Category Archives for "Adults"

0 How to handle friends who listen to mean liars

sarah asks: This is going to be my second year in college. My college is very small. There’s this one girl who is very outspoken but evil. She works her way through people, and makes them believe whatever she says. She has caused a lot of people that were once my friends to turn against me. How do I let people see the real me, and be attracted to me and not her?

Hi sarah –

I usually hear about girls doing this at younger ages – this behavior’s very common around 14 years old – so it disturbs me to hear about it happening in a college. Not that I don’t know of adults who do such things, but just that I’d have hoped the other students wouldn’t be as susceptible to her manipulations.

But I then have to think – oh, that just means she’s reeeeeeally good at it.

And frankly, if she’s that talented, I don’t know that I can give you a great answer on how to beat her at this game. Eventually, we can be sure, she’ll alienate enough people that they start to see her the way you do. And when that happens, she’ll move from being liked and trusted to being despised and shunned.

But that’s later, and up to the hands of fate; not now, in any way you can control.

So my invitation to you is to try to look at this in a very different way – as a Continue reading

0 How to deal with failure

Meggz asks: I only managed to complete two of my exams at 16, which were English and Maths, and I ended up doing really badly. This was because I was battling depression and I was unable to put myself through more stress of doing it. I hadn’t gone to school since year 9 and so I was teaching myself. Have I ruined the rest of my life?

Hi Meggz –

I’m really sorry you didn’t do well on the tests. I know those subjects can be extremely hard. But my quick answer to you is No. Nope. Absolutely not. No way, no how, nopity nope nope nope.

Somewhere in this world is someone who never did badly at anything. I have never met them.

The stories of great ‘failures’ are endless. Albert Einstein failing his college entrance math exams, Michael Jordan being kicked off a basketball team for not being good enough, movie studios rejecting Fred Astaire and E.T. and all sorts of things.

But that’s not to say the tests don’t matter. They do. It all comes down to one question: Continue reading

0 Why keep a journal

Wooff asks: I plan on being a writer. Writers are people who are changing the world. They fascinate me. But you see, my thoughts go all over the place and I lose the main point and… aghh, it’s all a mess. And I am a very lazy person, which is bad because I spend most of the time on the computer. I want to write on my diary. Do you think I should keep a journal? How do I pursue my passion?

Hi Wooff –

You ask me so many great questions, and I usually give you long, complex answers. Here’s an exception: Should you keep a journal?

Yes.

I have a few reasons.

First, since your thoughts “go all over the place,” a journal is a great way to keep things simple and straightforward. Write down the things that you did, or that happened to you, every day, and your thoughts about them. It shouldn’t take more than fifteen to thirty minutes, except when you have a whole lot to say. This way you’ll get lots of great experience in writing, with no concerns about what teachers or audiences or even your friends think about it.

Second, writers often talk about wanting to develop a Continue reading

0 What is Anxiety?

prettyndsweet12 asks: Lately I have been suffering from mild depression. I’ll get upset about one thing and then my mind will make up more problems. For example, if I’m upset because I don’t think I’ll do well on a test, the feeling of being nervous about the test will become feelings that I will never be good at anything and I won’t be successful in life. My mom takes it as me stressing myself out over something small, but there are actual feelings that my mind is forcing on me and I have absolutely no control over it. Should?I see a doctor or is it just my hormones?

Hi prettyndsweet12 –

Actually, it sounds to me like what you’re suffering from isn’t depression as much as Anxiety. Depression (in adults anyway) tends to come with exhaustion, some sadness, hopelessness, and an overall dreariness. Anxiety means you just worry about everything, especially things that aren’t really worth worrying about. And worst of all, worrying not only about what’s going on right now, but about the future (which no one can control at all, so there’s no use in worrying about it).

Sound familiar?

Now when you ask me if it’s a medical condition, or if it involves hormones, I have no remote answer for you. It might be good to check with a really good doctor, just to make sure.

But if your doctor tells you there’s nothing physically wrong with you, I don’t want you to think you’re crazy or anything. Anxiety is a normal human condition – especially in these fast-moving days.

Here’s the deal about anxiety. All animals, from you brilliant humans to us soulful dogs, down to beings as low as insects and even cats (heh heh!) – all of us have a built-in instinct of Continue reading

