Category Archives for "Adults"

0 What makes a motivated student lazy?

Achu asks: I am too lazy in studies. Though my exams are approaching, I’m always sleeping – but I dream of getting rid of my easygoing nature and finding success in life. What should I do?

Hi Achu –

There’s a big word for the situation you’re in, and that’s “Incongruent.”  If you’ve studied geometry, you might know that word – Congruent triangles have all the same angles as each other, for example.  But in psychology (Handsome knows and tells me all this stuff – all I’m an expert in is squirrel hunting and making people happy!), Congruence means that each part of your mind works well with the other parts.  Someone who really wants to be a perfectly behaved child but is scratching bad words into the furniture is not Congruent!  Someone who hates everyone and behaves rudely might be a rotten person, but he is Congruent!

So you, who have great trouble motivating yourself to study, but dream of being a hardworking success, are… not a bad person at all, but Incongruent.  Our job here is to get the two sides to work together.

I often find that, especially when it comes to schoolwork, this problem can come because the person aims too Continue reading

0 How to handle a friend who’s jealous of your other friends

emily rose asks: I have a ”friend” in my school who is jealous of me being friends with someone else and she’s always making fun of us and tricking us into doing stupid things and making us feel bad about our selves (but she is mostly hurting my friend). What should I do?

Hi emily rose–

Jealousy is such a lousy feeling, both for the person who’s feeling it and the person who it’s about.  Of course some mild jealousy is all right, and even can be fun (married humans say it can keep a romantic spark going), but what you’re describing isn’t fun at all.

I think the best thing about your letter is the quotation marks you put around the word “friend.”  Not that she doesn’t care about you, even to the point of devotion, but that she’s not doing a good job of being a friend right now.  Instead she’s being Continue reading

0 What’s a good gift to give parents?

Serena asks: I’m kinda crazy thinking of what’s the best farewell gift for my parents. I’m 12 years old please suggest to me the cutest gift I could give.

Hi Serena –

Well the cutest gift is always a puppy!  But I don’t know if that’s what your parents would want right now.

What I’m not sure of is who’s leaving whom!  Is the farewell gift because you’re going somewhere on a vacation, or because they are, or is it that you or they are actually moving away from the other Continue reading

0 How to handle rejection

Amethyst asks: How does one handle rejection, especially as a teenager? And please could you give me stories of other teenagers that have overcome both rejection and depression?

Hi Amethyst –

The honest truth is it never feels good to be rejected.  I’m a really friendly pup, and I want to be friends with just about everyone I meet.  And I get rejected so often.  Maybe because someone’s scared of dogs, maybe they just don’t like us, and maybe they love dogs but are wearing black and don’t want me to shed all over them (I can’t help it – I don’t do it on purpose!).   Whatever it is, it hurts every time.  And when it’s someone I really care about, oh that’s like a knife in the heart!  The times when I’ve run up to Handsome and he’s been angry to see me (probably because I’d climbed over the fence and run across the street) I will never fully recover from.

On top of that, when you’re a teenager, you care more about acceptance from your peers than at any other time in your life.  So the boy who doesn’t call again, or the girl who is offended by your goodnight Continue reading

0 Should one be in a relationship with someone who plans to end it soon?

Pallas asks: A friend of mine is in a relationship but lately her boyfriend seems to be avoiding her. She talked to him once and asked him if he still loved her. He said that he only loves her 30% and that he’ll break up with her on their first anniversary because he doesn’t want to hurt her anymore. But she doesn’t mind getting hurt because of their relationship. She has always loved him so much even if he wasn’t giving her any freedom. I really want to help those two, but I’m not really good when it comes to solving relationship problems. Please help me, Shirelle.

Hi Pallas –

Well it’s very fitting that you’re the one who’s trying to have the clear view here.  For those readers who don’t know, Pallas is another name for Athena, the Greek goddess of Wisdom.  And it seems like Pallas is being very Athena-like in this relationship!  (Does that make me the Oracle of Delphi?  I have to say, I am the luckiest dog in the world!).

