Category Archives for "Family"

0 How can children increase family ties

Emy asks: How can children help keep family ties closer?

Hi Emy –

You ask a very interesting question.  I’m not sure if you are asking how children can keep their families more connected, or how they can stay more connected to their own families.

If it’s the first, it’s certainly something kids dream of doing a lot.  The popular movie “The Parent Trap” (either version of it) is a very fun version of this fantasy, where two twin girls conspire to get their divorced parents to remarry.  Of course the truth is that just by Continue reading

0 How to get parents to fight less

nikolas asks: I am 14, and I have a perfect life. I am an excellent student and so on. But this is regarding my parents. Sometimes they start fighting, yelling at each other about our current financial problems. I love my mum and dad more than anything in the whole world!! It’s just that I hate it when they’re fighting. Then after an hour or so of that fighting, I become frightened that this either won’t stop, or it will get worse, or that it will go so far that they will divorce. I talked to my parents about the divorce thing and they said, “Don’t be silly, that will never happen, we love each other.” From time to time I can be a little pessimistic about those kinds of things. This sounds a little stupid, but from time to time, after the fights, I ask one parent, “We love (the other parent), don’t we?” And they say, “Yes, why shouldn’t we?” I know that these fights end in due time but it’s just that (ahhhhh here I go all pessimistic again) my mum is mostly frustrated because my dad spends a lot. Recently he spent 30.000 dinars on the maintenance of our car (that’s about 300 euros or 270 GBP). Since we got that car we are in huge debt. I just don’t want these fights to haunt me. Please give me some advice. Thank You

Hi Nikolas –

Okay, first thing – nothing you’re saying sounds stupid, or even pessimistic.  You’re living in a difficult situation that’s affecting you a lot, and that’s simply real.  It sounds pretty clear that neither of your parents is nearly as bothered by the intensity of their arguing as you are.  That may be just because they’re used to it – some couples even like arguing a lot, they feel it keeps their relationship fresh!  But I can tell you that I’m like you: I hate it when Handsome gets upset about anything.  It makes me feel insecure about our home, and very worried that he might get equally mad at me!

I’ve already written on here about how to deal with parents who fight (see Gingko’s question about it), but it certainly sounds like you’re in no physical danger.  You’re really dealing with two big issues, and I have thoughts on both of them.

First, yes, they’re fighting, and they don’t see anything wrong with it.  That’s actually a little unfair to you.  If I bark at the neighbor’s dog all day, and the other neighbors get bothered, they call Continue reading

1 What to do if you lose both your parents

lexie jayne asks: I am a teenager who lost my parents 2 years back. I always feel that I am so left out, and I get depressed easily. Can you please help me?

Oh Lexie Jayne, I am so very very sorry!  People are programmed to believe that their parents will be around forever, at least until they grow into adulthood.  And to lose even one parent is just devastating for any teenager, but to lose both… I’m just so sorry.  If I could, I’d lay my head in your lap and look straight up into your eyes and let you know that I understand.  After all, I haven’t seen either of my parents since I was a very very young puppy, just weeks old.  But I know that your pain is far worse than mine.

Now let me say one thing here, about your question.  All teenagers often feel left out, and get depressed.  Even if it doesn’t look that way when you see them at school or around town.  I mean it, all of them do.  It’s just that you have a far better Continue reading

0 How to get my child to not be scared to go to school

missue asks: I have a 6-year-old kid. He had this weird habit of crying in school when he was in kindergarten, but I thought he would get used to school when he was in grade one. But then things got worse than ever! Now he doesn’t want to go to school at all! What should I do? I’ve tried everything to convince him to go but still I can’t.

Hi Missue –

I relate completely to your kid.  Any time Handsome drops me off anywhere, I don’t like it.  I don’t mind any of the places he takes me, but I hate being left by him.  I’m always afraid I’m going back to the pound where he first found me, and that’s really scary!

But you’re right to be concerned.  People usually get over what’s called Separation Anxiety by your son’s age.  Although, you’d be surprised at how normal it is, even at this point.

If your son is able to express what scares him, the best thing is to get him to Continue reading

1 How to tell your parents you’ve been keeping something from them

Chocolate Bar asks: How can I have a conversation with my parents about the fact that I’ve been dating? And convince them that they can trust me to make the right choices?

