wearing girls’ clothes?

Violet asks: I am a 12 year old boy. Is it normal I like to wear girl clothes? I like to wear girl things but I don’t know why. I wear my sister’s clothes. My sister is 8 years old. I wear her dresses and her underwear. No one knows I wear them but I feel bad about it. I sometimes wish I was a girl.

Hi Violet –

I’m glad you wrote me, because I have a very different take on this than most humans.

You see, Violet, as a dog, I don’t care about anything in terms of the roles of boys and girls.  For example, most female dogs squat whenever they pee, but ever since I was old enough, I’ve often lifted my leg to do it.  And no one’s ever cared.

Similarly, I don’t care a bit about clothes, except to say that I always find it really irritating when Handsome makes me wear any (you humans seem to just find it SOOOOO funny to see a dog in a hat or shirt.  And you’re supposed to be the intelligent ones?!)

Now, you asked me something very specific.  You asked me if it’s “normal” for a boy to want to wear girls’ clothes.  Well, if “normal” means that most people do it, then no, it’s not.  Nor is it normal for girl dogs to lift their legs to pee, or for a person to become a big movie star or sports legend.  But the much more important issue is, is it Continue reading

0 How to step-parent in a home with conflict

Johan-dad asks: Hello. I’m married, 2nd marriage, to a beautiful lady I’ll call C. She’s got just as beautiful little girl, M. I’ve been in C and M’s life for the past 3 1/2 years and we’ve been married now for just over 1 year. M, my stepdaughter that I love like my own, is 5 years old. C and M have this love-hate relationship, and I’m saying that because one minute they can love each other to bits and the next they scream and shout at each other like hateful teenagers. My question is not that simple, but I’m going to try and break it down to simplify. M sleeps in our bed as she refuses to sleep in her bed. Mom is saying that she doesn’t want to fight at night getting M to bed so she rather give M what she wants to keep the peace. However, when it’s long past sleeping time, M is still awake and mom is then fighting and screaming at M to sleep. I feel that the fighting and screaming at night is worse than telling the child to go to bed and letting her cry in her bed until she falls asleep, because she will learn to after a while. Unfortunately this is not an option and I’ve been told that I should stay out of their fights and mind my own business. If I do make mention of the fact that I feel it is wrong, then mom goes and sleeps in M’s bed and returns to ours during the night, and the next day all I hear is how bad it is sleeping in M’s bed. Now this is just one example and there is a lot more, but I would like to know what is my right as a step-parent and how do I deal with this. If my wife is unable to discipline, and I’m not talking about giving hidings or verbally abusing the child, how do I intervene and what is my responsibility? I feel that our, my wife and I, relationship is taking a big knock because of the fact that mom either fights with the child like she is her enemy or she gives the child her way to avoid a fight and I am sitting on the sideline seeing how they destroy each other and I can not do anything about it. My wife has even mentioned it that she considered to kill herself because she can’t handle M and life, but still she doesn’t want to allow me in that circle to help her. I don’t know what part of parenting is “allowed” from a stepparent’s perspective, and what should I do as a husband to get my wife to understand that I am not the enemy but can assist her if she allows me. I always try to be calm and not get involved too much, but sometimes I’ll come in the crossfire unwillingly. Please help me to understand my role where two people I love are falling into this pit and it feels like my hands are cut off.

Hi Johan-dad –

There are those who will tell you that you’re in a very common position for a step-parent.  But I’ll tell you, you’re in an even more common place for a DOG!  This is exactly the position we find ourselves in all the time – we love everyone in the home, they’re fighting, and we want to jump in and do something to stop it, but whenever we try, they yell at us and throw us out the back door!

My solution to this is simple: I write this website. After years of being frustrated with no one paying attention to my thoughts on the matter, I’m now able to get people all over the world to listen to me, and it looks like, a lot of the time, I’m able to help.

But that doesn’t change how people treat me when we’re together.  Then I’m still just a dumb old dog, or maybe they see me as vicious because I’m barking at them… and out I get tossed.