Okay, so here’s my wisdom:  What in the world is Continue reading

0 What to do when friends are jealous of your success

Serena asks: In school my friends always try to avoid me because I’m better than them in studies and everything. What should I do?

Hi Serena –

Before I answer your question, I want to ask you one:  Are you sure that that’s why your friends are behaving this way?  If so, they’re being extremely petty.  So you might want to see if there’s a way to find out if something else could be going on – if they’re avoiding you for something you didn’t even realize you’d said, or because they’ve decided you’re not wearing the cool brand of shoes or something!

But if you’re right – this is ridiculous!  Your friends are acting out of meanness and jealousy.  And my advice to you is simple:  Keep doing what you’re doing in your classes, and find better Continue reading

1 How to let someone who’s attracted to you down easy

Herbert13 asks: I am 13 and I have had lots of boyfriends but this time I don’t know what to do! There is this boy at school that I find really annoying and today he asked me out. At first I thought he was joking but then when I properly looked at him I saw that he wasn’t. I don’t want a boyfriend and I don’t have feelings for him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I tried asking my friends but they just joke about it. What should I do? Please help.

Hi Herbert13 –

The simple job you’re after is to Let Him Down Easy.  It’s a common problem, and one that’s been around forever.

There are a lot of ways to do this, and most are just awful!  Telling him you want to be friends (when you don’t) just sets him up for more disappointment.  Trying to avoid the topic and wait for him to move on will leave him hanging in pain.  Harshly rejecting him will make him feel ashamed for having dared to Continue reading

1 How to find out if the boy you like likes you

ashee asks: I’m 14 years old and there’s this guy who I fell in love with, but I don’t know if he feels the same way about me. What should I do to find out?

Hi Ashee –

This is absolutely the most frequent question I get asked.  And I totally relate.  You see, when I was a puppy, I was caught by some dog catchers and placed in a pound.  And I was smart and observant enough to see that once a dog had been in that pound for a number of days, it got taken into a room at the end of the hallway and never came back.  Whereas other dogs got taken out the front door by really happy people who clearly just adored them.  So that’s what I wanted!

Day after day would pass, and occasionally, a person would look into my cage.  Well, I should say “our” cage, since I was in there with four other puppies.  And the people would point and laugh and pet us and let us lick and chew on their hands… and sometimes they’d take one of us out.  But not me.

It was hard to be there.  It was the scariest time of my life.  And while it felt bad when no one was paying attention to us, it could even feel worse when someone did pay attention, but then walked away (whether with another dog or none).  And the reason that felt so bad is because I’d gotten my hopes up.  I’d believed that this person was The One, my human who would take me out of that cage, and out of that pound, and into a new life full of love and play and petting and good food and freedom and… I didn’t even know all what!  So when they’d walk away, my heart would just Continue reading

0 Should you devote yourself 100% to your dream career, or prepare alternatives?

purdeydawg1398 asks: I am choosing my options for my GCSE’s and I am 100% set on what I will be doing for my career, but I am worried that if something happens and I can’t do the job I want to do then I might regret it later. What should I do?

Hi purdeydawg1398 –

Wow, I’m very impressed with you!  Most secondary school students don’t have as clear a sense of what they want for their career, and hope to find that out in college or university.  So you’re already ahead of the game – well-done!

You’re also asking a very mature question, in terms of what will happen to you if you don’t get to do the career you most want.  I totally understand what you mean when you say that you fear you’ll “regret it later,” but I think, for now, you need to choose between two paths.

The first path involves total Continue reading

0 How to stop fighting with your sibling

Serena asks: I and my younger brother always have petty fights. What do I do about it?

Hi Serena –

I don’t know how old you and your brother are, or whether these are physical fights or just arguments.  But either way, there’s a basic truth, which is Sibling Rivalry.  Siblings argue and fight, and that’s been true throughout history, and for puppies as well as humans.  The important thing is to be able to move past it as well and as smoothly as possible.

That’s very hard, I know.  Even though you’re older (and I assume, bigger), both of you have instincts that are hard to beat.  But here are some ways to gain some power, so that at least he won’t start these fights so Continue reading