What to do when your father is breaking up with your mother

AayuTheLegend asks: My life is going downhill because my parents are falling apart, and my father was at the point of hitting my mother, and no one is supporting her except for us her loving children, and she is saying they will divorce. Please help me.

Hi AayuTheLegend –

I don’t know how old you are, my friend, but your earlier letters show me that you’re clearly not a young child.  I have numerous posts on the AskShirelle site for kids going through this experience, which is one of the most awful things a child, or a dog, can go through. 

Yes I said a dog.  We are so sensitive to the energies in our homes, and are so deeply attached to our humans, that we simply can’t handle it when you guys fight each other; we don’t like it when you’re even angry – it feels like you’re angry at us!  So of course, a child is going to feel the same way.

But you’re not a dog, and you’re not a child.  You’re older, and still devastated by this.  Of course you are!  You still have that child inside you – and children’s brains still have the same core as us pooches’ ones!  This is so upsetting, so frustrating, so crushing. 

And you might also have another element here.  Just as I don’t know your age, I don’t know your religion.  To some people, divorce is just a sad reality; to others it’s an unpardonable sin that might mean one or both of your parents is condemning their soul to damnation! 

Now as a dog, I can’t comment on that one, but I sure understand that it would be terrifying!

So what can you do to help?  Sadly not much more than you are.

Giving your mother your love and support is the best thing you can do.  And your father might need some too, even if you disagree with him.

But there’s one thing you can do, that’s really scary, but might be great.  Are you old enough to remember when

Bill Clinton was the US President?  He had a very checkered past, with lots of womanizing and some questionable financial deals. But one thing that helped him get elected was when his mother told the news about something that happened when he was a teenager.  She’d married a second time, and her new husband, who’d mainly raised young Bill, was starting to drink a lot and sometimes hit her.  And at one point, the teen went up and grabbed his stepfather and yelled into his face, “If you touch my mother again, I’ll kill you!” 

And it worked.  The elder Mr. Clinton left, and Bill and his mother were safe from then on.

Now from what you wrote me, I’m believing that your father has not struck your mother yet.  And I’m very relieved at that.  But if he comes close again, it could be a really good thing for you to get into his face and let him know that he may not do that.  You could even add in there, “Dad you’re a better man than this!”  Because of course he is.

Marriages splitting up can drive everyone mad, like rabies in a dog.  And your father no more wants to be the guy who hits women than I want to be the dog who bites children.  So you can help, and make his life better.  And of course protect your mother too.

But can you save them from their pain?  From their anger and hurt?  No, my friend.  No more than I can save you from what you’re going through, or the pains you’ve written me about before.

Take care of yourself, spend good time communicating with your siblings (so you can lean on each other during this storm), and let your parents know you love them no matter what.

And then, when you can, go outdoors and look up into the night sky and cry.  Just as I would. Because you’re feeling the pain, and carrying the weight, of the world.

Sending you licks to wipe off the tears,


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