PERFECTION asks: What does it mean to “never beg to be loved?”
Hi PERFECTION –
My friend, your asking me this question is like asking me what it means to fly, or to walk on two legs. It’s something I know exists, but it sure doesn’t apply to me!
The best illustration I can give of this concept is cats, and cat-people. (Note – I’m going to write this SOOOOO non-judgmentally! And that’s SOOOOOO hard for me! So please, give me some applause for my Gandhi-level tolerance here!).
There are people who like cats more than dogs. And they’re perfectly sane, and have the right to do so (DO YOU SEE HOW HARD I’M STRUGGLING HERE?!). And one reason, maybe the biggest reason, for that is that they really don’t like the way dogs are always coming up to them, wanting to lick them and play with them and love and be loved by them. They find this behavior annoying and insincere. They far prefer the company of kitties, who will come to them out of need (for food or shelter) or out of a temporary wish for affection and attention – and then go mind their own business, often in a way those people find cute and meaningful.
Now you know very well, I’m no cat, and my human friend Handsome is quite the opposite of those people. He loves the attention I give him, loves that I want his attention, and it simply melts his heart when I come to him begging for love.
The fact is though, when it comes to humans interacting with other humans, the issues are subtler. A person who is generally drawn to more effusive people is still going to want some space, and get tired of being asked “Honey, do you still love me?” And the person who likes cooler, more self-contained people, is still going to need reminders that their partner wants and needs their love.
So while I can imagine someone meant very well when they told you to “Never beg to be loved,” I’d change that to “Always be lovable, seductive, exciting, and earn their love. And every once in a while, with great timing, beg for it like a puppy!”
You know a good way to learn about this? Listen to an album, or watch a concert, by a male singer whose popularity is largely in getting girls to love him. This could be Justin Bieber, Bruno Mars, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, or whoever you choose (You could also pick a Boy Band, but I think it’s better if you go with a soloist). You’ll find that all these guys do a brilliant job of expressing both their sassy independence and their romantic heart. And at some point, in between all their bravado, they’ll suddenly give the audience or camera big puppy-dog eyes, and beg each girl there to “Love Me Tender,” or that he loves you “Just the Way You Are,” or that love only matters from a guy who loves you “All the Way.” And every heart there, who has been thinking how cute and funny and tough and independent he is, suddenly melts. Why? Because he just begged her to love him.
In the end, I’ll quote another guy, who had a bit of experience as a teen idol himself, and wrote a song later in life that’s one of my favorites. You might say, when I’m in certain moods, that it’s my jam (though I’ve never referred to it that way before)! It’s better if you find the gorgeously simple recording and listen to it, but the words spell it out so right, and tell the truth every dog feels all the time (and I’ll bet those nasty cats do too, even if they won’t admit it!):
Love (by John Lennon)
Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved
Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved
Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
we can be
Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needing to be loved
Go get it!