Hi Chocolate Bar –

If I’m reading your question right, you have a specific problem, that goes beyond how to talk to your parents about dating.  I have a bunch of other posts on the website that tell about how parents and teens can talk about dating… but it sounds like you’ve been doing it behind their back.  And now you want to know how to earn their trust.  Now that could get pretty difficult!

You know that story about the puppet whose nose grows even longer than mine, every time he lies?  That’s because that’s exactly what a Continue reading

0 How to discipline misbehaving children

syeda asks: My child is a very naughty boy. He beats every one, and he does not listen to any one. What can I do?

Hi syeda –

It’s hard for me to answer your question without knowing how old your son is, but I can give a general answer to you:

Your kid is misbehaving, and you’re not sure how to control it.  And it sounds like he’s really unhappy.   Here are my broad rules for this:

1)   You need to set consequences for actions.  They need to be clear and immediate.  If he hits someone, a certain consequence happens.  If he doesn’t listen, another does.  Every time.

2)   Your goal is to teach him, not to Continue reading

0 How should teenagers deal with “inappropriate” websites?

moonfur asks: My best friend isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore because I found an inappropriate website and told her about it, and then continued to go on it, and her mum found out about it — so my bff was forced to say that I showed it to her. We are like sisters! How do I survive this?

Hi moonfur –

Wow, thanks for asking such an open question.

What hits me the most about it is one word:  “inappropriate.”  I want you to think a minute about what that word means, because everything I say will be about that.

“Inappropriate” is a word that people use very freely, and often… well… inappropriately!  It means something that’s not suitable for a particular occasion:  It’s appropriate to yell out “Goooooooooal!” at a World Cup match, but not at a church service.  It’s appropriate to laugh loudly when a movie comedian falls down, but not when your teacher does.  It’s appropriate for…  well, you get the idea.  But I hear lots of people say something’s “inappropriate” simply because they don’t like it!  “It’s inappropriate for you to point out that I was lying,” for example.

So, given that, what makes the website you saw “inappropriate?”  Was it something only Continue reading

1 How can I help my friend deal with strict parents?

Angelbrat asks: Hey Shirelle, I have a friend who moved away from our town to study. We keep in touch by texting and e-mailing each other, and she seems unhappy. She always wanted to study spa and later make her own business but her mum made her decisions and she has to study Management. She tried to talk to her parents but nothing worked. Plus she has to do all her lessons in Dutch. Gosh, that is hard. As a friend it breaks my heart to know that she is really unhappy. How can I help her??

Wow Angelbrat, you’re right, that does sound hard!  Both for your friend and for you!

It’s one of the hardest things for anyone with a big heart, to see someone they love going through a really tough time.  We feel so helpless!  I’ve watched Handsome go through everything from breakups to operations to hard classes, and not been able to do anything to help him.

EXCEPT – and this is really important – I always told him that I loved him.  He’d be sitting all miserable on the couch, and I’d bring him a toy, or he’d be having a tough phone call and I’d walk up and lay my head on his Continue reading

0 How to encourage children to talk freely to parents, and not keep secrets

eyobkunu asks: How do we encourage kids to talk freely to their parents, and not keep secrets?

Thanks for asking this, eyobkunu.  It’s a fascinating question.

I’ve said on here before that dogs never lie, but you bring up a great point, that dogs also never keep secrets.  So I’ve had to really struggle to understand exactly what secrets are, and why people keep them.

The whole point behind secrets is that most people are very social, and love to tell most things in their lives to most of the people they know.  It really makes people feel good.  When I meet other dogs, I interact with them by sniffing them, playing with them, maybe some wrestling, maybe some barking, lots of chasing.  But when people meet, they usually, except for a quick handshake or Continue reading

0 How to make your parents happy

sunny asks: How can I be a good son, and make my parents happy?

Hi sunny –

What a wonderful question.  It’s a great goal, to want to make anyone happy – whether it’s your parents, or a stranger, or a nice dog who loves to give advice.  There’s just one problem with it:  you can’t.

If you look at the June issue of The Pawprint, you’ll see a big piece I wrote about how to make yourself happy.  But the awful truth is that you can’t make anyone else happy.  I know, it’s crazy!  Giving them what they want should be enough!  But sometimes…

You know, Handsome loves me more than anything else in the world.  But sometimes something goes bad with his work, or a friend hurts his feelings, and suddenly he’s just not happy.  It doesn’t mean he’s mad at me, or that I’m doing anything wrong, but no matter how many chew toys I drop in his Continue reading