Category Archives for "Dogs"

0 Can love stories really come true?

Jhalli asks: I ‘m fond of watching romantic dramas and web series and reading romantic novels. There are several love stories I saw. I feel that hopefully, these love stories can happen in my life also. My friends say I’m living in a fantasy world. Is it possible that love stories can happen in the real world or maybe in my life, like in the series? Does a pure love exist in the real world also?

Hi Jhalli –

Well I hope it’s not breaking news when I tell you that rarely is real life as pretty  as it exists on the screen.  I’m no judge of human beauty, but I do know that the world is full of hospitals and there isn’t one where the whole staff is as good-looking as they are on Grey’s Anatomy!   So if you’re asking if real life is going to give you romances with perfect gorgeous people who never sweat or have a runny nose or get spinach stuck in their teeth… then no.  Sorry to disappoint.

But if you’re asking if love, wild love, passionate love, timeless love, crazy love, lovely love, can exist, I am here to tell you it absolutely can and does.

As a first example, I’ll use myself.  Now the love between a dog and a person might not be what you had in mind from those novels, but believe me, my Handsome and I are CRAAAAAAAZY  about each other.  We think of each other all the time, we love the touch and sight and smell of each other… and we are so close that when one of us gets hurt or sick, the other develops the symptoms.  One night I was attacked by an angry dog, and that whole night, Handsome kept waking up from nightmares where it was him getting attacked!  And he often coos into my ear, “No one has ever loved anything more than I love my knucklehead!” And I think he’s right.

But when it comes to love between humans…  There’s a reason those romance stories have been so popular for the history of humanity, and that’s that yes, they are based in a reality.  People do  fall in love with each other, people do  stay faithful to each other…

And yes, real life also offers uncountable complications!  Love can be one-sided, a person can betray their lover, people cheat, people lose interest, people become less attractive… all these things happen all the time.

But aren’t those exactly what happens in those books and movies and series you adore?  (Otherwise the stories would be really dull: “He and she met and fell in love and never looked at another person and lived in total happiness till they died a century later.”  Borrrrrrring!)

The trick for you is, when you find someone to have a relationship with, to Continue reading

0 What does it mean to “never beg to be loved?”

PERFECTION asks: What does it mean to “never beg to be loved?”

Hi PERFECTION –

My friend, your asking me this question is like asking me what it means to fly, or to walk on two legs.  It’s something I know exists, but it sure doesn’t apply to me!

The best illustration I can give of this concept is cats, and cat-people.  (Note – I’m going to write this SOOOOO non-judgmentally!  And that’s SOOOOOO hard for me!  So please, give me some applause for my Gandhi-level tolerance here!).

There are people who like cats more than dogs.  And they’re perfectly sane, and have the right to do so (DO YOU SEE HOW HARD I’M STRUGGLING HERE?!).   And one reason, maybe the biggest reason, for that is that they really don’t like the way dogs are always coming up to them, wanting to lick them and play with them and love and be loved by them.  They find this behavior annoying and insincere.  They far prefer the company of kitties, who will come to them out of need (for food or shelter) or out of a temporary wish for affection and attention – and then go mind their own business, often in a way those people find cute and meaningful.

Now you know very well, I’m no cat, and my human friend Handsome is quite the opposite of those people.  He loves  the attention I give him, loves that I want his attention, and it simply melts his heart when I come to him begging for love.

The fact is though, when it comes to humans interacting with other humans, the issues are subtler.  A person who is generally drawn to more effusive people is still going to want some space, and get tired of being asked “Honey, do you still love me?”  And the person who likes cooler, more self-contained people, is still going to need reminders that their partner wants and needs their love.

So while I can imagine someone meant very well when they told you to “Never beg to be loved,” I’d change that to “Always Continue reading

0 How to tell if you have ADHD

Dan Man asks: I think I have ADHD. All the symptoms point to ADHD as I’ve had problems focusing, impulsivity, inability to sit still, and hypersensitivity, but I’m only 13 and my mother laughs at the prospect of me having ADHD. School is becoming really difficult for me and I always say things at the wrong times. Do I have ADHD? Psychologists are out of the question. How do I fix this, or get my mom to believe me if I do?

