Category Archives for "Family"

2 What to do when teenagers retreat from life

Pinky asks: Hi. I am a mother of a 13-year-old son. Of late I have realized he is losing his interest in studies and is becoming very inactive in his day-to-day life. My son is good in studies but now he is not doing his work on time and wants to postpone all his work. He is lacking in concentration too. He doesn’t like to go out much. He just wants to sit at home and watch TV or play PSP, etc. What should I do now?

Hi Pinky –

Thanks for your question about your son.

I wish I could tell you for sure what’s going on.  But the truth is, it could be any number of things.

MOST likely, it’s nothing to be terribly worried about.  Most teenagers go through a period (or a few periods) like this.  Their bodies and worlds are changing very fast, and they need a time when they sort of retreat, when they lose their usual energy and excitement, and need to pull inside themselves, and avoid the Continue reading

0 How to help a child who’s been frightened by scary pictures

Georgie asks: My 10-year-old daughter recently was exposed to a truly horrific image on the ‘Quizazz’ website… she really had her wits scared out of her and, despite my reassurances of ‘it’s not real,’ I don’t think I’m getting thru; how can I help her deal with her fright which is now turning into nightmares and having to have a night light on, etc?

Hi Georgie –

I just looked at Quizazz, and I think I might have seen the pictures that scared her –  Yep, those are pretty darn creepy!   I will say, though, that if it was one of those, I’m happy that it wasn’t worse!  Children are going to see faces that scare them, whether it’s in a fairy tale book or a monster movie or…  Hey do you know what movie has scared more people more than any other over time?  If you’re thinking about “Psycho” or “The Exorcist” or some slasher flicks, forget it.  The most frightening movie ever (based on a survey of psychologists years ago) is ” Continue reading

0 How to keep your weight down when your family feeds you too much

Naima asks: How can I lose weight quickly, when my mother wants me to keep eating for my health, and eat fattening food?

Hi Naima –

Great question, and there is a trick to it.  Lots of times grownups want their kids to eat a lot, with the idea that eating big amounts makes them healthy.  While the kid might want to eat less, to lose weight, in order to look better.  Now as we all know, eating way too much or way too little can be really harmful.  So your mother might be right, to the degree that she wants you to eat enough to be strong and healthy – but you’re right, to the degree that you don’t want a lot of fattening foods.

The solution is for you to make certain demands about what foods you eat, and then you won’t have to worry so much about how much you eat.

Vegetables and fruits are really the key here.  Lots of people just have them on the side of their meals – say they eat a big slab of meat with a big potato or load of pasta, and a little salad on the side.  Or for breakfast they’ll have eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes, toast… and a tiny glass of Continue reading

5 How do we pray for our children’s purity

animalkingdom asks: I have a 13 year old daughter who would like to stay pure until she gets married. Is there any prayer that one says with them when you give them a purity ring?

Hi animalkingdom –

I am a dog, and so thereby unaffiliated with any religion, and pretty unaware of most.  But I’ll make up a prayer, and you can use it or change it however you wish:

May you live the life you wish.  May you have the strength and wisdom to act in your own best interests, in the short term and the long.  May you find and recognize love and faithfulness in yourself and others, and both give and receive the worth they deserve.  And may you always Continue reading

4 When is punishment child abuse, and what should one do about it

superlover123 asks: Hi, I am facing child abuse. My mother beats me sometimes and I am left with bruises and scars. I sometimes feel like running away but I know that wouldn’t solve anything. Plus I tend to yell at people a lot without thinking first, but I’m afraid to ask for anger management classes because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy. Please help!

Hi superlover123 –

Thank you so much for your question about child abuse.

Okay, first things first.  No parent has the right to beat their child to the point of bruises and scars.  I don’t know where you live, but in a lot of places that’s completely illegal, and the police can come in and stop it.  If you’re not comfortable just walking up to a police officer, or if you’re not sure about the laws where you live, and you want to write me and tell me where you live (not your address, but the country or state is enough), I can find out who you can call to stop this if possible.  I’m very glad you wrote me about it, and I’ll gladly do whatever I can to help you out.

Now as to the anger management, well of course I think it’s your mother who needs an anger management class most Continue reading

2 What should a parent do when they discover things about their teenager

abcdefg asks: How do I deal with teenage relationships, considering the fact that I know about it and my daughter doesn’t know I know about it, since I secretly check her phone when she is at school? I also speak to the so-called boyfriend’s mum, but we have kept it low-key.

Hi abcdefg –

It’s a funny thing.  I’ve written so many responses to teenagers who are in danger of getting in trouble with their parents.  But you’re the first case where I’ve seen a parent who’s really in danger of getting in trouble with the teenager!  I certainly understand your concerns, and why you’ve done what you’ve done, but abcdefg, if your daughter discovers this, she’s going to raise some serious H!

Your biggest problem is inherent in your question:  You want to know how to deal with your daughter’s relationship.  But the only way for you to let her know that you know about it is to let on that you’ve been checking her phone.  And worse, far worse to a teenage girl’s eye, you’ve been talking with her boyfriend’s mother behind her Continue reading

0 What to do about outspoken children

Buffy asks: My daughter is very outspoken. It gets her in trouble in school with her teachers. What should I do?

Hi Buffy –

What a great great question!  It gets to the heart of so much!

You see, I think it’s just GREAT when kids are outspoken!  You’ve probably heard of the rule that was common about a hundred years ago, “Children should be seen and not heard.”  Well I disagree with that completely!  I think kids are brilliant and honest and hilarious, so I think they should be heard even more often!  (Of course I especially think children should mostly be smelled, but I know most humans don’t!)

