Category Archives for "Adults"

1 How to handle a spoiled child

mouse asks: My cousin’s 9-year-old sister is too stubborn. She doesn’t even regret that she has failed so many papers, she doesn’t listen to her mom or dad, and she talks rudely. She believes that no one loves her, although her parents get her everything – she just seems to follow something in her mind. Please help!

Hi mouse –

 

 

I have to admit, I’m a bit confused about this girl!  First of all, what sort of papers is a nine-year-old assigned to write?  Second, why are her parents giving her ‘everything,’ when she doesn’t listen to them?  And third, does she believe that no one loves her because… no one does?  I’ll try to answer your question, but this is tough material.

 

It sounds to me like this girl has some real issues with her parents.  They’re giving her lots of stuff, but not giving her the boundaries she needs.  She sounds confused and unsure of what to do, and VERY unhappy about it.

 

You see, it’s a kid’s job to see what they can Continue reading

3 What the Hell (Part Two) … views on the present and the future

What the Hell (Part Two) …views on the present and the future

I really appreciate the letters I got in response to my question about the “end of the world” movies and TV shows out there.  No two were alike, which seems to say that there’s a lot behind the popularity of this theme.

 

Jazzbo writes:  It’s funny that you ask this Shirelle, because my friends and me were just talking about how much our junior high school feels just like The Walking Dead.  We’re the “humans” in it, and we’re surrounded by these mindless jocks, dorks who spend all day in video games, and yes the druggies – all of them are “walkers” (or zombies) to us.  Maybe to you that show seems strange and off, but to us, for one hour a week, it feels like we’re understood by the world, and we can understand the world.

 

Wow, I can relate to that.  I’m so often the outsider, especially when I’m surrounded by humans (like if Handsome has people over), and I often wonder why they’re so weird – why they’re not doing the things I’d do if I were them, like sniffing each other’s butts or jumping on each other, or eating all the food at once.  And I know that teenagers often feel just that way about the other kids at their schools.  I hope this doesn’t mean that you’re going to adopt a policy of shooting them in the brains, but I do understand!

 

Lucan writes: Shirelle I always thought you were a smart dog, but I think you’re naive about this.  The world IS coming to an end!  The movies about the end of times are here because we all know it’s just about to happen.  Global warming’s going to destroy our farms (it’s already happening); overpopulation’s going to lead to starvation and horrible wars; we’ve put chemicals in our air, our water, and our bodies that we don’t know what they’re gonna do; and all these wars in the Middle East – it’s just exactly what was predicted would happen.  Tell your friend Handsome to start praying for his soul, because this is world is about to explode.

 

This is the letter I most expected.  And Lucan, I would love to tell you that I know you’re wrong, but of course I can’t.  All those problems that you list are real, and could make things far worse than they are.  But I do have one argument to offer, which is that humans have predicted the end of the world countless times over the years, and have always been wrong.  The Black Plague didn’t do it.  Assorted events where religions predicted it haven’t happened.  World War II and the invention of the Atomic Bomb didn’t do it.  So while it’s always possible that it still could happen, I want to impress on you – the odds are very very high that the world might just continue, no matter how many ways humans conspire to make it more difficult to live in.  Similarly, although governments and political systems may change over time, fundamentally, people, and the way certain cultures like to run themselves, tend to stay pretty much the same.  So while we’ll see big shifts (like, most clearly today, the many changes in Egypt over the last few years), but nothing like the world of “The Hunger Games.”

 

Speaking of which…

 

LaVaM writes:  Thanks for asking about “The Hunger Games.”  I have an answer for you: it is my life.  I feel just like Katniss.  I also have a little sister who I want to take care of, and would be happy if the world would just leave us alone so we could hunt and find food, but being a teenage girl today is horrible, Shirelle.  Be glad you’re a dog.  Just like Katniss, I’m expected to dress to shine (even when I just want to hide and be invisible), I’m supposed to smile and pretend to love all the people who control my world, and now, when I get out of school, I’m supposed to go join the rat race and compete against all my friends and try to destroy them.  These are the best books ever written, as far as I can tell.  They tell my story anyway.

