Category Archives for "Behavior"

How to help a child with great Anxiety

Ninong asks: My daughter (7 years old) is a wonderful, intelligent and socially adept child. Lately, however, she cries and vomits every time we begin her to school. This happens every time she waits for the results of an exam/test or a quiz she has taken in class. I could observe that she literally would count the days when the exam results would be announced getting fidgety as the date draws near. She always (and this is not an exaggeration) would get excellent results and in fact is the top student of her school. She would immediately return to her usual happy and wonderful self as soon as the exam results are announced. Her home-room teacher has observed this behavior and even called my attention to it. We have ruled out bullying and other factors since they are visibly absent in her case. We have assured her that we would be as happy with any result she would get for as long as she tried her best. We have talked to her about this and have kept re-assuring her.

Hi Ninong –

 

I’m so glad you wrote me about your daughter.  This is a very tough problem, and she definitely needs some help.

 

It is totally normal for children to be anxious about school and exams (In fact, just between us, why they bother giving exams to 7-year-olds is beyond me!).  But your daughter’s reactions are not the normal Continue reading

1 How to make teenagers less crime-minded

Kate asks: How can we stop teenagers from being crime-minded?

Hi Kate –

What an interesting question!

I think what you’re really asking me is how we can keep teenagers honest, give them a moral sense.  Because all sorts of people think about crime all the time; frankly it’s fun!  Humans all love to think about breaking the rules, going against society, even such outrageous things as major theft and murder (if we didn’t, bestselling book lists and TV ratings would be VERY different from the way they are!).

My quick and easy (and too simplistic) answer to your question is that you should instill those moral values earlier, when those teenagers are Continue reading

How can a teenager handle their need for afternoon sleep

Star asks: Hey Shirelle – Every day I come from school and eat, and then I always sleep and never get the chance to look at my books, and then I always have to go to karate classes at 15:00. What can I do to stop sleeping, or at least read first before I sleep?

Hi Star –

 

You wrote JUST the right expert on this issue!  Let me describe an average dog’s day to you:  Wake up, wake up owner, go outside, do business, run around, bark at a few things, come inside, eat a little, go to sleep.  Get up, bark at more things, go back to sleep.  Kiss owner goodbye for day, feel horrible and abandoned, go back to sleep.  Wake up, sniff around, chase something, go back to sleep missing owner.  Wake up, sniff around more, not minding being alone so much, bark at what sounds like dogs walking by, go back to sleep.  Wake up thinking owner’s home, realize he’s not, sniff around, chase something, eat some bit of a plant, go back to sleep.  Wake up thinking owner’s home, find out you’re right, go absolutely nuts running around in circles barking to the world your ecstasy, jump all over owner ruining his clothes, play tug of war, go lie down and take a nap.  Wake up when you hear owner pouring out your dinner, eat, beg for some of what owner’s eating, hopefully get some, go back to sleep.  Get up at the sound of your leash, run around in circles, make it really difficult for owner to put leash over your head, go for walk pulling like crazy, get home, sniff around to find what’s happened while you were gone, go to sleep.   Wake up when owner’s ready to go to bed, complain about whatever he does, go to sleep cuddled up.

 

Now if I’m counting right, I’m describing a dog going to sleep ten times a Continue reading

How to control yourself from talking too much.

Shefar asks: Hey Shirelle, can you tell me how to be quiet? I know this is lame to ask, but I can’t shut my mouth up in classes or anywhere else!

Ha!  Oh Shefar if you only knew my neighbors, you’d know how funny your question is.  Me teaching how to be quiet is like Marley teaching self-discipline or the hundred and one Dalmatians teaching birth control!

 

But I’m guessing that you’re not jumping up in class and barking because you hear someone walking around outside.  Or standing in the yard barking to hear if anyone responds.  You’re probably conversing, or at least responding to something someone else says.  This is a really common problem for young people (and some adults), and pretty easy to fix.

 

It tends to come from being very uncentered.  You’re in that giddy, excitable state of mind (which I know well!), and it’s hard to hold that excitement in.  Or you’re just being kind of unconscious, saying things without Continue reading

How a teenager can stop smoking

Bieberfever asks: I’m 13 years old and I smoke. How do I quit when I’m addicted to it?

Hi Bieberfever –

I’m so glad you asked this.  It’s such a huge topic.

There’s good news and bad news.  I’ll start with the bad.

 

To begin with, let’s talk about Addiction in general.  We all have things we like, and we want more of them.  I love pizza, for example, and will eat it whenever I get the chance.  But that doesn’t make me a Pizza Addict.  Addiction is an actual physical thing, where the brain creates new neuron pathways, such that the person actually feels bad if they’re not getting the substance they’re addicted to.  It can be mild (like when we hear some grownups say, “I’m no good in the morning till I’ve had my first cup of coffee”) or severe (like alcoholics who ruin their lives by their need for self-destructive drinking), or even deadly.