And the truth is, in this case of yours, they’re right: this is between them, and you don’t get to have a say in it.

But I’m not suggesting you give up.  I’m just saying you’re too close to them to be the one to take charge.

What this really looks like is a situation where your wife has spent five years mostly doing whatever her daughter wanted, or expressed she needed.  Which is, of course, a lot better than being cruel, abusive, or neglectful.  But it’s created a situation where your stepdaughter has learned to go after what she wants by demanding and crying.  It’s very similar to an untrained puppy who whines all night till someone lets her out of her crate and onto the family bed (where they’d sworn she’d never be allowed).

And what you need is a good Continue reading

0 What to do when you find out you’re the “other woman” (or man)

Sphumelele asks: Remember the family friend I told you about? Well we’ve started and it has been awesome he’s a great guy but what recently broke my heart is that I saw recent pictures of him and his baby mama on Facebook declaring the love they have for each other. Now I don’t know where I stand. He doesn’t know that I’m the baby mama’s friend on Facebook. I asked him if they are still together or not but he dismissed it saying we’ll talk about it when we meet which is still 3 weeks away and it’s slowly breaking me. I want to know how do I go about finding the truth? The thought of him telling her that he loves her kills me slowly and I can’t handle it no more. How do I ask him this without seeming desperate? And also am I allowing guys take advantage of me? Am I the one allowing them to break or play with my heart?? Shirelle please help I’m so confused right now.

Hi Sphumelele –

Your situation is reminding me of a painful time soon after I first came to live with Handsome, my human.  He had fallen in love with a woman who was involved with another man.  At first they were just coworkers and friends, but eventually he and she got involved, as she was saying she wanted to get out of that other relationship.  He did everything he could to help her out, and they’d have a great time when they were together, but then she’d go back out with the other guy and disappear for a while, which just ripped Handsome apart.  (I tried over and over again to get him to realize he could have so much more fun with me than sitting around moping about her, but he was too sad – or stupid – to accept my love in her place).

Eventually she broke things off with him, to stay with the other guy.  And while it ripped Handsome up something awful, eventually he started talking to me about a big question: whose fault this was.  Or rather, who was the villain in this story?

Was it the boyfriend, who had been pretty rotten to the woman in a lot of ways, making her want to look elsewhere?  Was it the woman, for stringing Handsome along when she wasn’t sure she wanted to leave the other guy?  Or was it Handsome, who could be seen to have taken advantage of a tough situation the couple was having?

The answer is Continue reading

0 How to deal with your boyfriend making false accusations at you.

Paballo asks: I’m 21 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years. He is my first and since him I haven’t been involved with anyone. Things we going great for the first years, but as time went by he cheated continuously, and when I asked him why, he would turn the blame onto me. I was patient thinking he would realize how much I love him, but it got worse when he cheated on me with the same girl for the past 2 continuous years. Last year I then decided to break up with him. As hard as it was, I continued to be single for couple of months. Then, during December, I saw him by the club and we ended up having sex, and after then I thought things were working out. He then started to dig into what I was doing during the break up and found nothing. Then one time when we were chatting on social media he asked me if I had a thing for his cousin’s ex, and I tried to tell him that I did not. He continued to stress the fact that I had a thing for him, I felt cornered and I snapped out of anger and admitted something I didn’t do. I feel like he needed closure from our first break up, that that’s why he came back to me, and needed a reason to leave me. It is hard for me to accept and move on more, especially as he made me believe in us when I was already trying to cope. Please help coz this is affecting my college grades.

Hi Paballo –

I am so sorry about this! I wish I could just climb up onto you, put my paws on your knees, stare into your eyes and whine to say “I feel for you!” This is just so painful!

So, first of all, I have to say, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. You gave him a chance when you first caught him cheating, but left him when you caught him at it again (and I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like to learn that it had been going on so long). Then you gave yourselves the chance to rekindle the relationship after a while… and then he pulled this nonsense about his cousin’s ex. And now you know you need to move on from him. Absolutely correct.

But you’re wondering why it’s so hard. Well, I have two thoughts.

First, you’re Continue reading