What to do if your crush insists on you telling them

Sphumelele asks: I have a really huge crush on this guy, I befriended him and we’ve been hanging out a few times and he’s great company. I told him one day while we were texting that I’m crushing on him and his reply was, “we’ll talk when we get together again,” and that I shouldn’t be a coward by telling him this over the phone. Now my worst fear is that he might tell me he doesn’t feel the same, and it’s something I don’t want to hear looking at him rather a text or a phone call. How do I know he feels the same?

Hi Sphumelele –



Ooooh, do I love crushes!  They’re so much more fun than just friendships or even romances – they’re nothing but magic!  Well, at least until the people actually start to speak.  Then they become more… relationships.  And that’s where you are.


So Sphumelele, I can’t read minds, and I can’t promise what’s going on in this guy’s head.  But I do have a thought:  when someone doesn’t share the same interest someone else has in them, and gets uncomfortable about it, that usually makes them avoid that person.  And certainly avoid the topic.  So when this guy said to you that he wants you to be more brave and tell him face-to-face, that sounds to me like he’s ABSOLUTELY interested!


In fact, the only concern I have is about what he might be interested in!


On one hand, he might feel towards you exactly the way you feel towards him, and so he might want to admit that when you two can… well… do something about it!


And on the other, he might not feel as strongly as you, but he might think it could be a lot of fun to enjoy the effects of your feelings for him.  In other words (to some degree or another) to take advantage of you.


Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  If you really want to kiss him, and he would enjoy kissing with you, there’s no real damage done.  But if you’re hoping for a beautiful romance, and he’s thinking of taking things further than you are, and you suddenly find yourself in a difficult situation where you’re saying ‘no’ and he’s saying ‘don’t be such a coward”…  Do you see where I’m going?


So I’m going to recommend two things to you.  First, SURE!  Meet up with him and tell him face-to-face about your crushing!  You know he’ll be happy to hear it, and won’t reject you.


But second, I want you to go to the following page on my website, https://askshirelle.com/2010/06/02/how-should-i-deal-with-it-if-my-date-wants-to-do-more-than-i-do/ , and read that question and my answer.  Because I want you to be happy and strong and the great romantic you are – and not have anything go wrong with it.


Sound good?





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