At it’s core, Addiction is simply Stupid!  Think about it – if there’s something that you have to do even if you don’t want to, and it doesn’t serve you in any way, and you do it… that’s the definition of Stupidity, isn’t it?

But I’m not putting you, or any other addict, down.  We all have brains that are capable of addiction.  Yes, even us dogs (Even mice and rats can become addicts, which is one reason scientists use them for experiments on addictive substances a lot).  There’s nothing to be ashamed of about becoming addicted to something.  The trick to beating the stupidity – the sometimes very hard trick – is stopping the habitual taking of what you’re addicted to.

Now if you’ve been following me, you’ll realize that stopping taking that substance doesn’t mean you’re no longer an addict!  Millions of people have stopped drinking alcohol but still will tell you “I am an alcoholic.”  And they’re right:  their brains still have that pathway in them.  So again, the job they have to do is to keep themselves from indulging their addiction… every day of their lives.

 

Okay, that’s half the bad news.  The other is about cigarettes specifically.  While a dog will do lots of self-destructive things, one thing we never do is smoke.  Why?  Because our lips don’t work that way!  So I’ve never had a cigarette, though I’ve certainly smelled them.  Sometimes they smell kind of nice; but most of the time they kind of burn my eyes and nose so I’m not really into them anyway.

But what’s worse is when you learn what they do to you.  If people only smoked natural tobacco, the stuff we see cowboys smoking in those old westerns, they’d be hurting themselves, but nowhere nearly as badly as our modern cigarettes do.  In particular, when you start smoking anything, you destroy some very fine fibers in your lungs called Cilia, which help clean out the lungs when you have a cold or flu.  In other words, those first few packs of cigarettes mean that every respiratory illness for the rest of your life will last longer and be worse!

But today’s cigarettes have so many more toxic chemicals in them than even the natural tobacco does.  You’re literally inhaling poisons into your body, along with extra nicotine that the manufacturers add in to make it more addictive!  Truly, there aren’t a lot of legal substances out there that are nearly as bad for you!  Plus, they make you stink!

Okay, so enough with the bad news.  Here’s the good news.  Quitting smoking when you’re young has been shown to drastically reduce the long-term consequences (those really scary ones like emphysema and cancer).  If you quit now, at 13, you have all those best years ahead of you, where you can look better (cigarettes tend to give teens lots of zits), feel better, and be able to look at the other kids smoking and feel superior to them!

There are TONS of methods out there to help you quit.  Nicotine gum, the nicotine patch, mouthwashes that make your mouth taste bad if you smoke, and many many more.  But the truth is, none of them will work unless you truly want to quit.

And if you truly want to quit, nothing can stop you.

 

My suggestion would be to start by doing three things.  Do these for one week.

First, every time you really want a cigarette, and would have had one before, let yourself have one, but only smoke one third of it.  That way you’ll satisfy your craving, but start reducing the amount of nicotine your body’s receiving.  (Note: but don’t then start smoking more cigarettes than you used to, to make up for it!!  Keep the number of cigarettes down to equal or less than your current habit.)

Second, about every half hour, drink a glass of water.  And if you can drink more, do so.  Cigarettes dehydrate you, and if your body starts getting all the water it needs, it’ll like the idea, and crave cigarettes less.

And third, do some exercise every day that makes you breathe.  Run, walk, or (best) swim.  Your body will be gasping for oxygen, and, just as with the water, that will make it start craving the cigarettes less.

 

Okay, great.  If that worked, then, after that first week, keep doing all the same stuff, but make yourself hold off on smoking till the sun has gone down.  And then don’t allow yourself more than one (1/3) cigarette every two hours.

And then, third week?  Quit.  Stop.  Cold Turkey!  Your body will complain, you’ll crave all sort of other things.  Fine, do them!  Eat a chocolate cake, drink two liters of Pepsi, eat a bag of chips, who cares!  You might get headaches.  Okay, pop an Aspirin or something.  Big deal.  All that matters is that you’re freeing your body from its worst enemy.

And if you can make it through that week, Bieberfever, I can almost guarantee you that you will start to feel better.

 

Did I say “better?”  How about… way better!  You’ll like the way you feel when you wake up, you’ll smell better, you’ll have more energy, you’ll look lots better, you’ll have a better attitude, you’ll start to enjoy your life more, like other people more, have an easier time with your schoolwork…

And yes, you might feel so good that you start to tell yourself that what would feel especially great would be to have just one more cigarette, that it’ll be fine, because you’re over your addiction… right?

