How to prepare for what might go wrong in a relationship.

Soumyaguna asks: Hello… I’ve been in a relationship for two years. We were from the same city but were staying in different cities. So for 2 years we didn’t meet each other, just would talk on calls and messages, and only the last few months have started meeting each other. So after 6-7 meetings, he is asking for me to stay one day with him. As every time he travels to meet me and than goes back. So is it right to stay? I’m frightened a bit. I’m from a family where I’m not allowed to go anywhere alone. So I couldn’t meet him. But he is a very nice guy; he waited for me for two years. And he wants to get closer (emotionally and physically), and I want it too. But I’m afraid if something goes wrong!

Hi Soumyaguna –


So if I’m understanding correctly, you’re not worried at all about his intentions, but just wanting to make sure nothing goes wrong if he moves closer to you.


Well, I have good news and bad news for you.


First the good – this guy has stayed interested in you for two and a half years, and he wants to get closer.  If you think you want things to go right, I promise you, he wants the same, maybe more than you do!


And second the bad – things will  go wrong.   It’s a guarantee.


Now when I say things will go wrong, do I mean that he’ll move to your city and you two will see too much of each other and get bored with each other and one of you will want to move on and meet someone else?




Or will you two get even closer and then right before your wedding, one of you gets scared of the commitment and does something stupid one night that will be hard for the other one to forgive?




Or will you get married and have a few children, and one of them will be born with physical and emotional disabilities that will put a huge strain on everyone in your family?




Or will you live in complete joy together and have a great happy family and then one day, when you’re much older, one of you gets ill and passes on, and the other is so grief-stricken they can never fully enjoy life again?




Here’s my point, Soumyaguna.  The only way to avoid things going wrong is to not live.  Life is full of hurt and disappointment and loss.  It’s also full of everything we love and adore and cherish.


This guy has proven that he’s willing to do whatever he can to make things work.  That’s the best anyone can hope for – a partner who will try.  If you and he both devote yourselves to each other and the relationship, it’s almost guaranteed to be a raging success.  But that will mean accepting some things each of you doesn’t like, and going through some painful experiences together, and a lot of compromise and forgiveness.


My human friend Handsome bought me at a dog pound, where I would have been killed the next day.  I was a horrible puppy, biting him and destroying his things all the time.  And he made a bunch of mistakes with me too (my tail still hurts when I remember the day he shut it in the car door!).


But no two beings have ever been happier with each other, or loved each other more, than he and I today.  We did the work.


In fact, if there’s anything for you to be legitimately afraid of, it’s all the work that his moving there will create.  Relationships are certainly easier at a distance.


But along with all that work comes so much joy and discovery.


I envy you the adventure you’re about to begin.  Find the joy in it, and you’ll feel like you’re bathing in chocolate sauce!


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