Category Archives for "Behavior"

0 How to make an absent-minded teenager take responsibility

Cookie Vidal asks: I have a hard time getting my 16-year-old brother to do all my dog’s things (pick up her feces, change her water etc.), and for the last 6 months or so I have been doing it for him. He stays home all day and can’t even clean the floor or wash the dishes etc. So how do I approach him to get him to do something other than being on Facebook?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Okay, first things first:  Nothing here is anything but normal.  16-year-old boys tend to be very forgetful, even if they mean to be responsible; and they usually are a lot less concerned with messes than other people.

If this weren’t the case – if he were, say, 24 – my suggestion to you would be to stop doing his chores.  To leave the dog’s mess out, to leave the floor and dishes (it’s not fair to the dog to not give her water though), and wait till it starts to drive him absolutely nuts.  That method works beautifully – but not necessarily with 16-year-old boys!

So I think you need to take more drastic measures.

The first one is – where is the rest of Continue reading

1 How to stop oneself playing computer games at bedtime.

Chicken asks: In the past few weeks I’ve been staying up late on my iPad and playing games when I’m supposed to sleep. I try to sleep but I can’t. I’ve been tired in the day, and if I tell my parents I will get in trouble. I can’t stop staying up late on my iPad. Please help!

Hi Chicken –

Okay, let’s start with the obvious here: the iPad is fun!  Of course you like staying up playing with it.  Also, computer games can get pretty addictive, and while you’re trying to master one, it’s awfully easy to lose track of time and suddenly find that hours have gone by.

Because of this, you are experiencing what some call a “teachable Continue reading

0 How to get kids to do start doing things on their own

Cookie Vidal asks: My brother always asks me to do something when he can do it himself, and I get frustrated. How do I approach it?

Hi Cookie Vidal –

Your situation reminds me of something I went through as a puppy.  When I was about six months old, Handsome took me to the veterinarian to have me spayed (the operation that makes a female dog not able to have puppies).  I had a lot of stitches in my abdomen, and had to walk carefully while it healed – but no one was able to tell me that in a way I could understand.

Right away, after we got home, I tried to jump up on the bed to take a nap.  Well as you can guess, I couldn’t jump very high, and the trying really hurt!  So Handsome lifted me up and put me on the bed.  Then, once I’d had a little nap, I jumped off the bed onto the Continue reading

0 Is it wrong for pre-teens to have sleepovers with friends of the opposite sex?

Chickenwing asks: When I was younger, I had a sleepover with my 3 best friends. I liked the idea of that, but now I have moved somewhere else. I asked to have a sleepover with my 3 best friends, but (I never thought of this!) my 3rd best friend is a girl! My mom will probably say no, but I don’t get what’s so wrong. We won’t do anything sexual because we’re all 10 years old. I have a bunk bed, a guest room, and a couch that turns into a bed. We could all sleep in different places. Please help – I really want the sleepover!

Hi Chickenwing –

My friend, you are dealing with something you’re going to face for the rest of your life – and especially in the next twelve years or so – called pre-judgment.  I won’t use the word “prejudice,” because that word has other connotations, but I mean the same thing.  I completely believe you that you, your two male friends, and your female friend, could have a really fun night together hanging out, and that you aren’t thinking about any hanky-panky in the least!

But that might not Continue reading

0 Is it wrong to be a “goody-goody” at school?

adriannaar asks: My friends are calling me a goody-goody and a teacher’s pet, just because I respect the teachers and help them and the office staff out. What should I do?

Hi adriannaar –

You know, we dogs get this all the time.  Other animals, whether the nobly independent wolves we’re descended from, or the snooty cats we like to chase, love to get on our cases.  “You do whatever your humans tell you!  You have no self-respect at all!  You hunt, pull sleds, find drugs, chase bad guys and foxes, protect homes, and then jump on your enslavers and give them kisses all the time!  You make us Continue reading

2 How to read when your parents want you to sleep

DOGSRULE asks: I am reading a lot of books, and my parents love it, but they said they might ban me from reading because I usually stay up past my bedtime to read. What should I do?

Hi DOGSRULE –

Thanks for your question about your reading.

I think that, in the eyes of most parents, kids reading is like dogs barking.  If a person buys a dog, they most likely want it to bark – but only when they want it to; the rest of the time, the barking really annoys them!

Similarly, although I’m always hearing adults worry that kids don’t read enough, you’re not alone in having parents get frustrated by your love of reading!

My friend Handsome had a similar situation when he was growing up.  His trick was to Continue reading

0 What to do with friends who reject you, and then want to be friends again?

adriannaar asks: What should I do if this girl in my class is always mean to me, then nice, then mean, then nice again?! The girl I had the problem with sent me an email saying goodbye, and so I told her goodbye, that I do not want her problems, and angrily said if she were to reply I would block her and she never replied. Then we were talking on the Internet and she said she wants us to be good friends! She is just confusing me – she says goodbye then hello!

Hi adriannar –

As I love to point out, I don’t know much of anything about my pack friends.  I don’t know your real names, I don’t know where you live, I don’t know your ages… and I don’t know if you’re male or female!  If I could sniff you I’d know all these things at once (dogs’ noses are phenomenal!), but over the Internet, I can’t tell anything!

So I might be barking up the wrong tree, as the saying goes.  But one reason why people sometimes behave in this nice/mean/nice/mean way is that they’ve got a Continue reading

0 What to do if you feel guilty about eating

amber asks: What should I do if I feel guilty when I eat?

Hi amber –

If you’re saying you want to learn to control your diet better, I have some posts here that deal with that issue.  But it sounds like you might be asking something more worrisome: Are you feeling guilty about eating anything?  Are you feeling that you’re doing something wrong by eating?  And if so, is it because you feel you’re doing something cruel or mean to that sandwich, or those carrots, or that cookie?  Or is it that you feel you’re doing something bad to yourself?

As far as the sandwich or carrots idea goes, it sounds to me like you need to accept your Continue reading

1 How should a teen deal with pornography?

kavin24 asks: I’m a 13-year-old girl. Recently I watched some sexual videos. I don’t want to watch them, but now I can’t stop. I can’t tell my mom about this. I want to be a good child, so please tell me what can I do.

Hi kavin24 –

You’re really dealing with two giant issues here, both of which are about timing.  On one hand, thirteen is a very normal age for a girl to start thinking and feeling more about sex.  There’s nothing wrong with your curiosity and interest.

On the other hand, you’re also living in a time unlike any before, where very explicit sexual material is easily available to anyone at anytime, in incredible amounts, through the Internet.  Let me clarify this further – you have more access to pornographic material than anyone in the world did twenty years ago or more.

What’s really unfair about this is that Continue reading

0 How to get forgiveness from a sibling you’ve hurt

nardy asks: I have an older sister. On our PC there are some bad pics of her. Once I really got mad at her and sent one of them to one of my friends and said she is ugly, and she saw it and cried and said she hates me and she will never EVER forgive me! I apologized, but she asked me to go away and she now never talks to me. I posted on Instagram a pretty pic of her and said that she is pretty and I love her, but she just told me to stop posting pictures of her! What should I do?

Hi nardy –

My advice?  Give her time.

Sometimes I get mad at Handsome, and he tries to do something nice for me, and I’ll stay annoyed (but if it’s him giving me a treat, I will eat it.  I’ll just walk away from him afterwards).  Give her space and time, but keep trying to be nice.  I imagine she’ll forgive you eventually.  But for now, just keep letting her know that you know what was wrong about what you did, and that you’ll never Continue reading