But I also realize that there are humans who don’t share my view on this.  More importantly, it’s also really important that children are in school, they learn the appropriate behaviors there, which include sitting still, raising their hands, speaking respectfully, and only speaking when allowed.  And the reason these behaviors have to be taught is that they are completely unnatural for Continue reading

0 How to deal with kids who run away from home

Isha asks: If you were a psychologist and you noticed that a child keeps running away from home every night and you decided to help that child, what would you do, ask, or say?

Hi isha –

I’m not a psychologist, but I’m sure I’d do the same thing if I were:  I’d work very hard to befriend that child, and earn their trust, and then ask this kid what is going on that makes them want to run away every night.  Lots of kids try to run away once or twice, upset about a punishment or thinking they’re not understood, or even looking for Continue reading

1 How to throw a first birthday party

sab asks: I’m having my youngest daughter’s first birthday celebration, and have no idea how to make it memorable – not only for her, but for all the guests who’ll be attending it. I need fresh ideas! Please give me some valuable advice for my baby’s party!

Hi sab –

What a fun idea!  I wish I could come!

Handsome had a first birthday party for me, but the only thing I remember is that it was very frustrating, because our next-door neighbor’s fence was being repaired, so I had to be tied up the whole time, to keep me from running away!  (As though I’d run from a party with a barbecue Continue reading

1 How can love succeed across class barriers

Pragya asks: hi, I am my parents’ only child. We belong to a high-class family, with strict rules. In our society, if anyone loves a person from low class, then s/he is dominated. The problem came when I found out my boyfriend is also from a low class society (he hasn’t yet told it to me, but I learned through a person who knew him), but I love him so much now. And he loves me more than anything. Now my feelings have been changed towards this narrow-minded society. When I look at him, I find such an innocence; he has not a single fault for belonging to that family. I really don’t want to hurt him, but I am worried about the consequences. He says he will marry me in the future. He’s really crazy over me. Since I learned this, I am not able to do anything properly. Please give some ideas.

Hi Pragya –

What a heroic, beautiful letter this is!  I have no doubt that every person who reads it here will be moved, and impressed.

As a dog, I pay no attention at all to class distinctions.  I don’t really understand what classes are.  Obviously, people who have more money are able to live more comfortably or luxuriously (or charitably) than those who have less, but why anyone would judge others based on how much money they have, or what family they come from, or anything like that, is absolutely mystifying to me!  When I meet someone new, I tend to judge them on three things only:  1) Do they seem like they’ll be nice to me; 2) Does someone I trust like them; and 3) Do they smell good?!  And I’ll tell you, I’m a total sucker for people who smell really good, even if they’re not too trustworthy.  Like if they’ve been working in horse stables all day – oh I’m in love at first sniff!

But back to your situation.  The more times move on, the less important a lot of distinctions in people get.  In the United States, where I live, a man is now the President, who fifty years ago would have had trouble voting in many parts of the country.  Seventy years ago, all of Europe was at war with each other – now they’ve formed an economic union that’s struggling to keep each other intact.  Times change!!

Class distinctions slowly are breaking down too.  Lots of our favorite stories, in fact, are about romances that push through class barriers, from “Wuthering Heights” to “Cinderella” to “Titanic!”

I’m pointing all this out, not to tell you what to do, but to point out that you are SOOOOO not alone in this!  Your love is a great example of the changes that have been taking place in this world for, oh probably around 200 years!

But the giant question is, of course, what you ARE going to do.  Now one question is, if your boyfriend managed to keep you from realizing his background, do you think he can hide it from others as well?  And do you think he can do so for long enough that you two could get married first?!  But of course, if that happened, you might find yourselves ostracized by your society when they find out.

Another question is whether or not your society (and I don’t know where you live) has any sort of social mobility.  In other words, is it possible for him to change classes in some way, somehow?  If so, and if it’s something you could help him with, that might be a great way to go.

But I am wondering, if these ideas don’t work, whether or not our modern world has had more of an effect on your society than you realize.  I mean, everybody saw “Titanic,” and nobody was arguing that Rose should have spurned Jack for being lower-class, right?  That means that everybody believed that true love is more important than class distinction!  (Maybe I’m exaggerating when I say “everybody,” but it sure seemed that way!)

Is it possible that, if you told your parents how wonderful this guy is, and how much you love him, they would try to find a way to accept him?  Maybe they could help him or his family in some way?

But I’m going to be mean here for a second, too, and ask one harsh question:  How do you feel about the fact that this man, who says he loves you and wants to marry you, didn’t tell you the truth about his family background?  While I’m a big romantic, and want your love to succeed, I’m also a big fan of honesty – and there’s something that bothers me about his not having been completely truthful with you.  So while I am sitting here scratching my ears, trying to figure out a way for you to make this work, I also want you to confront him and find out if there’s anything else he hasn’t told you.  Another wife, some children, a criminal record?!

But if it’s only that he was afraid you’d reject him about the class issue, and he is now able to be truthful with you about that — then yes, your job is to find a way to make this whole thing work.

So please let me, and all of us, know what happens next!  I wish I could give you more suggestions, but I don’t know enough yet.  So if you want to let me know more about the situation, maybe I (or some other pack members) can offer you some!

And in the meantime, GOOD LUCK!!  Our hearts are all with you!

Shirelle