0 Can we ever trust friends as much as our family?

Wooff asks: Are we all alone at the end of the day except family? Recently I have gone through a bit of depression. But I know happier days await me. I think it started when I realized no one, even your closest friend, trusts you fully. They might say they do but at the end of the day they don’t. I have experienced this in almost all of my friendships. As a child I’ve valued friendships a lot. My friends used to mean so much to me. I always try to see the best in people, despite everything. My mom always used to tell me that these friends won’t matter to me soon enough. I refused to believe so. There was even a point where my friends mattered more to me. But as I’m growing up, I’m learning family indeed comes first; but can your friends never trust you and love you as much as you do? You see Shirelle, with me, all sorts of relationships are a disaster or they turn out to be. I either ghost a person or avoid them. Believe me, I am great at doing both. I lost several relationships because of doing so. As I start spending more and more time with these people, I end up getting hurt or end up hurting someone. Which mostly results in me ghosting them. I do realize, people change. Friendships are not constant. But does that really mean that I won’t have a single lifetime friend? Are all those movies lying about finding a true friend? I still believe that every individual is beautiful in some way. But do they not want the same thing as I? A true friend? (I’m really sorry if my thoughts are all over the place, but my head is sort of dizzy.) I hope I can find someone like Handsome. You are lucky, and he is also lucky to have you. Despite everything, I do believe that there are true friendships. But is everyone selfish and self absorbed? Can a person never trust you fully? Can you never find a true friend? Are we all alone at the end of the day? Can your friends never be like your family?

Hi Wooff –

I see your question as really being two questions. One about whether anyone can be as great as family, and one about whether anyone can ever fully trust. I’ll jump to the last one first.

Betrayal stinks. No way around it. When a friend does something that takes your trust away, or when someone who should trust you doesn’t, it’s just about as bad a feeling as exists. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer it so much.

But I think there’s a different way to look at it. Because sometimes we learn that someone is trustworthy… to a limit.

My best example from this is when I was young, maybe a year old. I had tested Handsome a million times over, and knew deep in my heart that he was absolutely perfect and always there for me. And one day he excitedly told me we were going to the park – my favorite place in the world – and took me outside and opened the back door to his car, and I jumped in joyously, and he slammed the door shut… right on my Continue reading

0 When you’re attracted to your best friend’s ex.

softball1420 asks: Last year my best friend went out with a guy for just barely over a year and they were kinda serious. They have been broken up for almost a year now and instead of it being awkward we are actually really really good friends. Now lately I have found myself thinking about him all the time. I’m starting to develop a crush. He is super cute and is known for how funny he is. Also he is so sweet to pretty much everyone he comes face to face with. Does this make me the worst best friend in the world? What should I do?

Hi softball 1420 –

Oh man does this question go back centuries! What a difficult situation to be in! But of course, it makes sense – why wouldn’t you and your best friend be drawn to the same sorts?

Now first things first, you are definitely NOT the worst best friend in the world. You feel something, but you’re asking yourself (and me) what to do about it. It’s like when Handsome has a barbecue and walks away from the grill and I know I could jump up and get one of those yummy sausages that are making me drool bucketfulls… I’m still a very good dog. I’m not naughty until I jump up and knock them over and grab a couple and run!!! (In fact, many moralists would argue that my wanting them so badly and not grabbing them shows my strength of character, that I’m a good dog, far more than if I just didn’t find their aroma incredibly good!) You’re a great best friend. Just for asking.

Now I can’t give you a definite answer on what to do, but a few ideas strike me. If one of these sounds good to you, you might want to try it:

1) Go out to Continue reading

0 Can you stop your friends from cursing so much?

sldholt asks: I am going to middle school this fall and I follow some people from the middle school and they curse ALOT. I never ever ever ever curse. I am now worried that I am going to be very uncomfortable at a very good school I’m very exited about. I am even uncomfortable with my friend cursing.

Hi sidholt –

I don’t speak with words, I bark. But I definitely use bad language at times. Like when I see a squirrel or a dog I don’t like outside my window. Or, worst of all, a cat! Oh do I use nasty language then!

So it would make me a pretty big hypocrite to sit here and tell you or your friends never to use bad language. But I will make one suggestion: A lot of people aren’t willing to pay the consequences when they do use them, so your rule of not saying them is pretty smart!

For example, if I bark my worst at some dog walking by, and then I should suddenly find out that he’s not on a leash, and he didn’t care for what I said, I might find myself suddenly on the losing end of a very unpleasant experience. Or if Handsome is peacefully napping, and I suddenly hear a cat two blocks away and decide that that cat needs to hear what I think of her, Handsome is likely to get very angry with me, and might just “accidentally” forget to give me dinner that night!

Where I see kids (and some adults) get in trouble with bad language is that they don’t use it correctly. Walking around all day using this word and that to show how tough you are? It doesn’t work. It makes you look dumb, as if you can’t think of anything cleverer to say. (I’m guessing this might be the case with your friends)

Calling your teacher or your mother a bad name? Okay, that’s really dumb. You’re going to get in lots of trouble, and you haven’t really accomplished anything for it.

And if you use bad language all the time, you’re going to accidentally use it at a time you really don’t want to. So my advice is to use it very sparingly, if at all. You know, like when you see a cat.

Oh one other thing. I remember once, Handsome walked into the street to talk to someone who was driving a van, and they stopped at exactly the point when a wheel was on top of his foot. And it hurt, a lot. And Handsome wanted to tell them that they needed to pull forward just a bit, to move the wheel off his foot. But he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t do anything but keep saying one very bad word, over and over! I mean, he couldn’t say anything else! For me, it was hilarious. But for him… well, I’ll bet he wished he’d been able to say other words!