Hi Dan Man –

Well, I relate.  Lots of people say I have ADHD too.  But we dogs can’t get medication for it, or even psychotherapy.  So instead I just live my life, excited lots of the time, not very focused, and enjoying my life immensely.

Which is a LOT easier for me to do than you, since I’m not in school, and never have to do homework!!!

So here’s the deal with ADHD.  Some people really have it, and lots who get labeled with it don’t have it.  If you truly have it, it’s an actual biological/medical condition, where part of your brain that’s good at focusing and control isn’t working well enough, and needs to be jolted a bit.  So there’s one test you can do, without going to a doctor, to see if this is truly true of you.  And that’s to, before you go to school, have a Continue reading

0 How to contact a friend long after you should have

Sarah asks: Since I started college I’ve drifted away from my number one supporter – my high school counselor. She supported me throughout high school when I had issues at home with my mom, and she was one of my main supporters when I ran for two pageants. I feel so ungrateful for not keeping her up-to-date with what is going on in college or even calling her to talk about my problems. I remember her telling me don’t take forever to call and talk to her because she’ll get mad – and I did the complete opposite by not calling her at all. I feel so bad. I really want to talk to her but I feel as though she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I need her support right now and I need her to guide me with what I am dealing with in college. How can I gain back that bond with her?

Hi Sarah –

What a great question this is.  I have an answer for you, but first I want to tell you a joke that was very popular a few years ago.  The question was how to tell if your marriage is better than your relationship with your dog.  The answer was to lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for a few hours, and when you open it, see which one’s happy to see you.

Of course, the dog will be overjoyed.  Why?  Because he’s not thinking about how awful you were to lock him in there, he’s just so happy to get out and see his best friend.  While your wife, who has a bigger brain, is only thinking about what a jerk you were to lock her in there.

Now I’m not suggesting that your counselor has the same size brain I do, but there is a certain similarity here.

It’s all about Continue reading

0 How to be kinder to a sibling

Wooff asks: We all have sibling problems. But I just realized, I’m an ass to my sister. She can be very unreasonable but I think she at least deserves the respect. I’m nice to her at times but I get super mad at her when she touches me. I don’t like being touched at all. How do I become nicer to my sister? How do I bring patience in me? How do I become a good sibling?

Hi Wooff –

I was born in a litter of… well I don’t remember exactly because we were separated soon after, but my memory says there were about thirty-seven of us.  From the moment I was born, all I remember is struggles.  Struggling to get to feed at Mommy’s tummy, struggling to sleep comfortably on top of my brother who kept annoyingly kicking and whining, and especially lots of struggling to be the best fighter (and guess what – I was!).  At that time, that was the relationship I had with them.  They were my pillows, my playmates, and my competitors.  Not much else.

Now if I met up with those siblings today, once we’d sniffed and growled and eventually figured out who each other was, I think we’d become great pals.  We’d play together, we’d sniff around together, we’d tackle our humans together, we might even sleep together on cold nights (though not quite on top of each other like before!).

The difference is that we’ve matured.  Each of us.  We’ve grown from the perfect puppies we once were into complex, powerful, experienced dogs.

Now if you ask our mother, she’ll tell you that her life would have been a LOT easier if we’d done that maturing a bit more quickly.  Say, in our first couple of weeks.  But since our brains weren’t so developed, we did all sort of immature, bratty, mean behaviors to each other (and yes, again, I was the Champion of those behaviors!), and she had to spend her time forcing us to act mature.  You know, I was supposed to not bite my sister’s Continue reading

0 How to lead peers

Andrei asks: I am a first year high school student, and the chief of my class. But I’m having trouble controlling my friends. On one hand, I don’t want to act bossy, but on the other, I don’t want to disappoint my teachers. What should I do??

Hi Andrei –

I see this same problem at the dog park all the time.  A dog will be running around, trying to get the other dogs there to calm down or behave, and they don’t pay any attention to it.  But when a human walks in and tells dogs to do something, they’ll listen right away.

Now if there weren’t any humans there, the dogs would do what we do in nature, which is to form a pack.  And then there would definitely be a leader.  Probably it would take some time to determine who the leader is, as the dogs who wanted to be leader would have to fight each other for it.  But eventually, one dog would be the one all the other dogs would follow, at least for a while.

