Monthly Archives: June 2017

0 How to meet someone for a blind date

Reena asks: I met a guy around a year back on a dating site. I had just broken up back then and so registered on that site to divert my mind. All this while we used to chat online sometimes, he was like a platonic friend. He asked a few times to meet but I always declined for various reasons. Mostly because we have nothing in common and I felt no connection or chemistry. Also because there was this on again off again thing going on with my ex, so we had not completely separated despite the break up. My question is, Is meeting this new guy worth it ? Because back then when I had broken up, he had asked to meet. I told him I am dating someone. To which he replied, “Don’t tell your boyfriend that you’re coming to meet me.” I told him I’m sorry and I can’t do that. Secondly, instead of asking to hangout and just chill or a lunch or dinner together or a movie, this new guy asks me to come home. Mind you, we’ve never met before. I asked him why he wants me to come home. He said he “wants to cuddle”. I mean, sounds like a guy looking for a Friends with Benefits and not the whole getting to know you and let’s see where it goes thing. I asked advice from a guy friend yesterday about this because I am confused these past days, whether I should give it a chance or no. My friend advised me to test him by asking him to meet outside rather than at home. So I asked this online guy if we could meet out first. I was 110 % sure he’d say no. But he said yes. I don’t want to be mean because I do believe in giving people at least one chance. But he has already shown me who he is. Doesn’t sound like a guy who believes in loyalty or someone looking for something genuine. However I don’t want to be too judgmental about it or assume anything. What should I do ?? Go meet him once or simply delete his number??

Hi Reena –

Okay, so you’re dealing with two issues here.   One is how to treat this guy – does he deserve to be treated one way or another.  And the other is how to treat yourself.  And I care way more about the second than the first, though the first is important too.

One thing I like about this guy is that he seems to be speaking honestly to you (even when he’s asking you to lie!). He didn’t pretend that he didn’t want to get physical on the first date, and I respect that. And since you did ask him if he’d meet outside, it feels a bit unfair for you to now refuse to meet him at all.

BUT…

The truth is, we don’t know anything about him. He might be exactly the way he described himself, and he might be a 45-year-old with an axe. We don’t know. So my advice isn’t just about this guy, but with any blind date you have for the rest of your life, I want you to Continue reading

0 What is the meaning of life?

Wooff Asks: Recently, my life has been going very smooth. My anxiety is pretty much gone but then again, there are days when I feel like I have difficulty communicating with others and I have difficulty breathing. But those days are rare now. My question isn’t really just a question. It’s something maybe you can’t even help me out on. What is the purpose of this life? You can tell me that it’s to be kind, to be granted a space in heaven. But what is it all for? I try not to think of the future much because staying in the present is better. But I wonder, what is the end goal? And why can’t I just have stayed 10? Like, I really miss the times I spent back when I was a kid. When I didn’t have to think if there was any purpose to life or what I’m doing here. To just wake up, watch cartoons and have breakfast. I didn’t have to think that I needed exercise because I loved myself the way I was. When I didn’t have to will myself to take a morning stroll. I understand death, I understand why we have to die but I don’t understand why we live? Why is life ever changing and why are we? In my recent course of life, I’m trying to be more humble. Whenever I have a fight with anyone, I try to apologize. Despite it being my fault or not. And I try not to see any fault anymore and I like it. To be honest, I like my life but I don’t know why I’m living it. Do you understand?

Hi Wooff!

Your question can be answered in two different ways. One of them is in an area where I’m a complete expert, and the other is an area where I can’t even pretend to have any knowledge at all.

I’ll start with the second. Over time, most humans have believed in religions. And one thing religions offer is explanations of what the meaning and purpose of human lives are. Maybe it’s to behave in a way that pleases God. Maybe it’s to do acts that increase the power of God or some gods. Maybe it’s to learn lessons that will set you up to be better in your next life. Maybe it’s to do whatever it takes to get into Heaven.

Well, Wooff, I am a dog. And can’t remotely agree or disagree with any of those. And if you should develop a belief in any of those, I won’t be able to say you’re right or wrong.

But then there’s that other area. And that is the question of how to find meaning in your own life. And that is what I know about more than anything. And my answer is one word: Continue reading

0 How to deal with your girlfriend’s/boyfriend’s annoying family members

Snowman asks: So me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years. About 1 year in I met one of her family friends and the first thing he does is insult me by saying he wouldn’t talk to anyone less intelligent than him and ignores me from there. He did this directly in front of my girlfriend and she didn’t react at all to it. So I let it slide and after he left I confronted her about it. She apologized and understood that I didn’t like him at all. So several months pass and I’ve pretty much never talked to him. When my birthday comes, due to a serious of unlucky events, my girlfriend has to leave for a bit and I’m forced to wait for this man and guide him to her. It naturally ruined my day. So afterwards I tell my girlfriend that I want to skip dinner and just lay down but we end up going to dinner anyways. We ultimately got into a small argument and she tried to break up with me a few days later. Ps this was at a time where we could barely see each other. It’s been on my conscience for a while now because I felt bad for being in a bad mood that day. Was my reaction unreasonable?

Hi Snowman –

I can’t really answer your question as it is. You see, you’ve told me lots of reasons for you to be annoyed (ANYBODY would be, having to deal with that jerk!), but you didn’t really tell me what your reaction was. Except that you two had “a small argument.”   So I can’t really tell you if you were unreasonable or not.

Now if you mean to ask if it’s unreasonable for you to have been bothered by that guy’s comment and his ignoring you, then no, I think you didn’t do enough! I wish, when he said “I don’t talk with people less intelligent than me,” you’d said, “Well that’s nice, you’ve got about seven billion people you can’t talk with!” Or, more simply, “Wow, have you ever met one?”

Now if you try to stay with this woman, there’s an easier choice, which is to realize that he’s an idiot, and not let his stupidity bother you. For example, when people come to our house, I always want to play with them. But if any dislike dogs and don’t want to do anything with me, I’ve learned not to let their dopiness hurt my feelings. I just ignore them. Then they’re happier, and I am too (because I’m off playing with people who understand how fun life can be!).

So I hope this dingdong didn’t manage to ruin your relationship. Because he’s not worth it. But if he hasn’t, then yes, my advice is to give him less respect than you have. By not letting him bother you at all.

Best of luck,

Shirelle