Free one asks: My girlfriend is loyal to me but she’s talking very freely with other guys? And I’m feeling very possessive and even having anger problems, so what should I do?
Hi Free one –
I can really see both sides of this issue. On one hand, if my human friend Handsome comes home and I can smell that he’s been petting other dogs, I find that exciting! I sniff him all over, lick him a lot – he’s just more interesting than he is other days.
But if I’m with him and he pets another dog, I get very jealous. I don’t get mad at him, though – I just let that other dog know, in no uncertain terms, that that man is MINE!
Have you ever heard that old Beatles song “You Can’t Do That?” It expresses just what you’re saying. That (you’re saying) she can’t talk to other guys.
But I think you’re actually in the wrong on this issue (and it sounds like you agree with me). Because it’s almost impossible for a woman to not talk to other men. And if she’s friendly, that talk can look like flirting, or even cheating, to you, if you let it.
The only solution I can come up with is for you to talk with her about these feelings, and arrive at an agreement. Like, say, she can talk to other guys, but she always needs to come back to you afterward, or needs to make sure they know about you.
Jealousy is a strange thing. It’s all about insecurity. Although you know she’s loyal to you, when she talks to other guys, it makes you feel like something’s wrong – that she’s cheating, or they look down on you. If you can make yourself feel more secure, you won’t mind her doing this anymore.
And again, the best way to make yourself feel that, I’m sure, is for you to talk with her about it. Even if you two come up with some silly signal (like, say, whenever she’s talking with another guy, she waves to you), whatever works.
It’s great that you care this much about her, and hopefully she takes it as a compliment. Now if we can just get you two to feel happy and secure, everything will be great.
All my best,