But your question isn’t really about whether or not you should use them – you’ve got that worked out – but about being around them.

Well, this is a case of Continue reading

2 How to co-parent with different values

mrsstar922 asks: My husband and I just recently married, but have known each other for over 25 years. I came into the relationship with a 5-year-old daughter. He is the middle of three boys and I have one younger brother. My mother was very strict as I was growing up. I am not as harsh with my daughter as my mother was with me but I rarely have discipline issues with my now 7-year-old daughter. My husband is EXCESSIVELY critical and barks at her for things as simple as screaming when something scares her or talking during a TV program. I have learned patience with her over the years and I know her better than he does. Obviously. He has no children of his own but wants one. We have two totally different parenting styles. I cannot get him to compromise, or even to listen to me for advice on how to handle her when she misbehaves (But don’t get me wrong; he is not abusive in the least, and would never lay a hand on her). I need to know how I can get him to listen to me and maybe compromise on punishment. Or even know when punishment is necessary. I will get my tubes tied or get a divorce shortly if we can’t come to a happy medium.

Hi mrsstar922 –

This is a huge issue. I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life. My human, Handsome, and I have as perfect a relationship as you and your daughter – when we’re alone. We understand each other, and respect each other (but not too much!), and mainly just love each other like crazy.

But when Handsome has friends over, they often are bothered by how free I am. After all, some people don’t allow dogs in their kitchens, or onto their beds, or even in their homes. And when he has girlfriends, it gets even more dicey! After all, he really wants to make them happy! So I find myself spending the night outdoors, or not getting as many treats as usual. And I still have nightmares about the work he did to make sure I never jumped on one particular frightened girlfriend again (it involved her carrying a squirt bottle, and I shudder to think of it).

And actually, this goes the other way too. When I have a pooch friend over for a playdate, sometimes I’m bothered by the way they behave (especially if they’re too nice to Handsome – or he’s too nice to them! GRRRRRR!).

You use the exact correct word – what’s needed is Continue reading

0 How do we know what’s real and what isn’t?

Wooff asks: We live in a world where everything is always constantly moving. But there are times we just sit and think about life and everything around it. I’ve recently been reading different things. And they’ve got me thinking. My question can’t really be defined in one line. The thing is, how do we know that religion is real, and that the government wasn’t just created by some people for their own benefit? Where’s the proof of anything? I am a fairly religious person and I do believe in my religion, but how can we know that religion isn’t just fake? That it wasn’t just created for reassurance? How can anything be real? What if everything we’ve come to know about it is a lie? Yes I do see God’s miracles everyday. And that should be enough. But I am allowed to ask this: Religion, God, Government. Anything. Are they real or are they man made?

Hi Wooff –

Your question is really the basis of an enormous amount of the greatest thought humans have achieved over time. From the most basic question – is anything real, and how can we know for sure – to the natures of governments and religions. Most of these questions are unanswerable. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to take a bite at them (especially as I can get away with more in my answers than a human can, since I have less brain!).

So let me start with one bit of brilliance. A great philosopher named Rene Descartes (who you probably know from school, as he invented a lot of what’s used for modern Geometry) asked that question about reality, and came up with an amazing answer – “I think, therefore Continue reading

0 How to be kinder to a sibling

Wooff asks: We all have sibling problems. But I just realized, I’m an ass to my sister. She can be very unreasonable but I think she at least deserves the respect. I’m nice to her at times but I get super mad at her when she touches me. I don’t like being touched at all. How do I become nicer to my sister? How do I bring patience in me? How do I become a good sibling?

Hi Wooff –

I was born in a litter of… well I don’t remember exactly because we were separated soon after, but my memory says there were about thirty-seven of us.  From the moment I was born, all I remember is struggles.  Struggling to get to feed at Mommy’s tummy, struggling to sleep comfortably on top of my brother who kept annoyingly kicking and whining, and especially lots of struggling to be the best fighter (and guess what – I was!).  At that time, that was the relationship I had with them.  They were my pillows, my playmates, and my competitors.  Not much else.

Now if I met up with those siblings today, once we’d sniffed and growled and eventually figured out who each other was, I think we’d become great pals.  We’d play together, we’d sniff around together, we’d tackle our humans together, we might even sleep together on cold nights (though not quite on top of each other like before!).

The difference is that we’ve matured.  Each of us.  We’ve grown from the perfect puppies we once were into complex, powerful, experienced dogs.

Now if you ask our mother, she’ll tell you that her life would have been a LOT easier if we’d done that maturing a bit more quickly.  Say, in our first couple of weeks.  But since our brains weren’t so developed, we did all sort of immature, bratty, mean behaviors to each other (and yes, again, I was the Champion of those behaviors!), and she had to spend her time forcing us to act mature.  You know, I was supposed to not bite my sister’s Continue reading