Wrong!!  Don’t do it!  Your addiction will just kick right back in, and you’ll get right back into your old habits, and have to go through all this again!

 

You see, my friend, this may be one time when you want to go against the advice of that idol of yours.  He said to never say never?  I think saying “Never smoke again” would be a great exception to his rule!!!

 

Good Luck, and please tell me how it goes!

Shirelle

 

What is childhood Depression like?

Mama asks: My son is 11 yrs old. Since he was young, he easily gets angry from any thing. He can beat his friends for teasing him, he answers his teachers badly, and it’s never easy to calm him down. I’ve tried to talk to him, punish him, and do anything to stop it. When he calms down from his anger attacks, he either starts to wonder why he did it or tries to lie about what happened and say he was not the cause of the problem. Help me please.

Hi Mama –

 

I have a lot of thoughts about what might be going on, but they all lead to the same place.  Your son has a definite anger problem, which is beyond what’s normal for his age.  I really would urge you to find a good therapist who specializes in kids, as it sounds like there’s something really bothering your son, and the sooner it gets resolved, the happier he will be.

 

Having said that, my sense is that your son is probably a bit depressed.  We all know what depression looks like in adults – melancholy moods, hopelessness, lack of energy – but it’s almost the exact opposite in kids and early Continue reading

1 How to talk to your parents about something that happened

Astrid asks: How do you talk to you parents about stuff that happens. Like stuff that happens online and at school. Maybe stuff that kind of scares you?

Hi Astrid –

Your question is a little bit tough to answer, because I don’t know exactly what “scary stuff” you’re referring to.  And of course I don’t know you or your parents at all.  But it really comes down to a gigantic question: Who Do You Trust?

I’m very glad (and honored) that you trusted me enough to ask me about this.  But you definitely need to find someone in your own world who you can absolutely trust, to share these things with.  Most often, parents are the best choice.  But if your parents aren’t people you can trust with this information, you might want to talk to a teacher or administrator at school, a member of the clergy, or even a therapist or counselor who can help you.

Remember, stuff happens to everybody.  Every person (and dog) in the world has experienced being in a horrible position due to something they’ve Continue reading

1 How to deal with sibling rivalry

Toota asks: I have a 3-year-old daughter and she is very intelligent. Now I have a new baby and my older daughter is very angry with me, she tells me “I do not love you,” she hits her little sister. Is this depression? What shall I do?

Hi Toota –

Congratulations on your new baby!  I wish I could walk right up and sniff your whole family!!

Okay, I have good news and bad news for you.  Good news first – your daughter’s behavior doesn’t show Depression, or any other abnormality.  In fact, if she weren’t acting this way, I’d worry a bit.  She is showing a healthy, normal attitude, which I’m sure will, one day, turn into a beautiful relationship with her sister.

Then the bad news:  That day won’t come soon!  For three years, your daughter was the center of the universe.  You put all your attention onto her, she delighted you with her brightness, and everything was fantastic.  Then you hit her with the greatest insult she will ever receive in her life:  You had another Continue reading

What to do when your parents prefer a sibling to you

Bella asks: What I’m going to say might sound stupid, but I have a strong feeling that my parents prefer my sister over me. Not that they hate me, but the way they act with her is completely different from the way they act with me. One day we are on good terms, but then a week later they are ignoring me! Any advice on what I should do???

Hi Bella –

 

It’s hard to talk about this issue, I know.  Parents always want to believe that they treat (and love) all their children the same, but of course at different times, they’re going to “miss the target” on that.  Some parents can’t help but prefer the kid who’s best-behaved, while others just feel more fondness for the one who’s the more troublesome!  And the affection might switch over time.

 

Meanwhile, it’s absolutely normal for their kids to want, and even demand, equality.  When kids are very young, they simply want everything Mom and Dad can offer at all times; then they are taught to share and act with fairness, so they expect to be treated Continue reading

1 How to make life interesting and fun

choco asks: How can I make my life interesting? Are there some tricks to make fun in life??

Hi Choco –

 

This is probably my favorite question anyone’s ever asked me, because this is what I’m best at.  You see, we dogs always can find something interesting and fun, unless someone’s literally put us in a tiny cage.  And you humans have every bit of what we have in our brains, and a lot more.  So why is it that you often can’t come up with something, when we always can?  It’s because of that extra brain you have!  You’re so much more judgmental and worried and self-conscious and all that, which all gets in the way of life!  (Now please realize, I also know that that extra brain does a lot of good; Overall it tends to be better.  I’m not putting you down here, just pointing out how it can be a problem!).

 

So what you need to do is get all that nonsense out of the way, and find your own Continue reading

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