 

I find this so distressing!  And I’ll bet lots and lots of girls feel just this way.  Their problem isn’t that they’re scared the world might turn into the “Hunger Games” setting; they feel like it’s already there.  And for all the giant leaps that women have made in the last 50 years, it’s so sad that the pressure of “Be pretty, smile, and don’t have an opinion” still survives.  I hope you, my beloved readers, are ready to do what you can to change this nonsense.

 

And last, but by no means least, Ellie writes:

I am sadly one of those people who actually want something like what’s happening in The Hunger Games to happen and never have really thought about why. And finally I have come up with reasons.
Firstly, the children of this generation want to do something with their lives instead of playing computer games and having programs tell you you’re a hero (even after failing many times) and put their name out there. You only live once after all.
Secondly, we want something different and interesting happen to the world, just so we can do something interesting that the world can know about, feel glory, save the world, have people talking about you in legends for thousands of years.
Next, nowadays i think we all have a lack of hope and if something disastrous happens we have a chance to spread our hope and be the person that kept on believing.
Finally, us who stay hunched over our computer everyday playing video games, those shy kids, want their chance to come out of their shells and act like a total badass without anybody making fun of them or freaking out because they are wearing armour and a crossbow slung over our shoulders.

I hope this helped you understand. Games I play give people creative minds to write inspiring paragraphs like I just tried to do when Im half awake.

 

There is so much here.  If there’s anything sadder than someone thinking they live in the “Hunger Games” world, it must be someone who wishes she did.  But your points make sense, Ellie.

 

But I’m going to try to talk you out of them anyway – and you can probably guess just how:

 

Ellie, and all of you: you DO live in a world where you can be heroic.  The problems Lucan lists are all things you can devote yourself to helping.  Maybe you won’t become world-famous (though you might), but if you can do even a small part to help the world get better, you have achieved greatness.  Now if you want to be talked about in a thousand years, that’s a higher task, and it really requires you to work incredibly hard (Just think – how many people can you name who were around in 1013?!).  You’d have to do something no one had ever done before.  Even Katniss probably isn’t achieving anything that big (though I don’t know what happens in the second or third book!).  Be the first person on Mars, write the greatest story ever, or a song that will last for eternity.  I don’t know if you can do it, but I do know that no one has more chance than you – any of you – to be the one who can!

 

LaVaM, you probably can’t change the whole culture, and the way it treats teenage girls.  But maybe you can change something in your school, or even just in your family.  But if you just dress down or sulk, that won’t really change anything – people will just pay less attention to you, and notice the “shinier” girls more.  But what if you excel at something else?  What if you’re a great athlete, or write something amazing, or do something to save your sister?  People will take notice!  About fifty years ago an actress said a famous line in a movie:  Another character said to her she wasn’t beautiful enough to become a star and she answered, “You think beautiful girls are going to stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they’re going to be out! Finished! Then it’ll be my turn!”  It’s a cute line in the movie – but the fact that it was said by the brand-new actress Barbra Streisand, who’s still a superstar half a century later, even with non-Hollywood looks… yeah it kind of rings true.

 

So what I really want to say to you all is – Don’t Give Up!  Yes, all the problems you talk about are real, but you can do something to help change them!  Back around the time Streisand was playing that role on Broadway, another not-classically-beautiful star-in-the-making sang these words: “There’s been rumors of war and wars that have been / The meaning of the life has been lost in the wind / And some people thinkin’ that the end is close by / ‘Stead of learnin’ to live they are learning to die.”

 

Well, I don’t want you learning to die!  I want you – my Pack, the coolest most fantastic incredible wonderful group of humans ever – to embrace this life, and to take the right lessons from all these stories out there.  If you’ve seen “This Is the End,” then great, do what it says: Refuse to Be a Jerk!  If you’ve seen “Pacific Rim,” work, like they do, with others to save the planet, by Refusing to be overcome by jealousies.  You’re a “Walking Dead” fan?  Then great – LIVE!  Use that glorious brain and body you’ve got: Run and laugh and get angry and fall in love and cry and learn and sing and kickbox and give too much money to someone who’s hungry and write an angry letter to a politician and kiss a stray dog (Kiss lots of dogs, and rub our tummies too).  There is such a thing as contagious zombiedom – but it doesn’t come from being bitten by a zombie; it comes from letting yourself live like one!  Refuse!  Refuse!  Be an animal instead!

