How should a teen deal with pornography?

kavin24 asks: I’m a 13-year-old girl. Recently I watched some sexual videos. I don’t want to watch them, but now I can’t stop. I can’t tell my mom about this. I want to be a good child, so please tell me what can I do.

Hi kavin24 –

You’re really dealing with two giant issues here, both of which are about timing.  On one hand, thirteen is a very normal age for a girl to start thinking and feeling more about sex.  There’s nothing wrong with your curiosity and interest.

On the other hand, you’re also living in a time unlike any before, where very explicit sexual material is easily available to anyone at anytime, in incredible amounts, through the Internet.  Let me clarify this further – you have more access to pornographic material than anyone in the world did twenty years ago or more.

What’s really unfair about this is that society used to control access to sexual material, especially for youngsters like you.  But because you’re around today, you’re having to make responsible choices at a very young age.  It’s as if, when I was a puppy, I was expected to take walks without a leash, but stay just as close to Handsome as if I’d had one on my collar!

So I’m really impressed with you for writing me.  That shows great maturity. You should be very proud.

But, now that I’ve said that, what can you do about it?  I really have one big recommendation:

Stop watching it.

It’s that simple.  I know you say you can’t, but of course you can.  You can do it by deciding to stop.  If you’re having trouble keeping your curiosity from wanting to see sexy images, then make yourself look at pictures of sexy people with their clothes on – not videos, just still photos.  Eventually you’ll probably get a bit bored with those, and it’ll be easier to stop altogether.

Note, kavin24, I’m not saying what else you can’t do.  You may have cultural or religious rules, and I’m certainly not saying to break those.  But, within those rules, you have every right to think or imagine all you want when you’re alone.  What you’ll eventually find is that that feels way better than having your mind controlled by the videos someone else made.  It’s also a great way to avoid the long-term effects of excessive viewing of pornography, which can really mess with a human’s mind.

Someday, kavin24, you’re going to get into a relationship that gets sexual.  And I want that to be as new and exciting and romantic as it can possibly be.  So I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have all those feelings.  It’s just that you don’t want to have them ‘owned’ by the people who made those videos.

It’s your life, and I want you to have it as fully and freely as you can!





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sara - April 1, 2013 Reply

I also have the same problem

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