But that doesn’t happen at the Continue reading

0 How to deal with being judged

Jewels asks: It must be hard to be a young man these days. There’s so much expected of a man…he’s supposed to be smart, capable, competent, tough, able to fix anything, successful, wealthy. But also sensitive, open, flexible, funny, warm, thoroughly honest, great at romance, overtly complimentary, patient. Perhaps it’s the exposure we have all had to zillions of characters we’ve all seen portrayed on camera, or perhaps it’s our conditioning through our fast food, order-it-up society, but so many a single woman today has the expectation that her man will indeed have all of these qualities, and anything less would be settling. So, my question is, how should a man deal with these expectations?

Hi Jewels –

You are RIGHT! It’s very tough to be a young man right now. But you know who else has a hard run these days? Children are supposed to do so much more homework than their parents did, and stay connected with what’s going on in social media, and get perfect grades in elementary school to get them into the right universities. Teenagers are tested and graded constantly, and looked down on any time they’re ever not good at any particular thing.

And young women today? Oh my floppy-eared head just swims! They’re expected to be perfect ladies, and tough as nails, and have great boundaries, and be open for everything, and submissive and aggressive, and have perfect skin and teeth and abs and hair and overall shape (whatever that is). It’s just impossible for everyone!

You know, the whole thing with expectations has been goofy for centuries, but it used to be us pooches who had all the trouble. “Hmmm… this Dachshund has good legs but its tail isn’t the right length…” “I’m not sure I like the way this Poodle’s ribcage hangs…” It’s been a load of nonsense on us, but it’s even crazier that you humans are now doing it to YOURSELVES!

You see, it’s like another letter I got today, about perfectionism in grades. This mindset just gets in people’s ways! If you use a checklist when you look at a person, you’ll never see their true qualities, and you’ll certainly never be able to truly love them, or be loved by them.

I’m not saying everyone shouldn’t be looking for what really matters to them. Of course they should. If a woman wants a man who can fix anything in the house, there are lots of guys out there for her. But if she also insists he’s a billionaire, the odds get a lot worse (billionaires tend to hire people to do their home repair for them, so they never learn the skills). If she wants a guy who’s super-nice and caring, I think that’s smart. But if she also wants a bad boy who’s dangerous and excitingly cruel, these qualities just don’t match!

In fact, Jewels, your question makes me realize… it’s worse than I was thinking! You see, no one looks at a German Shepherd expecting it to be small enough to sit on their lap all day, or buys a Corgi to pull a sled through tundra. So you people are actually worse to each other than you’ve been to dogs! This is CRAZY!

So here’s my solution. When anyone starts to complain about the qualities you lack, ask yourself two Continue reading

0 Should someone try to be funny at school, they way they do at home?

cutepuppy asks: At school I’m shy, but at home I’m not; I’m funny at home. In school I don’t want to be shy, I want to be really funny, but how? And if I act funny, they might not think its funny!

Hi cutepuppy –

“Funny” is such a difficult thing to define!  Some people find Shakespeare’s comedies hilarious.  Others find “Austin Powers” movies uproarious.  Some people memorize every word ever spoken on “Seinfeld,” while others find it dull, but laugh till tears roll at “Modern Family.”  Was Jerry Lewis funny?  People can get violent over that one!  What do you think of Roberto Benigni, Jim Carrey, Zach Galifanakis, Melissa McCarthy?  Is a person slipping on a banana peel funny?  What about a man in a dress?  What about a pie fight?

There’s no single right answer.  The truth is all of those people and things have been very very funny to a great many people.  Handsome tells me the funniest thing he ever saw was a dog he had before he knew me, holding a very wide bone, trying to run through a thin doggy-door.  Would I have found that funny?  I truly have no idea.  But he still laughs about it, many years later.