 

And if you are (and how could you not be) a fan of “The Hunger Games,” then do what Katniss does.  Look at the crazy world around you and REFUSE to obey its rules when they’re wrong.  Live by your heart, by your love, by your fury.  Be better than the world around you.  Do good when the world says to do nothing.  Be kind when the world says not to care.  Be loving when the world says to hate.

 

And if you can do this, my dear dear friends – if you can take all the fear and negativity and hopelessness that’s out there, and turn it into hope and love and action…  you will prove yourself the greatest bunch of humans ever.

 

And maybe, just maybe, that will be remembered a thousand years from now.

 

So…  LIVE!

 

What happens when we start following others?

dumboo asks: What will happen if we start following others?

Hi dumboo –

When we are young, following others is pretty much all we do.

Who do I mean by “we?”  Well, we dogs definitely follow our mothers and siblings when we’re very young, and when we get interested in a human, we’ll follow you everywhere, all day long!  Have you ever watched ducklings?  They swim in a nearly perfect line behind their mothers when in water, and walk right behind her as well on land.

And you humans?  When you are babies, your primary focus is on your caregivers – whether your parents or someone else – and trying to learn how to be like them.  That’s how humans learn to walk and talk, probably the two most Continue reading

1 Is it wrong to be jealous of people who still have their parents?

Salvatore asks: As you know, my father died a few months ago. Now, whenever my friends talk about their dads, I feel that something is burning inside me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I think it may be jealousy. Please tell me how to overcome this feeling.

Hi Salvatore –

 

I have written about jealousy a few times.  Usually it’s about romantic jealousy, which can be anything from heartbreaking to fun to, as we know, murderous!

 

But the jealousy you talk about is something very different.  What happened to your father – and to you and the rest of your family – is absolutely unfair.  There’s nothing you have done – or could have done – to deserve this pain.  And when you hear other kids talk about their fathers, there’s no way it won’t hurt.

 

Though, of course, unless they’re purposely trying to make you feel bad, this isn’t their Continue reading

How to deal with new fears after losing a parent

Salvatore asks: When you answered my last question, you asked what might have caused my depression. Its actual cause is my dad’s death. He died suddenly two and a half months ago. Since his death, I’ve been worrying about my future education. I still have my mother, elder brothers, and sister, but they can’t take away this feeling. I am studying pre-medicine. I remain worried all the time about who will support me financially till I become a doctor. I’m also worrying all the time about losing my mother too, as I lost my father. Please tell me what to do!

Hi Salvatore –

I am so horribly sorry about your devastating loss.  All animals expect to outlive their parents, but humans are supposed to last till we’re much much older.  It’s not fair that it happened to you, and I’m not going to try to make it feel better, because I just can’t.

I’m glad you told me what the reason for your feelings is.  Because there’s a difference between the usual Depression and what you’re experiencing, although they have the same symptoms.  You are going through what’s called Bereavement.  There’s no cure for it but time.  You’ve lost someone very close to you, who you loved dearly, and it came completely out of the blue.

In comparison, I know a man whose dog died of Continue reading

How to free yourself from negative thinking

geeky asks: How can I come up with negative thinking?

Hi geeky –

I might be confused here.  You ask “how can I come up with negative thinking?”  Well I have lots of answers, but… why in the world would you want to come up with it?!

