Reena asks: I just met a guy on Tinder three weeks back. It was barely two days of chatting and he asked to meet up. I was wary because, though Tinder is a dating app, 95% of the times you will find people there only looking for hook ups. So I decided to take it slow with this guy. Now, initially this guy was quite a Gentleman, showering me with compliments, initiating contact, no mind games, no ego issues, too good to be true I’d say. In a way, exactly what I was looking for. He also told me, ‘we have a connection, there’s a chemistry we have’ he said. But he has also admitted he is quite lonely. Then, in the past two weeks, his questions have been pretty sexual in nature: what I’m wearing, asking me to come home etc. While I am looking for a relationship, he has told me, “Lets just go with the flow.” I know what guys mean when they say this! However, it is also true that while men are just planning the 2nd date, women are planning their wedding. So I am just confused. I don’t know if this guy just wants me sexually or actually likes me. I know I like him, and he’s told me he likes me. I am paying attention to his actions, he chats with me pretty much the whole day. Messages me as soon as he wakes up and I’m the last person he talks to before he sleeps. My question is, should I give it a chance or run away like I usually do when I sense something is off? My brother advised to go on a first date at least and see how things are. If I don’t like him, then there’s no obligation to continue seeing him anymore. What do you suggest?
Hi Reena –
As you know, I am a VERY protective dog. While I live for fun, my first priority is always the safety of you, my humans.
So while I’m not against internet dating (after all, that’s kind of how we met!), I care a lot about you protecting yourself when it comes to meeting someone from there.
Now I have no reason to trust this guy, or to not trust him. He might be only interested in ‘one thing,’ as you suggest, or he may be looking for true romance, but trying to talk tough and cool when he writes you. (It’s like when Handsome’s walking me and we see another dog, I might want to go sniff and play with the pup, but I’ll start barking and acting like I’m vicious just to look cool.)
My thought is kind of like your brother’s – go ahead and give him a chance. But… be sure to meet in a public place, that you’ve both come to (in other words, don’t have him pick you up), and if there’s any way you could have someone else there, at least at first, that’d be especially good. Maybe your brother could tag along, sit at another table playing a game on his phone or reading a book, whatever. We just want to make sure you’re safe.
Then, if you can do those things, let’s say this guy shows up and is twenty years older than his picture. Forget it; he’s faking things. Or if he shows up and instantly starts talking in the way he wrote those messages to you, as if he’s just trying to get you into a dark room alone. Thank him for meeting and go home with whoever brought you.
But what if he shows up and he’s nice and friendly and polite, and after you eat or drink or whatever you met to do, he says he’d really like to see you again… and then makes a clumsy attempt to kiss you goodbye. What then? I’d say he’s a keeper! He’s just nervous, not a threat.
Have you ever read the letter on the AskShirelle.com site from HarrietteS, and my answer to it? That might be worth looking at before you meet up with him (and it is absolutely a true story!).
But to summarize, I’m all for giving people (and dogs) a chance, while making sure you’re safe. Just keep that as your first priority, and I think you’ll be fine.
All my best,