Now because of this, you’re absolutely correct that there’s no way you could know that the kids at school would find you funny, in the same way your family does at home.  But I’m guessing that the bigger problem is that you don’t feel the Continue reading

1 How to handle a strong desire to kill

Emee asks: I have a problem and I don’t know how to deal with it. This is REALLY personal. I have this inexplicable urge to kill living things. I’ve never killed a human, but I want to. I have had this problem for years. When I was 8 I sliced up my old Barbie Dolls. When I was 10 I would catch large bugs to dissect them. Now I’m 11 and I try to catch squirrels and birds. This is a problem that has become so bad I’ve researched it. I know that I have the potential for a future serial killer. That’s not who I want to be ever. I don’t feel other people’s pain and I hardly feel my own. This will be a problem someday. I need real help. Something not comparing to cats and dogs. If you can help that would be nice.

Hi Emee –

Emee, I know there are lots of websites that give advice, and I’m really glad you picked mine for this.  Because I – and all dogs – are exactly like you!  I get it.  I get your excitement, and I get your fear.  And I truly think I can help.

If you’ve ever watched puppies, you probably have noticed that we spend most of our waking hours playing.  And our playing pretty much means two things – play-fighting and play-killing.  With our friends, we tumble and scrap and bite.  And with toys (whether “official” toys like we are given by humans, or pretty much anything we find, like sticks or shoes) we rip them up, tear them, demolish them.  Just like you with the Barbie dolls.  It’s true that we puppies aren’t as aware of the meaning of these acts as you were (hey – that 8-year-old human brain of yours was probably bigger than all of me was at that stage!), but we were doing the same thing.

Emee, it’s instinctual.  We all have base instincts in us that come from our distant ancestors (for us pups that means wolves!), and a major part of all our development involves instinctively building these skills.  So a six-month-old puppy has already learned to fight and to hunt, as well as to love.  Probably the three most important skills a dog needs to live.  Similarly, while you humans develop more slowly and with far more insight and intelligence, your instincts taught you to be interested in fighting and killing at an early age too.

Now, I am about as sweet and kind a being as has ever existed… if you are a human or a dog, and I believe you’re going to be kind to me.  But I’m a terrific fighter if I’m feeling threatened.  And I am a VERY good hunter, of other kinds of animals.  Emee I have killed squirrels, rats, birds, and more.  None of these animals threatened me (I’ve killed an uncountable number of fleas too, but they definitely deserved it!).  I hunt because every bit of my instinct tells me to do so.  The only reason I wouldn’t hunt a small animal is if Handsome, my human friend, tells me not to.  And he has to really yell sometimes to make sure I hear him!  Those instincts are LOUD!

So why am I saying all this about myself, Emee?  It’s because, if you met me, you wouldn’t be in the least afraid that I’d hunt you or kill you.  Nor does any dog.  I don’t think that way, because dogs and people are what I see as beings I play with, or fight with, or run away from, or cuddle up to.  Not as something I want to kill.

Now if you’d written me and said that you had all these desires to kill small animals, and you were now feeling like killing cats or dogs, and thought that in the future you might want to kill people, and you wondered why anyone had a problem with that… THEN I’d worry!  It would tell me that you were actually something called a Continue reading

0 How to deal with a boyfriend ignoring you

brena asks: I am lacking my boyfriends attention. He hardly texts or calls me. We are on a VIP text plan that gives us unlimited text for a month, but if I get ten texts from him in those days I am lucky. This has been going on for a long time now, and has reached the point where I have thought about cheating on him just to get a little attention. I really do love him and I know he loves me – whenever I tell him the way I feel he says he will change, and just for a day or a few hours he does, but then the same thing takes place. There is a lot more but I just can’t bother to write it all out. He spends more time with his friends than me. I am lonely and confused I just want a little love and affection! I was at church and I found out that a younger boy likes me. I was so happy that someone still likes me and looks at me and smiles – that shows I am beautiful and I’ve still got the looks to steal a boy’s heart! I love my boyfriend so much I won’t cheat on him, but I really need the love and the attention – without that this relationship can’t work. Maybe I just want to stop speaking to him? I can’t bother with the way he treats me!

Hi brena –

Once, a few years back, my friend Handsome got extremely busy on a work project.  He only came home enough to sleep, every day for three weeks.  And even after that, he was gone twelve or more hours a day.  It was just awful for me.

