Old_Regret asks: I’ve been in a relationship for about a year and 6 months now. We were very happy, but in recent days we have been fighting – on some very silly things and sometimes some serious things also. I can’t stand to see her upset. We are really trying hard not to fight with each other. But always something happens and it ruins everything . We both just can’t live without each other. But we can’t spend our whole life fighting with each other either. These all things are disturbing both of us. Please suggest what should I do!
Hi Old_Regret –
I do this website because I like giving people helpful advice. But I can only do that in a broad sense. I can’t work with the tiny details that happen in the moments of conversations, simply because that’s impossible with the timing.
It sounds to me like you and your girlfriend both want this relationship to work, and don’t know how to keep from all this fighting. I only know one solution, and sadly it’s not me. I urge you two to get a couples therapist.
You’re going to want to find someone who’s unbiased – not a friend or a relative – someone who’ll help you two learn to discuss disagreements in more constructive ways. Also, most of the time when couples fight, they aren’t just disagreeing about the actual issue at hand, but also about hurt feelings that connect to experiences they each had long ago – which is just what therapists are trained to work with.
I don’t know where you live, but if you want to let me know (I’ll keep it secret), I can give you some suggestions to help you find someone.
But truly, as helpful a pup as I am, that’s the only suggestion I’ve got.
Let me know if I can help with that – or with anything else!