wxyz asks: I have a ‘virtual relationship’ with a classmate; her boyfriend is also my classmate too. It’s been so hard to see her with another man, but it’s a great pleasure to talk with her in chat. She is taking care of me to recover from my dark addiction. In reality, she can’t talk to me – that’s a painful truth, I accept happily. I am fighting with myself to stand by her and to be worthy of that. I am really grateful to her. Her relationship with her boyfriend is not good. She used to tell me about her difficulties, but recently, she is not interested to share those. I wanna support her back. I do feel good to know her pain, to support her. But, she is keeping her mouth shut and like acting in chat by smiling as if nothing happened. I even feel that she is having under a lot of pressure by maintaining me and her relationship. But, luckily she can’t bid good bye! I wanna erase her pains. Wanna support her. I’d love your thoughts.
Hi wxyz –
You’re right – it does make it difficult for you to keep this ‘virtual’ relationship going when you hear that her relationship isn’t good. But I think there are other things you can do besides dealing with her face-to-face.
Think about my relationship to you. I’m trying to help you, right? Even though we’ve never met, and might well live in different continents. So why can’t you do the same for her. Even if she doesn’t want to give you details, can’t you tell her “You deserve the best,” and “You should be very happy, and if someone’s making you feel unhappy, they’re not good enough for you.” Even if she doesn’t respond, you know she’ll hear it.
Think of how helpful you two could be for each other! Her helping you on your road to recovery from the addiction, and you helping her feel good enough about herself not to stay in a bad relationship.
In fact, you probably can do this better through media than you ever could in person, just because everything’s so much scarier with the person right there. (Again, isn’t it easier to write me your private concerns, rather than talk to someone about them out loud? That’s the way you can be for her!).
So I’m very happy, and excited that you’re continuing to move forward. And, more important, eager to see you continue!
You’re doing great. Keep it up!
Shirelle