The first few days were intolerable.  I was so lonely!  I would sit around the house, wondering why he didn’t like me or care about me anymore.  But then I noticed something – rats!  Our neighbor had rats in their yard.  And at times, they would run on power lines from their yard into others, through our yard.  And they’d go through our trees!

Now what was really interesting about this is that I never could tell if there was a rat in our trees.  It wasn’t like I could see them in there.  So whenever even a slight breeze would blow the leaves, I would assume a rat was there, and jump as high as I could to try to see, and catch, it.  And this was a windy time of year, so I spent most of my day jumping, trying to catch one.

It was so fun doing this that, even when Handsome would come home, exhausted, for his few hours sleep, I was completely obsessed with rat-hunting, and wouldn’t pay that much attention to him!  Yes, the guy who I’d been pining over for days!

As his schedule started to improve, though, he wanted to spend more time with me (He’d actually missed me!).  And I’d start to get re-attached to him, but then he’d leave again, or get all “I’m too busy on the phone” on me.  All that kind of stuff.

Finally, he had a day off.  And both of us were overjoyed to have a day together.  We slept in, and he made breakfast and shared it with me, he put on music we both liked, and all seemed great.  And then he settled himself down onto the floor, with a big pile of mail, to do paperwork, and promptly ignored me.

I was furious!  I had put up with so much, and now he was going to do this?!  So I did the one thing I could think of.

In those days, he had a white couch.  And I was allowed anywhere in the house except on it, because my dirty paws would discolor it.  So on this day, ignored, I walked over to the couch, and, watching him intently, climbed onto that couch and sat on it.  Saying as clearly as if I had a human mouth, “So are you gonna pay attention to me now?!”

Handsome was shocked, and yelled at me to get off of it.  But then he realized what was going on, and laughed at us both, and said, “Okay, knucklehead.  Let’s go back outside.”

We went out into the back and did the single thing we most needed to do:  We PLAYED.  We played catch, we played tag, we ran and tumbled and chased each other and tug-of-warred, and re-built the connection we’d lost a little of.  It wasn’t that Handsome hadn’t cared, or hadn’t loved me.  He’d just gotten so wrapped up in his work that he’d lost touch with how much he needed to connect with me – in a doggy way!

Okay, why am I telling you this long story?  Because everything you’re telling me about this boyfriend reminds me of how I felt while Handsome was off working.  But what I don’t know is: is your boyfriend just consumed by something, as Handsome was?  Or is he truly not caring enough to pay attention to you?

If it’s the first, then I suggest you go stand on his couch!  But if it’s the second, then it’s time for you to think, very strongly, about how you want and deserve to be treated.  Maybe you think you’re being silly, and all is really fine.  Or maybe you think you want to spend the rest of your life being treasured and honored and noticed.  And if so, maybe this isn’t the boy to do that.  Maybe he’s a nice, cute, attractive guy – and should be with someone else.  Someone who doesn’t care about getting lots of attention.  (Or, more likely, maybe he’s a nice, cute, attractive guy, who needs to learn what a relationship really needs!).

So what’s his “couch?”  What sort of test can you give him, to see if he cares, or really doesn’t?  Can you ignore him a little, and see how he responds?  Can you treat him the way he treats you, and see how he likes it?  Can you make a point of making sure he sees you flirting with other boys?!

And if you do something like this, see how he reacts.  Does he go “Oh!  I need to work harder to keep brena!  I hate feeling like I’m not important to her!”  Or does he shrug and say “Oh well, she wasn’t all that important to me anyway”?  Or does he get angry and mean (which might mean it’s best to break up with him, since that sort of behavior you definitely don’t deserve!)?

Whatever it is, you’ll learn some truth about him then.  And when you do, that will point you the way to go.

And who knows?  Maybe he acts in a way that makes you break up with him, and THEN he begins to realize how important you are to him, and he starts to ‘step up’ and give you what you deserve.  That’d be great too!

Whatever it is, brena, it’s time for you to determine, for yourself, what your worth is.  And once you do, you’ll know what risks are worth taking.  Maybe risking losing a guy who doesn’t treat you right.

Or, in my case, risking getting really yelled at about getting on that couch!

Best of Luck!

Shirelle