Negative thinking means a frame of mind that’s always coming from a pessimistic, cynical, hopeless place.  The best illustration of it I know is an old joke:

Two parents are suffering with raising their two sons.  One is an eternal optimist, and one an endless pessimist.  They want to teach their optimist son to be more practical and less trusting, and their pessimist son that things aren’t always bad.  So for Christmas, they give the pessimist a room full of toys, and give the optimist a room full of Continue reading

How to get a relationship going between two people who are both scared of it

Mandhie asks: I am interested in a boy. He is a very good student and was the head boy when we were in middle school; so everybody expects something good from him and in order to release the stress, he has nothing to do than to retreat. (When I asked you about him before, you commented, “he retreats from one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings.” Sorry but I don’t understand. Could you explain that part to me?) Right now, I feel the stage at which we are is not good for dating, but although I don’t know why, I am feeling kinda in a hurry to have a boyfriend. I am 15, and he will turn 16 this November. He is the kind of guy who expects he will have a girlfriend when he is maybe in his 20s. He would like to date only one girl so that no girl would have a bad impression about him, and he can be special only to her. And Shirelle, I want to be that girl he will hold her hand for the first time. This stage isn’t the best to date, so I’m waiting. I know he likes me, even though so many other girls like him. So we are just trying to ignore each other and be just friends although we wish to be together. I remember one day, his mum came to visit my mum and called me “daughter in-law.” Shirelle, my heart jumped out when she said that! His brothers also like to tease us as future husband and wife. All these beautiful things happen, but it seems we can’t be together since we both can’t express our feelings. At times, I wish he had never come into being, because I think about him all the time and it is not helping me! Please help Shirelle, I’m just thinking about something I feel will never happen.

Hi Mandhie –

 

Okay, let’s get this out at the start:  This is SUCH a romantic letter!!!  I’m just swooning!

 

Now, about what I meant about “the one thing that brings out all these reactions and confusions and feelings…” I mean YOU!  Just as you feel lots of feelings toward him that you express in this letter, he feels probably even more toward you – and all of them make him feel pressure.  Pressure to talk to you, pressure to be cool and avoid you, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be mean to him, pressure to run away from you in case you’d be super-nice to him!, pressure to figure things out, pressure to touch you… ALL those at once, and it’s just too much for one brain to handle!  Have you seen “Pacific Rim?”  It’s like there, when the people get hooked up and suddenly their brain has to take in too much and their noses start to bleed from the pressure!  That’s this guy!  (And it’s very likely a total compliment to you!).

 

Now when it comes to your question about yourself, I’d give the same Continue reading

How to make decisions

prettyndsweet12 asks: Do you have any decision making tips for making decision in general situations?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

 

I really have two tips about decision-making, and they directly contradict each other!

 

Let’s imagine that I see a squirrel leap off the roof of my house onto a bush, and climb down onto the ground and hop away.  I have to make a decision – should I chase him or not?

 

Well, my first tip is to not wait too long or think too much about it.  This is a very urgent situation.  The further the squirrel is from me, the less chance I have of catching the sassy little critter.  He also might see me if I give him time, and he’ll run away before I even get up onto my feet.  So my tip is – Choose Now!  Go For It!

 

My second tip, however, is the exact opposite.  What if that squirrel is right next to a Continue reading

Why are some conversations boring?

iriss asks: what is the most boring conversation for you ?

Hi iriss –

 

Like most dogs, I really like attention.  I love it when people come over to our house and I run up to them and they’re all excited and pet me and kiss me and throw balls for me and tell Handsome how beautiful I am.

 

And then, once they’ve done that for a few minutes… they stop.  They get talking about work or sports or movies, and they get glasses of tasty drinks, and they walk around, and forget all about Continue reading

Why do teenagers get depressed

salvatore asks: I am a teen. I have been facing anxiety problems for a couple of weeks. I have lost my confidence and self esteem – moreover I feel depressed. I am a topper and I was really good in studies, but now I have lost my concentration. I can’t tell this to my mother or anyone else. Can you please solve my problem of depression?

Hi Salvatore –

 

 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  I do need to ask you one question, but I’m going to then give some suggestions assuming I know what you answered – even though I don’t!  So if I’m wrong, please write me back and I can give you some other suggestions.

 

Here’s my question: Do you have any idea what started this depression?  Was there a single event – someone rejected you, you did badly at something, you lost a friend or relative or pet?

 

If there was a clear “moment” that got all this going, please let me know.  But I’m going to assume you answered “I have no Continue reading

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